DOI Heft:
September 7, 1861
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16868#0111
September 7, 1861 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
99
{As i
A still small voice said unto me,
“ Wilt thou not take of liberty
The six weeks that they give to thee ? ”
Then to the still small voice I said,
“ What use is a vacation fled,
Ere chin can with a beard be spread ? ”
To which the voice did urge reply,
“ To-day I saw young Brown go by
In cab with luggage piled high.
“Vacation-longings rent the veil.
Of his old husk : from head to tail
He blazed a heather-tweeded male.
“ He took the northern niglit-mail through,
Shot grouse, stalked deer, drank mountain
dew;
Nor thought upon the kites he flew.”
I said, “ Of fellows about town,
Nature moulds some as with a frown;
She smiled when she created Brown.
“ She gave him brass; to shake the bones.
Tool four-in-hand across the stones;
’Tis quite another tiling with Jones.”
Thereto the silent voice replied,
“ Humility that veileth pride !
Look through the ofiice : it is wide.
“ Than Brown—’tis truth that I rehearse—
In Treasury, as in Universe,
Are many better, many worse.”
“ Will waiting make thee more inclined
To stir? Next month thou mayst not
find
Weather so suited to thy mind.”
Then did my answer clearer fall,
“ One English month of sun ana squall
Is like another, after all.”
To which he answered, scofiingly,
“ Good Jones, suppose I grant it thee,
Who’ll care what thy six weeks may be?”
THE TWO VOICES.
d by Jones of the Treasury about Vacation
I would have said, “ Thou canst not know,”
But, as it probably was so,
I let the observation go.
Again the voice said unto me,
“Thou art as bored as bored can be;
’Twere best to cut the Treasury.
“ Thy salary scarce thyself can keep :
Up by ten pounds a year to creep!
E’en now in debt thou art chin-deep ! ”
I said, “ I may have an advance ;
If I resign, I lose the chance,
And for another berth may dance.
“ A Private Secretary’s place
I may pick up.” But he, “ To grace
Thy name of Jones ? A likely case! ”
“ I should be glad to go,” said I,
“ But how to raise the wind, whereby
My wings shall gain the force to fly ? ”
“ Think not of that,” the voice replied,
“ Thy fellow-clerks, on every side,
Still for each other’s bills provide.
“ Acceptances they’ve asked of thee;
Now, in thy turn, essay and see
If they acceptors will not be.”
I said, “ Of paper I am sick ;
The three months will come round so quick ;
No ; rather strive to stretch my tick.
“ But where is there that I can go ?
Each English wateriim-place I know;
Many are snobbish—all are slow.”
“ Baden,” the voice replied, “ is near.
Houlette thy leisure hours might cheer
And thy expenses help to clear.”
“ Or it might clean me out,” I said,
“ Down to that last rouleau of lead,
Clapped in a pistol to the head.”
“ The Bernese Oberland sublime,”
The voice replied, “ that is the cume
Where now ’tis fashionable to climb.”
Time)
I said, “ I know the fact, but Jones
Has some compassion on his bones ;
His motto’s, ‘ Easy o’er the stones.’
“ Besides—not counting risks to skin.
Hotel bills long, and commons thin,
I can not stir—-I’ve not the tin ! ”
I ceased, and sat as one forlorn,
Benumbed by that sharp voice of scorn
When sudden on the air was borne
A second voice, that at mine ear
Soft whispered, “ Be of better cheer;
Enjoy the leave, and have no fear.”
Like Patti’s voice, whene’er she takes
One’s spirit, in a brace of shakes,
And even Brown to “ Bravi /” wakes.
Such seemed the whisper at my side.
“ What is’t thou knowest, sweet voice ? ”
I cried: -
“A hidden hope,” the voice replied.
“ There’s your old Uncle—-he that made
His fortune in the India trade—
May hop the twig—or that old maid,
“ Your Aunt Grimguffin, may go hence ;
Long she has kept you in suspense,
But yon ’re her heir, if words have sense.
“ Or there’s that nice girl, with a clear
Two thousand Three per Cents, a-year,
Now looking for a husband here.”
Then forth into Whitehall I went,
And with the West-ward tide I blent,
And wondered at my discontent!
I wondered while I paced along,
The very snobs that swelled the throng
Seemed happy as the day was long.
I wondered why I had made choice
To commune with the gloomy voice,
Rather than that which said, “ Rejoice! ”
THE LADY AND THE VOLUNTEERS.
“ Dear Sir, “ Islington.
“ I hear that a large shopkeeper in the City has ordered his
young men either to get out of his shop, or to give up their Volunteer-
ing. . Quite right, too, Mr. Bunch, and I say, as a lady, that I praise
him for his spirit and his good sense. I am heartily glad of it. Since
the young men in the shops have taken to Volunteering, I have observed
a marked change in their manners, and that change for the worse.
They serve you, certainly, and I do not know that I can exactly recol-
lect any downright want of respect to me (I should soon have walked
out of any shop if I had seen that), but I have noticed that when they
have produced everything that I have asked for, and mentioned its
price, and all about it, they seem to think that no more is required
from them. One may take it, or leave it. There is much less eager-
ness to please, much less. attempt to guide your judgment and persuade
you that it is the very thing you want, much less of what—I call it -proper
attention, but what my husband (who is prejudiced) calls fawning and
servility, but which, if one is a lady and has money in one’s pocket, one
has a right to expect from the lower orders. Shopping is not shopping
if it is merely asking for what you want, buying it, and going away, and
we like to be canvassed for our favours, as you do for your votes. -1
do not approve of stuck-up young men, and I hope that you will stand
by tliis person, who has set a proper example. One of these days we
shall have the young men declining to sell ribbons and flannels, and
declaring that it is work for girls. I should like to see myself in a
shop with pert minxes waiting on me. Please to support this shop-
keeper, Mr. Punch, and believe me,
“Yours sincerely, Honoria Dawdleton.”
“P.S. I suppose the Early Closing and the Volunteer business go
together. I choose to shop in the evening, when it is cool and pleasant,
and when I have my husband (and his purse) with me. Besides, how
can you buy colours, for evening wear, by daylight ? It is preposterous.
And how are poor servant-girls to manage ? Ask any servant-girl if her
sentiments are not the same as mine. And yet you call yourself a friend
of the people! ” _
THE EGG AND THE YOKE.
(communique. )
The Emperor of the French, on the representation of an agricultural com-
mission, will shortly sanction an edict prohibiting the destruction of Small Birds ox
their eggs. ’—French Paper.
“ The Eagle suffers Little Birds to sing,
Nor is not careful what they mean thereby.
Knowing that with the shadow of his wing
He could at once abridge their minstrelsy.”
Divinest Williams ! in fine frenzy’s hour
Did’st see an Eagle (through prophetic lens)
Protect the feathered warblers, but devour
The Little Birds who make of feathers—pens ?
A Erench Journalist.
Regular Brigands.
Another Fra Diavolo, we are informed by accounts from Naples,
has turned actual friar, and founded a new Order of Monies in the
interest of Rome, under the name of the Anthropophagites. The con-
vent fare consists chiefly of roast Liberal; the Liberal generally having
been roasted alive. The brothers are allowed to indulge in this luxury
every day of the week but Eriday; when of course they are forbidden
to eat animal food.
99
{As i
A still small voice said unto me,
“ Wilt thou not take of liberty
The six weeks that they give to thee ? ”
Then to the still small voice I said,
“ What use is a vacation fled,
Ere chin can with a beard be spread ? ”
To which the voice did urge reply,
“ To-day I saw young Brown go by
In cab with luggage piled high.
“Vacation-longings rent the veil.
Of his old husk : from head to tail
He blazed a heather-tweeded male.
“ He took the northern niglit-mail through,
Shot grouse, stalked deer, drank mountain
dew;
Nor thought upon the kites he flew.”
I said, “ Of fellows about town,
Nature moulds some as with a frown;
She smiled when she created Brown.
“ She gave him brass; to shake the bones.
Tool four-in-hand across the stones;
’Tis quite another tiling with Jones.”
Thereto the silent voice replied,
“ Humility that veileth pride !
Look through the ofiice : it is wide.
“ Than Brown—’tis truth that I rehearse—
In Treasury, as in Universe,
Are many better, many worse.”
“ Will waiting make thee more inclined
To stir? Next month thou mayst not
find
Weather so suited to thy mind.”
Then did my answer clearer fall,
“ One English month of sun ana squall
Is like another, after all.”
To which he answered, scofiingly,
“ Good Jones, suppose I grant it thee,
Who’ll care what thy six weeks may be?”
THE TWO VOICES.
d by Jones of the Treasury about Vacation
I would have said, “ Thou canst not know,”
But, as it probably was so,
I let the observation go.
Again the voice said unto me,
“Thou art as bored as bored can be;
’Twere best to cut the Treasury.
“ Thy salary scarce thyself can keep :
Up by ten pounds a year to creep!
E’en now in debt thou art chin-deep ! ”
I said, “ I may have an advance ;
If I resign, I lose the chance,
And for another berth may dance.
“ A Private Secretary’s place
I may pick up.” But he, “ To grace
Thy name of Jones ? A likely case! ”
“ I should be glad to go,” said I,
“ But how to raise the wind, whereby
My wings shall gain the force to fly ? ”
“ Think not of that,” the voice replied,
“ Thy fellow-clerks, on every side,
Still for each other’s bills provide.
“ Acceptances they’ve asked of thee;
Now, in thy turn, essay and see
If they acceptors will not be.”
I said, “ Of paper I am sick ;
The three months will come round so quick ;
No ; rather strive to stretch my tick.
“ But where is there that I can go ?
Each English wateriim-place I know;
Many are snobbish—all are slow.”
“ Baden,” the voice replied, “ is near.
Houlette thy leisure hours might cheer
And thy expenses help to clear.”
“ Or it might clean me out,” I said,
“ Down to that last rouleau of lead,
Clapped in a pistol to the head.”
“ The Bernese Oberland sublime,”
The voice replied, “ that is the cume
Where now ’tis fashionable to climb.”
Time)
I said, “ I know the fact, but Jones
Has some compassion on his bones ;
His motto’s, ‘ Easy o’er the stones.’
“ Besides—not counting risks to skin.
Hotel bills long, and commons thin,
I can not stir—-I’ve not the tin ! ”
I ceased, and sat as one forlorn,
Benumbed by that sharp voice of scorn
When sudden on the air was borne
A second voice, that at mine ear
Soft whispered, “ Be of better cheer;
Enjoy the leave, and have no fear.”
Like Patti’s voice, whene’er she takes
One’s spirit, in a brace of shakes,
And even Brown to “ Bravi /” wakes.
Such seemed the whisper at my side.
“ What is’t thou knowest, sweet voice ? ”
I cried: -
“A hidden hope,” the voice replied.
“ There’s your old Uncle—-he that made
His fortune in the India trade—
May hop the twig—or that old maid,
“ Your Aunt Grimguffin, may go hence ;
Long she has kept you in suspense,
But yon ’re her heir, if words have sense.
“ Or there’s that nice girl, with a clear
Two thousand Three per Cents, a-year,
Now looking for a husband here.”
Then forth into Whitehall I went,
And with the West-ward tide I blent,
And wondered at my discontent!
I wondered while I paced along,
The very snobs that swelled the throng
Seemed happy as the day was long.
I wondered why I had made choice
To commune with the gloomy voice,
Rather than that which said, “ Rejoice! ”
THE LADY AND THE VOLUNTEERS.
“ Dear Sir, “ Islington.
“ I hear that a large shopkeeper in the City has ordered his
young men either to get out of his shop, or to give up their Volunteer-
ing. . Quite right, too, Mr. Bunch, and I say, as a lady, that I praise
him for his spirit and his good sense. I am heartily glad of it. Since
the young men in the shops have taken to Volunteering, I have observed
a marked change in their manners, and that change for the worse.
They serve you, certainly, and I do not know that I can exactly recol-
lect any downright want of respect to me (I should soon have walked
out of any shop if I had seen that), but I have noticed that when they
have produced everything that I have asked for, and mentioned its
price, and all about it, they seem to think that no more is required
from them. One may take it, or leave it. There is much less eager-
ness to please, much less. attempt to guide your judgment and persuade
you that it is the very thing you want, much less of what—I call it -proper
attention, but what my husband (who is prejudiced) calls fawning and
servility, but which, if one is a lady and has money in one’s pocket, one
has a right to expect from the lower orders. Shopping is not shopping
if it is merely asking for what you want, buying it, and going away, and
we like to be canvassed for our favours, as you do for your votes. -1
do not approve of stuck-up young men, and I hope that you will stand
by tliis person, who has set a proper example. One of these days we
shall have the young men declining to sell ribbons and flannels, and
declaring that it is work for girls. I should like to see myself in a
shop with pert minxes waiting on me. Please to support this shop-
keeper, Mr. Punch, and believe me,
“Yours sincerely, Honoria Dawdleton.”
“P.S. I suppose the Early Closing and the Volunteer business go
together. I choose to shop in the evening, when it is cool and pleasant,
and when I have my husband (and his purse) with me. Besides, how
can you buy colours, for evening wear, by daylight ? It is preposterous.
And how are poor servant-girls to manage ? Ask any servant-girl if her
sentiments are not the same as mine. And yet you call yourself a friend
of the people! ” _
THE EGG AND THE YOKE.
(communique. )
The Emperor of the French, on the representation of an agricultural com-
mission, will shortly sanction an edict prohibiting the destruction of Small Birds ox
their eggs. ’—French Paper.
“ The Eagle suffers Little Birds to sing,
Nor is not careful what they mean thereby.
Knowing that with the shadow of his wing
He could at once abridge their minstrelsy.”
Divinest Williams ! in fine frenzy’s hour
Did’st see an Eagle (through prophetic lens)
Protect the feathered warblers, but devour
The Little Birds who make of feathers—pens ?
A Erench Journalist.
Regular Brigands.
Another Fra Diavolo, we are informed by accounts from Naples,
has turned actual friar, and founded a new Order of Monies in the
interest of Rome, under the name of the Anthropophagites. The con-
vent fare consists chiefly of roast Liberal; the Liberal generally having
been roasted alive. The brothers are allowed to indulge in this luxury
every day of the week but Eriday; when of course they are forbidden
to eat animal food.