DOI issue:
Volume XXVI
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16613#0208
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
201
REMARKS ON RUSSIAN CREDIT.
HE manufactures of Russia
are few, hut her fabrica-
tions are innumerable.
We snail stand no
chance with the Russians
if they shoot as well with
the Minie rifle as they do
with the long bow.
Osten-Sacken’s guns
would be all Paixhans if
his ball were commensu-
rate with his bounce.
The report of a Russian
cannonade is something
incredible.
It is a curious paradox
that even when Nicholas
and his Officers are ad-
vancing, they are lying
still.
Although pugilism is
not a mode of warfare
practised by the Russians
they fight in a great
measure by fibbing.
Even if we reduce the
Czar to terms, it will be
necessary to understand
all his terms in the oppo-
site sense.
Noun-Substantive, in the Russian language, is a word which stands for a thing that is not.
THEATRICAL RELIGION.
A Billet-Doux from a Young Lady in Belgravia to the Loud Bishop of London, touching
the Puseyite Peiformances at St. Paul’s, Knightsbridge.
“ My Dear Duck of a Bishop,
“I hope you won’t be so cruel as to alter the performances at St. Paul’s. I will
never forgive you if you do. They are so delightful, you can’t tell. I can assure you it is
as good as going to the play : in fact better, for all the plays are closed on the Sunday—but
here the Church is open all day, and one can go in without paying anvthing at the doors.
It’s so delightful, you have no idea!
“ If you close St. Paul’s, there isn’t a place in London half so amusing where we can go to.
If you do, l declare I will call you a monster, that I will.
“ The singing is so delightful. The intoning is so much better than the drawling, sleepy,
good-for-nothing, abominable, hum-drum way in which most clergymen read the prayers. It’s
quite charming. Mr. Liddell’s voice, too, is the best I ever heard for a clergyman. The
upper notes are as sweet as Mario’s—whilst his lower ones remind one not unfavourably
of Formes m Per Freischutz. He charms you one minute, and frightens you the next. I
will tell you, my dear Bishop, what is the only thing I can compare his singing to. You have
been in a Montagne Basse, of course ?—I mean the Montagues Busses that used, to be exhibited
at Tivoli years ago at Paris, and were so fashionable. Well, Mr- Liddell’s intonation is
exactly like a celestial Montagne Basse—you keep rising and falling all the while—at one
moment being lifted up to the skies, and the next brought into rude contact with the world.
It’s like being in a swing, merely to think of it.
“ As for the flowers, if they could be spread all over the church, until it looked like a
Floricultural Show, I should like it all the better. Indeed, if a bouquet could be given to
each lady as at a wedding party, I should not object. Flowers cannot hurt anybody, and for
my mind I think if Mr. Liddell was in the habit of preaching with a white camellia, or
with a rose japonica, in his button-hole, that his discourse would probably be all the sweeter
for it, and in the absence of real flowers, surely artificial flowers are better than none ?
“ Then persons complain of the processions : I have no patience with such stupid people.
To my way of thinking, there are not processions half enough. They make certain ceremonies
pretty and effective, which without them would pass unnoticed. I do not mind telling you
in confidence that if a little dancing was also introduced, the effect would be all the
greater. For instance, if a number of young ladies in white muslin were to run before the
curate, and sprinkle flowers on his path before ascending into the pulpit, how very charming
it would be !—wouldn’t it ?
“As for the bowing and the like, I do not see why because persons are inside a Church
it should prevent them being polite. Is it any excuse for being rude because you are in a
pew ?—and if I meet my dearest and best beloved friend Lady Anna Louisa in the
chancel, or one of the aisles, is that a reason why I should cut her? I am sure, my dear
Bishop, from what I have always heard of your great kindness of heart and sweet urbanity of
manner, that you are too much of a gentleman ever to propose such a monstrous state of
things. You would scorn such vulgarity, I am sure you would.
“ Therefore, mon cher Bishop, do not take from us our bowings and our processions; do
not attempt to pluck away from our pretty altars one of the handsome vases that at present
decorate it; pray leave us in the undisturbed enjoyment of our flowers, and allow us to sing
in any way we please. Believe me, such habits
are not in the tiniest bit theatrical—on the con-
trary, they are not half theatrical enough. Only
let us perform the service according to our
manner of thinking, and I will engage that there
shall be as great a rush of carriages outside as on
any night when Sophie Cruvelli is singing. If
I had my way, not a seat should be let for mss
money than the price of a stall at Drury Lane.
Why not have ivory crosses for St. Paul’s in the
same way that yon have bones for Covent
Garden ?
“ I beseech you, my dear good-natured angel
of a Bishop, to attend to my little trifling wishes.
They are, at best, but mere bagatelles. Now,
if you only will, I promise you I will work you
a pair of beautiful embroidered braces. Hut I
know you will, that’s a dear.”
\For obvious reasons,' ice suppress the sig-
nature, but the original, written oh
scented paper, lace-edged, may be seen at
any time at our Office.
"f®—
The next Instrument of Torture that will
PROBABLY BE INVENTED IN THE WAY OF SHIRT
Collars.
A Joke for Exeter Hall.
It is not often that we take a liberty with the
name of a private individual, but really the
Reverend Jarez Inwards must excuse us, if
the temptation has, in his case, been too much
for us. When we look at the Reverend Gentle-
man’s name in its constant association with pious
objects, we cannot help feeling that there is
something rather appropriate in the little regard
that may be supposed to be felt by the Reve-
rend Jabez Inwards for all ^Externals.
We pause for a Reply.
“Dear Punch,—In your number of the 6th
inst. you remark on the scarcity of rags m Ireland,
and the consequent advance in price of that com-
modity. Please say in your next if ragamuffins
are available for any purpose ; and if so, what is
the present value of John Mitchel.
“ Yours truly
“ One who wishes to Know iiis own Value.’'
The Czar of Paupers.—Who is the poorest
man in the world but Nicholas Romanoff f
For surely be is the worst Off by far.
Vol. 26.
7—2
201
REMARKS ON RUSSIAN CREDIT.
HE manufactures of Russia
are few, hut her fabrica-
tions are innumerable.
We snail stand no
chance with the Russians
if they shoot as well with
the Minie rifle as they do
with the long bow.
Osten-Sacken’s guns
would be all Paixhans if
his ball were commensu-
rate with his bounce.
The report of a Russian
cannonade is something
incredible.
It is a curious paradox
that even when Nicholas
and his Officers are ad-
vancing, they are lying
still.
Although pugilism is
not a mode of warfare
practised by the Russians
they fight in a great
measure by fibbing.
Even if we reduce the
Czar to terms, it will be
necessary to understand
all his terms in the oppo-
site sense.
Noun-Substantive, in the Russian language, is a word which stands for a thing that is not.
THEATRICAL RELIGION.
A Billet-Doux from a Young Lady in Belgravia to the Loud Bishop of London, touching
the Puseyite Peiformances at St. Paul’s, Knightsbridge.
“ My Dear Duck of a Bishop,
“I hope you won’t be so cruel as to alter the performances at St. Paul’s. I will
never forgive you if you do. They are so delightful, you can’t tell. I can assure you it is
as good as going to the play : in fact better, for all the plays are closed on the Sunday—but
here the Church is open all day, and one can go in without paying anvthing at the doors.
It’s so delightful, you have no idea!
“ If you close St. Paul’s, there isn’t a place in London half so amusing where we can go to.
If you do, l declare I will call you a monster, that I will.
“ The singing is so delightful. The intoning is so much better than the drawling, sleepy,
good-for-nothing, abominable, hum-drum way in which most clergymen read the prayers. It’s
quite charming. Mr. Liddell’s voice, too, is the best I ever heard for a clergyman. The
upper notes are as sweet as Mario’s—whilst his lower ones remind one not unfavourably
of Formes m Per Freischutz. He charms you one minute, and frightens you the next. I
will tell you, my dear Bishop, what is the only thing I can compare his singing to. You have
been in a Montagne Basse, of course ?—I mean the Montagues Busses that used, to be exhibited
at Tivoli years ago at Paris, and were so fashionable. Well, Mr- Liddell’s intonation is
exactly like a celestial Montagne Basse—you keep rising and falling all the while—at one
moment being lifted up to the skies, and the next brought into rude contact with the world.
It’s like being in a swing, merely to think of it.
“ As for the flowers, if they could be spread all over the church, until it looked like a
Floricultural Show, I should like it all the better. Indeed, if a bouquet could be given to
each lady as at a wedding party, I should not object. Flowers cannot hurt anybody, and for
my mind I think if Mr. Liddell was in the habit of preaching with a white camellia, or
with a rose japonica, in his button-hole, that his discourse would probably be all the sweeter
for it, and in the absence of real flowers, surely artificial flowers are better than none ?
“ Then persons complain of the processions : I have no patience with such stupid people.
To my way of thinking, there are not processions half enough. They make certain ceremonies
pretty and effective, which without them would pass unnoticed. I do not mind telling you
in confidence that if a little dancing was also introduced, the effect would be all the
greater. For instance, if a number of young ladies in white muslin were to run before the
curate, and sprinkle flowers on his path before ascending into the pulpit, how very charming
it would be !—wouldn’t it ?
“As for the bowing and the like, I do not see why because persons are inside a Church
it should prevent them being polite. Is it any excuse for being rude because you are in a
pew ?—and if I meet my dearest and best beloved friend Lady Anna Louisa in the
chancel, or one of the aisles, is that a reason why I should cut her? I am sure, my dear
Bishop, from what I have always heard of your great kindness of heart and sweet urbanity of
manner, that you are too much of a gentleman ever to propose such a monstrous state of
things. You would scorn such vulgarity, I am sure you would.
“ Therefore, mon cher Bishop, do not take from us our bowings and our processions; do
not attempt to pluck away from our pretty altars one of the handsome vases that at present
decorate it; pray leave us in the undisturbed enjoyment of our flowers, and allow us to sing
in any way we please. Believe me, such habits
are not in the tiniest bit theatrical—on the con-
trary, they are not half theatrical enough. Only
let us perform the service according to our
manner of thinking, and I will engage that there
shall be as great a rush of carriages outside as on
any night when Sophie Cruvelli is singing. If
I had my way, not a seat should be let for mss
money than the price of a stall at Drury Lane.
Why not have ivory crosses for St. Paul’s in the
same way that yon have bones for Covent
Garden ?
“ I beseech you, my dear good-natured angel
of a Bishop, to attend to my little trifling wishes.
They are, at best, but mere bagatelles. Now,
if you only will, I promise you I will work you
a pair of beautiful embroidered braces. Hut I
know you will, that’s a dear.”
\For obvious reasons,' ice suppress the sig-
nature, but the original, written oh
scented paper, lace-edged, may be seen at
any time at our Office.
"f®—
The next Instrument of Torture that will
PROBABLY BE INVENTED IN THE WAY OF SHIRT
Collars.
A Joke for Exeter Hall.
It is not often that we take a liberty with the
name of a private individual, but really the
Reverend Jarez Inwards must excuse us, if
the temptation has, in his case, been too much
for us. When we look at the Reverend Gentle-
man’s name in its constant association with pious
objects, we cannot help feeling that there is
something rather appropriate in the little regard
that may be supposed to be felt by the Reve-
rend Jabez Inwards for all ^Externals.
We pause for a Reply.
“Dear Punch,—In your number of the 6th
inst. you remark on the scarcity of rags m Ireland,
and the consequent advance in price of that com-
modity. Please say in your next if ragamuffins
are available for any purpose ; and if so, what is
the present value of John Mitchel.
“ Yours truly
“ One who wishes to Know iiis own Value.’'
The Czar of Paupers.—Who is the poorest
man in the world but Nicholas Romanoff f
For surely be is the worst Off by far.
Vol. 26.
7—2