Punch (25.1853)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

103

Nobody most be out of his chamber after nine
o’clock in the evening.

MR. PETERL00 BROWN'S EXAMINATION 0E THE
OXFORD STATUTES.

“Dear Mil Pouch,

“I venture but once again to trouble you with a few remarks ;
and, as I am looking forward to my lad. matriculating this next October,
1 shall be glad of your speedy advice as to whether I ought to send him
to a place where he will have to swear to observe Statutes like those I
have spoken of, and those I am now about to mention.

“The next Statute after ‘the herb Nicotiana,’ is about the closing

of the College gates at
9 o’clock, and says,
that if circumstances
should call for it (si res
ita postulef), the Heads
of the Houses shall
then go round to each
chamber (perlustratis
singulorum cubiculis),
to see if their tenants
are there. This is a
delightful rule ; and, if
circumstances do not
call for the Heads to
make their rounds, it
only shows that the
Statute is,obeyed with-
out such supervision.
Early to bed, you know,
Mr. (Punch, not only
leads to salubriousness
of body and purse, but
also conduces to wis-
dom of intellect; and,
doubtless, much of the
success of the ‘ Oxford
discipline ’ that we
hear so much about may be traced to this ‘ early-closing movement.’
I am glad to find that my son Peterloo will not have to carry out the
popular idea of a student, by burning ‘the midnight oil’—which you
and I, as men of the world, know is a mere figure of speech, and only
leads to biliousness of body and cutting of morning chapels—but that
lie will have to be in bed by !) o’clock, and, possibly, may be tucked up
by the Head of the College himself, attended, of course, by bedels and
‘ holy pokers,’ and all the paraphernalia of Collegiate grandeur. And,
Mr. Punch, what an instructive subject ‘ Alma Mater putting her
children to bed’ would be for Mr. Tekniel to turn into a cartoon for
the new Houses of Parliament; where, in spite of the exertions of
Mrs.—I mean Mr.—Brotherton, the Members will waste the gas
and their health in keeping late hours—a thing they wrere plainly never
allowed to do as long as they were at Oxford !

“ The next Statute not only forbids the students to indulge in all games
that might be hurtful to them-
selves (abstineant ab omni lusus
gen,ere, in quo de pecunid concer-
tatur), but also requires them to
abstain from every kind of game
or sport which might cause any
danger, injury, or inconvenience
to others; as, for example, from
the hunting of wild beasts with
dogs of all kinds, with ferrets,
nets, or snares (item quod ab-
stineant ab omni genere lusus vel
exercitu, ex quo aliis periculum,
injuria, vel incommodum creatur:
veluti a venatione ferarum cum
cardbus cujuscunque generis, vi-
verris, retibus, aut plagis). Oh,

Mr. Punch, does Oxford still
keep the same position it held
in dark centuries ages ago, that
it is forced to make its matricula-
ting candidates swear to abstain
from the sports of a savage life,
which may be all very well for a
Gordon _ Gumming, but do not
accord with the peaceful pursuits

of a cloistered student F And what, I would ask, are the wild beasts
tor wThich Oxford is famous ? Are they of the same genus as those
which my young neighbour Bellingham Grey speaks of? He tells
me that Oxford is infested with the varied species of the Ornithorhyncus
—the Beast with a Bill—which usually lurk in dens to which they
endeavour, by many allurements, to entice their victims; and that, so

Nobody must indulge in sports v/hich
MAY CAUSE HURT OR INCONVENIENCE TO
OTHERS.

cunning are they, that they will even steal within the College walls and
attack a Student in his own private room, and cannot be got away
before they have made him bleed freely. He says, that there is no
way of capturing these beasts, and that they can only be kept off by

Degrees; but, that when
once you have found
means to settle them,
their Bill immediately
drops off; and that they
are. not seen again until
their bill has been curiously
renewed. I wonder that
the manager of the Zoo-
logical Gardens don’t got
hold of specimens of this
very curious beast, the
Oxford Ornithorhyncus;
more especially as they
seem to be so common.
But I suppose that their
difficulty of capture at
present stands in the way.
But, who knows, but what
we shall see them next
season among the ‘ lions ’ of the Gardens, and eclipsing in interest even
the vivarium aud the hippopotamus ?

“ But to return to the Statute. Though I think I smell a badger,
yet the word ‘ ferrets ’ seems to point at rats. But if, in their
humanity, the authorities discourage rat-hunting—winch, of course,
must be an ‘inconvenience’ to the rat, even if it cause him no
‘danger or injury’—why do they shut them eyes to the legions of
terriers, and other rat-killing dogs; that are openly possessed by the
members of the University ? I am at a loss to know for what species
of wild beasts the ‘ snares and nets ’ are intended, unless the ^young
men poach tor rabbits and hares. But as for fox-hunting, I shall
know now how far I may believe young Bellingham Grey when
he says that he, and more than a score of ‘pinks’ may be seen in a
morning, setting off from the Canterbury Gate of Christ Church ! And
as for the loo, and whist, and ‘Van John’ that lie speaks of, not to
mention ecarte, and the money that changes hands in one evening, why
I am sadly afraid that the young gentleman has been imposing upon my
credulity.

“ The Statute goes on to forbid the hoys—I beg pardon, the ‘ men! ’
—from the use of hawks for fowling,
and from the carrying of cross-hows
and ‘ Bombardarum ’ (neemn ab
omni apparatu et gestatione Bom-
bardarum, et arcubalistarum; sive
etiam accipitrum usu ad aucupium).

Now, I am aware that the old noble
sport of hawking is being revived,
because I take in The Field (for,
of course, I look upon myself as a
‘ country gentleman,’ and do every-
thing that country gentlemen ought
to do), and in The Field I some-
times read about it; and I suppose
the Oxford gentlemen are assisting
in the revival. But, in the name
of wonder, Mr. Punch, what can be
meant by ‘ Bombardarum ? ’ Has
it anything to do with your Austrian
friend ‘ Bomba ? ’ Or does it mean
that the young men must not carry
about mortars for the discharge of
bombs, or battering-rams, or some
‘ bombarding ’ implement ‘ of that
ilk ? ’ But no. ‘ Town and Gown ’
disturbances can never need such
warlike preparations as these. I
suppose I must write to your
facetious contemporary Notes and
Queries, and ask what ‘ Bom-
bardarum’ really does mean; for
no Latin Dictionary that I have
access to is able to inform me. Really, Mr. Punch, my Lord Chan-
cellor Derby ought to publish either a translation of the Statutes
of his University or a dictionary of these ‘ Oxford mixture ’ phrases,
‘ canino Anglico Latine redditaP for how can young men be expected
to obey Statutes which are made up of words of which the
meaning can only be conjectured? And if, Mr. Punch, you take
up the cudgels for the Oxford Statutes, and tel! me that they
are thus purposely framed, and after the fashion of the Statutes of
the country, I beg to observe that the seat of learning ought to
be stuffed with other stuff than that which fills the woolsack, and
that the framers of its laws should not be like the noble and versatile

Nobody must carry a cross-bow, and

A HAWK FOR FOWLING.

yTCi»- OXFORD oRMITKORVNCUSJ


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