DOI Heft:
September 17, 1859
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16864#0132
September 17, 1859.] PUNCH, OR THU LONDON CHARIVARI. 121
mugs of a thousand passers-by, that of the person with a matrimonial
1 propensity.
: Mb. Fungoyd, beadle of St. Mungo in the Park. The pew openers,
| charwomen, sexton, bell-ringers, and organ-blowers of St. Mungo
resent this worthy official with an elegant cane, in admiration of his
ignified conduct as a minister of the church, and of his affable
benignity as a fellow-servant of the altar.
THE ENGLISH VANDAL.
“ The memorials at the Redan have been respected. There is disfiguring writing
upon them, but it is English!’-—Times Correspondent.
is, pious hands, on the Ile-
dan,
liaised tributes to our brave
who fell;
The valiant Russian is a
Man,
The Russian guards those
tombstones well.
Yet scribblings on the stone
you scan.
Who scrawled them, a., too
plain they tell.
5Tis the vulgar dog of an
Englishman,
The scrawling, scribbling
Englishman,
Who would scratch his
name, for “a bit of a
game,”
On the Koh-i-Noor, would
the Englishman.
His name’s on allR statues,
all over St. Paul’s,
On marble slabs, and on
whitewashed walls,
Where scarcely a monkey
or school-boy crawls
You ’ll find the coarse and
contemptible scrawls
Of the mischievous ass, the Englishman.
On Pompey’s Pillar he makes his sign,
On the Pyramid’s top he cuts his line,
On the Crystal Palace’s tower so fine.
There is not a rafter that does not shine
With the pencil-lead of the Englishman.
Set him down on a nice new bench,
Two minutes more, with a jerk and a wrench
He’s digging the names of himself and his wench;
0, if we could borrow a leaf from the French,
And teach good sense to the Englishman.
The glass of the carriage in which he rides,
The handsome mirror mine host provides,
The window wherever the snob abides,
The humble sign-post bis way that guides.
Are scribbled upon by the Englishman.
In Lichfield’s aisle lie two little dears.
Young mothers moisten the marble with tears,
The Cunningham-Chantrey Babes,—for years
Appeared thereon, and perchance appears,
The scrabble of many an Englishman.
On the top of the church, in the bathing machine.
On the walls of the Castle that holds his Queen,
On the arch of the cloister damp and green,
On the seat of the pew, there’s sure to be seen
The mark of the scrawling Englishman.
And now to the grim Crimea he goes,
And there where the bones of his dead repose
(Honoured by honoured and valiant foes)
He’s at it again, and Europe kn°ws
The fellow is—only an Englishman.
Whoever does such a sneaking job
At home or abroad is a rascally Snob,
And whoever may spy him, Jules, Wilhelm, or Bon,
, Will oblige Mr. Punch by punching the nob
Of a coarse and a mischievous Euglishman.
Wiscount Williams, while reading that the King of Qude em-
ployed Ills prison hours iu writing to his numerous Begums, resolved
to ask the Secretary for India next Session, if it was his intention to
instruct Lord Canning to have his Majesty prosecuted for Begummy.
THE STEAM CAT.
The fast-improving spirit of the age has occasioned an active revival
of the wholesome punishment of Flogging in the Army. At Coldbath
Fields, and probably at other prisons, there is proceeding a restoration
of the same good, old discipline. Much mawkish sentiment has been
excited by the circumstance, that at Woolwich, the other day, the
diseased back of a soldier was lashed with a degree of violence a little
too sanguinary. Therefore, lest the Cat should afford a handle to
hollow philanthropists, by which they may succeed in wresting it from
the control of colonels, and the grasp of drummers and executioners,
it is expedient that some means should he provided for regulating the
force with which the stripes are applied to the human skin, and the
extent, to which they lacerate it. For this purpose, an ingenious
invention has been submitted to the Horse Guards, in the shape of a
Flogging Machine. This clever contrivance is worked by steam, by
the power of which the momentum of the lash can be precisely
adjusted. At high-pressure, it exerts a quantity of Jack-Ketch power
sufficient to lay bare the ribs and dorsal vertebra; of a muscular
grenadier at one stroke; but perhaps it will seldom be required to
perform this amount of action, at least in the present stage of our
civilisation. When less steam is put on, it will, according to the
reduction, tear and scratch the back to a depth varying from half an
inch to less than a line,—will produce mere wheals, or only a slight
redness; and may, indeed, be made to “ do its spiriting” so “gently,”
as simply to cause a pleasing titillation, and to ply the cat with such
leniency that its stripes would be just sufficient to whip the dust off an
officer’s boots. This machine will render the military and civil autho-
rities independent of a soft-hearted executioner, and will save them
from the excessive zeal of one whose heart is too much in his work.
To the civil prescribers of flagellation this instrument of torture will
prove an especial boon, as it will enable them to inflict the exact
amount of torment they please on the criminals in their power, instead
of the uncertain agony of a whipping obscurely signified by the loose
and indefinite terms, “good,” “sound,” and “severe.” One further
advantage presented by this interesting application of machinery must
not be omitted: it is so constructed that, whilst at work, it may be
made to utter a scream like that of the railway-whistle, in which, the
shrieks of the sufferer under its operation may be drowned if required.
This engine of correction has received the warmest approval in a
distinguished quarter, in which it has been pronounced a pretty piece
of mechanism. Its introduction will mark, if not a new era,, at least a
return to an old one; and the rack, improved by modern science, will
no doubt be re-established soon after the establishment of the Flogging
Machine.
SCOTCH PLUSH. *
Plaid is commonly considered a fabric peculiar.to Scotland; but
plaid, as a specially Scotch article, is in danger of being superseded by
plush. Here is a pattern of that commodity advertised by a Caledonian
contemporary:—
'THE PRINCE OF WALES BIBLE.—-From an anxiety on the part
J- of some of the best families iu Town to procure copies of the above Bible, the
Subscriber begs leave to iutimate that he has placed sheets iu the hands of his
Binder, which, he trusts, will be ready by Monday. Meantime, a fac-simile of the
Prince’s Bible may be seen at the Edinburgh Bible Warehouse, together with a
beautiful copy of the Scriptures presented in 1S53 to Her Majesty and Prince
Albert, through the Duke of Athole.
Pertinax M‘Sycophant, Proprietor, South Bridge.
Is this not plush of which one might almost be excused for saying
Neplush ultra? Truly, here is your plush of the most vivid thunder-
aud lightning. The sheets iu the hands of M'Sycopbant’s binder will
surely come out of them bound in that material, which will be more
suitable to the edition than even the most, brilliant red Morocco, which
might represent it as blushing for its title. Plush without blush is
the publisher’s proper symbol. Curiously enough, the sacred volume
which might have plush for its lids, has already plush of the same
colour in its original preface,—plush pieced in there in servde adula-
tion of that “most dread Sovereign,” who, by the way, was a Scotch
monarch. To the respect of M’Sycophant, and to the reverence of
the creatures whom M'Sycophant addresses,.the Bible is commended
by its association with royalty; and the plain Scriptures are not so
precious as those which have been consecrated by having been pre-
sented in 1353 to Her Majesty and Prince Albert, through the
Duke or Athole.
WILAT WILL THIS COST TO PRINT? is a thought often oc-
VV curring to literary minds, public characters, and persons of benevolent inten-
tions. An immediate answer to the inquiry naturally occurs also to every sane
person, “Much more than it is worth: and I will therefore expend the money,
first, in purchasing a complete set of Punch, where I shall find all I have to say
infinitely better said for me ; and, secondly, in increasing my life assurances, by
which means I shall leave behind me writings for which my posterity will rcau/
be grateful.”
mugs of a thousand passers-by, that of the person with a matrimonial
1 propensity.
: Mb. Fungoyd, beadle of St. Mungo in the Park. The pew openers,
| charwomen, sexton, bell-ringers, and organ-blowers of St. Mungo
resent this worthy official with an elegant cane, in admiration of his
ignified conduct as a minister of the church, and of his affable
benignity as a fellow-servant of the altar.
THE ENGLISH VANDAL.
“ The memorials at the Redan have been respected. There is disfiguring writing
upon them, but it is English!’-—Times Correspondent.
is, pious hands, on the Ile-
dan,
liaised tributes to our brave
who fell;
The valiant Russian is a
Man,
The Russian guards those
tombstones well.
Yet scribblings on the stone
you scan.
Who scrawled them, a., too
plain they tell.
5Tis the vulgar dog of an
Englishman,
The scrawling, scribbling
Englishman,
Who would scratch his
name, for “a bit of a
game,”
On the Koh-i-Noor, would
the Englishman.
His name’s on allR statues,
all over St. Paul’s,
On marble slabs, and on
whitewashed walls,
Where scarcely a monkey
or school-boy crawls
You ’ll find the coarse and
contemptible scrawls
Of the mischievous ass, the Englishman.
On Pompey’s Pillar he makes his sign,
On the Pyramid’s top he cuts his line,
On the Crystal Palace’s tower so fine.
There is not a rafter that does not shine
With the pencil-lead of the Englishman.
Set him down on a nice new bench,
Two minutes more, with a jerk and a wrench
He’s digging the names of himself and his wench;
0, if we could borrow a leaf from the French,
And teach good sense to the Englishman.
The glass of the carriage in which he rides,
The handsome mirror mine host provides,
The window wherever the snob abides,
The humble sign-post bis way that guides.
Are scribbled upon by the Englishman.
In Lichfield’s aisle lie two little dears.
Young mothers moisten the marble with tears,
The Cunningham-Chantrey Babes,—for years
Appeared thereon, and perchance appears,
The scrabble of many an Englishman.
On the top of the church, in the bathing machine.
On the walls of the Castle that holds his Queen,
On the arch of the cloister damp and green,
On the seat of the pew, there’s sure to be seen
The mark of the scrawling Englishman.
And now to the grim Crimea he goes,
And there where the bones of his dead repose
(Honoured by honoured and valiant foes)
He’s at it again, and Europe kn°ws
The fellow is—only an Englishman.
Whoever does such a sneaking job
At home or abroad is a rascally Snob,
And whoever may spy him, Jules, Wilhelm, or Bon,
, Will oblige Mr. Punch by punching the nob
Of a coarse and a mischievous Euglishman.
Wiscount Williams, while reading that the King of Qude em-
ployed Ills prison hours iu writing to his numerous Begums, resolved
to ask the Secretary for India next Session, if it was his intention to
instruct Lord Canning to have his Majesty prosecuted for Begummy.
THE STEAM CAT.
The fast-improving spirit of the age has occasioned an active revival
of the wholesome punishment of Flogging in the Army. At Coldbath
Fields, and probably at other prisons, there is proceeding a restoration
of the same good, old discipline. Much mawkish sentiment has been
excited by the circumstance, that at Woolwich, the other day, the
diseased back of a soldier was lashed with a degree of violence a little
too sanguinary. Therefore, lest the Cat should afford a handle to
hollow philanthropists, by which they may succeed in wresting it from
the control of colonels, and the grasp of drummers and executioners,
it is expedient that some means should he provided for regulating the
force with which the stripes are applied to the human skin, and the
extent, to which they lacerate it. For this purpose, an ingenious
invention has been submitted to the Horse Guards, in the shape of a
Flogging Machine. This clever contrivance is worked by steam, by
the power of which the momentum of the lash can be precisely
adjusted. At high-pressure, it exerts a quantity of Jack-Ketch power
sufficient to lay bare the ribs and dorsal vertebra; of a muscular
grenadier at one stroke; but perhaps it will seldom be required to
perform this amount of action, at least in the present stage of our
civilisation. When less steam is put on, it will, according to the
reduction, tear and scratch the back to a depth varying from half an
inch to less than a line,—will produce mere wheals, or only a slight
redness; and may, indeed, be made to “ do its spiriting” so “gently,”
as simply to cause a pleasing titillation, and to ply the cat with such
leniency that its stripes would be just sufficient to whip the dust off an
officer’s boots. This machine will render the military and civil autho-
rities independent of a soft-hearted executioner, and will save them
from the excessive zeal of one whose heart is too much in his work.
To the civil prescribers of flagellation this instrument of torture will
prove an especial boon, as it will enable them to inflict the exact
amount of torment they please on the criminals in their power, instead
of the uncertain agony of a whipping obscurely signified by the loose
and indefinite terms, “good,” “sound,” and “severe.” One further
advantage presented by this interesting application of machinery must
not be omitted: it is so constructed that, whilst at work, it may be
made to utter a scream like that of the railway-whistle, in which, the
shrieks of the sufferer under its operation may be drowned if required.
This engine of correction has received the warmest approval in a
distinguished quarter, in which it has been pronounced a pretty piece
of mechanism. Its introduction will mark, if not a new era,, at least a
return to an old one; and the rack, improved by modern science, will
no doubt be re-established soon after the establishment of the Flogging
Machine.
SCOTCH PLUSH. *
Plaid is commonly considered a fabric peculiar.to Scotland; but
plaid, as a specially Scotch article, is in danger of being superseded by
plush. Here is a pattern of that commodity advertised by a Caledonian
contemporary:—
'THE PRINCE OF WALES BIBLE.—-From an anxiety on the part
J- of some of the best families iu Town to procure copies of the above Bible, the
Subscriber begs leave to iutimate that he has placed sheets iu the hands of his
Binder, which, he trusts, will be ready by Monday. Meantime, a fac-simile of the
Prince’s Bible may be seen at the Edinburgh Bible Warehouse, together with a
beautiful copy of the Scriptures presented in 1S53 to Her Majesty and Prince
Albert, through the Duke of Athole.
Pertinax M‘Sycophant, Proprietor, South Bridge.
Is this not plush of which one might almost be excused for saying
Neplush ultra? Truly, here is your plush of the most vivid thunder-
aud lightning. The sheets iu the hands of M'Sycopbant’s binder will
surely come out of them bound in that material, which will be more
suitable to the edition than even the most, brilliant red Morocco, which
might represent it as blushing for its title. Plush without blush is
the publisher’s proper symbol. Curiously enough, the sacred volume
which might have plush for its lids, has already plush of the same
colour in its original preface,—plush pieced in there in servde adula-
tion of that “most dread Sovereign,” who, by the way, was a Scotch
monarch. To the respect of M’Sycophant, and to the reverence of
the creatures whom M'Sycophant addresses,.the Bible is commended
by its association with royalty; and the plain Scriptures are not so
precious as those which have been consecrated by having been pre-
sented in 1353 to Her Majesty and Prince Albert, through the
Duke or Athole.
WILAT WILL THIS COST TO PRINT? is a thought often oc-
VV curring to literary minds, public characters, and persons of benevolent inten-
tions. An immediate answer to the inquiry naturally occurs also to every sane
person, “Much more than it is worth: and I will therefore expend the money,
first, in purchasing a complete set of Punch, where I shall find all I have to say
infinitely better said for me ; and, secondly, in increasing my life assurances, by
which means I shall leave behind me writings for which my posterity will rcau/
be grateful.”