Punch (37.1859)

1G0

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 15, 1859.

Waiter. “ Yes, Sir.
that very ’ill, Sir.”

Artist (abstractedly). “ Oh, indeed! Was he an Artist ?”
Waiter (indignantly). “ Oh, no! Sir,—a perfect Gentleman.”

IGNORANCE WAS BLISS.

We had a Gentleman here, only last meek, as took a sketch of

“HALE! EELLOW!”

What an incarnation of grace and graciousness is our
friend Archdeacon Hale ! Some of the inmates of the
Charterhouse (perhaps Colonel Newcome among them)
have ventured to think that their quiet life, and oppor-
tunities of calmly studying events may not be disqualifi-
cations for their exercising the duty of a voter at elections.
In other words, they have sought to be placed on the
register. They are opposed—and by whom ? By Mr.
Brown for the Conservative Association, or by Mr. Smith
for the Liberal Registration, or any other persons interested
in the game of politics ? No. The man who comes down
to get the names stricken off is—Archdeacon Hale, the
Master of the Charterhouse—the man whose guests these
gentlemen are. And moreover, he succeeds in demolishing
their claims. Bless Hale, and may his pluralities never
be less !

EXTREMELY OBJECTIONABLE.

Mr. Punch cannot accord unqualified approbation to
the conduct of a gaol-chaplain’s pet, who, on taking steps
to re-establish himself in the world, left the following
impertinent liberty with Dr. Watts in the drawer of the
tradesman from whom (in his absence) the pet obtained
the means of again starting in life.

“ Why should I deprive my neighbour,

Of his goods against his will F ”

’Cos to work, myself, is a bore,

So I borrows from your till.

The Fees of Hippocrates.

In delivering the introductory lecture at St. George’s
Hospital last Saturday, Mr. Henry C. Johnson said the
student of medical history -would find “ that with Hippo-
crates originated the practice of taking notes.” But
what doctor was it who originated the practice of taking
guineas ? __

TO BE ADDED TO THE SERIES.

We are informed that “ France is the only nation that
wages war for an idea.” This idea is the newest, the most
daring, most startling, and, at the same time, the most
original of all the “ Idees Napoleoniennes.” Of itself, this
one idea is worth the whole series put together.

A WIFE ON CONSCIENCE AND BRIBERY.

“ My dear Mr. Punch,

“ As my husband was reading his paper at breakfast this
morning, he burst out laughing, and I asked what at ? So then he
read:—

“ Wakefield Election Commission, &c. &c. She told him the Yellows were a
‘ scabby ’ lot; that the Blues had been at her house, and had couuted out £36 in
gold for her husband to vote for Charlesworth ; her husband said he should violate i
his conscience if he did so, for he had promised to vote for Leatham ; and then
Mrs. Beaumont said to her husband, ‘ Put the gold in one of your pockets, and
your conscience in the other, and see which is best.’ ”

“ I said, * I am sure I don’t see what there is to laugh at in that.’

‘ No ! ’ he said, ‘don’t yon think Mrs. Beaumont’s view of conscience
very absurd ? ’ That’s how men always talk. As if conscience bad
anything to do with voting at elections and all that sort of thing.
Conscience is not stealing or cheating such as watering milk and
putting alum into bread, not giving 250 for 300 yards of cotton, not
selling an inferior dress pretending it to be the same as the one in the
window—that is what conscience is, and not anything in politics,
because they are all fiddle, and so I told William, which lie only
laughed all the more. ‘ Oh, WYlliam ! ’ I said, ‘ you stupid,’ for he
made me so angry; ‘and I’ll tell you what conscience is, besides.
Conscience is, when men go and dine at their Club, staying out
late, and keeping their poor wives sitting up, and going to the theatre
by themselves ! and having oysters for supper, and home sometimes not
till three ox four in the morning.’ And I think 1 had him there, though
he tried to laugh it off; but I said, ‘No, William, don’t tell me, con-
science begins at home! by onr own fireside, and so far from being con-
trary to voting according to your interest, a truly conscientious man
would take bis wife’s advice, and be glad of the opportunity to make a
little money to go towards housekeeping and the expenses of a family,
which his first consideration ought to be bis duty as a father and a
husband. Do pray employ your powerful pen to force that upon your

male readers, as many as have got wives, and make. them practise con-
science, instead of which those good-for-nothing politics very often only
tend to distract their attention from their business and those whom
they are bound to comfort and cherish, and I remain,

“Your constant reader whenever I get a chance,

“ Martha Tabby.”

“ P.S. What with the dreadful Income-Tax and all the other horrid
taxes that Parliament imposes upon us, I say it is only fair and
reasonable that Members should pay us something in return.—M. T.”

“ What’s Sauce for the Goose is Sauce for the Gander,”

The East Lancashire Railway Company have been fined at Preston,
because one of their Engines has been caught smoking. |

Mr. Punch, who likes his cigar while travelling, and hates to be told j
“ Smoking strictly prohibited. Sir,” can only say, “ Sarve ’em right.”

TRUE HARMONY.

Mazzini has tendered his blessing and adhesion to Victor
Emmanuel. But Verdi (one of the Parmese deputies) says, that
in the Italian opera at present performing, there is no place for the
Benediction of the Baggers.

CRAZY BEN.

As soon as the fact transpired that Big Ben was cracked, everybody
said that he ought to he sent to an asylum.

A Dinner Trait.—Mr. Gladstone always eats. with a three- I
pronged fork. Frequently is he puzzled from not knowing which prong
to begin with first. Many a beautiful chop has he lost in this way !