DOI issue:
September 21, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16868#0133
September 21, 1861.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
121
if, on the one hand, I owe my country my just contribution to its
expenses, on the other it is my patriotic duty to offer all the resistance
I can to a public swindle.’ Tew doubtless are they who act on this
erroneous reasoning. There is perhaps one class of precarious incomes
which in some instances may not be quite correctly returned under
Schedule D. These are the incomes of thieves and pickpockets; who,
however, when they repent and abandon their dishonest courses, no
doubt remit all their unpaid Income-Tax to the Chancellor oe the
Exchequer under the name of conscience-money.
“Mr. D. Chadwick believes that ‘the estimated uniform rate of
one halfpenny in the pound on the capitalised value of all incomes
would produce £20,000,000 per annum.” Against the scheme of
capitalising the value of all incomes in order to subject it to the extor-
tionate uniformity of a tax of one halfpenny in the pound I protest,
‘ on behalf of fiscal equality and justice,’ which are very different
things from justice and equality as understood by the greasy vulgar.
“ I am, Mr. Punch, your obedient Servant,
‘‘ Crassus.”
THREE BOWS TO A STRING.
The subjoined advertisement, copied from the Glasgow Herald, is
rather more amusing than intelligible :—
j\ /l ATRIMONY.—Three Young Gentlemen, wishing to commence busi-
IV1 ness in Glasgow, are desirous to meet with a Young Lady, possessed of good j
looks, an amiable temper, and a few hundred pounds, with a view to Matrimony. S
The Lady will have her choice of the three Gentlemen. Address “Trio,”-
On behalf of numerous lovely beings who have applied to us with a
request to procure them suitable employment, we should like to know
whether the three young gentlemen who wish to commence business,
and who advertise for e wife amongst them, intend trading as partners,
or whether the partnership contemplated is to be simply matrimonial,
between the young lady and the young gentleman she may select out
of the “Trio.” Do they, for commercial or domestic reasons, desire to
have a wife in the firm, or is their advertisement a speculation in which
they have joined by clubbing together the means of paying for its
insertion, in order to give one of them the chance of getting a wife with
a little money ? Whichever theory may be adopted, it will too probably
be the opinion of any young lady possessing a few hundred pounds,
who may read the above announcement, that she had much better keep
her portion in her pocket than invest it in any engagement with “Trio,”
or with one of the Triad, inasmuch as in such a transaction the odds1
against her would be three to one. _ Two to one, however, is the sign or
symbol of “Trio,” and this consideration may suggest the surmise
that the business which “ Trio ” propose to commence may be that of
the minor species of money-merchant who is popularly represented as
standing towards his customers in the endearing relation of Uncle.
We cannot quit this subject without remarking that fancy depicts the
Three Young Gentlemen of Glasgow competing for the choice to be
exercised by the Young Lady on the detur pulchriori principle, by
dancing before her simultaneously to a fast tune on the bagpipe.
FEAST OF ST. SEPULCHRE.
An appetite is the usual reward of bodily exertion, but is not gene-
rally supposed to result from religious exercises. Devotion, however,
though it may not excite Protestant hunger, would, by the subjoined
announcement, cut out of the Liverpool Daily Post, appear to have the;
effect of making Catholics “peckish” :
'THE CATHOLIC CEMETERY CHURCH, FORD, will be Opened
on Sunday next, the 8th instant, at Half-past Eleven o’clock. High Mass
(weather permitting) will be sung in the open air, with full orchestra. Sermon by
his Lordship, the Bishop. Collections will be made. Admission to the Ground, 6(2. ;
Reserved Seats, Is. ; Carriages (each), Is. Refreshments will be provided on the
ground. A train leaves the Exchange Station at 9 o’clock, and Sandhills at 9 A.
The intimation that “ refreshments will be provided on the ground,”
appears to have referred to an important part of the arrangements for
the intended ceremony. It is emphatically repeated in the other adver-
tisement following, extracted from the same paper -.—
pONSECRATION OF THE CEMETERY CHURCH AT FORD,
'J by the Right Rev. Dr. Goss, Bishop of Liverpool, on Sunday next, the 8th
instant. Dinners and refreshments will be provided on the ground by Mr.
Barrett, of the London Hotel, Clayton Square. First-class Dinner, is. 6«. ; Second!
class, Is. 6d. Trains will start from Exchange Station, Liverpool, for Seaforth at
A a.m. and 1.20 p.m. *
Really, the consecration of a cemetery Church seems to be quite a jolly
affair in the estimation of some of our Catholic friends. Is it heretical to
suggest that there seems something grim in these sepulchral festivities ?
Odd notions about fasting we all ascribe to Catholics but few will be
prepared to find that their ideas of a feast are so peculiar. A pic-nic in
a cemetery does seem a strange repast. The burial-ground had not as
vet been used; otherwise tombstones might have served for tables.
What was the musical accompaniment to these stomachic solemnities ?
De profundis, followed by The Roast Beef of Old England ? The latter
chant would have been as appropriate as the former, unless “ funeral
baked meats ” were the only form of animal food consumed, on that
occasion, by the faithful.
HARVEST AT WHOAM AND ABROAD.
We’ve had a good harvest, my neighbours,
Considerun a med ha’ bin wus;
Zo now let us rest vrom our labours.
And matters in general discuss.
Our innurds wi’ drink full and mate full,
We sets here our long pipes behind,
Wliosomedever wun’t own his self grateful.
He ought to be ’prison’d and fined.
We’ve had a long spell o’ fine weather.
In state and in sason as well;
At pace and in quiet together.
Like cattle and ship we do dwell.
Whereas, for the zake o’ comparun,
When round us we takes a survey,
We looks upon Christians a tearun
Ache other like beastes o’ prey.
Sad work them there Yankees be makun •
The hogsheads o’ blood they must shea!
And fellers our own languidge spakun,
Wherein they med better ha’ read!
And ’taint only maimun and killun,
I may say, their kinsfolk and friends;
But they flings away every shillun
In powder and shot as they spends.
There’s Austria too in disquiet;
The Emperire like to be wrecked :
They’ve took away Hungary’s Diet,
And what can sitch tyrants expect ?
Then Venus, as hates ’em like pison.
Till they be stuck fast in a mess,
Bides only her time for arisun
Straightways Garibawldy cries “ Sess! ’*
In Naples the thieves and banditty.
In which is young Bombaloo’s hope,
Robs, murders, and burns without pity,
Turned loose on the land by the Pope.
And the Pope in his slippers is shakun,
For fear lest the French should goo whoam.
And lave un to save his old bacon,
By takun French leaf too from Rhoam.
The whirlwind abroad they be reapun.
Cause why ’twas the wind as they sow’d;
When the tempests be sprung up and sweepun.
In course them they sweeps must be blow’d.
So, not for to prache a long sarmon,
Let’s mind what we puts into ground.
Success then, I ’ll now say, to farmun,
Wi’ that, mates, here’s to ’ee all round.
Only a Letter.—General Forey is to command the first division
of the Army of Paris. Considering the probable occupations that await
the French army on the Rhine and in Belgium,—to say nothing of Italy
and places nearer home,—the General should change one letter of Iris
name by Imperial licence, and be henceforth General Foray.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
121
if, on the one hand, I owe my country my just contribution to its
expenses, on the other it is my patriotic duty to offer all the resistance
I can to a public swindle.’ Tew doubtless are they who act on this
erroneous reasoning. There is perhaps one class of precarious incomes
which in some instances may not be quite correctly returned under
Schedule D. These are the incomes of thieves and pickpockets; who,
however, when they repent and abandon their dishonest courses, no
doubt remit all their unpaid Income-Tax to the Chancellor oe the
Exchequer under the name of conscience-money.
“Mr. D. Chadwick believes that ‘the estimated uniform rate of
one halfpenny in the pound on the capitalised value of all incomes
would produce £20,000,000 per annum.” Against the scheme of
capitalising the value of all incomes in order to subject it to the extor-
tionate uniformity of a tax of one halfpenny in the pound I protest,
‘ on behalf of fiscal equality and justice,’ which are very different
things from justice and equality as understood by the greasy vulgar.
“ I am, Mr. Punch, your obedient Servant,
‘‘ Crassus.”
THREE BOWS TO A STRING.
The subjoined advertisement, copied from the Glasgow Herald, is
rather more amusing than intelligible :—
j\ /l ATRIMONY.—Three Young Gentlemen, wishing to commence busi-
IV1 ness in Glasgow, are desirous to meet with a Young Lady, possessed of good j
looks, an amiable temper, and a few hundred pounds, with a view to Matrimony. S
The Lady will have her choice of the three Gentlemen. Address “Trio,”-
On behalf of numerous lovely beings who have applied to us with a
request to procure them suitable employment, we should like to know
whether the three young gentlemen who wish to commence business,
and who advertise for e wife amongst them, intend trading as partners,
or whether the partnership contemplated is to be simply matrimonial,
between the young lady and the young gentleman she may select out
of the “Trio.” Do they, for commercial or domestic reasons, desire to
have a wife in the firm, or is their advertisement a speculation in which
they have joined by clubbing together the means of paying for its
insertion, in order to give one of them the chance of getting a wife with
a little money ? Whichever theory may be adopted, it will too probably
be the opinion of any young lady possessing a few hundred pounds,
who may read the above announcement, that she had much better keep
her portion in her pocket than invest it in any engagement with “Trio,”
or with one of the Triad, inasmuch as in such a transaction the odds1
against her would be three to one. _ Two to one, however, is the sign or
symbol of “Trio,” and this consideration may suggest the surmise
that the business which “ Trio ” propose to commence may be that of
the minor species of money-merchant who is popularly represented as
standing towards his customers in the endearing relation of Uncle.
We cannot quit this subject without remarking that fancy depicts the
Three Young Gentlemen of Glasgow competing for the choice to be
exercised by the Young Lady on the detur pulchriori principle, by
dancing before her simultaneously to a fast tune on the bagpipe.
FEAST OF ST. SEPULCHRE.
An appetite is the usual reward of bodily exertion, but is not gene-
rally supposed to result from religious exercises. Devotion, however,
though it may not excite Protestant hunger, would, by the subjoined
announcement, cut out of the Liverpool Daily Post, appear to have the;
effect of making Catholics “peckish” :
'THE CATHOLIC CEMETERY CHURCH, FORD, will be Opened
on Sunday next, the 8th instant, at Half-past Eleven o’clock. High Mass
(weather permitting) will be sung in the open air, with full orchestra. Sermon by
his Lordship, the Bishop. Collections will be made. Admission to the Ground, 6(2. ;
Reserved Seats, Is. ; Carriages (each), Is. Refreshments will be provided on the
ground. A train leaves the Exchange Station at 9 o’clock, and Sandhills at 9 A.
The intimation that “ refreshments will be provided on the ground,”
appears to have referred to an important part of the arrangements for
the intended ceremony. It is emphatically repeated in the other adver-
tisement following, extracted from the same paper -.—
pONSECRATION OF THE CEMETERY CHURCH AT FORD,
'J by the Right Rev. Dr. Goss, Bishop of Liverpool, on Sunday next, the 8th
instant. Dinners and refreshments will be provided on the ground by Mr.
Barrett, of the London Hotel, Clayton Square. First-class Dinner, is. 6«. ; Second!
class, Is. 6d. Trains will start from Exchange Station, Liverpool, for Seaforth at
A a.m. and 1.20 p.m. *
Really, the consecration of a cemetery Church seems to be quite a jolly
affair in the estimation of some of our Catholic friends. Is it heretical to
suggest that there seems something grim in these sepulchral festivities ?
Odd notions about fasting we all ascribe to Catholics but few will be
prepared to find that their ideas of a feast are so peculiar. A pic-nic in
a cemetery does seem a strange repast. The burial-ground had not as
vet been used; otherwise tombstones might have served for tables.
What was the musical accompaniment to these stomachic solemnities ?
De profundis, followed by The Roast Beef of Old England ? The latter
chant would have been as appropriate as the former, unless “ funeral
baked meats ” were the only form of animal food consumed, on that
occasion, by the faithful.
HARVEST AT WHOAM AND ABROAD.
We’ve had a good harvest, my neighbours,
Considerun a med ha’ bin wus;
Zo now let us rest vrom our labours.
And matters in general discuss.
Our innurds wi’ drink full and mate full,
We sets here our long pipes behind,
Wliosomedever wun’t own his self grateful.
He ought to be ’prison’d and fined.
We’ve had a long spell o’ fine weather.
In state and in sason as well;
At pace and in quiet together.
Like cattle and ship we do dwell.
Whereas, for the zake o’ comparun,
When round us we takes a survey,
We looks upon Christians a tearun
Ache other like beastes o’ prey.
Sad work them there Yankees be makun •
The hogsheads o’ blood they must shea!
And fellers our own languidge spakun,
Wherein they med better ha’ read!
And ’taint only maimun and killun,
I may say, their kinsfolk and friends;
But they flings away every shillun
In powder and shot as they spends.
There’s Austria too in disquiet;
The Emperire like to be wrecked :
They’ve took away Hungary’s Diet,
And what can sitch tyrants expect ?
Then Venus, as hates ’em like pison.
Till they be stuck fast in a mess,
Bides only her time for arisun
Straightways Garibawldy cries “ Sess! ’*
In Naples the thieves and banditty.
In which is young Bombaloo’s hope,
Robs, murders, and burns without pity,
Turned loose on the land by the Pope.
And the Pope in his slippers is shakun,
For fear lest the French should goo whoam.
And lave un to save his old bacon,
By takun French leaf too from Rhoam.
The whirlwind abroad they be reapun.
Cause why ’twas the wind as they sow’d;
When the tempests be sprung up and sweepun.
In course them they sweeps must be blow’d.
So, not for to prache a long sarmon,
Let’s mind what we puts into ground.
Success then, I ’ll now say, to farmun,
Wi’ that, mates, here’s to ’ee all round.
Only a Letter.—General Forey is to command the first division
of the Army of Paris. Considering the probable occupations that await
the French army on the Rhine and in Belgium,—to say nothing of Italy
and places nearer home,—the General should change one letter of Iris
name by Imperial licence, and be henceforth General Foray.