DOI issue:
Volume XXVI
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16613#0132
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
125
IT'S ALT OWING TO THE WAR!
S the Reform Bill has been post-
poned in consequence of the
war, we know numerous in-
stances of persons, who, fol-
lowing the example of Lord
John, have availed themselves
of a similar excuse for deferring
several other cases of intended
reform.
Several officers have been
compelled to leave without
settling their bills. The war
engrossed all their attention—
they had not time to attend
to them.
A family of distinction, re-
siding in Pentonville, does not
intend, this season, giving its
usual parties, which were the
resort and adnnration of all
Pentonville. How is it pos-
sible for people to dance with
a war hanging over their
heads ?
Mrs. Jenkins, of Ely Place,
has put down her one horse-
killer. With a war, likely to
increase the price of every-
thing, it is best to begin economising at once.
The Lions for the vacant pedestals in Leicester Square have been
sent back to the Zoological atelier whence they came. Though per-
fectly finished, it would be highly injudicious to put them up during
a time of war.
The City Corporation had serious intentions of reforming themselves,
but the commencement has been deferred until the war is over.
The British Museum had intended pushing on most vigorously the
completion of their catalogue ; but as a period when Europe is on the
eve of being convulsed with a general war is not the best adapted for
such a peaceful undertaking, the intention has been indefinitely
postponed.
There was a distant talk of the creditors of the Duke op York
receiving a part payment of their claims ; but the war has put a stop
to everything of the kind.
The liberation of the political prisoners in Erance has been postponed
for a similar reason.
The Morning Herald, becoming suddenly awake to the absurdity of
its Second Editions, which only lead it into ridiculous mistakes, has
come to the resolution of not printing any more Foreign Intelligence.
This unhappy decision is ali owing to the war.
Mr. Hudson has determined not to publish his defence until the
war is perfectly concluded. The minds of men are at present too
agitated to give the proper attention to his simple statement.
In the meantime bakers, butchers, tallow-chandlers, milkmen, poul-
terers—all tradesmen, in short—will increase their prices, and you will
see the excuse for the increase will be invariably put down to the
war, just as if war had not enough to answer for on its owu account;
but every one seems anxious to increase the calamity and magnify its
horrors 1
A BEGINNING AT ALL EVENTS.
The inquiry into Ma. Hudson’s life, “from the cradle up to the
present moment,” has already commenced under the auspices of some
enthusiastic friends. Success has so far attended their efforts that
they have already discovered the identical “ cradle ” in which Mr.
Hudson was nursed. On examination, it turned out to be a “ cradle ”
such as is used at the Diggings. This is not an inapt beginning,
forming, as it doubtless did, the emblematical foundation of the
honourable gentleman’s prosperous career. It could not have pre-
sented itself in a happier form. A small quantity of gold was still
found in the cradle, and is supposed to have formed part of the toys
that Mr. Hudson played with in his infancy. The gold, upon being
tested, was discovered to be not of the purest description. A consider-
able proportion of iron was detected in it.
A Questionable Move.
The Lord Chancellor has brought into the House of Peers a Bill
for the transference of Testamentary Jurisdiction from Doctors’ Com-
mons to the Court of Chancery. It is to be hoped that Executors and
Legatees will not find this change equivalent to getting out of the
| frying-pan into the fire.
MAXIMS ON ECONOMY.
(.Picked up in the Bankruptcy Court.)
In those interesting annals of the cheating and the cheated, which
are recorded every day in the reports of the Bankruptcy Court, we
met, ou Monday the 13th, with the following suggestive paragraph,
which we instantly extracted:—•
“ A Pocket-Book was produced, which Count Dunin had presented to him, and
which contained maxims for enforcing the necessity of economy, the reading of which
caused much laughter in Court.”
We are sorry we were not present to have joined in the amusement;
but, as we can easily imagine the nature of the information given, we
beg, for the benefit of all peasons of an easy, confiding, verdant nature
to append the following
CHOICE MAXIMS ON ECONOMY.
(by a french count.)
A haunch of venison upon credit is cheaper than a mutton-chop that
you have to pay ready money for.
Borrow much, and "lend little. This maxim may be called the Height
of Economy. Practise it largely, and yon are sure to grow rich.
The most expensive article you can wear is a coat out of elbows. It
is extraordinary the number of odd things you never dreamt of that
you will be called upon to pay in consequence of that coat!
The most economical dinner is when you invite a creditor to dine
with you; but be sure you dine at Richmond, or Greenwich, or the
Clarendon. Be sure the dinner is the best.
When a person feels he is getting poorer and poorer, it is high time
he should start his carriage.
Never allow your face to express what your pocket feels. The more
the latter is pinched, the more the former should smile. The Spartan
youth would not allow any one to see a wolf was gnawing his vitals.
So with you, if you cannot keep the wolf out of your interior, at ali
events do not let the world know it.
What is friendship ? Too frequently the wooden handle to a bill!
The man who has many friends is either a great fool, or a great
knave.
Cards either make the fortune of a man, or ruin him. It ail depends
upon whether he has money or no money.
The worst extravagance is drinking. The man who drinks is sure to
lose his head. Never put wine on the table, unless it is the caret-
table, and then it isn’t for you to partake of it.
THE CLAIRVOYANCE OE NICHOLAS.
(To the Editor of the Zo'ist.)
My dear Sir,
If you deem the following case worthy of insertion in your
interesting periodical, you are quite at liberty to publish it, and, in
connection with it, to make use of my name, should you think that of
any consequence.
Nicholas Romanoff, aged 58, has for a long time given indications
of mental derangement. For vears it has been notorious amongst his
personal acquaintance that he believes himself to be a sort ol Messiah,
commissioned to extirpate infidelity and liberalism.
He is now in a state not distinguishable from sleep-walking, in which
he is subject to alternate moods of despondency and excitement. In
the former he expresses the most gloomy apprehensions that people are
conspiring to assassinate him ; in the latter he preaches to those about
him, and interlards his homilies with passages of Scripture. These are
taken from the Latin Vulgate, with which it is believed to be quite
impossible that he could have had any previous acquaintance. This
display, therefore, of a faculty apparently supernatural, causes the
greatest astonishment.
We, of course, know that this extraordinary, manifestation of the
organ of language k one of the phenomena of lucidity: though whether
the patient has, in the popular sense of the phrase, any lucid intervals,
may be questioned.
The cure of this case could, no doubt, be readily accomplished by
Mesmerism. But it would be necessary to mesmerise at a distance,
for until a decided influence had been established, any near approach
to the patient would be unsafe. The object, therefore, is to find some-
body sufficiently in rapport with him for that purpose. Lord Aberdeen
is supposed to have been so once; I wonder if he is still.
Nesselrode has tried Turning upon Romanoff ; but finds it quite
impossible to turn him. The Satanic theory has been proposed by
some superstitious persons to account for the case; in which it is
clear, however, that there is no possession more diabolical than that
which Nicholas has taken of the Principalities.
The application of metals has not been attended with success; but of
that the reason is obvious. Instead of being applied direcUy to the
125
IT'S ALT OWING TO THE WAR!
S the Reform Bill has been post-
poned in consequence of the
war, we know numerous in-
stances of persons, who, fol-
lowing the example of Lord
John, have availed themselves
of a similar excuse for deferring
several other cases of intended
reform.
Several officers have been
compelled to leave without
settling their bills. The war
engrossed all their attention—
they had not time to attend
to them.
A family of distinction, re-
siding in Pentonville, does not
intend, this season, giving its
usual parties, which were the
resort and adnnration of all
Pentonville. How is it pos-
sible for people to dance with
a war hanging over their
heads ?
Mrs. Jenkins, of Ely Place,
has put down her one horse-
killer. With a war, likely to
increase the price of every-
thing, it is best to begin economising at once.
The Lions for the vacant pedestals in Leicester Square have been
sent back to the Zoological atelier whence they came. Though per-
fectly finished, it would be highly injudicious to put them up during
a time of war.
The City Corporation had serious intentions of reforming themselves,
but the commencement has been deferred until the war is over.
The British Museum had intended pushing on most vigorously the
completion of their catalogue ; but as a period when Europe is on the
eve of being convulsed with a general war is not the best adapted for
such a peaceful undertaking, the intention has been indefinitely
postponed.
There was a distant talk of the creditors of the Duke op York
receiving a part payment of their claims ; but the war has put a stop
to everything of the kind.
The liberation of the political prisoners in Erance has been postponed
for a similar reason.
The Morning Herald, becoming suddenly awake to the absurdity of
its Second Editions, which only lead it into ridiculous mistakes, has
come to the resolution of not printing any more Foreign Intelligence.
This unhappy decision is ali owing to the war.
Mr. Hudson has determined not to publish his defence until the
war is perfectly concluded. The minds of men are at present too
agitated to give the proper attention to his simple statement.
In the meantime bakers, butchers, tallow-chandlers, milkmen, poul-
terers—all tradesmen, in short—will increase their prices, and you will
see the excuse for the increase will be invariably put down to the
war, just as if war had not enough to answer for on its owu account;
but every one seems anxious to increase the calamity and magnify its
horrors 1
A BEGINNING AT ALL EVENTS.
The inquiry into Ma. Hudson’s life, “from the cradle up to the
present moment,” has already commenced under the auspices of some
enthusiastic friends. Success has so far attended their efforts that
they have already discovered the identical “ cradle ” in which Mr.
Hudson was nursed. On examination, it turned out to be a “ cradle ”
such as is used at the Diggings. This is not an inapt beginning,
forming, as it doubtless did, the emblematical foundation of the
honourable gentleman’s prosperous career. It could not have pre-
sented itself in a happier form. A small quantity of gold was still
found in the cradle, and is supposed to have formed part of the toys
that Mr. Hudson played with in his infancy. The gold, upon being
tested, was discovered to be not of the purest description. A consider-
able proportion of iron was detected in it.
A Questionable Move.
The Lord Chancellor has brought into the House of Peers a Bill
for the transference of Testamentary Jurisdiction from Doctors’ Com-
mons to the Court of Chancery. It is to be hoped that Executors and
Legatees will not find this change equivalent to getting out of the
| frying-pan into the fire.
MAXIMS ON ECONOMY.
(.Picked up in the Bankruptcy Court.)
In those interesting annals of the cheating and the cheated, which
are recorded every day in the reports of the Bankruptcy Court, we
met, ou Monday the 13th, with the following suggestive paragraph,
which we instantly extracted:—•
“ A Pocket-Book was produced, which Count Dunin had presented to him, and
which contained maxims for enforcing the necessity of economy, the reading of which
caused much laughter in Court.”
We are sorry we were not present to have joined in the amusement;
but, as we can easily imagine the nature of the information given, we
beg, for the benefit of all peasons of an easy, confiding, verdant nature
to append the following
CHOICE MAXIMS ON ECONOMY.
(by a french count.)
A haunch of venison upon credit is cheaper than a mutton-chop that
you have to pay ready money for.
Borrow much, and "lend little. This maxim may be called the Height
of Economy. Practise it largely, and yon are sure to grow rich.
The most expensive article you can wear is a coat out of elbows. It
is extraordinary the number of odd things you never dreamt of that
you will be called upon to pay in consequence of that coat!
The most economical dinner is when you invite a creditor to dine
with you; but be sure you dine at Richmond, or Greenwich, or the
Clarendon. Be sure the dinner is the best.
When a person feels he is getting poorer and poorer, it is high time
he should start his carriage.
Never allow your face to express what your pocket feels. The more
the latter is pinched, the more the former should smile. The Spartan
youth would not allow any one to see a wolf was gnawing his vitals.
So with you, if you cannot keep the wolf out of your interior, at ali
events do not let the world know it.
What is friendship ? Too frequently the wooden handle to a bill!
The man who has many friends is either a great fool, or a great
knave.
Cards either make the fortune of a man, or ruin him. It ail depends
upon whether he has money or no money.
The worst extravagance is drinking. The man who drinks is sure to
lose his head. Never put wine on the table, unless it is the caret-
table, and then it isn’t for you to partake of it.
THE CLAIRVOYANCE OE NICHOLAS.
(To the Editor of the Zo'ist.)
My dear Sir,
If you deem the following case worthy of insertion in your
interesting periodical, you are quite at liberty to publish it, and, in
connection with it, to make use of my name, should you think that of
any consequence.
Nicholas Romanoff, aged 58, has for a long time given indications
of mental derangement. For vears it has been notorious amongst his
personal acquaintance that he believes himself to be a sort ol Messiah,
commissioned to extirpate infidelity and liberalism.
He is now in a state not distinguishable from sleep-walking, in which
he is subject to alternate moods of despondency and excitement. In
the former he expresses the most gloomy apprehensions that people are
conspiring to assassinate him ; in the latter he preaches to those about
him, and interlards his homilies with passages of Scripture. These are
taken from the Latin Vulgate, with which it is believed to be quite
impossible that he could have had any previous acquaintance. This
display, therefore, of a faculty apparently supernatural, causes the
greatest astonishment.
We, of course, know that this extraordinary, manifestation of the
organ of language k one of the phenomena of lucidity: though whether
the patient has, in the popular sense of the phrase, any lucid intervals,
may be questioned.
The cure of this case could, no doubt, be readily accomplished by
Mesmerism. But it would be necessary to mesmerise at a distance,
for until a decided influence had been established, any near approach
to the patient would be unsafe. The object, therefore, is to find some-
body sufficiently in rapport with him for that purpose. Lord Aberdeen
is supposed to have been so once; I wonder if he is still.
Nesselrode has tried Turning upon Romanoff ; but finds it quite
impossible to turn him. The Satanic theory has been proposed by
some superstitious persons to account for the case; in which it is
clear, however, that there is no possession more diabolical than that
which Nicholas has taken of the Principalities.
The application of metals has not been attended with success; but of
that the reason is obvious. Instead of being applied direcUy to the