Punch: Punch (39.1860)

October 6, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

133

split,’ but the fact is, that Stippler, 'who had on my shooting jacket,
which is much too small for him, actually did lose several buttons in a
fit of laughter behind the Times, when he saw my foreign friend thus
gorgeously attired enter the apartment. For my part I felt sorry
for the Herr, who, to do him justice, is as good a fellow as ever swal-
lowed sauerkraut. He was evidently under an impression that he was
coming to a grand entertainment, and here were we smoking short
clays and imbibing beer like amateur coalheavers. What do I say ?
smoking? beer-drinking? If the SttJnninger had been of any other
nation than his own, I might have felt embarrassed. But when did a
Yaterlander ever refuse a weed and a glass of ale? Imploring him to
be seated (for the honest fellow was standing in the first position, and
bowing away to everyone, including Mrs. K., at the rate of ten miles
an hour), I presently divested him of his dress-coat, and lent him a
dressing-gown, enveloped in which easy garment, and pulling away at
my best Meerschaum, he soon made himself at home, and recounted
his late adventures. He had been in Town but five days, and in that
short space of time had managed to visit more lions than I ever expect
to see during the term of my natural life.

“ Of course he had been over the Tower—of which I have only once
caught a glimpse from a penny steamboat. He had penetrated into
the humid regions of the Thames Tunnel, and scaled the heights of the
Civic Monument. He had been introduced to Madame Tussatjd’s
ceroplastic celebrities, and had watched with delight the gambols of
the hippopotamus in the Regent’s Park. He had been wound up in the
ascending-room of the Coliseum, and lowered in the diving-bell at the
Polytechnic; visited the Law Courts, ‘vare I underwent,’ said the
poor fellow, ‘ a brofuse transpiration,’ the Metropolitan Prisons, the
Houses of Parliament, Guildhall—what not. He was good enough to
speak of all in terms of glowing admiration. One was * sehr hiibscli,’
another ‘ wunderschon’ His only regret was, that he had had no
opportunity of seeing Shakspeare on the British stage, ‘My frient,’
said he, ‘ I would have liked to see Harnled by Yelps or Kean in
Mow you Please It.’ He went to the Olympic, and came away shocked
at Mr. Robson’s admirable impersonation of the Venetian Jeio. He
looks upon burlesque as a sign of the decadence of the English Drama,
and censures the immortal Bard himself for his disregard of the
‘ unities.’

“ As the evening wore away, I think it was Stippler who proposed
that we should adjourn to Paddy Green’s, and afford the Stunninger
an opportunity of seeing that famous Music Hall. We summoned a
cab, and it would have done your heart good to see the Herr taking off"
his hat to the Peeler who shut the door for us. ‘ How amiable are
your constables ! ’ he exclaimed, as we drove away, and I believe he
tipped X1002 a shilling for his pains. At Green’s the Stunninger
made himself thoroughly at home, listening to ‘ The Tardy Eorsman’
‘ The Chaffing Crow’ ‘Band the Life-moat’, and other popular melodies
with the greatest enthusiasm and delight, and breaking a tumbler or
so at every round of applause. Mr. Green the well-known proprietor
tendered his snuff-box with his usual affability, and Herr Joel, at the
particular desire of a few kind friends (who have made the same
request of him any night these twenty years) favoured us with his
celebrated imitation of a male and female kingfisher, a trombone, a
hayrick, and other types of lower creation.

“ As for refreshment, there were certainly four of us, but as I
remember paying for five kidneys, three Welsh rarebits, and a chop, to
say nothing of bitter ale and gin sling, I suppose some of us must have
made a good supper.

“ I saw the Herr home to his hotel: he grasped my hand as he
wished me good night, and entered upon a long and seriously involved
sentence, in which I could just distinguish the words ‘ Gastfreiheit,’
‘ Pffianses,’ ‘ Deutschland ’ ‘ bier-drinken,’ ‘ Schiller,’ ‘ Velch-rarebid,’
‘ Gesellschaft,’ ‘ prosit Gross Brittania,’ and ‘ auf Wiedersehn.’ Then
taking a candle from the night-porter, and collecting all his energies
into one profound bow, he went slowly up to bed.

“ Faithfully yours,

Jack Easel.”

THE CRYSTAL PALACE BABY COURT.

We hear it is the intention of the Crystal Palace Company, who are
always active in administering to the wants of the pleasure-seeking
public, to open a, small Court for the reception of the Babies who in
such numbers daily honour the Palace with their presence. To ease
the minds of such Mammas as bring their Babies without nursemaids,
the Court will, be supplied with suitable attendants; and every care
will be taken in the absence of their parents to provide the infant
occupants with recreation and refreshment. A quantity of pap will be
continually on sale, and Babies who—despite of stern George Cruik-
shank—are addicted to the Bottle, will be furnished with the means
to allay their inward cravings.

Corals will be kept for all the tiny teeth in need of them, and rattles
of the newest and the noisiest description will be constantly in readi-
ness for all the little hands which may be stretched and clapped in

eagerness to seize them. A lot of baby-jumpers will also be suspended
for infants who are fond of active sedentary exercise; while for Babies
of more dormant and retiring dispositions cradles, rocked by steam,
will be let out by the hour, each one warranted to send its inmate off
to “ bye-bye ” within the limit of a brace of shakes, after tucking up
in it. In short, no pains will be spared to make the Court a pleasant
lounge and agreeable midday resting-place for all the “tiddy ittle
sings” whom their Mammas may wish to leave there, like parcels,
until called for.

The chief object of the Court is, however, not so much to please the
Babies as the public, who are now continually annoyed by squeals and
squallings, at times when such disturbance is most trying to the
nerves. It is. an aggravating thing for a connoisseur of music to find
a pack of Babies in full cry in the concert-room, when he goes there to
enjoy a symphony of Beethoven or a melody of Mozart. The power
of disturbance by a Baby with good lungs is considerably greater than
the ignorant may think. Indeed an infant’s throat, if its possessor be
in health, is one of the most powerful wind instruments we know.
A solo on the squall is quite enough to drown a solo on the flute ; in
fact, the other day as we sat hearing the Creation, the grand crash of a
chorus was completely overwhelmed by the squeals of Mrs. Bibs’s
baby just behind us.

By the opening of the Baby Court these interruptions will be stopped,
and the Crystal Palace Concerts may be heard without annoyance.
This consummation is the more devoutly to be wished, as the music
which is given there really is worth hearing, and it tries one’s temper
sadly to listen without hearing it. By the arrangement now in prospect
this aural disappointment will in future be avoided; and in common
with all lovers of the Crystal Palace Concerts we shall most heartily
rejoice when we are able to announce that the project we have men-
tioned has been put in actual practice, and that daily during concert-
time every Baby in the building has to undergo the ceremony of
presentation at the Baby Court.

NOAT AND QTJEERY.

“ Mr. Punch,

“ i ears as ow there’s a book hadwertised by the Name of the
Fiftene Decisif Battles Hof the World. Werrygood. The Fight atween
the Benishkr Boy and tom: sayers was a Hindecisif Battle. Helse
in coarse there’d a Bin cixtean Decisive Battles. _ But then Ow about
Brettle and mace? That wos a decisiv batel i shud say and Wots
yure apinnion hon the Subjack Mr. Punch? i remane,

“ Hever y ourn,

“ The Coche and Qsses, October, 1860.” “ paterformilliass.”

“ poscrip. Too to Wun on garibaldi agin Lamorisheer.”

To the Claimants of the Delhi Prize-money.—“ My fine fel-
lows, you shouldn’t grumble, though you have been kept out of your
money for more than three years; for don’t you know that Yalour, like
Yirtue, is its Own Reward.”—Sir Charles Wood.