Punch (26.1854)

177

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

DUET BETWEEN PUNCH AND THE BRITISH

PUBLIC.

he following Duet
has been written to
the very easy and
agreeable Air of
“ My Pretty Page,”
in order that it
may be sung every-
where and by every-
body :—

British Public. My
faithful Punch,
look out afar,
Look out, look out
afar!

Hear you no tidings ;

of the war.

No tidings of the
war ?

Punch. The British
fleet at rest I
see.

With sailors whist-
ling o’er the
lee.

British Public. My faithful Punch, look out again,
Look out, look out again;

See you no fighting on the main.

No fighting on the main ?

Punch. No, dearest Public, all is still,

All, all is still;

Save when some Turks the Russians kill,

Some Turks the Russians kill.

British Public. My faithful Punch, look out once more,
Look out, look out once more;

Hear you the British Lion roar,

The British Lion roar ?

Punch. The British Lion’s tail I see,

Wagging most portentously :

And now I think I hear him roar
Louder than e’er he did before.

But, dearest Public, much I fear,

’Tis but an empty roar I hear.

British Public. Oh mind what you say !

Have the fleet gone to play ?

Did I send them away
Por an idle display P

Punch. I know what I say ;

Now you’ve sent them away,

I hope for the day
When they’ll get into play:

I shall cry if they don’t.

British Public. Oh mind what
you say!

Did I send them away
Por an idle display,

I shall cry if I did, &c. &c.

Punch. Oh ’tis true what I
say!

Though I hope for the day
When they ’ll come into play ;

I shall cry if they don’t, &c. &c.

INSTRUCTIONS TO NAUTICAL MEN IN THE NOBLE
ART OF QUADRILLE DANCING.

La Polle.—Heave ahead and pass your adversary yard-arm to
yard-arm—regain your berth on the other tack in the same order—take
your station in a line with your partner—back and fill—fall on your
heel and bring up with your partner—she then manoeuvres ahead and
heaves all aback, fills and shoots ahead again and pays off alongside—
you then make sail in company, till nearly stem on with the other line
—make a stern board and cast her off to shift for herself—Regain your
berth in the best means possible, and let go your anchor.

La Trenise.—Wear round as before against the sun twice, boxhaul
the lady, and range up alongside her, and make sail in company—when
half-way across to the other shore drop astern with the tide—shoot
ahead again and cast off the tow—now back and fill as before and box-
haul her and yourself into your berth, and bring up.

La Pastorale.—Shoot ahead alongside your partner, then make a
stern board—again make all sail over to the other coast—let go the
hawser, and pay off into your own berth and take a turn—the three
craft opposite range up abreast towards you twice, and back astern
again—now manoeuvre any rig you like, only under easy sail, as it is
always “light winds” (Zephyrs) in this passage—as soon as you see
their helms down, haul round in company with them on port
tack—then make all sail with your partner into your own berth, and
bring up.

La Finale.—Wear round to starboard, passing under your partner’s
bows—sight the catheads of craft on your starboard bow—then make
sail into your own berth, your partner passing athwart your bows—now
proceed according to the second order of sailing—to complete the
evolutions shoot ahead and back astern twice, in company with the
whole squadron, in the circular order of sailing.

A FRENCH AGGRESSION.

Among the other afflictions of the House of Commons is one
Mr. Fitzstephen French, an Irish Member, who has lately taken to
popping up in every discussion, and impeding the debates with some
commonplace or other of exceeding dulness. Of course French has a
perfect right to do this, and other people have an equal right to laugh at
his pertinacity But when French commits a furious and unprovoked
onslaught upon innocent arithmetic, the man who would refuse to
stretch forth his hand to rescue addition in distress is unworthy to be
the countryman of Cocker.

A night or two before the holidays a Committee was being appointed.
This Committee consisted of fifteen members. The nominator
explained that he had taken pains, the question being one of party, to
select as nearly equal numbers as he could. He had taken eight
gentlemen from one side, and seven from the other. But this would
not satisfy French. He popped up, as usual, and had got ever so far
into his speech before the House knew what he meant. It was then
discovered that he was complaining of this mode of reckoning.

“ But what could I do ? ” asked poor Mr. Forster, the nominator,
piteously. “ I can’t get more than eight and seven into fifteen.”

This view of the case seemed to strike Mr. French for a moment,
and he may have been counting the Committee on his mental fingers.
Perhaps he reflected that though, in his own Roscommon, such a paltry
Saxon plea as arithmetic offered would have been scoffed into contempt,
it would hardly do in the presence of Exchequer Chancellors Gladstone,
Disraeli, Goulburn, and Baring (not to mention Sir Charles
Wood, wno is rather more of a Roscommon arithmetician), to insist
that in a committee of fifteen the two sides should be of equal number.
At last the light shone upon the French mind, and he dashed at the
loophole through which it gleamed:

“ I would appoint men of sense.”

It was bold. But the House saw Mr. Fitzstephen French’s
evident device to evade serving (though the precaution was needless,
for nobody asked him), and another insult was heaped upon Ireland by
its being agreed that eight and seven did make fifteen. However, we
hope that French will bring the matter again before the House after
the recess—it will, at all events, give him the chance of making another
speech. Perhaps the real secret of his wrath against arithmetic was
that having, the night previously, been boring the House at an unseemly
hour, he had been himself “ counted out.”

Le Pan talon.—Haul upon the starboard tack and let the other
■craft pass—then bear up and get your head on the other tack—regain
your berth on the port tack—back and fill with your partner and box-
haul her—wear round twice against the sun in company with the
opposite craft, then your own—afterwards boxhaul her again and bring
her up.

L’Ete.—Shoot ahead about two fathoms till you nearly come stem
on with the. other craft under weigh—then make a stern board to your
berth and side out for a bend, first to starboard, then to port—make
sail and pass the opposite craft—then get your head round on the other
tack another side to starboard and port—then make sail to regain
your berth—wear round, back and fill and boxhaul your partner.

A Windfall to the Prince of Wales.

A Merchant, named Holford, has died and left all his large fortune
to the Prince of Wales. What a pity there was no such sort of
enthusiasm in former times ! If folks had only left fortunes to the last
Prince of Wales—who was duly festered into the whitlow George
the Fourth—what money would have been saved the country ! We,
however, may take some comfort from this growing desire on the part
of a rich and loyal people ; we may cease to vote a single farthing for
royal branches. In time, Royal Highnesses—like Royal Hospitals—
may come to be supported by voluntary contributions.