DOI issue:
July to December, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16612#0112
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 101
GREAT CATCHES.
T TETHER everybody has
his price or not; there are
gome quite capable of selling
themselves, even by auc-
tion : as, for one instance,
we should think, the author
of the subjoined advertise-
ment :—-
AS LEDGER CLERK,
il Manager, and Correspondent.
—A gentleman, of close-sticking
business habits, who does nothing
by halves, whose references as to
character, &c., are first-rate, and
whose devotion to his employers’
interests ever has been unbounded,
is just now open to a RE-EN-
GAGEMENT. The advertiser is
of ripe, vigorous, middle-age, and
so undeviatingly systematic, as by
the restless force of example, to
be qualified to establish, in all
around him, habits of perseve-
rance, self denial, and fagging in-
dustry, such as could not fail to
tell wonderfully, as those habits
became more and more fully deve-
loped, on any set of people so orga-
nised. Clever men of business,
who, one and all, admire clever-
ness in others, and especially when
it makes to them its own peculiar
bow of the most profound obei-
sance, are most respectfully re-
quested to address their replies to
Alpha Delta, &c , &c.
The gentleman so indus-
triously adhesive certainly
does not cry himself up by
halves ; and the glowing
language in which he des-
cribes his age as “ripe and
vigorous,” might well be j
come some Yankee George
Robins appraising an
Uncle Tom. We can vi-
vidly imagine him _ putting
himself up, ringing the
changes on his ripeness and
vigour, first-rate references,
undeviatingly _ systematic j
ways, close-sticking busi-
ness habits, and unbounded
devotion to his employers’ interests: and ultimately, with his “ own
peculiar bow of the most profound obeisance,” respectfully knocking
himself down to the best bidder. We should like to buy him at our
terms in this manner, if we could afterwards dispose of him at his
own. But our friend blows his trumpet with rather too many flou-
rishes ; makes overmuch use of the figure hyperbole, to commend
himself for employment in those figures that Ledger Clerks are more
particularly concerned with.
In the same Times that contained the foregoing announcement,
appears also the following
0 SALARY REQUIRED.—A voung Gentleman (20 years of age),
T ’ author of several works, wishes for a HOME. Ileis abeautiful reader and wr.ter;
can write poetry, tales, essays, and anything literary. He is possessed of p'easinp-
manners, kind disposition, and would do all in his power to make himself useful, and
contribute to the happiness of those with whom lie may become associated. One of his
works sent for six stamps. Address Reginald Villiers, &c., &c.”
This is a performance on a similar instrument; but it is the clarionet
to the comet-a-pistons. Only 20; a “beautiful” reader and writer;
can write poetry, tales, essays, and “ anything literary; ” and is
already the “ author of several works.” Why, this is a second
“ Ciiatterton the marvellous Boy,”
and we should say he had better take care that he does not so far
resemble
“ The sleepless Soul that perished in his pride,”
as to go off, some day, in a fit of vanity and self-conceit.
We are almost inclined to send him six stamps for one of his works,
in order that we may ascertain if it is worth a single rap.
Roebuck Himself Again.
Tiie Sheffield Independent announces that Mr. Roebuck’s health is
so much improved that he has accepted an invitation to the Cutlers’
feast. We are happy to hear it, and hope Mr. Roebuck will do the
Cutlers the credit of playing a good knife and fork.
THE DECIMAL COINAGE.
The Chairman of the Committee to the Vulgar {fractional) Public.
Air—“ Won’t ycu Come and take Tea in the Arbour f’
The Coinage Committee, which sat in the City,
At last have completed their labour.
And derive from the action intense satisfaction ;
We’re sick of “Colenso ” and “Mayor! ”
But as it may be thought that we mean our “ report ”
Bor the special behoof of “ the City,”
Half a page of the Times we’ll condense into rhymes
To the air of a popular ditty.
So, though it’s uphilly, give up all your silly
Ideas, which might suit your grandfather
About shillings and pence, which are not common sense.
And take to the decimals rather !
As in loyalty bound, we shall stick to the pound—
’Twould be treason the “sovereign” to banish ;
But all the half-crowns, “ hobs,” “ joeys,” and “ browns,”
Into Royal Mint-sauce must evanish.
But we’ll leave you the Florin, which cannot be foreign.
As every one lots of them handles.
And of these ’twill be found, ten will go to the pound,
Bor all the world like—kitchen candles !
Then, though it’s uphilly, &c.
Still on decimals bent, we descend to the Cent
(Bind its value yourself, if you’re able),
Divide by ten still, and you’ll come to the Mil—
There, my friends, you’ve the whole of the table.
So we hope by next session, you’ll be in possession
Of some sensible decimal money;
And pay all little bills in cents, florins, and mils,
Never mind if, at first, it seem funny.
But, though it’s uphilly, &c.
Those who talk about “browns,” and say “bulls”—meaning crownst
Perchance for “ nicknames ” may be roarin’;
Bucollect in a “ mill” you’ve ni pounding your fill.
And frequently plenty of floored.
Now, Public ! tho’ slow—that you’re grateful to show
(If you are not a stingy, mean sinner),
The least you can do, is to just buckle to,
And give the Committee—a dinner !
Then, though it’s uphilly, &c.
Til K BRITISH CONSULATE AT BOULOGNE.
{From our Travelling Contributor.)
The British Consulate at Boulogne still “ hangs out ” over the
“ tmnery, leadery, and zincery,” at the end of _ the port, as we have
ascertained by a recent visit. The ground floor is occupied by a sauce-
pan shop, while British diplomacy lias taken the floor above, and the
frontage of the premises displays a rivalry of attraction between the
“ British Consular Office for Passports” and the “ Bazar des Quatre”
something or other, which the tinman adopts as the name of his
domicile.
We recognise no change in the arrangements since we noticed the
establishment two years ago, except that the individual who represents
British diplomacy has got a new cap, is rather more civil spoken than
he was, and the boy who runs to call him when he is in another room
is grown bigger than he used to be. This is. natural enough, and
so far unobjectionable, though we are not quite so well satisfied with a
rope that has been attached to one side of the staircase by way of
bannisters. On the day of our visit there urns a consular torchon, or
diplomatic dishclout hanging to dry on the landing, which we thought
savoured of anything but dignity. The rope was well enough as far as
it went, and the Consul has given the public just rope enough to hang
itself, or rather to pull itself up by, in ascending the staircase. We
presume that all lliis homeliness is as much, as the passport.fees will
afford, and we can only regret, for the credit of British diplomacy,
that it is as much dignity as can be sustained upon the four-and-two-
pences that pour in on tiie establishment at Boulogne.
Physic for Erutes.
A hair of the dog that bit you is recommended as a cure for the
consequences of drunkenness ; but when intoxication results in beating
women, the dog does not afford so proper a remedy as the cat.
Wire was the first “ Gent ” on record?—The Lawyer, when he was
allowed by Act of Parliament to write alter Iris name “ Gent, one, &c ”
You. 25.
4
GREAT CATCHES.
T TETHER everybody has
his price or not; there are
gome quite capable of selling
themselves, even by auc-
tion : as, for one instance,
we should think, the author
of the subjoined advertise-
ment :—-
AS LEDGER CLERK,
il Manager, and Correspondent.
—A gentleman, of close-sticking
business habits, who does nothing
by halves, whose references as to
character, &c., are first-rate, and
whose devotion to his employers’
interests ever has been unbounded,
is just now open to a RE-EN-
GAGEMENT. The advertiser is
of ripe, vigorous, middle-age, and
so undeviatingly systematic, as by
the restless force of example, to
be qualified to establish, in all
around him, habits of perseve-
rance, self denial, and fagging in-
dustry, such as could not fail to
tell wonderfully, as those habits
became more and more fully deve-
loped, on any set of people so orga-
nised. Clever men of business,
who, one and all, admire clever-
ness in others, and especially when
it makes to them its own peculiar
bow of the most profound obei-
sance, are most respectfully re-
quested to address their replies to
Alpha Delta, &c , &c.
The gentleman so indus-
triously adhesive certainly
does not cry himself up by
halves ; and the glowing
language in which he des-
cribes his age as “ripe and
vigorous,” might well be j
come some Yankee George
Robins appraising an
Uncle Tom. We can vi-
vidly imagine him _ putting
himself up, ringing the
changes on his ripeness and
vigour, first-rate references,
undeviatingly _ systematic j
ways, close-sticking busi-
ness habits, and unbounded
devotion to his employers’ interests: and ultimately, with his “ own
peculiar bow of the most profound obeisance,” respectfully knocking
himself down to the best bidder. We should like to buy him at our
terms in this manner, if we could afterwards dispose of him at his
own. But our friend blows his trumpet with rather too many flou-
rishes ; makes overmuch use of the figure hyperbole, to commend
himself for employment in those figures that Ledger Clerks are more
particularly concerned with.
In the same Times that contained the foregoing announcement,
appears also the following
0 SALARY REQUIRED.—A voung Gentleman (20 years of age),
T ’ author of several works, wishes for a HOME. Ileis abeautiful reader and wr.ter;
can write poetry, tales, essays, and anything literary. He is possessed of p'easinp-
manners, kind disposition, and would do all in his power to make himself useful, and
contribute to the happiness of those with whom lie may become associated. One of his
works sent for six stamps. Address Reginald Villiers, &c., &c.”
This is a performance on a similar instrument; but it is the clarionet
to the comet-a-pistons. Only 20; a “beautiful” reader and writer;
can write poetry, tales, essays, and “ anything literary; ” and is
already the “ author of several works.” Why, this is a second
“ Ciiatterton the marvellous Boy,”
and we should say he had better take care that he does not so far
resemble
“ The sleepless Soul that perished in his pride,”
as to go off, some day, in a fit of vanity and self-conceit.
We are almost inclined to send him six stamps for one of his works,
in order that we may ascertain if it is worth a single rap.
Roebuck Himself Again.
Tiie Sheffield Independent announces that Mr. Roebuck’s health is
so much improved that he has accepted an invitation to the Cutlers’
feast. We are happy to hear it, and hope Mr. Roebuck will do the
Cutlers the credit of playing a good knife and fork.
THE DECIMAL COINAGE.
The Chairman of the Committee to the Vulgar {fractional) Public.
Air—“ Won’t ycu Come and take Tea in the Arbour f’
The Coinage Committee, which sat in the City,
At last have completed their labour.
And derive from the action intense satisfaction ;
We’re sick of “Colenso ” and “Mayor! ”
But as it may be thought that we mean our “ report ”
Bor the special behoof of “ the City,”
Half a page of the Times we’ll condense into rhymes
To the air of a popular ditty.
So, though it’s uphilly, give up all your silly
Ideas, which might suit your grandfather
About shillings and pence, which are not common sense.
And take to the decimals rather !
As in loyalty bound, we shall stick to the pound—
’Twould be treason the “sovereign” to banish ;
But all the half-crowns, “ hobs,” “ joeys,” and “ browns,”
Into Royal Mint-sauce must evanish.
But we’ll leave you the Florin, which cannot be foreign.
As every one lots of them handles.
And of these ’twill be found, ten will go to the pound,
Bor all the world like—kitchen candles !
Then, though it’s uphilly, &c.
Still on decimals bent, we descend to the Cent
(Bind its value yourself, if you’re able),
Divide by ten still, and you’ll come to the Mil—
There, my friends, you’ve the whole of the table.
So we hope by next session, you’ll be in possession
Of some sensible decimal money;
And pay all little bills in cents, florins, and mils,
Never mind if, at first, it seem funny.
But, though it’s uphilly, &c.
Those who talk about “browns,” and say “bulls”—meaning crownst
Perchance for “ nicknames ” may be roarin’;
Bucollect in a “ mill” you’ve ni pounding your fill.
And frequently plenty of floored.
Now, Public ! tho’ slow—that you’re grateful to show
(If you are not a stingy, mean sinner),
The least you can do, is to just buckle to,
And give the Committee—a dinner !
Then, though it’s uphilly, &c.
Til K BRITISH CONSULATE AT BOULOGNE.
{From our Travelling Contributor.)
The British Consulate at Boulogne still “ hangs out ” over the
“ tmnery, leadery, and zincery,” at the end of _ the port, as we have
ascertained by a recent visit. The ground floor is occupied by a sauce-
pan shop, while British diplomacy lias taken the floor above, and the
frontage of the premises displays a rivalry of attraction between the
“ British Consular Office for Passports” and the “ Bazar des Quatre”
something or other, which the tinman adopts as the name of his
domicile.
We recognise no change in the arrangements since we noticed the
establishment two years ago, except that the individual who represents
British diplomacy has got a new cap, is rather more civil spoken than
he was, and the boy who runs to call him when he is in another room
is grown bigger than he used to be. This is. natural enough, and
so far unobjectionable, though we are not quite so well satisfied with a
rope that has been attached to one side of the staircase by way of
bannisters. On the day of our visit there urns a consular torchon, or
diplomatic dishclout hanging to dry on the landing, which we thought
savoured of anything but dignity. The rope was well enough as far as
it went, and the Consul has given the public just rope enough to hang
itself, or rather to pull itself up by, in ascending the staircase. We
presume that all lliis homeliness is as much, as the passport.fees will
afford, and we can only regret, for the credit of British diplomacy,
that it is as much dignity as can be sustained upon the four-and-two-
pences that pour in on tiie establishment at Boulogne.
Physic for Erutes.
A hair of the dog that bit you is recommended as a cure for the
consequences of drunkenness ; but when intoxication results in beating
women, the dog does not afford so proper a remedy as the cat.
Wire was the first “ Gent ” on record?—The Lawyer, when he was
allowed by Act of Parliament to write alter Iris name “ Gent, one, &c ”
You. 25.
4