DOI issue:
July to December, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16612#0082
70 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
ACCORDING TO ACT OF PARLIAMENT.
Lady. “ Your fare's Stipend, I thud; ? Please to knock at the door."
Cabby. “ Not if I knows it, Mann.—The Had ’bleeges me to take Sixpence a Mile, but it don’t ’bleege me to knock at a door."
A CABMAN’S PROTEST AGAINST THE HINJUSTICE
OF THE HACT.
Vy, here’s a pretty time o ’day ! a precious hact indeed!
[ ’in blest if, since I tuk the vip, the like I ever seed.
The ould hacts they vos dreadful bad, and cut us all to bits ;
For justice from just-asses a poor Cabman never gits :
Though he may do the thing vot’s fair, the fare the thing vot ’s shabby,
It’s all the same; the ugly beak is alius down on Cabby.
But look at this ’ere hact: my eye ! there ’s fine and pris’n, too !
I vonder vot the Parleyment is going nest to do.
J ust s’pose a fare should leave a purse or pocket-book behind,
And s’pose, ven I gits to my stand, the book or purse I find;
It isn’t mine, it’s werry true, but I don’t know it’s liis’n;
And there comes claws eleven, and claws a ’onest man to pris’n !
Then see the “ rates ” in Sheddle A, vy vot a shame it is
To drag two fat uns near a mile, and only git a tiz !
Now s’pose a twelve-stun fare comes up and takes me off the rank,
And makes me drive him, pretty sharp, from Smiffield to the Bank;
I civ’lly axes eighteenpence, ana cheap, too, for the job—
He sticks into me claws seventeen, and fines me forty bob!
Ye ’re chaffed and jeered by every cove, by slaveys on a bus;
! Our werry watermen are now our masters top of us.
: A po-lice chap may poke his dirty mug into my cab.
And, if lie says it isn’t clean, my*license he may grab ;
! And arterwards, if I but “ use ” my own cab, I must pay,
I Says claws the third, a penalty of sixty bob a day !!!
Vy, haven’t Cabmen feelings ? Then vot right ’ave you to gash em ?
They aren’t ’osses, vich, we know, all likes us for to lash em.
If we are druv about all day from this to t’other station,
Our fares screw’d down to sich a pint as’s werry near starwation,
Our parson! liberty consarned, and bilked of all our priggings,
I’m blowed if I dont drop the reins and bolt off to the diggings.
EXHIBITION OF POLITICAL INDUSTRY.
The honourable and gallant Member for Lincoln has reason for com-
plaining that there is no prospect of the outlay upon the New Houses
of Parliament being finished. The outlay will not be finished before
the Houses are—Victoria Tower and all; and when we see what pro-
gress is being made with the Crystal Palace at Sydenham, we cannot j
but think how desirable it is that those edifices, and, indeed, the whole
Parliamentary concern should have been got up by a Houses of Parlia-
ment Company. If that had been the case, the edifices would not only
have been long since lighted, ventilated, and _ decorated, but the thing
would now be a paying property. Such it might easily have been ren-
dered by making the galleries larger, and admitting the public at so much
a head—say playhouse prices—which crowded audiences doubtless would
be willing to give, iu order to hear the spouting. Besides, the Members
might have been required to pay for their seats, and the revelations
that have taken place this session before the Election Committees i
afford sufficient assurance that they would have done that hand-
somely.
Whiskey above Proof.
We suppose that the principal objection of the Irish priesthood to
the Archbishop oe Dublin’s Christian Evidences as a national school-
book, is, that if the pupils were allowed to have, the truth _ of
Christianity proved to them, they would also want proof of everything
else that their Reverences tell them to believe.
THE ETIQUETTE OE SMOKING.
Light your cigar first, and, after you have taken one or two whiffs,
turn round, and inquire, most politely, “ If smoking is disagreeable to
any one present ? ” __
The Most Unpleasant Meeting.—Having to meet a Bill.
ACCORDING TO ACT OF PARLIAMENT.
Lady. “ Your fare's Stipend, I thud; ? Please to knock at the door."
Cabby. “ Not if I knows it, Mann.—The Had ’bleeges me to take Sixpence a Mile, but it don’t ’bleege me to knock at a door."
A CABMAN’S PROTEST AGAINST THE HINJUSTICE
OF THE HACT.
Vy, here’s a pretty time o ’day ! a precious hact indeed!
[ ’in blest if, since I tuk the vip, the like I ever seed.
The ould hacts they vos dreadful bad, and cut us all to bits ;
For justice from just-asses a poor Cabman never gits :
Though he may do the thing vot’s fair, the fare the thing vot ’s shabby,
It’s all the same; the ugly beak is alius down on Cabby.
But look at this ’ere hact: my eye ! there ’s fine and pris’n, too !
I vonder vot the Parleyment is going nest to do.
J ust s’pose a fare should leave a purse or pocket-book behind,
And s’pose, ven I gits to my stand, the book or purse I find;
It isn’t mine, it’s werry true, but I don’t know it’s liis’n;
And there comes claws eleven, and claws a ’onest man to pris’n !
Then see the “ rates ” in Sheddle A, vy vot a shame it is
To drag two fat uns near a mile, and only git a tiz !
Now s’pose a twelve-stun fare comes up and takes me off the rank,
And makes me drive him, pretty sharp, from Smiffield to the Bank;
I civ’lly axes eighteenpence, ana cheap, too, for the job—
He sticks into me claws seventeen, and fines me forty bob!
Ye ’re chaffed and jeered by every cove, by slaveys on a bus;
! Our werry watermen are now our masters top of us.
: A po-lice chap may poke his dirty mug into my cab.
And, if lie says it isn’t clean, my*license he may grab ;
! And arterwards, if I but “ use ” my own cab, I must pay,
I Says claws the third, a penalty of sixty bob a day !!!
Vy, haven’t Cabmen feelings ? Then vot right ’ave you to gash em ?
They aren’t ’osses, vich, we know, all likes us for to lash em.
If we are druv about all day from this to t’other station,
Our fares screw’d down to sich a pint as’s werry near starwation,
Our parson! liberty consarned, and bilked of all our priggings,
I’m blowed if I dont drop the reins and bolt off to the diggings.
EXHIBITION OF POLITICAL INDUSTRY.
The honourable and gallant Member for Lincoln has reason for com-
plaining that there is no prospect of the outlay upon the New Houses
of Parliament being finished. The outlay will not be finished before
the Houses are—Victoria Tower and all; and when we see what pro-
gress is being made with the Crystal Palace at Sydenham, we cannot j
but think how desirable it is that those edifices, and, indeed, the whole
Parliamentary concern should have been got up by a Houses of Parlia-
ment Company. If that had been the case, the edifices would not only
have been long since lighted, ventilated, and _ decorated, but the thing
would now be a paying property. Such it might easily have been ren-
dered by making the galleries larger, and admitting the public at so much
a head—say playhouse prices—which crowded audiences doubtless would
be willing to give, iu order to hear the spouting. Besides, the Members
might have been required to pay for their seats, and the revelations
that have taken place this session before the Election Committees i
afford sufficient assurance that they would have done that hand-
somely.
Whiskey above Proof.
We suppose that the principal objection of the Irish priesthood to
the Archbishop oe Dublin’s Christian Evidences as a national school-
book, is, that if the pupils were allowed to have, the truth _ of
Christianity proved to them, they would also want proof of everything
else that their Reverences tell them to believe.
THE ETIQUETTE OE SMOKING.
Light your cigar first, and, after you have taken one or two whiffs,
turn round, and inquire, most politely, “ If smoking is disagreeable to
any one present ? ” __
The Most Unpleasant Meeting.—Having to meet a Bill.