DOI issue:
October 30, 1858
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16622#0188
October 30; i858.j
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
18I
A STAIRCASE FULL OF LAWYERS.
OUR SECOND FLOOR.
tjr Second Floor, except for
the purpose of developing
the peculiarities of our little
world, might be passed over
altogether, as the tenants
of neither set of chambers
are interesting specimens of
legal men. Jack Wrangle
occupies the whole right
hand set of chambers, and
Grab and Snob, attorneys,
when he commenced the
study of the law in Me..
Slowcoach's chambers, he
had not been many months
at work before he acquired
a sufficient insight into the
principles to enable him to look up points and argue them with the
other pupils. His chief delight was to coach up some case, and lay
man-traps for poor Mb. Slowcoach, and, with an air of great deference,
to ask him some abstruse question, for the sole purpose of putting him
out of his depth; and he would even go so far as to hint indirectly
that Slowcoach should return him his fee, and allow him to go else-
where, as he did not get all the instruction which he had a right to.
Wrangle's sole pleasure is in dissension and strife; he is not a bad-
hearted man, far from it; but he is constitutionally argumentative on
all subjects. If he gains a verdict in a cause, he maintains that the
jury have given it on wrong grounds, and it was a mere toss-up which
way they went, as they never understood the point; if^ the verdict
goes against him, he always takes exceptions to the judge's summing-
up, and at the beginning of the following term he is sure to move for
a new trial.
" Whenever any great cause is likely to be compromised to the
satisfaction of plaintiff and defendant, by a verdict being taken on
certain points, up jumps Jack Wrangle as amicus curia, and points
out that such a verdict cannot be taken consistently with the pleadings;
and when any great trial which involves the interests of all the com-
mercial world is concluded, out comes a pamphlet, entitled, The
Verdict in Rogers v. Rogers, considered by John Wrangle, Esq.,
Barrister-at-Law ; the result of which is, that the sanguine men are
plunged into the depth of despair, and the doubting men are rendered
as unhappy as ever. Wrangle is the sort of man to take a pickaxe to
open a lady's locket, and to use a toothpick to undo the lock of
Newgate.
" In private and extra-legal life, the same dissentious disposition
breaks out in a fresh place. At the meetings of the company in which
lie holds shares, Wrangle is always getting up a cabal against^ the
Directors; when there is a small dividend, he declares that it is
owing to the jobbing and intrigue of the board; and when the dividend
is good, he maintains that the accounts are cooked, and the profit is a
myth, which has been paid out of the capital ot the company.
" The first time I met Wrangle was at a dinner-party at Madame
Entrees, and it so happened, that I was fortunate enough to see the
Evening Paper at the Club just before starting, and had the pleasure
of taking with me the Report of the Peace with Russia. You know,
Mr. Punch, the delight of arriving with good news amongst a mixed
company ; it gives one a kind of letter of recommendation to every-
body ; guess my horror, therefore, when Jack Wrangle instantly
exclaimed, ' I don't call it good news at all; there never should have
been a war, Sir!' and he went on to explain that the whole quarrel
with Russia was a job of Lord Palmerston's and quoted several
authorities by which his Lordship ought to have been tried for High
Treason. ' Talk of a day of thanksgiving for the Peace,' he exclaimed,
' if there is such an absurdity got up, I shall go to Chambers all day,'
'And I,' whispers little Jack Worldly, 'shall take a day's fly-fishing
with Ton Hackle.'
"Now, let us look into Messrs. Grab and Snob's chambers, but as
we value our pockets and peace of mind, don't let us sit in the Client's
chair, that stool of repentance which has made many a heart ache and
many a pocket bleed. Snob is merely a Mrs. Harris, being one of
feeds on his species like the pike, and decoys credulous young men with
a little money into a partnership, but makes the place "too hot to hold
them when they are once in the saddle, and after a year or two, he
cajoles or bullies them into a dissolution, taking care never to lose any-
thing by the transaction.
" To all appearance, Grab is an open-hearted man, and there is a bluff
manner about him which inspires confidence in those who don't know
him. He is thoroughly alive to every point of his profession, and it is
all the same to him whether a Client talks to him about Common Law,
Chancery, or Conveyancing, as he is quite ready for any emergency,
and the dirtier the work the better he likes it. Grab, however, is not
a rogue in grain, but from temptation. Costs are the aim and object
of his existence, and by some extraordinary fatality all his Clients drift
into Chancery. If a will is brought to him to prove, Grab frowns and
throws up his eyes, and suggests doubts, which doubts invariably end
, in a friendly suit, and which friendly suit makes a very long stay in the
those on the ieit. _ Court; for he generally contrives to be Solicitor for both parties,
J ACKQ Wrangle is tiie though sometimes, to Grab's horror, the Court directs that the Infants
son ot a bu. iancras vestry- should be represented by some other Solicitor, and then the suit
man, and has from his birth speedily dies out.
inherited a quarrelsome na- j « Geab does a little Bill-discounting, but not openly; there is gene-
ture, which was lostered at rally some dirty hanger-on under the name of a Client who frequently
school where he squabbled calls 0Q GeaBj and the form of booking attendance, and making out
over his marbles and dis- bills of costs against this Client is kept up, and his name is used as
puted the umpire s decision j ^ numerous actions. From the fact of Grab constantly advancing
atcncket. Inmaturerjears, j money £0 him on personal security, and the hanger-on's actions being
all for money lent on Bills of Exchange, it is-casually rumoured in the
office that Grab is the real Plaintiff, and that the money due on the
Bills is his own, as the proceeds of the actions always go to Grab's
private account.
"Mr. Punch, if you ever get into a squabble with a Jew attorney
(which Heaven forbid), and want to outwit him, and are not particular
about paying a handsome figure in costs, go at once to Mr. Grab—
under any other circumstances let me recommend you to Messrs.
Easy, Bluff Mufe, and Gruhe, who occupy the whole of our
First Floor."
THE SUPERIORITY OF THE MALE SEX.
Phcebe and Tom are looking out of windoiv, on a very rainy day, the
Grecian and Roman nasal feature of each mournfully flattened against
the plate-glass panes.
Phcebe {who, in the language of colours, may be denominated " a fast
Blue"). Yes ! your sex has great advantages over ours. I only wish
I had been born a man.
Tom. And why ? Now, tell me, Phcebe ?
Phcebe. Because, you see, you strong creatures have no fear of the
wet—you can brave the mud—and don't mind, if it comes in your way,
being splashed by an omnibus, or a cab or two ! Whereas we, delicate
souls, can't stand the rain ! A lady can't put on a Mackintosh, and
go out in a drenching shower like this. Man can be warranted, like
those preserved meats, to keep in any climate. But it's very different
with a Woman. Too frequently, we are put for days and days together
on the same shelf as our new bonnets, and can only venture out in fine
weather. Thus, Tom, with a stronger desire for seeing, and a much
greater claim for being seen, a Woman sees one-third less of the world
tnan a Man does, inasmuch as, my dear boy,—and may I go to Con-
fession, if it isn't true !—it rains in this beautiful climate regularly one
day out of every three. There, now, what do you say to that ?
[This elaborate speech, worthy of a female House of Commons, i*
concluded amongst a derisive series of very loud " Hear!
Hears !" from Mr. Tom.
Exile in Spain.
In an article relative to the respectable Colonel Waugh, the
Times described that honest gentleman as having retired " to the
genial climate of Spain." The climate of Spain, no doubt, is genial to
Colonel Watjgh, in comparison with that which is too hot to hold
him; and it is also congenial to one who, though a fugitive from his
native country, must feel quite at home among the freemen who have
emancipated themselves from Spanish bonds.
By the bye, now we have no longer any Botany Bay—would Spain
object to take our convicts ?
several partners whom Grab has taken in the last fifteen years, for Grab ' off Miles.
Shortfellow Sums up Longfellow.
Miles Standish, old Puritan soldier, courts gal Priscilla by proxy,
Gal likes the proxy the best, so Miles in a rage takes and hooks it:
Folks think he's killed, but he ain't, and comes back, as a friend, to
the wedding.
If you call this ink-SiANDisH stuff poetry, Punch will soon reel you
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
18I
A STAIRCASE FULL OF LAWYERS.
OUR SECOND FLOOR.
tjr Second Floor, except for
the purpose of developing
the peculiarities of our little
world, might be passed over
altogether, as the tenants
of neither set of chambers
are interesting specimens of
legal men. Jack Wrangle
occupies the whole right
hand set of chambers, and
Grab and Snob, attorneys,
when he commenced the
study of the law in Me..
Slowcoach's chambers, he
had not been many months
at work before he acquired
a sufficient insight into the
principles to enable him to look up points and argue them with the
other pupils. His chief delight was to coach up some case, and lay
man-traps for poor Mb. Slowcoach, and, with an air of great deference,
to ask him some abstruse question, for the sole purpose of putting him
out of his depth; and he would even go so far as to hint indirectly
that Slowcoach should return him his fee, and allow him to go else-
where, as he did not get all the instruction which he had a right to.
Wrangle's sole pleasure is in dissension and strife; he is not a bad-
hearted man, far from it; but he is constitutionally argumentative on
all subjects. If he gains a verdict in a cause, he maintains that the
jury have given it on wrong grounds, and it was a mere toss-up which
way they went, as they never understood the point; if^ the verdict
goes against him, he always takes exceptions to the judge's summing-
up, and at the beginning of the following term he is sure to move for
a new trial.
" Whenever any great cause is likely to be compromised to the
satisfaction of plaintiff and defendant, by a verdict being taken on
certain points, up jumps Jack Wrangle as amicus curia, and points
out that such a verdict cannot be taken consistently with the pleadings;
and when any great trial which involves the interests of all the com-
mercial world is concluded, out comes a pamphlet, entitled, The
Verdict in Rogers v. Rogers, considered by John Wrangle, Esq.,
Barrister-at-Law ; the result of which is, that the sanguine men are
plunged into the depth of despair, and the doubting men are rendered
as unhappy as ever. Wrangle is the sort of man to take a pickaxe to
open a lady's locket, and to use a toothpick to undo the lock of
Newgate.
" In private and extra-legal life, the same dissentious disposition
breaks out in a fresh place. At the meetings of the company in which
lie holds shares, Wrangle is always getting up a cabal against^ the
Directors; when there is a small dividend, he declares that it is
owing to the jobbing and intrigue of the board; and when the dividend
is good, he maintains that the accounts are cooked, and the profit is a
myth, which has been paid out of the capital ot the company.
" The first time I met Wrangle was at a dinner-party at Madame
Entrees, and it so happened, that I was fortunate enough to see the
Evening Paper at the Club just before starting, and had the pleasure
of taking with me the Report of the Peace with Russia. You know,
Mr. Punch, the delight of arriving with good news amongst a mixed
company ; it gives one a kind of letter of recommendation to every-
body ; guess my horror, therefore, when Jack Wrangle instantly
exclaimed, ' I don't call it good news at all; there never should have
been a war, Sir!' and he went on to explain that the whole quarrel
with Russia was a job of Lord Palmerston's and quoted several
authorities by which his Lordship ought to have been tried for High
Treason. ' Talk of a day of thanksgiving for the Peace,' he exclaimed,
' if there is such an absurdity got up, I shall go to Chambers all day,'
'And I,' whispers little Jack Worldly, 'shall take a day's fly-fishing
with Ton Hackle.'
"Now, let us look into Messrs. Grab and Snob's chambers, but as
we value our pockets and peace of mind, don't let us sit in the Client's
chair, that stool of repentance which has made many a heart ache and
many a pocket bleed. Snob is merely a Mrs. Harris, being one of
feeds on his species like the pike, and decoys credulous young men with
a little money into a partnership, but makes the place "too hot to hold
them when they are once in the saddle, and after a year or two, he
cajoles or bullies them into a dissolution, taking care never to lose any-
thing by the transaction.
" To all appearance, Grab is an open-hearted man, and there is a bluff
manner about him which inspires confidence in those who don't know
him. He is thoroughly alive to every point of his profession, and it is
all the same to him whether a Client talks to him about Common Law,
Chancery, or Conveyancing, as he is quite ready for any emergency,
and the dirtier the work the better he likes it. Grab, however, is not
a rogue in grain, but from temptation. Costs are the aim and object
of his existence, and by some extraordinary fatality all his Clients drift
into Chancery. If a will is brought to him to prove, Grab frowns and
throws up his eyes, and suggests doubts, which doubts invariably end
, in a friendly suit, and which friendly suit makes a very long stay in the
those on the ieit. _ Court; for he generally contrives to be Solicitor for both parties,
J ACKQ Wrangle is tiie though sometimes, to Grab's horror, the Court directs that the Infants
son ot a bu. iancras vestry- should be represented by some other Solicitor, and then the suit
man, and has from his birth speedily dies out.
inherited a quarrelsome na- j « Geab does a little Bill-discounting, but not openly; there is gene-
ture, which was lostered at rally some dirty hanger-on under the name of a Client who frequently
school where he squabbled calls 0Q GeaBj and the form of booking attendance, and making out
over his marbles and dis- bills of costs against this Client is kept up, and his name is used as
puted the umpire s decision j ^ numerous actions. From the fact of Grab constantly advancing
atcncket. Inmaturerjears, j money £0 him on personal security, and the hanger-on's actions being
all for money lent on Bills of Exchange, it is-casually rumoured in the
office that Grab is the real Plaintiff, and that the money due on the
Bills is his own, as the proceeds of the actions always go to Grab's
private account.
"Mr. Punch, if you ever get into a squabble with a Jew attorney
(which Heaven forbid), and want to outwit him, and are not particular
about paying a handsome figure in costs, go at once to Mr. Grab—
under any other circumstances let me recommend you to Messrs.
Easy, Bluff Mufe, and Gruhe, who occupy the whole of our
First Floor."
THE SUPERIORITY OF THE MALE SEX.
Phcebe and Tom are looking out of windoiv, on a very rainy day, the
Grecian and Roman nasal feature of each mournfully flattened against
the plate-glass panes.
Phcebe {who, in the language of colours, may be denominated " a fast
Blue"). Yes ! your sex has great advantages over ours. I only wish
I had been born a man.
Tom. And why ? Now, tell me, Phcebe ?
Phcebe. Because, you see, you strong creatures have no fear of the
wet—you can brave the mud—and don't mind, if it comes in your way,
being splashed by an omnibus, or a cab or two ! Whereas we, delicate
souls, can't stand the rain ! A lady can't put on a Mackintosh, and
go out in a drenching shower like this. Man can be warranted, like
those preserved meats, to keep in any climate. But it's very different
with a Woman. Too frequently, we are put for days and days together
on the same shelf as our new bonnets, and can only venture out in fine
weather. Thus, Tom, with a stronger desire for seeing, and a much
greater claim for being seen, a Woman sees one-third less of the world
tnan a Man does, inasmuch as, my dear boy,—and may I go to Con-
fession, if it isn't true !—it rains in this beautiful climate regularly one
day out of every three. There, now, what do you say to that ?
[This elaborate speech, worthy of a female House of Commons, i*
concluded amongst a derisive series of very loud " Hear!
Hears !" from Mr. Tom.
Exile in Spain.
In an article relative to the respectable Colonel Waugh, the
Times described that honest gentleman as having retired " to the
genial climate of Spain." The climate of Spain, no doubt, is genial to
Colonel Watjgh, in comparison with that which is too hot to hold
him; and it is also congenial to one who, though a fugitive from his
native country, must feel quite at home among the freemen who have
emancipated themselves from Spanish bonds.
By the bye, now we have no longer any Botany Bay—would Spain
object to take our convicts ?
several partners whom Grab has taken in the last fifteen years, for Grab ' off Miles.
Shortfellow Sums up Longfellow.
Miles Standish, old Puritan soldier, courts gal Priscilla by proxy,
Gal likes the proxy the best, so Miles in a rage takes and hooks it:
Folks think he's killed, but he ain't, and comes back, as a friend, to
the wedding.
If you call this ink-SiANDisH stuff poetry, Punch will soon reel you