Punch (37.1859)

130

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[September 24, 1859.

Angelina (entering
seaside dress."

tlie sanctum suddenly).

See, Charles—look at dear Baby in her neiv
[Startling, but unexpected effect on Charles.

ITALY’S PARTIAL SUCCESSES.

{A Song from the Moniteur.)

Confound you Italians! myself, you rascalions,
^ Your conduct extremely distresses.

Great objects unheeding—these hence not suc-
ceeding—■

You seek little partial successes.

Successes so little, that we gain no tittle,

My policy all in a mess is,

Because you derange it, and force me to change it
By those little partial successes.

I feel an objection to that wrong direction
In which your new freedom progresses:

Your Princes expelling, and thus by rebelling,
You win little partial successes.

I had for you other designs which you bother—
In short, what I wish to impress is,

My end. whilst I’m bent on, your own you’re
intent on—

All those little partial successes.

French Idiosyncrasy.

A French Paper boasts that Erance of all
nations, is the only one that goes to war for an
idea. England at any rate, fights no more on
that account. She is not such an idiot.

OUR CHINESE MISSIONS.

We shall never succeed in the attempt to
Christianise those Chinese barbarians, unless we
contrive to get somewhat higher than to Cant—on.

A SMALL POPE PIUS.

We read in the Papers that a few days ago there appeared before
Mr. Long, at Marylebone, a Roman Catholic priest, named Robert
Smith, “attached to the Roman Catholic Chapel, Kentish Town,”
charged with an assault upon a child named John Cox. The evidence
was as follows:—■

“ John Norwood, residing near the chapel, said that on Sunday evening he saw
several children, among whom was the complainant, at the door of the chapel, who
were knocking at the door. The defendant came out, upon which the children ran
away. They were followed by the defendant, who upon coming up to the com-
plainant struck him with his hand, when he fell. While complainant was on the
ground he was struck by the defendant three or four times. When he got up his
mouth seemed full of blood and his cheek was grazed.

“ In answer to the defendant, he said he had no stick.

“ Mary Cox, complainant’s mother, stated that her son was four years and five
months old. She fetched him from the chapel, when she found his mouth, nose,
and cheek bleeding.

“ The defendant stated that he did not knock the complainant down, and that he
ell while he was running away.

“ Defendant was fined 10s., which was paid.”

The Reverend Robert Smith appears to have been so very much
“ attached,” as the reporter says, to his chapel, he could not bear its
door to receive a kuock from the hand of a child. Little children are
evidently not suffered to come to that temple. The Reverend Robert
Smith defended himself, and stated that he did not knock the com-
plainant down. Probably this was true, the hurry of a child of four
years old to get out of the way of a full grown and furious clergyman
being quite enough to cause it to tumble, and we should be sorry to
see a minister of religion unjustly accused. But the Reverend
Robert Smith had nothing to say, according to the report, to the
charge of beating little Johnny Cox when he was down, or, if he
did say anything on the point, the Magistrate did not believe
the Reverend Robert, and mulcted him in ten of his namesakes. It
will. doubtless be a lesson to his. Reverence, but Father Punch, in
addition, hereby prescribes to the sinner, for liis soul’s health, to say
nineteen Paternosters every morning before breakfast for a week, and
while doing so, to meditate upon the meaning of the words (if he under-
stands Latin), and consider whether frightening babies till they fall
down and make their faces bleed, and wopping them when down, is a
proceeding exactly in accordance with the spirit and teaching of the
orison he is repeating.

But, culpa nostra ! The Reverend Robert will have a triumphant
answer for impertinent heretics. Who is Mr. Punch ? Is he to dictate
to the clergy ? Let the profane party mind his own business. Is not
the Reverend Mr. Smith simply imitating the head of his own

church, His Holiness Pope Perugia? Of a surety he is. Were not
the poor little Perugians knocking, in a small but possibly troublesome
way at the door of the Yatican, begging for liberty. And what did
the Pope to his children ? Why, even as did the Reverend Robert
Smith to the children of Kentish Town. Rushing forth frantically
in the form of a Swiss Guard, he, Pope Perugia, stabbed, shot, and
slaughtered his troublesome children by way of a lesson in holy living
and dying. Kay, the Reverend Smith smote a child of the ripe age
of four years, but the Reverend Pius caused an actual baby in arms
to be killed, because it had been decorated with a cockade of a colour
misliked at Rome. The Kentish Town priest is not equal to his

cist 01*

Smith is fined Ten Shillings. Pius is not yet hi custody. But
there is good hope that ere long the Italian culprit will be fined a
Crown.

DUET POR DOON.

“ Lord Derby is so indignant at tlie concealment, by bis tenants in Doon, of the
well-known murderer of Mr. Crowe, tliat bis Lordship has given orders to evict
them all.”—Irish Payer.

Derby.

Ye banks and braes of bonny Doon, .

How can ye bloom so fresh and fair,

How can you Irish turn a tune
While you conceal a murderer there ?

I ’ll break it up, that rascal gang,

That screens the man who lurks to slay ;

And if the scoundrel does not hang,

By George, I ’ll clear you all away.

Punch.

All social lessons, good my Lord,

Must be the patient work of time,

And driving folks from bed and board,

Is scarce the way to hinder crime.

But bid the Priest (whose curse hath awe
Eor those who own a Popish king)

Command his dupes to aid the law,

Or, as accomplice, let him swing.

The Waiter’s Epitaph.—“ Coming, Coming! ”

The Auctioneer’s Epitaph.—“ Going, Going, Gone ! ”