DOI Heft:
Volume XXVI
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16613#0080
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
73
ENGLAND EXPECTS EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY.
JACK’S (ALWAYS) ALIVE!
Sir James Gkaham is a thorough man of business, and
a very good Eirst Lord of the Admiralty ; but, unless the
reporters do him an injustice, he has made rather a startling
announcement in the following passage from one of his
recent speeches.
Speaking of the Coast Guard, Sir James is represented
to have said—
“While they were in the Coast Guard service, there was a civil
pension given to their wives and children if they lost their lives in that
service; when, however, they went into active service again, they were
of course put on the same footing as other men in active service, and their
right to the civil pension ceased.”
It seems from this announcement that when a Coast
Guard man dies in the service his wife gets a pension; but
if be should con-ie to life again, the right to the pension
does not, come to life with him ; and he, upon going “into
active service again” (after having been once dead), “is
put on the same footing as other men in active service,
and his right 1o the civil pension ceases.” We really re-
commend an individual who has become resuscitated in
such an extraordinary manner to try the effect of a bill of
revivor on his pension, so that the latter may not cease
when the former is no longer deceased.
Un-Parliamentary Intelligence.
Some surprise has been excited by a rumour of a New
Writ, in connection with the name of Mr. Dunup. Being
aware that Mu. Dunup was -not in the House of Commons,
we have made some inquiries on the subject, and we find
that the learned gentleman has in fact “ moved for a new
writ,” the truth being that he has moved in consequence
of another New Writ having been issued against him.
Metaphysical Progress.—The Reform of the Eccle-
siastical Courts would be a great step in assertion of the
Ereedom of the Will.
THE REFORM BILL MADE EASY.
Time—Breakfast hour on the morning after Lord John Russell’s
introduction of the Bill.
Scene.—A breakfast room near St. Pancras Church.
Persons visible. Charles, and Ellen, his vnfe
Person invisible. Their Infant Angel.
Ellen. Tell me, Charles, in a word or two,
What is this grand Reform to do.
I think Lady Roroughbribe’s girls will call.
And I want to appear to have studied it all.
Charles (hands her the newspaper with gratification). There is the
Speech. Or, here’s the Summary,
Which gives the sense without the flummery.
Ellen. No, I catch much quicker, I do, indeed.
What people tell me than what I read.
n Charles. Your notion, love, decidedly varies
Erom his who wrote Segnius per aures.
Ellen. Now, don’t be rude, but do as I say,
[slyly) In your usual clear and masterly way.
Charles [we fear flattered). Well, first Lord John, at a dab of the
brush.
Wines nineteen boroughs from—
Ellen [with intense attention). Dearest, hush!
Charles [less pleased). What is it ?
Ellen No, it was my mistake.
1 fancied that baby must be awake.
Now, pray go on, and to all vou mention
I am going to pay the utmost attention.
Charles. Nineteen boroughs lose representation
lor having too scanty a population.
Arid thirty-three, which return two men.
Will never return more than one again.
And this, with four already in hand,
Gives sixty-six vacancies.' Understand ?
Ellen. Oh yes, you make it quite easy -quite—
^■ confldentially) set open the door the tiniest mite.
Charles (complies with no grace at all). Through the names, I take it,
I need not go.
Ellen. Does the scheme affect any people we know 1
Charles. Well, Andover, Arundel, Dartmouth, Harwich,
Honiton—
Ellen. Ah ! what a thing is marriage !
Somebody promised his baby’s face
Should smile in a setting of Honiton lace.
Ne^er mind that.
Charles (does not). Well, now to allot
These sixty-six M.P.’s whom we’ve got.
Counties and parts of counties counting
Heads over a hundred thousand mounting.
And now returning a double M.P.,
In future will have the honour of three.
Rut the voters are only to vote for two,
As Lcrd John has a curious crotchet in view,
To let the smaller body come in
For part of the triumph with those who win.
And the man who gets two-fifths of the whole
Comes in as number three on the poll.
Ellen {paying the most extreme inattention, her mind, in f act, hover
on the borders of a wide shallow basket upstairs). I do believe they
run a pin in her,
Saunders’s roughness is really a sin in her.
(To him.) I beg your pardon—now, don’t you pout,
If you’d only beard that child cry out.
Charles {indignantly). It seems to me—1 don’t want to speak
No voice has a chance against that squeak.
Ellen (gravely). When a child cries out it means to explain
That somewhere or other it feels in pain.
Charles. Do you really wish to hear any more ?
Ellen {sweetly). Of course. If you like, love, I’ll close the door.
Charles {instantly mollified). No, leave it open. Well, ten gr
towns—
Despite the “Land ” and its awful frowns—
Get each a new Member ; and three towns, new
To the Speaker’s roll, are set up with two.
Sout hwark obtains addition of one,
Erom the figure to which its numbers run ;
A.nd but one is given (and why the scarcity ?)
To our neighbour the London University.
Ellen. Ob, Charles ! you ’re surely telling me fibs—
Why, they ’ll choose some favourite seller of squibs.
■uaj
ve
car
Vol. 26.
O O
o-£
73
ENGLAND EXPECTS EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY.
JACK’S (ALWAYS) ALIVE!
Sir James Gkaham is a thorough man of business, and
a very good Eirst Lord of the Admiralty ; but, unless the
reporters do him an injustice, he has made rather a startling
announcement in the following passage from one of his
recent speeches.
Speaking of the Coast Guard, Sir James is represented
to have said—
“While they were in the Coast Guard service, there was a civil
pension given to their wives and children if they lost their lives in that
service; when, however, they went into active service again, they were
of course put on the same footing as other men in active service, and their
right to the civil pension ceased.”
It seems from this announcement that when a Coast
Guard man dies in the service his wife gets a pension; but
if be should con-ie to life again, the right to the pension
does not, come to life with him ; and he, upon going “into
active service again” (after having been once dead), “is
put on the same footing as other men in active service,
and his right 1o the civil pension ceases.” We really re-
commend an individual who has become resuscitated in
such an extraordinary manner to try the effect of a bill of
revivor on his pension, so that the latter may not cease
when the former is no longer deceased.
Un-Parliamentary Intelligence.
Some surprise has been excited by a rumour of a New
Writ, in connection with the name of Mr. Dunup. Being
aware that Mu. Dunup was -not in the House of Commons,
we have made some inquiries on the subject, and we find
that the learned gentleman has in fact “ moved for a new
writ,” the truth being that he has moved in consequence
of another New Writ having been issued against him.
Metaphysical Progress.—The Reform of the Eccle-
siastical Courts would be a great step in assertion of the
Ereedom of the Will.
THE REFORM BILL MADE EASY.
Time—Breakfast hour on the morning after Lord John Russell’s
introduction of the Bill.
Scene.—A breakfast room near St. Pancras Church.
Persons visible. Charles, and Ellen, his vnfe
Person invisible. Their Infant Angel.
Ellen. Tell me, Charles, in a word or two,
What is this grand Reform to do.
I think Lady Roroughbribe’s girls will call.
And I want to appear to have studied it all.
Charles (hands her the newspaper with gratification). There is the
Speech. Or, here’s the Summary,
Which gives the sense without the flummery.
Ellen. No, I catch much quicker, I do, indeed.
What people tell me than what I read.
n Charles. Your notion, love, decidedly varies
Erom his who wrote Segnius per aures.
Ellen. Now, don’t be rude, but do as I say,
[slyly) In your usual clear and masterly way.
Charles [we fear flattered). Well, first Lord John, at a dab of the
brush.
Wines nineteen boroughs from—
Ellen [with intense attention). Dearest, hush!
Charles [less pleased). What is it ?
Ellen No, it was my mistake.
1 fancied that baby must be awake.
Now, pray go on, and to all vou mention
I am going to pay the utmost attention.
Charles. Nineteen boroughs lose representation
lor having too scanty a population.
Arid thirty-three, which return two men.
Will never return more than one again.
And this, with four already in hand,
Gives sixty-six vacancies.' Understand ?
Ellen. Oh yes, you make it quite easy -quite—
^■ confldentially) set open the door the tiniest mite.
Charles (complies with no grace at all). Through the names, I take it,
I need not go.
Ellen. Does the scheme affect any people we know 1
Charles. Well, Andover, Arundel, Dartmouth, Harwich,
Honiton—
Ellen. Ah ! what a thing is marriage !
Somebody promised his baby’s face
Should smile in a setting of Honiton lace.
Ne^er mind that.
Charles (does not). Well, now to allot
These sixty-six M.P.’s whom we’ve got.
Counties and parts of counties counting
Heads over a hundred thousand mounting.
And now returning a double M.P.,
In future will have the honour of three.
Rut the voters are only to vote for two,
As Lcrd John has a curious crotchet in view,
To let the smaller body come in
For part of the triumph with those who win.
And the man who gets two-fifths of the whole
Comes in as number three on the poll.
Ellen {paying the most extreme inattention, her mind, in f act, hover
on the borders of a wide shallow basket upstairs). I do believe they
run a pin in her,
Saunders’s roughness is really a sin in her.
(To him.) I beg your pardon—now, don’t you pout,
If you’d only beard that child cry out.
Charles {indignantly). It seems to me—1 don’t want to speak
No voice has a chance against that squeak.
Ellen (gravely). When a child cries out it means to explain
That somewhere or other it feels in pain.
Charles. Do you really wish to hear any more ?
Ellen {sweetly). Of course. If you like, love, I’ll close the door.
Charles {instantly mollified). No, leave it open. Well, ten gr
towns—
Despite the “Land ” and its awful frowns—
Get each a new Member ; and three towns, new
To the Speaker’s roll, are set up with two.
Sout hwark obtains addition of one,
Erom the figure to which its numbers run ;
A.nd but one is given (and why the scarcity ?)
To our neighbour the London University.
Ellen. Ob, Charles ! you ’re surely telling me fibs—
Why, they ’ll choose some favourite seller of squibs.
■uaj
ve
car
Vol. 26.
O O
o-£