Punch (25.1853)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

266

m A VERY BAD WAY.

THE CAB QUESTION IN A NEW LIGHT.

Dirty carriage—wretched horse,

Driver insolent and coarse;

Prompt with ruffianly air
To extort a double fare.

If your rights you would maintain,

And.to Magistrate complain,

Bullied by a Counsel brought
To abuse you in the Court,

For the dirty business paid
By the union of the trade,

Who can penalties afford
From results of frequent fraud—

Gentle Public, if you’d shun
Fifty nuisances in one,

Write it down on memory’s slab,

“ Never take a London Cab! ”

Gentle Public, come with me,

And another picture see.

Handsome carriage—decent horse—

Driver neither rude nor coarse;

For the same as Cabman’s fare,

Prompt to take you anywhere.

If appearance you’d maintain,

There’s no reason to complain;

To your door the Clarence brought,

Fit to drive you, e’en to Court.

Gentle Public, tell me why
Don’t you patronise a Fly F

Church Cannons.

A Dk. Church has invented some pieces of artillery
which load at the breech; and two of them have been tried
at Woolwich with perfect success. In these days, when
ecclesiastical authority is so greatly at a discount, we are
glad to recognise a Church whose cannons are a hit. We
believe that these cannons cost much less than the average
of cathedral dignitaries.

“Why, you seem quite wretched, Frank!”

“Wetched, my Boy! Ah, you may imagine how wetched I am, ween I

TELL YOU I DON’T EVEN CARE HOW MY TWOWSERS ARE MADE ! ”

CHRISTMAS PRESENCE.

Presence of Matter. In the Court of Common Council.
Presence of Mind. In Punch's Almanack !

THE HANWELL COOKERY BOOK.

So much progress has been made in that humane treatment of insane
persons, which allows them to follow their ordinary callings and
pursuits, that nearly all the in-door work of many lunatic asylums is
now performed by the patients.

Thus at Hanwell there are lunatic gardeners who keep their
parterres and greenhouses in a most rational state of order and neat-
ness, and we have not heard that the cracked violinist, to whose music
his poor companions are allowed to dance, is in the habit of mixing up
“Pop goes the Weasel” with the Dead March in Saul, or committing
any similar instrumental vagary, as many might expect. Encouraged
by the success of the gardening, washing, ironing, tailoring, and other
experiments, the Directors of this noble establishment have recently
att empted to extend this employment of the insane to the higher branches
of household economy—including the great mystery of the kitchen.

But insane cookery, to judge of the specimens of the Hanwell cuisine
which are now before us, does not seem likely to turn out so well as the
simpler arts to which the presence of the wits does not appear absolutely
indispensable. It is to be feared that the digestions of the inmates
ol the asylum might be seriously impaired by such dishes as the
following :—

Sov.jflet a la Pomhardino.

Take three-quarters of a pound of Dorking lime, two ounces of the
best saltpetre, and a coffee-cup full of tin tacks. Beat well together
with a whisk, bake for seven minutes and a quarter; add a few horse-
chestnuts, a handful of cow’s hair, and a gill of lemon juice. If the
cook be a dissenter, or have secretly married the butler, the lemon
juice may be omitted.

Apoplectic Jelly.

Take four hundred kangaroo’s eggs, and when the water is hot
simmer gently, stirring in dandelion leaves one by one: strain all
through a thin deal board, and set it by in a pint basin to cool. This
will keep for any length of time (if Dr. Conolly is not allowed to look

at it), and will serve as a vegetable for sick people or young children
If not sweet enough, add some indigo and a pound of steel-filings.

Oltenitza Pudding.

Take some old Russia duck and shred it in a slew-pan with as much
water as you can pour in without putting the fire out. When the
feathers are loose pluck them out carefully, and mince with forced
meat for garnish. Put in half a tablespoonful of salt, a bunch of
chopped straw, and a little grated pumice-stone, then add the rice.
Sweeten to your taste, dress with your garnish, and serve in a napkin.
A few tea-leaves sprinkled over, will make it look moTe inviting. If
anybody comes into the kitchen while the stew-pan is on the fire, put
it under the table.

Methuselah Fritters.

Have some castor-oil boiling, slice three large heads of mangel-
wurzel, and put them in your castor-oil till quite crisp. Try them
with your finger. If done enough they will burn you. Add three
oysters, a nutmeg, a teacupful of brown sugar, aud a capsicum. _ If
more flavour is wanted, you may add a tablespoonful of Bath brick.
Serve up hot on a gridiron. If for a second course, tripe may be sub-
stituted for the mangel-wurzel, but oil of vitriol is preferable.

Croquettes a la Conolly.

Steal a marrow-bone from which the marrow has been taken out,
and burn it till charred. Then scrape it into a butter-boat, with two
spring onions minced, an oyster-shell, and a quarter of a pound of dry
glue. Put up in shapes, and let it stand till it is mouldy. Have some
treacle cold, and when it boils, dip your croquettes in it one after
another, and serve up in the middle of next week. If made with
marine glue they require more care, but will eat all the crisper. The
yolks of two shop-eggs may be added, but this is a matter of taste, and
unless the eggs are very stale they will give your croquettes too nutty
a flavour. Some roll the croquettes in the ashes, but this is not to be
recommended, unless where there are foreigners at table and a man
servant is kept.

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Yol. 25.

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