Punch (37.1859)

.20

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 17, 1859.

TURCOS SOLDIER MAKING HIMSELF AT HOME IN A PARISIAN FAMILY.

A HUMAN CANDLE.

Mr. William Palmer, of the celebrated
Patent Candle firm, was brought the other day
before Mr. D’Eyncourt, and fined for suddenly
springing out of a railway carriage, and falling
on his side, and not being hurt.

Nothing can be more improper than need-
lessly to risk one’s life or limbs, except the
risking anybody else’s. But we seem to see a
sort of apology for Mr. Palmer. He had pro-
bably been musing upon his own business, and
considering how he could improve the structure
of the Candle Lamp that bears his name. Now
it is the faculty of genius to become absorbed in
the object of its study, and as it were to amal-
gamate therewith. Mr. Palmer was perhaps
fancying himself to be a Patent Candle, and was
1 brooding, with a visionary spring under him,
upon that abominable jerk with which the
candles, so acted upon, sometimes leap upwards,
to the ruin of a midnight student’s sensitive
nerves. “Yes,” mused Mr. Palmer, “that is
the mischief. I (as Candle) jump so,”—and the
action expressed the word; and out he shot,
to the scandal of the officials, who have no
souls.

We are very glad that he was not hurt, and
shall be more glad if the incident helped him to
j the required inspiration.

THE TESTIMONIAL TABLET.

The preternatural spread of the Testimonial system, which now
includes in its parasitical embrace every kind of person to whom any
other kind of person can make a toad-offering, renders it impossible for
| the public to keep itself “posted up” in the records of humbug,
without some other aid than that of the puff paragraphs manufactured
by the recipients of these presents. Mr. Punch, with his usual frantic
zeal to serve society, has therefore undertaken to publish an occasional
programme of Testimonials about to be offered, and will thus at once
supply information, and hints for imitation.

Any particulars which parties may wish should be thus advertised,
must be sent to Mr. Punch's office, in sealed envelopes, with the cards
of the parties. And where the person to receive the Testimonial is not
the person paying for it at the silversmith’s or elsewhere, that fact is to
be stated, not necessarily for publication, but as a guarantee of good
faith.

TESTIMONIALS FOR NEXT WEEK.

Dr. Gentian Lobes, from the paupers of the Squanderley Union,
a case of lancets, in testimony of their sense of his unvarying, &e.,
humane, &c, indefatigable, &c., and of their hopes that in setting up
in a new town (as advertised), he will meet the success which his, &c.

Mr. Barnabas Bloke, the worthy landlord of the Dirty Table-
Cloth, Drury Lane. A few gents wishing to pay a tribute to the high
: character, sterling honesty, liberal principles, and convivial character

j of “mine host,” have, entirely unknown to himself, subscribed fora
silver punch bowl. Subscription list still open in the parlour and at
| the tap.

The Honourable and Reverend Onesimus Mealymoutiier,
minister of St. Thorax, Pimlico. The married ladies of his flock have
worked a richly-embroidered counterpane, and the unmarried ladies an
elegant table-cover, and the two ornaments for bed and board will be
| presented in the Vestry after Vespers.

Captain Bellowmore of the Bumper, river steamer, Some parties,
“ fond of the weed,” who are in the habit of coming into town from
Chelsea of a morning by the Bumper, have decided on presenting the
gallant Captain with a handsome Meerschaum, in testimony of his
superior civility and navigation. A poetical address, written’ for the
occasion by Mr. Sallow Sicker, will be recited.

The Countess oe Backrent. The Earl’s tenantry have subscribed
to present her ladyship with a portrait of his lordship, in testimony of
their gratitude for her kind intercession to prevent their rents being
raised during a season of agricultural depression. The picture will
be presented by Mr. Jonas Grinderby, his Lordship’s respected
agent.

Mr. Marmaduke de Skivers, manager of the Scrubberton Theatre.
A bust of Shaksfeare, and a bacon-toaster, will be presented by the
members of his company and a few admiring friends, in testimony of
his transcendent services to the British drama, his unexampled genius
as an actor, ms unparalleled honour as a manager, his unsurpassed
energy as a man, and his unequalled piety as a Christian.

Mr. James Crusher, Superintendent of Police. The donkey-
drivers accustomed to ply lor hire on Hampstead Heath have joined to
present this active, gallant, and humane officer with a silver guard-
chain in testimony of their sense of the mingled kindness and firmness-
with which he preserved order on the heath during the summer
season.

Bamlington Cramlington-Cramlington, Esq., M.P. The Elec-
tors of Crouchbury have subscribed to present a testimonial to this
young gentleman (who came of age in May last, and was chosen at the
general election), in token of their sense of the services which they are
certain lie will render to his country during a long and splendid Par-
liamentary career.

Mr. Lusiiy Nipfs, the respected potman at the Hobblers’ Arms,
Southwark. The ostlers in the yard, a few of the right sort.among the
cabmen on the adjacent stand, and some other choice spirits, present
Mr. Nifps with an elegant Sunday hat, in token of respect and esteem
for his prompt and impartial administration of beer.

Mr. Slimy Bullfrog, steward to the Most Noble the Marquis of
Everclack. The upper and inferior servants in his Lordship’s employ
present Mr. Bullfrog with a handsome iron fire-proof safe, and gold
Bramah key, in testimony of the truly gentlemanly way in which he
has for many years enabled them to avail themselves of the vaiious
advantages of aristocratic service.

Mr. Piggs Kin, the distinguished jock. Some gents meeting in
Bride Lane present this excellent jock and worthy creature with a
silver watch, in token of their gratitude to him for having known so
exceedingly well what o’clock it was in the recent race for the Swindle
Shillings, and his determined and successful roping of the favourite in
that struggle.

Gripe Diddle, Esq., Solicitor. The articled pupils, clerks, porter,
laundress, stationer, copyists, and messenger in the service of the
respected firm of Skinnum, Basper, Screwboy, and Diddle, present
the last named gentleman with a congratulatory testimonial on his
being received into partnership with the old and established house now
called or known by the names aforesaid. The memorial takes the form
of a miniature deed chest, made of wood of the Old Eleet Prison, and
mounted in silver from a melted down snuff-box formerly in the pos-
session of the late James Greenacbe, Esq., deceased.

Lord Blare De Goutpille. The interesting occasion of this
nobleman having been permitted by his eminent medical attendant.
Dr. Crapaud, to be wheeled out upon his terrace after his long illness,
inspired some of his tenantry with the idea of presenting him with a
memorial of so delightful an event, and a subscription having been
originated, a beautiful little model, in gold, of a Bath chair, (with
working wheels, &c.,) will be proffered to his lordship, with an appro-
priate address by the Bev. Simon Toadstool,. on the first day that
Lord De Goutpille’s unfortunate relapse will enable him to re-
ceive it.

Mr. Bulky Clutcher, head tout at Doctors’ Commons. A silver
mug will be presented to this worthy and respected individual by his |
fellow touts, in acknowledgment of his fairness and urbanity towards
themselves, and his extraordinary genius in detecting, from among the