DOI issue:
July to December, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16612#0263
25H
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
I
I
PROPHETS IN THE PARLOUR—GYPSIES IN THE
KITCHEN.
hen Susan, maid-of-aS.-
work in the regular and
respectable family of
Mb. Potts—small City-
man, with ambition under
his waistcoat to be some
day considerably bigger
—when the aforesaid
illiterate and super- j
stitious Susan, wishing
to better herself — (a
vanity that is uncon-
sciously shared with her
even by Mb. and Mbs.
Potts themselves) —
gives ready ear to
Eglantine Pbigduck,
gvpsey from Barnes or
Norwood — Eglantine
dealing in husbands of
every variety and at the
shortest notice — and,
giving ear to the pro-
phetic gypsey, gives her
at the same time an
opportunity to draw into
her Maelstrom pocket or
wallet certain silver spoons, afterwards identified by Mb. Potts—his own initials
lovingly intertwining with the initials of Mbs. Potts, with the family crest of a
rampant lion licking his tongue at posterity indubitably marking them as his
property—
When, we say, Susan weeps and knocks her knees together, in a paroxysm
of terror before the worthy and respected Mb. Sixmunce—and the indomitable
Eglantine looks callously innocent, calling all the stars to witness that “the gal
giv her the spoons as her own goods and nobody’s else’s—”
When Susan is confronted with this alleged fact—the respectable part of society
of which Mr. and Mbs. Potts are such very distinguished members, shakes its head,
and wonders how ignorance at eight pounds a year, tea and sugar included, can
be such a fool as to believe in a gypsey ! However, the benevolent Mb.
Sixmunce commits Eglantine to Tothill-Eields, and—with one of those paternal
remonstrances that have won for him the proud designation of the Father of
the Bench—dismisses the grateful Susan to her kitchen, Mb. and Mbs. Potts,
with a sudden benevolence, which causes them some after astonishment and
self-congratulation on their goodness, consenting to give the creature another
trial.
Now at the very time that Susan was opening her homely hand, that gypsey
Eglantine might read in its hard page the marriage lines of the hopeful maiden
(who is to give sixpence at most for the glad tidings; the spoons being purely
an after-thought of the gypsey’s own)—at the very time Mbs. Potts in her parlour
is reading Raphael’s Prophetic Messenger; for the which she—the educated,
finished Mbs. Potts; for was she not beautifully finished at Athens House,
Wandsworth?—for the which she has, in the best faith and best current silver,
disbursed two-and-sixpence ! Ignorance crieth out in the streets, and everybody
gives ear to her. Our Messenger has, to be sure, a more winning introduction than
even the smiles and musical cajolery of Eglantine Pbigduck. For it has a
beautiful picture in which the events of 1854 are brought out in bold red, and
blue, and orange-tawney. Louis Napoleon is engaged chatting with Bbitannia
•—(who is asking him to run across and take a cup of tea in London, the British
Lion at her side manifesting no objection whatever)—the while a very hairy savage
has a dagger upraised at the Empebob’s back, and is evidently screwing himself up
to “the sticking place.” There are mourning-coaches going to “take up” at
Windsor Castle, with other graphic amenities significant of what must happen in
the year 1854. And for this the enlightened Mbs. Potts (that gypsey is still with
Susan in the kitchen) has given two-and-sixpence; and that too with the mighty
resolution of getting her good half-crown’s worth out of it. Well, Mbs. Potts
begins with January, turning very pale as she learns this fact:—
“ The square of Venus and Saturn denotes severe affliction to a lady of the highest rank. The
tranquillity of France is disturbed; much excitement reigns in Paris, Lyons, Toulouse, and Rome.
Turkey and the regions of the Tigris and Euphrates are sorely afflicted.”
This lady—whoever she may be—has very sore afflictions throughout the
twelvemonth; but then Raphael must earn his half-crown’s worth.
In Eebruary, Mbs. Potts is informed—(and thinks with a shiver of little
Wilhelmina who has not yet had the scarlet fever)—in Eebruary:
“ Mars retrogrades to the opposition of the Moon in the radix of the Princess Alice, and indicates a
liability to feverish complaint or accident.”
Mbs. Potts has conjugal fears for the health of Potts, and resolves to insist upon
gutta percha soles. In March—
“The retrogradation of Mars in. Virgo in opposition to Venus, also retrogade in Pisces, will
stir up civil hr oils in Portugal; treachery and coiispwacies amongst
the priesthood are directed against the Queen and Government of that
country
Already, the poor Queen of Pobtugal sleeps in the
tomb of the Bbaganzas ; but even Raphael cannot be
always infallible; not even for half-a-crown !
April is big with events; or rather with one event
that must swallow up every other. Mbs. Potts is a play-
goer, and with the sensibility of her sex, would “ten to
one rather see the Corsican Brothers than Samlet.”
Therefore she reads the subjoined with corresponding
perturbation.
“ Scandal or death awaits one renowned in the theatrical world.”
This is in April! Perhaps on the first of April ? It
cannot be Babby, the deathless Clown, who shall be
snatched from us ? If, then, it should be the—the—the
“ renowned ”—but no ! we will not, we cannot think of
it! Ha ! ha ! ha ! Sardanapalus is himself again!
May is full of danger as of hawthorn. What can the
loyal Mbs. Potts think of this ?
“ Mars hastens, as it were, to apply the torch to the train of evil he
has previously laid. The highest power in the land is grievously afflicted.
It is the earnest prayer of Kaphael, that the direful influence of
Saturn on the ascending degree and radical place of the luminaries
in our beloved Sovereign’s horoscope may be averted.”
But this is nothing. “ The highest power ” is continually
threatened; a prediction that, in the days of Queen Bess,
; would—we doubt not—have helped Raphael to the highest
! gibbet. Again Raphael turns the penny upon “our beloved
Sovereign.” In June, he says—
“ I dare not fully enter into all the important significations of these
positions and configurations. I sincerely pray that the health of our
beloved Sovereign may be preserved, in which I am assured her subjects
will universally join.”
(Do we not behold Raphael on his bended knees,
“ sincerely praying,” with the half-crown in his mouth ?)
In July, however, our prophet makes merchandize of the
Queen’s children.
“ Saturn transits the place of the Sun in the nativity of the
Princess Helena, producing a tendency to disease in the chest, &c., at
the end of June and beginning of July. The 7th and 8th are evil days
for the Prince of Wales, and the 19tli for the Prince Arthur.
Their attendants should carefully avoid accident
These would have made very “ evil days ” for our
prophet; evil as pillory and cart-whip could have shaped
them. But we live in liberal times, and the Astrologer
may turn his half-crown upon the probable diseased chest
of the little Pbincess Helena, and the threatened dangers
of Pbinces Albebt and Abthus !
Mbs. Potts reads in August that “the King of Naples
should beware of female intrigue, poison, or the assassin; ”
and—controlling her emotion—turns over, to September,
where she learns among other not impossible events that
“ great cruelty is displayed towards some female about the
27th.” Mbs. Potts thinks October a little slow. “ Public
writers and scientific men are unsuccessful: ” and what of
that ? “ The fine arts prosper! ” Bother the fine arts :
and straightway Mbs. Potts passes to November, when
“Much excitement reigns throughout the land; the long talked ol
invading army may, under these influences, make its appearance, and
ere many months 1 the ivolf will come! ”
With the intuitive calculation of woman, Mbs. Potts
wonders where on earth she and Potts are to sleep, il the
Russians—which, of course, is meant by the wolf—is
quartered upon ’em ?
But this is nothing to what is threatened in December.
Mbs. Potts continues to read with—very naturally—
increasing fear and amazement. Fear for Aeb Majesty
the Queen, and amazement at things in general! “ Fleaven
I preserve '.’’—cries the prophet in ominous tones—“ Heaven
i preserve the health of our Sovereign, and also ot her
people ! ”—ending with the new version of a Dead March,
set after this fashion :■—
“ Dark and gloomy clouds hover over us ; and I regret to add that
during the year 1855 the significations are still fearfully evil. I cannot
at present discover one ray of hope.”
What? Not for half-a-crown? Suppose, then, we
make it three-and-sixpence !
Now, whilst the Pottses continue to read the Prophetic
Raphael—(it is the vagabond’s “ thirty-fourth year ”)—ir
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
I
I
PROPHETS IN THE PARLOUR—GYPSIES IN THE
KITCHEN.
hen Susan, maid-of-aS.-
work in the regular and
respectable family of
Mb. Potts—small City-
man, with ambition under
his waistcoat to be some
day considerably bigger
—when the aforesaid
illiterate and super- j
stitious Susan, wishing
to better herself — (a
vanity that is uncon-
sciously shared with her
even by Mb. and Mbs.
Potts themselves) —
gives ready ear to
Eglantine Pbigduck,
gvpsey from Barnes or
Norwood — Eglantine
dealing in husbands of
every variety and at the
shortest notice — and,
giving ear to the pro-
phetic gypsey, gives her
at the same time an
opportunity to draw into
her Maelstrom pocket or
wallet certain silver spoons, afterwards identified by Mb. Potts—his own initials
lovingly intertwining with the initials of Mbs. Potts, with the family crest of a
rampant lion licking his tongue at posterity indubitably marking them as his
property—
When, we say, Susan weeps and knocks her knees together, in a paroxysm
of terror before the worthy and respected Mb. Sixmunce—and the indomitable
Eglantine looks callously innocent, calling all the stars to witness that “the gal
giv her the spoons as her own goods and nobody’s else’s—”
When Susan is confronted with this alleged fact—the respectable part of society
of which Mr. and Mbs. Potts are such very distinguished members, shakes its head,
and wonders how ignorance at eight pounds a year, tea and sugar included, can
be such a fool as to believe in a gypsey ! However, the benevolent Mb.
Sixmunce commits Eglantine to Tothill-Eields, and—with one of those paternal
remonstrances that have won for him the proud designation of the Father of
the Bench—dismisses the grateful Susan to her kitchen, Mb. and Mbs. Potts,
with a sudden benevolence, which causes them some after astonishment and
self-congratulation on their goodness, consenting to give the creature another
trial.
Now at the very time that Susan was opening her homely hand, that gypsey
Eglantine might read in its hard page the marriage lines of the hopeful maiden
(who is to give sixpence at most for the glad tidings; the spoons being purely
an after-thought of the gypsey’s own)—at the very time Mbs. Potts in her parlour
is reading Raphael’s Prophetic Messenger; for the which she—the educated,
finished Mbs. Potts; for was she not beautifully finished at Athens House,
Wandsworth?—for the which she has, in the best faith and best current silver,
disbursed two-and-sixpence ! Ignorance crieth out in the streets, and everybody
gives ear to her. Our Messenger has, to be sure, a more winning introduction than
even the smiles and musical cajolery of Eglantine Pbigduck. For it has a
beautiful picture in which the events of 1854 are brought out in bold red, and
blue, and orange-tawney. Louis Napoleon is engaged chatting with Bbitannia
•—(who is asking him to run across and take a cup of tea in London, the British
Lion at her side manifesting no objection whatever)—the while a very hairy savage
has a dagger upraised at the Empebob’s back, and is evidently screwing himself up
to “the sticking place.” There are mourning-coaches going to “take up” at
Windsor Castle, with other graphic amenities significant of what must happen in
the year 1854. And for this the enlightened Mbs. Potts (that gypsey is still with
Susan in the kitchen) has given two-and-sixpence; and that too with the mighty
resolution of getting her good half-crown’s worth out of it. Well, Mbs. Potts
begins with January, turning very pale as she learns this fact:—
“ The square of Venus and Saturn denotes severe affliction to a lady of the highest rank. The
tranquillity of France is disturbed; much excitement reigns in Paris, Lyons, Toulouse, and Rome.
Turkey and the regions of the Tigris and Euphrates are sorely afflicted.”
This lady—whoever she may be—has very sore afflictions throughout the
twelvemonth; but then Raphael must earn his half-crown’s worth.
In Eebruary, Mbs. Potts is informed—(and thinks with a shiver of little
Wilhelmina who has not yet had the scarlet fever)—in Eebruary:
“ Mars retrogrades to the opposition of the Moon in the radix of the Princess Alice, and indicates a
liability to feverish complaint or accident.”
Mbs. Potts has conjugal fears for the health of Potts, and resolves to insist upon
gutta percha soles. In March—
“The retrogradation of Mars in. Virgo in opposition to Venus, also retrogade in Pisces, will
stir up civil hr oils in Portugal; treachery and coiispwacies amongst
the priesthood are directed against the Queen and Government of that
country
Already, the poor Queen of Pobtugal sleeps in the
tomb of the Bbaganzas ; but even Raphael cannot be
always infallible; not even for half-a-crown !
April is big with events; or rather with one event
that must swallow up every other. Mbs. Potts is a play-
goer, and with the sensibility of her sex, would “ten to
one rather see the Corsican Brothers than Samlet.”
Therefore she reads the subjoined with corresponding
perturbation.
“ Scandal or death awaits one renowned in the theatrical world.”
This is in April! Perhaps on the first of April ? It
cannot be Babby, the deathless Clown, who shall be
snatched from us ? If, then, it should be the—the—the
“ renowned ”—but no ! we will not, we cannot think of
it! Ha ! ha ! ha ! Sardanapalus is himself again!
May is full of danger as of hawthorn. What can the
loyal Mbs. Potts think of this ?
“ Mars hastens, as it were, to apply the torch to the train of evil he
has previously laid. The highest power in the land is grievously afflicted.
It is the earnest prayer of Kaphael, that the direful influence of
Saturn on the ascending degree and radical place of the luminaries
in our beloved Sovereign’s horoscope may be averted.”
But this is nothing. “ The highest power ” is continually
threatened; a prediction that, in the days of Queen Bess,
; would—we doubt not—have helped Raphael to the highest
! gibbet. Again Raphael turns the penny upon “our beloved
Sovereign.” In June, he says—
“ I dare not fully enter into all the important significations of these
positions and configurations. I sincerely pray that the health of our
beloved Sovereign may be preserved, in which I am assured her subjects
will universally join.”
(Do we not behold Raphael on his bended knees,
“ sincerely praying,” with the half-crown in his mouth ?)
In July, however, our prophet makes merchandize of the
Queen’s children.
“ Saturn transits the place of the Sun in the nativity of the
Princess Helena, producing a tendency to disease in the chest, &c., at
the end of June and beginning of July. The 7th and 8th are evil days
for the Prince of Wales, and the 19tli for the Prince Arthur.
Their attendants should carefully avoid accident
These would have made very “ evil days ” for our
prophet; evil as pillory and cart-whip could have shaped
them. But we live in liberal times, and the Astrologer
may turn his half-crown upon the probable diseased chest
of the little Pbincess Helena, and the threatened dangers
of Pbinces Albebt and Abthus !
Mbs. Potts reads in August that “the King of Naples
should beware of female intrigue, poison, or the assassin; ”
and—controlling her emotion—turns over, to September,
where she learns among other not impossible events that
“ great cruelty is displayed towards some female about the
27th.” Mbs. Potts thinks October a little slow. “ Public
writers and scientific men are unsuccessful: ” and what of
that ? “ The fine arts prosper! ” Bother the fine arts :
and straightway Mbs. Potts passes to November, when
“Much excitement reigns throughout the land; the long talked ol
invading army may, under these influences, make its appearance, and
ere many months 1 the ivolf will come! ”
With the intuitive calculation of woman, Mbs. Potts
wonders where on earth she and Potts are to sleep, il the
Russians—which, of course, is meant by the wolf—is
quartered upon ’em ?
But this is nothing to what is threatened in December.
Mbs. Potts continues to read with—very naturally—
increasing fear and amazement. Fear for Aeb Majesty
the Queen, and amazement at things in general! “ Fleaven
I preserve '.’’—cries the prophet in ominous tones—“ Heaven
i preserve the health of our Sovereign, and also ot her
people ! ”—ending with the new version of a Dead March,
set after this fashion :■—
“ Dark and gloomy clouds hover over us ; and I regret to add that
during the year 1855 the significations are still fearfully evil. I cannot
at present discover one ray of hope.”
What? Not for half-a-crown? Suppose, then, we
make it three-and-sixpence !
Now, whilst the Pottses continue to read the Prophetic
Raphael—(it is the vagabond’s “ thirty-fourth year ”)—ir