Punch: Punch (33.1857)

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96 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 5, 1857.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

onday, August 24. The un-
seemly conduct of the
Speaker, who in his exul-
tation at the close of his
first Session, kicked his
costly wig into the air,
reminds Mr. Punch that
Mr. Speaker Denison
has as yet scarcely come
up to Speakership mark.
He has been too easy. He
should take example from
Mr. Punch, and never per-
mit any one to presume to
answer him, or to contro-
vert his judgment. He has
not been quite sufficiently
mindful of the fact, that in
the first assembly in the
first country in the world,
he, Denison, is the First
Man. We hope that during
the recess he will acquire a
little more sternness, and
we should advise him to
have all his Ossington male
domestics into the stable-
yard, every morning, and
row them savagely (making compensation in their wages), until he
finds that he has attained sufficient powers of rebuke. Or let him
take some mastership of hounds for a season, and he will soon learn the
art. of putting down objectionable people. With these remarks, all for
bis good, we forgive him for kicking his wig, and we wish him a
pleasant holiday.

Parliamentary proceedings during the last week of a Session are
usually mere formalities, occasionally enlivened by a bit of temper on
the part of people who are angry at being detained in town. On
Monday, in the Lords, the highly ridiculous conduct of Lord Bedes-
dale on the previous Friday was brought up again. He had attempted
to overthrow the Divorce Bill by a sudden and irregular trick, for
which he had been soundly castigated by Lord Lansdowne, apropos
of whose name, we hear (and are glad to hear, if the circumstance
affords satisfaction to one whom everybody honours) _ that the
venerable Marquis is to be made Duke of Kerry. It is only an
act of common justice to Lord Cranworth, of whom we have not
often been able to speak in eulogistic terms, that on occasion of
Bedesdale's trick, he put himself into the most furious and boiling
rage in which an infuriated Chancellor ever seethed. 0 si sic omnia!
Bedesdale was obliged to abstain from hostility that night, and this
evening he had to make the best of his behaviour, and interrupted
business for a long time with his explanations. The Commons'
Amendments to the Divorce Bill were then brought forward, and
Bedesdale moved their rejection. He was defeated. They were
discussed, and all were agreed to, except two, one of which was the
introduction of words giving the Quarter Sessions a jurisdiction in
divorce cases. The Lords, who live a good deal among country gen-
tleman, and know their logical habits, want of prejudice, and general
fitness for the judicial office, quietly expunged this passage, winking
gravely at one another. The story may as well be finished at once.
Next day the Government suggested to the Commons not to stick out
for these two amendments, and they did not. This, the same evening,
was signified to the Lords, and the Divorce discussion closed. And
now that the bill is complete, Mr. Punch, in fulfilment of his pledge to
that effect, presents, in another column, a masterly explanation of the
law of the land in regard to Divorce.

Lord Palmerston said that the remnant of the Atlantic Cable was
not the property of Government, and he could not think of asking for
inonev to buy it, and lay it down to India. A plan, however, for car-
rying it from Alexandria to Kurrachee (Wiscount Villiams and Mr.
Cox may like to know that this latter place is in India—in Scinde in
fact, near the mouths of the Indus) has been laid before the public,
and had it been carried out a few months ago, half the misery which
has occurred might have been prevented.

Tuesday. Lord Pamwure presented the Report on Promotion in
the Army, and begged that it might receive only half the attention it
deserves, because it was signed by only half the Commission appointed
to draw it up. We should regret to notice inconsistency in Lord
PaNMURE, and were therefore glad to see him nobly and firmly adhering
to his practice of always doing things by halves.

Keating said that Bethel had not made up his mind whether he
should or should not pitch into Glover, lately expelled from Beverley

a Peer of Lord Bobert Grosvenor. Napoleon said that he made
a King of Ml rat in order to bring the article, King, into contempt.
This remark does not apply to Lord Robert, of whom, barring that
he is a Sabbatarian and a Homceopathist, nothing can be said to his
prejudice (to adopt an Irish lady's formula of self-defence), but why
should he be made a Peer? Wre suspect that it is all the weather's
doing, and that Her Majesty thought that it was too hot to make a
fuss about such a trifle as a peerage, and Mr. Punch has the honour to
agree with Her Majesty. When a Comet has been absorbed into the
Sun (Sir Isaac Newton's theory—vide Things Not Generally Known)
and the human race is parboiling, and can only keep itself from utterly
vanishing by constant infusions of iced claret, cup, who is going to be
bothered about a coronet ? Hayter moved a new writ for Middlesex,
and both Houses adjourned until the Friday.

Friday. Both Houses met to receive their quietus. While the
Commons awaited the Black Rod, anybody said anything that occurred
to him, just as actors, when somebody who ought to come on keeps the
stage waiting, approach one another and make serious gestures. Mr.
McMahon complained that the fathers of unlawful Irish babies could
not be compelled to maintain them ; Lord Palmerston mentioned that
Government would help the Kurrachee Railway Company so far as it
could be done without aid from Parliament; Mr. Mangles said that
the East India Company had sent out orders to give ample assistance
to all persons reduced to destitution by the rebellion: and Sir De
Lacy Evans began a speech on the Purchase of Commissions, when
there was a cry of " Here's the Rod."

The Commons having arrived in the House of Lords, a piece of
remarkable legerdemain was performed. A heap of parchment lay on
a table before a long clerk. He made a bow, and said La Peine le
Veut. At the self-same moment a large part of the Ecclesiastical
Court came down with a crash, and disclosed a beautiful new Court
of Marriage and Divorce, and blazing in Hymeneal saffron-
coloured letters the words, Quis Separabit.

The applause having ceased, Lord Cranworth read a speech to the
following effect: —

" My Lords and Gentlemen,

" The Queen says, she is much obliged to you, and you may go.

"Europe seems as likely to keep the peace as not, and we hope that
some of these days the Danubian questions will be settled.

" The Bengalese have broken into rebellion, and barbarities have
been committed. Please Providence, the 'powerful means at the
Queen's disposal' will enable her to give a good account of the
miscreants. ' No measure calculated to quell these disorders

shall be omitted.'

" Gentlemen cf the House of Commons,
" Thanks for Supplies and Promises.

" Glad you redeemed the Sound Dues without adding to the debt.

" My Lords and Gentlemen,

" Very much obliged indeed for your kindness to dear Victoria
Adelaide Mary Louisa.

" You have really done a good deal in a short Session.

" The Wills Act was much wanted.

" The Divorce Act was particularly desired.

" The Fraudulent Trustees Act was earnestly asked.

" The Transportation Act was loudly called for.

" The Joint Stock Banks Acts was peremptorily demanded.

" The Irish Bankruptcy Act was terribly needed.

" The Scotch Lunatics Act was clamorously required.

" The Scotch Police Act was literally bellowed for.

" And all the other Acts which you nave passed were just the things
necessary to save the Country until February.

" Hope you '11 find the birds plentiful, and just wild enough for good
sport.

" Heaven bless you ! "

Lord Cranworth then declared Parliament prorogued until
November. He had mentioned the Fifth, but overhearing a young
lady who was looking at him say, "There's a Guy," he laughed and
looked down to his paper, and so found that, as usual, he had made a
mistake. So he amended his declaration and fixed the day for Friday,
November the Sixth, when Parliament will not meet. And now
universal space is left to the Dictator to use as he will—to—

" Hang all the sky with his prodigious signs,
Fill Earth with monsters, drop the Scorpion doWD
Out of the Zodiac, or the fiercer Lion ;
Shake off the loosened globe from her long hinge,
Roll all the world iu darkness, and let loose
The enraged winds to tear up groves and towns."

No, Mr. Ben Jonson ; no. Palmerston is doubtless eager to do
all this and more, for the Russian Papers, and the American Papers,
and the Penny Papers avouch it, but—vigilans in cede—is, as ever,

For some inconceivable reason, the Queen has been advised to make 1 f£UR» ]B&$£yb.,