DOI issue:
September 7, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16868#0112
100
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 7, 1861.
"To destroy Moths, well pepper the edges of the carpets,” &c., &c.
Maria has adopted the above receipt.—This represents the arrival of her
Augustus, and affectionate meeting.
MR. JOHN BULL TO THE UNITED STATES.
ON BEING INVITED TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE AMERICAN LOAN.
Did you ever imagine me lending you money ?
Well, of all Yankee notions that’s far the most funny;
Lend you money!—for what when the loan you have gotten ?
Why to throw it away in withholding my cotton!
Fortune favours the brave, and your courage I own,
Notwithstanding Bull’s Run: but rare fortune alone
Can afford you success in this maddest of wars.
You’ve no visible chance to regain your lost stars.
You ’ll spend all you borrow in powder and ball.
And then have .to show for it—nothing at all.
What dividends, pray, are you like to declare
On the debt you ’ll have sunk and blown into the air ?
Why, you know that you’d not stand the slightest taxation
That you could get rid of by Repudiation,
Though of value received in the fullest fruition,
Not paying for that which has gone to perdition.
The cost of your war you expect to defray
By an Income-Tax, do you, and that who will pay ?
So keen and so smart in all matters of pelf.
To think of a Yankee assessing himself!
I know I am rather a sordid old screw,
Lending money I care not what for or whom to,
So the party is solvent, but that is, with John,
A point indispensable—sine qua non.
But, hang it, though cash I may lend to the deuce,
If secure of investment, regardless of use,
When the object is evil, and hopeless the gain,
I should be, if I so misemployed it, insane.
Last of all, to abuse me, malign, and decry,
And threaten to whip and to rob by-and-by,
Is not quite the right way, not the language and tone.
To get out of me an American Loan.
GEMS FROM THE EMERALD ISLE.
We wonder, is Her Majesty a reader of the newspapers ? If she
be, how mightily she must have been amused by the accounts which
have appeared of her visit to Killarney, and of other of her doings in
the Emerald Isle. The Special Correspondents who have followed her
about have, we think, been more than usually profuse in then- descrip-
tions, and have furnished such minute details of her demeanour that
one wonders how on earth they could have been obtained. After nar-
rating how the Town Commissioners of Mallow went through the usual
bore-ish custom of “ presenting a loyal address of welcome,” one of
the writers in describing the reception at Killarney, says:—
“ The Queen seemed greatly impressed, and highly pleased with the enthusiasm
of the people. When the corttge got down amongst them she bowed repeatedly, to
the right and left, to them with a marked and gracious manner, and frequently
smiled, with evident gratification, at the eagerness with which the peasantry, men
and women, rushed around the carriage to see and cheer. The enrteye passed the
grand entrance of Killarney House, and went down the picturesque road towards
Ross Island, when they entered Killarney demesne by the keeper’s gate, under a
triumphal arch. At Presgat Valing, the drive in this beautiful demesne, the Ken-
mare tenantry, with their families, were congregated. They presented a most
comfortable appearance, and were loud in their acclamations. In about three-quarters
of an hour the Queen arrived at the terrace in front of Killarney House, where she
was received, amid great splendour and the loud cheers of a highly respectable
assemblage, by Lord Castlerosse and his Lady. The Queen was most friendly in
her manner, and also very animated.”
As described by tbis historian, this Royal Scene appears to have
been witnessed on the stage, there is so strong an odour of the foot-
lights in the text. The groups of happy peasantry, the bowings and
the smilings, and the chorus of lond cheers, all are just what one
remembers in half-a-hundred operas that one with ease could name.
In what consisted the “ great splendour,” amid which the reception of
Her Majesty took place, it is left to every reader’s fancy to conceive;
but one can imagine how a playbill would have gloated on the
“ gorgeous appointments ” of the scene, and described the “ blaze of
brilliancy” with which it would conclude.
In a scarcely less theatrical and quite as fanciful a vein, another
writer in describing the visit to the Curragh Camp, observes:—
“ Beyond one or two Trish peasants who happened to be passing, there was hardly
a single spectator in the plain. Yet the sight was a suggestive one, though neither
very grand or very striking as a spectacle Apparently it was only three mounted
gentlemen looking on at regimental drill. Even the country people present did not
know that the Prince Consort was one of these three, or that the fair young officer
with black crape on his arm at the rear of the regiment, who was so quick in
obeymg Colonel Percy's stentorian orders, and who stood at such rigid attention
among the privates of his company till the word ‘ Officers at ease’ gave him and
others time to rest and wipe their brows, was the Prino? of Wales, the future
King of England. Yet there he was, shoulder to shoulder with Privates Smith and
Brown, and looking after his company with as much care and eager activity as all
the rest of the captains. He looked, as he always does in his uniform, remarkably
well, perhaps a little browner, and certainly more robust and formed in figure,
even, than he did on that eventful morning when he landed from the Hero, and won
the hearts of all the ladies of Halifax by standing under the arch at the dockyard
while his photograph was taken.”
The ladies of Halifax must be peculiarly susceptible if all their hearts
were won by the process here described. Of course we understand
their admiration of our Prince, of whom as Englishmen of course we are
naturally proud. But standing under an arch while one’s photograph
is taken seems to us a most unlikely way of winning female hearts.
Men seldom look more ludicrous than when they are “ placed in
osition ” by photographers, and most Adonises would find it a most
angerons experiment to let the lady of their love behold them in their
ose. It speaks volumes for the prince that he could win so many
earts while standing in (no doubt) a ridiculous position; though
whether his conquests were due more to his princedom than his person,
is a question which the ladies of Halifax may answer, but on which we
mean to keep our own conviction to ourselves.
But of all the snobbish bits of Special Correspondence with which
the British public has recently been favoured, we incline to think the
following should rank in the first place
“ Her Majesty spent a most agreeable day, and she appeared all through to be
greatly delighted. The Queen and Prince Albert repeatedly expressed their
unqualified admiration of the scenery. His Royal Highness said many portions
were sublime.”
Indeed! did he really ! Now, how on earth, Mister Special, did you
manage to learn that ? ' You surely don’t mean us to fancy that you
stood beside his elbow, and heard with your own ears the words you
put into his mouth. Penny newspaper reporters have not usually, the
privilege of entree to the Court, yet unless you were received, within
the Royal circle yon could not possibly have heard the observation you
report. As the Queen and the Prince Consort are not bereft of
eyes, of course they would admire the charming scenery of Killarney,
and no doubt their admiration would at times find, verbal vent. Celh va
sans dire to my ordinary reader, and where then is the good of snob-
bishly affecting to have heard the Royal words, and to have seen the
Royal rapture in the Royal face P It is. by such practices the Press is
lowered in repute, and people think it is the work of a vulgarian te
write for it.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 7, 1861.
"To destroy Moths, well pepper the edges of the carpets,” &c., &c.
Maria has adopted the above receipt.—This represents the arrival of her
Augustus, and affectionate meeting.
MR. JOHN BULL TO THE UNITED STATES.
ON BEING INVITED TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE AMERICAN LOAN.
Did you ever imagine me lending you money ?
Well, of all Yankee notions that’s far the most funny;
Lend you money!—for what when the loan you have gotten ?
Why to throw it away in withholding my cotton!
Fortune favours the brave, and your courage I own,
Notwithstanding Bull’s Run: but rare fortune alone
Can afford you success in this maddest of wars.
You’ve no visible chance to regain your lost stars.
You ’ll spend all you borrow in powder and ball.
And then have .to show for it—nothing at all.
What dividends, pray, are you like to declare
On the debt you ’ll have sunk and blown into the air ?
Why, you know that you’d not stand the slightest taxation
That you could get rid of by Repudiation,
Though of value received in the fullest fruition,
Not paying for that which has gone to perdition.
The cost of your war you expect to defray
By an Income-Tax, do you, and that who will pay ?
So keen and so smart in all matters of pelf.
To think of a Yankee assessing himself!
I know I am rather a sordid old screw,
Lending money I care not what for or whom to,
So the party is solvent, but that is, with John,
A point indispensable—sine qua non.
But, hang it, though cash I may lend to the deuce,
If secure of investment, regardless of use,
When the object is evil, and hopeless the gain,
I should be, if I so misemployed it, insane.
Last of all, to abuse me, malign, and decry,
And threaten to whip and to rob by-and-by,
Is not quite the right way, not the language and tone.
To get out of me an American Loan.
GEMS FROM THE EMERALD ISLE.
We wonder, is Her Majesty a reader of the newspapers ? If she
be, how mightily she must have been amused by the accounts which
have appeared of her visit to Killarney, and of other of her doings in
the Emerald Isle. The Special Correspondents who have followed her
about have, we think, been more than usually profuse in then- descrip-
tions, and have furnished such minute details of her demeanour that
one wonders how on earth they could have been obtained. After nar-
rating how the Town Commissioners of Mallow went through the usual
bore-ish custom of “ presenting a loyal address of welcome,” one of
the writers in describing the reception at Killarney, says:—
“ The Queen seemed greatly impressed, and highly pleased with the enthusiasm
of the people. When the corttge got down amongst them she bowed repeatedly, to
the right and left, to them with a marked and gracious manner, and frequently
smiled, with evident gratification, at the eagerness with which the peasantry, men
and women, rushed around the carriage to see and cheer. The enrteye passed the
grand entrance of Killarney House, and went down the picturesque road towards
Ross Island, when they entered Killarney demesne by the keeper’s gate, under a
triumphal arch. At Presgat Valing, the drive in this beautiful demesne, the Ken-
mare tenantry, with their families, were congregated. They presented a most
comfortable appearance, and were loud in their acclamations. In about three-quarters
of an hour the Queen arrived at the terrace in front of Killarney House, where she
was received, amid great splendour and the loud cheers of a highly respectable
assemblage, by Lord Castlerosse and his Lady. The Queen was most friendly in
her manner, and also very animated.”
As described by tbis historian, this Royal Scene appears to have
been witnessed on the stage, there is so strong an odour of the foot-
lights in the text. The groups of happy peasantry, the bowings and
the smilings, and the chorus of lond cheers, all are just what one
remembers in half-a-hundred operas that one with ease could name.
In what consisted the “ great splendour,” amid which the reception of
Her Majesty took place, it is left to every reader’s fancy to conceive;
but one can imagine how a playbill would have gloated on the
“ gorgeous appointments ” of the scene, and described the “ blaze of
brilliancy” with which it would conclude.
In a scarcely less theatrical and quite as fanciful a vein, another
writer in describing the visit to the Curragh Camp, observes:—
“ Beyond one or two Trish peasants who happened to be passing, there was hardly
a single spectator in the plain. Yet the sight was a suggestive one, though neither
very grand or very striking as a spectacle Apparently it was only three mounted
gentlemen looking on at regimental drill. Even the country people present did not
know that the Prince Consort was one of these three, or that the fair young officer
with black crape on his arm at the rear of the regiment, who was so quick in
obeymg Colonel Percy's stentorian orders, and who stood at such rigid attention
among the privates of his company till the word ‘ Officers at ease’ gave him and
others time to rest and wipe their brows, was the Prino? of Wales, the future
King of England. Yet there he was, shoulder to shoulder with Privates Smith and
Brown, and looking after his company with as much care and eager activity as all
the rest of the captains. He looked, as he always does in his uniform, remarkably
well, perhaps a little browner, and certainly more robust and formed in figure,
even, than he did on that eventful morning when he landed from the Hero, and won
the hearts of all the ladies of Halifax by standing under the arch at the dockyard
while his photograph was taken.”
The ladies of Halifax must be peculiarly susceptible if all their hearts
were won by the process here described. Of course we understand
their admiration of our Prince, of whom as Englishmen of course we are
naturally proud. But standing under an arch while one’s photograph
is taken seems to us a most unlikely way of winning female hearts.
Men seldom look more ludicrous than when they are “ placed in
osition ” by photographers, and most Adonises would find it a most
angerons experiment to let the lady of their love behold them in their
ose. It speaks volumes for the prince that he could win so many
earts while standing in (no doubt) a ridiculous position; though
whether his conquests were due more to his princedom than his person,
is a question which the ladies of Halifax may answer, but on which we
mean to keep our own conviction to ourselves.
But of all the snobbish bits of Special Correspondence with which
the British public has recently been favoured, we incline to think the
following should rank in the first place
“ Her Majesty spent a most agreeable day, and she appeared all through to be
greatly delighted. The Queen and Prince Albert repeatedly expressed their
unqualified admiration of the scenery. His Royal Highness said many portions
were sublime.”
Indeed! did he really ! Now, how on earth, Mister Special, did you
manage to learn that ? ' You surely don’t mean us to fancy that you
stood beside his elbow, and heard with your own ears the words you
put into his mouth. Penny newspaper reporters have not usually, the
privilege of entree to the Court, yet unless you were received, within
the Royal circle yon could not possibly have heard the observation you
report. As the Queen and the Prince Consort are not bereft of
eyes, of course they would admire the charming scenery of Killarney,
and no doubt their admiration would at times find, verbal vent. Celh va
sans dire to my ordinary reader, and where then is the good of snob-
bishly affecting to have heard the Royal words, and to have seen the
Royal rapture in the Royal face P It is. by such practices the Press is
lowered in repute, and people think it is the work of a vulgarian te
write for it.