DOI issue:
Volume XXVI
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16613#0059
52
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
OUR PAST YOUNG LADY AT THE OPENING
OF PARLIAMENT.
hen you want, dear Mr.
Punch, my opinion about the
ceremony of the opening of
the parliamentary season, or
whatever you call it, on
Tuesday? Well, I will tell
you, in confidence, that it was
exceedingly stupid. "But I am
very much obliged to you for
sending us tickets, because
Rose and Ellen Markaby
(whose parents give twice as
many parties as we do—sucli
stuck-up business though, I
hate it), have long been wild
to be there. Not for the sight,
you know, for they are about
the dullest girls going, but be-
cause they like to get among
great people, and talk about
them afterwards to little
people. Haven’t I favoured
them with lists of Earls, and
Bishops, and Ambassadors,
who came up and were intro-
duced to me and Jtjlia, that’s
all ? Now, don’t look re-
provingly at me, because you know that I do not mean any harm.
When I tell you that I offered one of our tickets, lor the inside of the
House of Lords, to poor Mrs. Vulping, who took us down, and had
only red cards for the Royal Gallery outside, you will say I am not
ill-natured. Now, scold, scold, scold, scold, scold, scold. Who cares
for you ?
“ Julia and I had very good places, and being both of us pretty girls,
I think we rather eclipsed the peeresses and those sort of people about
us, though, certainly, they were got up regardless of expense, as the
theatrical managers say. The men in red uniforms and tags, who
showed us the way in, and who, I suppose, are beadles promoted to the
Peerage, looked quite charmed with us. However, we walked haughtily
forward, and took our seats among the aristocracy as proudly as pos-
sible. Some of the dowagers, with daughters of extreme skinniness,
looked sternly at us, but most of the ladies around were, very kind, and
told us who the people were. I paid great attention, in order to be
ready for Nelly Markaby.
“ My dear Mr. Punch, don’t you ever be made a Peer. Much as I
love you, I could not bear to see yon in one of those red cloaks with
ermine bars down it—an invention clearly taken from a sergeant’s
stripes, which are given him for good conduct, at least so our Hester
says, whose cousin is a soldier, and is good enough to eat all our cold
meat, I believe. What Guys they look ! And imagine a man being
prouder of four stripes of ermine than of three, and looking down on
poor creatures with only one. Talk of ladies and their rivalry about
flounces ! Once more, Mr. Punch, if yon let them make you a Peer,
you and I shall have a word of a sort.
“ There was a long wait, and we got tighter and tighter, and at last
our seat could hold no more, and we fairly rebelled against all new
comers. But there came a grim old lady in black, with a world of
diamonds, which sparkled the more, as, poor old thing, she was shaky,
and had better have been at home. However, there was no setting
oneself against an afflicted person, so, in a sort of flurry, I offered her
my seat. She never thanked me, but took it, and I began to think I
had been rather silly, when such a nice Bishop, who, it seems, had been
watching us, took my hand, and with a smile, planted me down between
his two daughters, and evidently told them to be civil to me. There
was no need, for they were running over with good-nature—fair, plump
things—very well informed, bless you, in fact I did not know half the
things they did—but not a bit of stuckupishness. They made me
understand the Turkish question in a minute, which you could never
do, Mr. Punch, come.
“ It was quite a House of Ladies. All down stairs, except one row
of front seats land some ladies got upon this too, and would not move),
and the gallery round the place, and a great gallery opposite the Queen
were crowded with us, and there was a Lady on the Throne, after-
wards, and then the scene was complete. The Lords, too, in those
gowns, looked like old women. While we were there, they had better
have asked us to make a few laws, especially one against moustaches
and smoking, which I told the Bishop’s daughters was much wanted—
but they did not seem to know people who were guilty of either.
“ At last we were ordered to drop our mantles, ana then came the
guns, and soon afterwards the trumpets, and then the procession came
in. It reminded me of a scene in one of those tragedies they used to
play at Covent Garden in Mr. Macready’s time. I was a little thing
then, and always went to sleep, but I remembered the heralds and the
officers bearing crowns, and sceptres, and swords. But Her Majesty
should have had a march played, and gone, statelily, round and round
the House.
“ I thought the Queen read the Speech beautifully, though I felt
quite nervous for her. What she said I could hardly understand at
the time, and not much more when I came to read it. It would have
been much better if she had spoken that capital and clever speech yon
composed for her, the other day, about Cochin China fowls and Jenny
Lind.
“ But what do you think, my dear Mr. Punch ? As soon as the
Queen had retired, making beautiful bows, and the Prince the same
(and he looked so handsome, that I don’t believe one single word
against him—it’s all malice, invented by ugly men. There !), the shaky
old lady beckoned me to come to her. Well, 1 thought this rather
odd ; however, I went, and she asked me my name and where I lived.
Which I told her. And then taking leave of the bishop’s daughters
put her out of my head. But yesterday, Mr. Punch, came a packet for
me—it was left by a messenger who was not to wait. I thought it
was some joke, and that one of my cousins in the Temple had sent a
dell’s cradle, or some such nonsense—they are always doing those
things. A lovely bracelet—better than anything of N elly Markaby’s
or her sister's either (for all their parties), and a little note, written,
Papa says, in the courtliest old French, in which a ‘ charming child ’
(that’s me, but I’m not a child) ‘ is requested to remember that a
kindness to an ugly old woman ’ (which she was not,) ‘ is not always
thrown away.’ No name, no crest, and we have no idea who she is.
So, you see, your cards, my dear Mr. Punch, have turned up diamonds
(two, at least, in a snake’s eyes) for
“ Your affectionate friend,
“ Regent’s ParlcP “ Emma Sara Laura Flick.”
A Deleterious Compound.
Mr. Cobden said, at the recent Reform Banquet at Manchester—
“ There are now 100,000,000 of subjects shut up in Delhi—the most miserable
spectacle of fallen greatness in the world.”
We can only say that if human nature is degraded in Delhi, we trust
the disgrace is not altogether in-Delhi-ble.—N.B. We here fine our-
selves five shillings for the above.
“Scratched” for the Derby.
The Earl of Derby, at the opening of the Session, has discarded
a mass of useful, if not creditable hangers-on, who did his work in the
vacation. They are naturally savage, and declare that Lord DerbI
ought to hoist the notice exhibited at various places on the river, “ All
craft making fast to this Peer is liable to be cut adrift.”
FOOL ! FOOL ! ! FOOL
.HI
A Correspondent, of whose lunacy there can be little doubt, and
whose position has been very properly straitened by a peculiar kind of
waistcoat, has written to us to say, that having frequently seen in the
papers the words AIr. Ross Donelly Mangles, he should like to
know whether Mrs. Ross Donelly washes and irons.
The Russians and the Gold Fleets.
The Dioina, a heavy 50-gun Russian frigate, that we suffered to fit
out in Portsmouth Dockyard, has sailed for Australia to look in upon
our gold ships, war permitting. And we fitted her out. . Good-
natured John Bull supplies the implements by which the thief pro-
poses to pick John’s pocket.
THE GRAND OBJECT OF PARLIAMENT.
The great object of Acts of Parliament, judging from their un-
conscionable length, seems to be to make words-, and as by their want
of grammar and general lack of intelligibility, they invariably set
people by the ears, it may be said that they succeed pretty often in
their object. _
BRINGING NICHOLAS TO BOOK.
Somebody—who, by his absurdity, proves himself to be nobody—is
anxious to know why the French and English fleets have gone together
to the Black Sea. Our plain answer is that the combined movement is
made with the view of settling accounts with Nicholas by double
entry. _
« Evils Attendant on Wealth.—Attendants.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
OUR PAST YOUNG LADY AT THE OPENING
OF PARLIAMENT.
hen you want, dear Mr.
Punch, my opinion about the
ceremony of the opening of
the parliamentary season, or
whatever you call it, on
Tuesday? Well, I will tell
you, in confidence, that it was
exceedingly stupid. "But I am
very much obliged to you for
sending us tickets, because
Rose and Ellen Markaby
(whose parents give twice as
many parties as we do—sucli
stuck-up business though, I
hate it), have long been wild
to be there. Not for the sight,
you know, for they are about
the dullest girls going, but be-
cause they like to get among
great people, and talk about
them afterwards to little
people. Haven’t I favoured
them with lists of Earls, and
Bishops, and Ambassadors,
who came up and were intro-
duced to me and Jtjlia, that’s
all ? Now, don’t look re-
provingly at me, because you know that I do not mean any harm.
When I tell you that I offered one of our tickets, lor the inside of the
House of Lords, to poor Mrs. Vulping, who took us down, and had
only red cards for the Royal Gallery outside, you will say I am not
ill-natured. Now, scold, scold, scold, scold, scold, scold. Who cares
for you ?
“ Julia and I had very good places, and being both of us pretty girls,
I think we rather eclipsed the peeresses and those sort of people about
us, though, certainly, they were got up regardless of expense, as the
theatrical managers say. The men in red uniforms and tags, who
showed us the way in, and who, I suppose, are beadles promoted to the
Peerage, looked quite charmed with us. However, we walked haughtily
forward, and took our seats among the aristocracy as proudly as pos-
sible. Some of the dowagers, with daughters of extreme skinniness,
looked sternly at us, but most of the ladies around were, very kind, and
told us who the people were. I paid great attention, in order to be
ready for Nelly Markaby.
“ My dear Mr. Punch, don’t you ever be made a Peer. Much as I
love you, I could not bear to see yon in one of those red cloaks with
ermine bars down it—an invention clearly taken from a sergeant’s
stripes, which are given him for good conduct, at least so our Hester
says, whose cousin is a soldier, and is good enough to eat all our cold
meat, I believe. What Guys they look ! And imagine a man being
prouder of four stripes of ermine than of three, and looking down on
poor creatures with only one. Talk of ladies and their rivalry about
flounces ! Once more, Mr. Punch, if yon let them make you a Peer,
you and I shall have a word of a sort.
“ There was a long wait, and we got tighter and tighter, and at last
our seat could hold no more, and we fairly rebelled against all new
comers. But there came a grim old lady in black, with a world of
diamonds, which sparkled the more, as, poor old thing, she was shaky,
and had better have been at home. However, there was no setting
oneself against an afflicted person, so, in a sort of flurry, I offered her
my seat. She never thanked me, but took it, and I began to think I
had been rather silly, when such a nice Bishop, who, it seems, had been
watching us, took my hand, and with a smile, planted me down between
his two daughters, and evidently told them to be civil to me. There
was no need, for they were running over with good-nature—fair, plump
things—very well informed, bless you, in fact I did not know half the
things they did—but not a bit of stuckupishness. They made me
understand the Turkish question in a minute, which you could never
do, Mr. Punch, come.
“ It was quite a House of Ladies. All down stairs, except one row
of front seats land some ladies got upon this too, and would not move),
and the gallery round the place, and a great gallery opposite the Queen
were crowded with us, and there was a Lady on the Throne, after-
wards, and then the scene was complete. The Lords, too, in those
gowns, looked like old women. While we were there, they had better
have asked us to make a few laws, especially one against moustaches
and smoking, which I told the Bishop’s daughters was much wanted—
but they did not seem to know people who were guilty of either.
“ At last we were ordered to drop our mantles, ana then came the
guns, and soon afterwards the trumpets, and then the procession came
in. It reminded me of a scene in one of those tragedies they used to
play at Covent Garden in Mr. Macready’s time. I was a little thing
then, and always went to sleep, but I remembered the heralds and the
officers bearing crowns, and sceptres, and swords. But Her Majesty
should have had a march played, and gone, statelily, round and round
the House.
“ I thought the Queen read the Speech beautifully, though I felt
quite nervous for her. What she said I could hardly understand at
the time, and not much more when I came to read it. It would have
been much better if she had spoken that capital and clever speech yon
composed for her, the other day, about Cochin China fowls and Jenny
Lind.
“ But what do you think, my dear Mr. Punch ? As soon as the
Queen had retired, making beautiful bows, and the Prince the same
(and he looked so handsome, that I don’t believe one single word
against him—it’s all malice, invented by ugly men. There !), the shaky
old lady beckoned me to come to her. Well, 1 thought this rather
odd ; however, I went, and she asked me my name and where I lived.
Which I told her. And then taking leave of the bishop’s daughters
put her out of my head. But yesterday, Mr. Punch, came a packet for
me—it was left by a messenger who was not to wait. I thought it
was some joke, and that one of my cousins in the Temple had sent a
dell’s cradle, or some such nonsense—they are always doing those
things. A lovely bracelet—better than anything of N elly Markaby’s
or her sister's either (for all their parties), and a little note, written,
Papa says, in the courtliest old French, in which a ‘ charming child ’
(that’s me, but I’m not a child) ‘ is requested to remember that a
kindness to an ugly old woman ’ (which she was not,) ‘ is not always
thrown away.’ No name, no crest, and we have no idea who she is.
So, you see, your cards, my dear Mr. Punch, have turned up diamonds
(two, at least, in a snake’s eyes) for
“ Your affectionate friend,
“ Regent’s ParlcP “ Emma Sara Laura Flick.”
A Deleterious Compound.
Mr. Cobden said, at the recent Reform Banquet at Manchester—
“ There are now 100,000,000 of subjects shut up in Delhi—the most miserable
spectacle of fallen greatness in the world.”
We can only say that if human nature is degraded in Delhi, we trust
the disgrace is not altogether in-Delhi-ble.—N.B. We here fine our-
selves five shillings for the above.
“Scratched” for the Derby.
The Earl of Derby, at the opening of the Session, has discarded
a mass of useful, if not creditable hangers-on, who did his work in the
vacation. They are naturally savage, and declare that Lord DerbI
ought to hoist the notice exhibited at various places on the river, “ All
craft making fast to this Peer is liable to be cut adrift.”
FOOL ! FOOL ! ! FOOL
.HI
A Correspondent, of whose lunacy there can be little doubt, and
whose position has been very properly straitened by a peculiar kind of
waistcoat, has written to us to say, that having frequently seen in the
papers the words AIr. Ross Donelly Mangles, he should like to
know whether Mrs. Ross Donelly washes and irons.
The Russians and the Gold Fleets.
The Dioina, a heavy 50-gun Russian frigate, that we suffered to fit
out in Portsmouth Dockyard, has sailed for Australia to look in upon
our gold ships, war permitting. And we fitted her out. . Good-
natured John Bull supplies the implements by which the thief pro-
poses to pick John’s pocket.
THE GRAND OBJECT OF PARLIAMENT.
The great object of Acts of Parliament, judging from their un-
conscionable length, seems to be to make words-, and as by their want
of grammar and general lack of intelligibility, they invariably set
people by the ears, it may be said that they succeed pretty often in
their object. _
BRINGING NICHOLAS TO BOOK.
Somebody—who, by his absurdity, proves himself to be nobody—is
anxious to know why the French and English fleets have gone together
to the Black Sea. Our plain answer is that the combined movement is
made with the view of settling accounts with Nicholas by double
entry. _
« Evils Attendant on Wealth.—Attendants.