Punch: Punch (33.1857)

October 24, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

173

OUR CITY POEM.

E see that the poet Alexander
Smith, who reminds us (in his
Christian name) of the poet Alex-
ander Pope, has published recently
some " City Poems" in a volume
price fiye shillings, which on that
account, if for no other, we may not
unfairly call his crowning work.
We will not quarrel with his way of*
dealing with the subject: for having
yet read only the first three lines of
his book, it would be unjust in us
to speak of it with harshness. To
our minds the word " City " is sug-
gestive rather more of business than
of poetry, and there is no harm in
our showing what kind of City
Poem we ourselves might have
produced, had not Mr. Smith been so lucky as to have forestalled'us.
Our production will, of course, be now complained of as a plagiary, but
Mr. Smith himself has been so much accused of this, that we feel
sure he will excuse our keeping him in countenance. We frankly own
that we have parodied his opening line, but its "elegant simplicity "
reminded us of that for which the Three per Cents are noted, and its

Irons were strong : yarns, wools and cottons weak:
Tallows changed hands without much change of price:
Some stir in coals : in middling sugars none :
Coffees and teas both somewhat weaker seemed,
But rums were stronger: and, a strange, strange fact,
Feathers hung heavy in the holder's hands.

More I had learned : but on such rapid wheels
Time rolls away, man reads and has to run:
I started up, but ere my shoes were tied,
Our one domestic panted at my side.
(She's housemaid, cook, and errand girl, and " nuss ")
" Please, Missis says, you've been and missed your 'bus !"

THE CAMELLIA BKEALALBANICA.

Now, dear Lord Chamberlain ! Now, beloved Breadalbane.
Are you not a nice kind of Licencer of Plays ? Come, come, no turn-
ing up the aristocratic nose at a subject so contemptible—the business
is your business, and you are paid (excuse our vulgarity) singularly
well for neglecting it. We insist upon being listened to.

" Not hear us. By your salary, but you shall! "

At a place called Rochester (somewhere in Kent, my Lord) the
inhabitants were considered to be in so stupid and stagnating a state of
virtue, that it was thought well to introduce among them a little vice,

connection with the City was therefore so apparent that we could not j™* ,*9 them aWare °f ^ °Wu Pef/ectr10»- a humane

b it adont it theatrical manager announced a drama called the Lady of the Camellias.

t i Your Lordship—although a Lord Chamberlain—must know, by this

Without further explanation than the case seems to demand, we
beg the critic's " kyind indulgence " to our

CITY POEM.

The other day I sat upon my chair,

As I am wont to do at breakfast-time,

And 'tween the spoonfuls of my second egg _

Swallowed choice morsels of my borrowed Times.

With equal relish sucked I the contents

Of new-laid shell, and newly-printed sheet;

And inwardly alike digesting both,

Nourished my body while I fed my mind.

The cream of the Court news I quickly skimmed,

Finding, as usual, it was mere sky-blue:

Then followed I the 'leaders ' some six words

(For time was pressing), and with sad wry face

Gulped down a mouthful of bad Indian news.

Being a business man, my appetite

Is keener set for Trade Intelligence,

Than politics, or home or foreign news.

With gusto therefore turned I to the page m

Which tersely chronicles the rise and fall

Of funds, and markets, and those Joint Stock Shares

Wherein I've dabbled, like a green, green goose,

And now would gladly lave my hands of them.

There learnt I that Consols had yesterday
Opened with firmness at one-eitrhth advance ;
But, through the pressure of effected sales,
Ere noon they to their former price returned,
And closed, inanimate, at a slight decline.
The discount market still continued tight,
Tho' first class bills on easier terms were done ;
Money at former rates in brisk demand—
As when, with me at any rate, is't not ?

In railways, banks, and miscellaneous stocks
But little change that day had taken place.
.Mines had however some improvement shown:
Wheal Kitty " asked for," and Wheal Down " more up,"
Wheal Alfred, firmer, Lady Bertha brisk,
And bidders too for my W heal Mary Ann—
A wheal whereby may I ne'er come to woe!

The list of bankrupts anxiously I scanned,
In fear of meeting some familiar name;
Then, much relieved, the Mark Lane news I marked,
How the arrivals bad been large and good,
How the best samples had with ease gone off,
While for the worse there was a dull demand:
How peas and beans had been in good request
(Bad news for buyers of " Pure Wheaten Bread"),
And fine old malt more money had obtained—
Giving less hope of going down in beer.

The cattle markets had much briskness shown,
Both sheep and beasts were sensibly advanced,
But calves less active, and—more wondrous yet—
There had been quiet in the pig-market.
The Trade Report but slight improvement showed;

time, what the subject of such a piece is, for you certainly read the
Times, and cannot forget the scathing denunciation righteously poured
upon the opera of La Traviala. A drama founded on that opera
must be still more offensive, because vocalists emit notes, not words,
whereas the actor sends home the idea and language to every spectator.
And it is again worse, because the ineffable abomination of M. Dumas,
fils, is thrust forward in the above title—Punch cannot even allude to
what Lord Breadalbane sanctions. Well, my Lord, some people in
Rochester have heard of the character of the atrocity, and send a
remonstrance to the Chamberlain's office. Mr. Donne, your delegate,
(a scholar and a gentleman, who discharges a thankless office to the
satisfaction of all who have business with him) sends to Rochester
for the piece, reads it, and to make what sort of a communication to
the manager have you, Lord Breadalbane, reduced that gentleman ?
This is it.

" i have examined the drama, entitled the Laxly of the Camellias, and find it to
correspond so nearly with the opera of La Traviata, which has been licensed by
the l<>rd Chamberlain, that i shall not put any impediment in the way of your
performing it at Rochester."

Mr. Bunch takes it, that blushing is not a Chamberlain's accom-
plishment, or such a letter must make your Lordship's face resemble
BardolpKs, as described by the Page, (characters by Shakspeare, a
dramatic author of other days, my Lord,) "He called me, my Lord,
through a red lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from the
window ; at last I spied his eyes."

WALK UP, AND BEHOLD THE WONDERFUL!

A Pastoral, according to the derivation of the word, means a dis-
course delivered by a shepherd; but the compositions issued under
that name by Cardinal Wiseman, Dr. Cullen, and the other
foreigners who call themselves bishops and archbishops in this country,
are at variance with its etymology. The turgid circumlocution of
those un-English addresses renders them quite dissimilar to the
phraseology of shepherds, but very much like the eloquence of the
keeper of a wild-beast show. We may perhaps be allowed to carry
the comparison a little further, and to suggest that suiting action to
word, some of the pastoral-promulgators may_ almost be imagined in
the act of stirring up the Royal Bengal Tiger with a long pole in the
shape of a crosier. Certainly, they are putting their heads in the Lion's
mouth.

A Trifle from Shoe-L^ne.

Two gentlemen were disputing, rather warmly, about the degree of
stature required for the Army, but couldn't agree as to the precise
height. " Probably you are not aware," said one, " that the standard
has been reduced lately ? " " Oh ! yes, but I am," answered the other
gentleman; " every fool knows that the Standard's reduced now to
Twopence."—Morning Herald.

sticking to the shop.

The Linendrapers' Shopmen declare, that they cannot think of going
to India; the Cape, they say, would be somewhat more in their line.