Punch (35.1858)

ISO

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 30, 1858.

THE HOKSE HIDING ITS DIMINISHED HEAD.

ome Correspondent of
the Delhi Gazette in-
forms us, that at Al-
lahabad they have a
regiment of camels,
400 strong. It must
be a most bumptious
corps, we should say,
and must easily take
the rise out of any
crack regiment that
was petted by the pri-
vate purse of a Lord
Cardigan. Has the
regiment been pecu-
liarly formed out of
compliment to the

imperious person, instead of "riding the high
Horse," may be accused of "riding the high
Camel." By the bye, is not Monsieur le
Chameau familiarly called, "the vessel of the
desert?" It would look, therefore, as if our
Indian authorities, by converting a squadron of
these swift-sailing vessels into a regiment of
swift-footed Camelry, had some intention of
instituting a new corps of Horse-Mariaes ? Is
it true that the sailor and the soldier can
navigate the huge vessel with equal ease ?

PLAIN AND TRUTHFUL TESTS.

'Sir Colin Camels?"
Some zealous Rajah,
just beginning to mut-
ter our language, may
have stumbled over
the half-joke. Any-
how, this camelry (for
it would be a kind of
bull, to call it cavalry)
answers capitally. The
animals are distin-
guished, principally, by the bump of obedience. As a Frenchman would say, "Us ont la bossc
de la docilite." Of course, as the advantages of the system become better known, there will
be in time "Light Camelry" and "Heavy Camelry." Camel races will then follow, and
the mess-room table will be enlivened by various interesting conversations, arising out of
the sale and purchase of spirited camels. A. regiment of Camelopards may afterwards
follow. The new introduction may even change the turn of many of our proverbs, and a proud

The Test or a Good Husband.—Look at the
key-hole of the latch-key on the street-door. If
the paint is not rubbed off two or three inches
round it, if the edges are as sharp and clean as
when the door was first painted, you may be
Commander-in-Chief? : sure that it is a truthful indication of a Good
Are they called the ; Husband, who is most regular, and so early as
scarcely ever to have occasion to use his latch-
key ; or supposing he does, is so accurate in his
aim as to be able to hit the key-hole the very
first time of aiming at it. How many husbands,
who go home late, would be able to do the
same ?

The Test of a Good Young Man.—This
test takes pretty nearly the same circle as the
above. However, instead of the street-door,
look at his watch. If the key-hole, where it is
wound up, is bright, and without the smallest
marginal note; if there are no scratches, run-
ning in a giddy maze round it, such as betray
decided marks of fumbling, you may look upon
it as the shining mirror of a Good Young Man,
whose hand, when he goes to bed, is as steady
as his conduct has been during the day.

A CONJUGAL REVELATION.

" My dear Mr. Punch,

" Did you ever hear the remark, that women are curious .
beings ? Carious may be here used in two senses—namely, inquiring,
and singular. If you never did, I present you with the aphorism for
your ingenious columns. 1 propose, as your friend Lord Macaulay
says, to illustrate the word, in both its senses, by a little anecdote.

" I was talking with my wife, the other morning, in as amicable a
manner as the topics which wives are so very much in the habit of
pres.ing upon us will allow. I had successfully resisted an evening :
party, had compromised a claim for new dresses for herself, sister j
(resident with us), mother-in-law (resident with us), and the girls, had ,
mildly combated the eternal propositions that our house is too small, !
and out of the way, and that I have no pride in my family, or I should
give them more advantages, had consented to purchase a box at the
Princess's Theatre for Saturday night, and had half-promised to take
on myself some bills which iu all honour and propriety should come
out of the housekeeping money. And it not occurring to Mrs.
Wobbles that she had anything else particularly disagreeable to say,
she was good enough to allow the conversation to take a more general
turn.

" ' I called and saw_ some very interesting things yesterday, Maria,'
I said, ' on my way to chambers.'

" ' I thought you went out of the house in such a hurry because you
were late,' retorted my wife, whose memory is' an unpleasant one.
' I'm sure I almost had my nose snapped off because I happened to
be fi^e minutes late at breakfast (it was five-and-twenty). I wonder
you had time to make calls.'

"Mot replying to the taunt, I proceeded, Sir, in my usual mild but
instructive way:

" ' I saw some of the most .. interesting autographs and beautiful
specimens of books and bookbinding that I ever met with.'

" ' Indeed!' said Mrs. W., with coldness. I will do her the justice
to say that she has great power over herself, and seldom will she permit
herself to display interest in anything if she sees that it interests me.

" ' Yes,' 1 said, 'I did indeed,' and turning to my sister-in-law,Emma,
(who, I think I may say, speaking impartially as becomes a man, is a much
more agreeable person than her sister,) I proceeded. ' I had the pleasure
of perusing some autograph letters, iu beautiful preservation, from Mary
Queen of Scots, Sir VValter RalEigh, Francis the First, Charles
the Pirst, and Second, Oliver Cromwell, and numerous other
historical persons.'

" ' La!' said Emma, who is civil if she is ignorant.

" ' I also saw an autograph of Shakspeare, attached to a deed.'

"'La!' said the well-intentioned Emma again.

" ' And as for books, there were some exquisite specimens. Prayer
Eooks that had belonged to Kings and Queens, bound in velvet,
studded with jewellery, or covered with embroidery, and with beautiful
pictures. There was the first edition of Shakspeare, and of Paradise
Lost, and of Robinson Crusoe, the original proclamation offering
£100,000 for the head of the Pretender, and his counter-proclamation
offering £30,000 for that of King George the Second, a set of
plajing cards made at Nuremb&rg iu 1583, a playbill printed in the
Arctic regions, on leather, the Admirable Crichton's original challenge,
printed at Venice in 1580, a Livy, in vellum, that was sold for £903—'

" ' What a memory you have,' said Emma.

" ' My dear, 1 haven't told you a twentieth part of the interesting
things 1 saw.'

" ' Of course you can go and see such things,' said Mrs. Wobbles.
' It would never occur to you to get me a sight of them.'

" ' My dear, I did not think you cared about such things.'

" ' Oh, of course. Now, it just happens that I would give the world
to see what you have mentioned. 1 adore such curiosities, and you
know it well.'

" ' Iu that case, my love, put on your bonnet after breakfast,
to-morrow, and you shall see all these, and more.'

" ' I should much like, Tom. Who has the collection ? Would he
like me to come ?'

" ' I will answer for that, my dear.'

" ' But where is it?'

" ' Close by, my dear. In fact, in the British Museum, Great
Russell Street.'

" ' What? There ! Where anybody can go, any scrub, or servant
girl out for a holiday ?'

"'lam happy to say, my love, that, thanks to Mr. Wintsr Jones,
any person can see them by simply walking through the libraries.
Does that lessen the authenticity or interest of the things ? '

" ' Ob, I don't want to go tliere;' said my wife, contemptuously.
' By the way, you must leave money for the water-rates, I forgot to
tell you; and Bressummer the builder, wants his bill, and—'

" But she is not your wife, Mr. Punch, and has no right to annoy
you. I had only a little story to tell. It is told, and I am

" Your obedient servant,

" Goiter Street." " Thomas Wobbles."

" Mathews at Home."—Iu London Assurance.