Punch (42.1862)

June 28, 1862.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

255

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

J une 16th. Monday. Recent Italian movements, with which the
name of Garibaldi has been undesirably connected, have given great
trouble not only to M. Ratazzi, but tq the Marquis of Norman by.
The former has had to make, in the Italian Parliament, a curious defence
of his own conduct, and the verdict seems to be, that M. Ratazzi is an
exceedingly clever man. A similar verdict is not likely to result in the
case of Lord Normanby, but Lord Russell admitted that N. had,
for once, some grounds - m asking questions about matters that did not
concern him. Lord Brougham: took the opportunity of informing the
world that he respected Garibaldi as a soldier, though not as a states-
man, but that he iiad not the least respect for Mazzini ; tor that as a
statesman he was a mere conspirator, and as a soldier he never ventured
to expose his person to danger. Mr. Punch has not yet heard whether
Mazzini has felt it his duty, in consequence of this intimation, to leap
into Vesuvius.

The Luke of Newcastle said and regretted that the Canadian
Parliament had rejected a Militia Bill, and destroyed a Ministry, but
the new Premier, General Macdonald, might possibly try another
Militia, Bill. These are no times for our friends the Canadians to shrink
from defending themselves—what is that we hear about the Yankees
and the widening certain canals, so as to get _ gun-boats upon certain
waters ? That sort of Canadian Boat Song will be unpleasant to the
lovers of true harmony.

Mr. Dawson wanted Sir George Grey to promise to interfere with
the Omnibus people, who are just now charging exactly what they like.
Sir George refused. Mr. Darby Griffith, addressing himself to a
matter on which there is no objection to his speaking, urged that the
omnibus fares ought to be painted outside, so that people might know
what they were binding themselves to pay. Sir George said that the
law directed the list to be affixed inside. Doubtless he has the sub-
limest contempt for such grievances as those brought forward by
Messrs. Dawson and Griffith, but if Sir George will condescend to
go down to the Kensington Show, a little before VII., and observe the
scene in the road, he will perceive that a good many of the folks who
pay his salary have a strong interest in the subject.

Then did Sir Hugh Cairns go in for mischief to the Conveyancing
Reform Bill, and under the pretext that he wanted to make it better,
tried to send it to a Select Committee. Which pretext being exposed
by Sir Roundell Palmer and others, the House defeated Sir Hugh
by 180 to 121, and, going into Committee, upheld various clauses which
were successively assailed.

Government are “ considering ” what is to be done about the British
Museum and the Beasts. When the Show is cleared out of the Inter-
national, why cannot the animals be put there ? The longest whale
will have room to stret-cli himself between platform and platform, and
the tallest giraffe can stand up under the Domes.

Tuesday. Lord Granville announced, with much feeling, to the
House of Lords, that the earthly tasks of the Son of George Canning
were done. Lord Canning had expired at the age of 50. On the
following Saturday he was laid with Ins father in the Abbey. “ A great
and just man,” said Lord Granville, and none will gainsay the words.

In the Commons there was little in which the most resolute legis-
lator could find interest. Scotch lunatics and salmon, and an attack
upon certain features in the Income-Tax by Mr. Hubbard, who tacked
his plaint to a Portifications question, and got himself blown away by
the great financial gun Gladstone, helped on the evening till half-past
eight, when there was a Count. Mr. A. Smith and the patriot Digby
Seymour, parties very likely to encounter Counts Out, tried to dis-
courage them by having the name of the mover taken down, but the
wise men asked this in a No-House, and were moderately derided for
the Senatorial bull.

Wednesday. The Bill for preventing the aristocracy from doing the
publicans out of the price of Gin, obtained on tick, went into Committee,
and Mr. Porster wanted the same rule extended to beer. He says
that the Clowns who drmk Beer imitate the Swells, and have no end of
that brown mess chalked up to them, knowing that the vendor cannot
recover. But the subject was considered too important to be taken up
thus lightly. Mr. Martin carried an amendment, of which Countesses
and. others will do well to take notice—the operation of the Bill is
limited to spirits sold in quantities of not less than a Quart—so our
Butler may be sent round to the public for a pint of Ancient Thomas,
and if he can only get hold of it, we cannot be made to pay, dear Brother
and Sister Patricians. Well done, Martin !

The Clergy Relief Bill went through Committee, and it is a mild
kind of measure, intended to help those clergymen who do not like
their profession, or would prefer another. It will hardly pass the House
of Lords.

IV hen Mr. Berkeley snapped his Ballot victory, a little Bill that
crawled at the heels of his one, for taking secret votes at Municipal
Elections, slipped in also. To-day it came on when there was something

like a House, and of course was promptly ejected (by 83 to 15) a similar
destiny being in store lor Mr. Berkeley’s own measure.

Thursday. Earl Russell upon Mexico. He had declined to ratify
a separate convention made with the Mexicans, because, though it was
lair enough, it connected itself with a mortgage on Mexico held by
Uncle Sam. Purther, we had nothing to do with the defeat which the
Trench have sustained out there—we had withdrawn no soldiers, because
we had never sent any, and our marines were withdrawn before the
Trench decided on separate action. Apropos whereof it may be men-
tioned that our friend L. N. is going to work in earnest, and dispatches
a reinforcement of 10,000 men. This will convince Uncle Sam that the
J wise and noble ruler ot Prance is perfectly right in his conduct, and now
\ that lie has separated himself iroin the selfish and cowardly Britishers,
j Americans can watch his course with undiminished admiration. Touch-
ing which Uncle, Earl Russell said that we were certainly not
| going to give up the Emily St. Pierre. The Lords read the Highways
j Bill a Second Time and went their own ways.

Government are “considering” whether that gallant officer, Captain
Sherard Osborne, and some comrades, shall be allowed to accept the
invitation of the Chinese authorities to go out and demolish the savage
rebels who are devastating the flowery land. Some order ought to be
taken with these ruffians, whose atrocities are much too frightful to
be touched upon here, and a plentiful exhibition of the pill called
grape-shot would be highly beneficial, as Doctor Osborne will
probably think.

There came a joke out of the discussion in Committee of the Mer-
chant Shipping Bill. Mr. Milner Gibson, in the course of an
argument, invited the attention of the Members to the Robert Lowe—
which he said was a Screw. The Committee, of course, broke out into
cachinnation—increased when Mr. Gibson added, “ But what is the
| value of the Robert Lowe ? ” Mr. Disraeli looked as if he should
■ like to be called in as appraiser. After that came a debate on
the very important question of Cotton supply, and it was very frankly
explained to the Indian Minister that he did not do his duty in regard
to the providing roads, canals, and other facilities for the conveyance of
that article. Sir Charles Wood was decidedly of opinion that he
did. And Lord Palmerston, in alluding to the treaty with America
for putting down the Slave Trade, declared that Mr. Lincoln’s govern-
ment had behaved to us in the most handsome manner. It is to be
wished that this statement^ could be suppressed, as it may bring on a
shower of abuse from the New York press, inasmuch as to compliment
a person on a particular occasion implies, in ill-conditioned people’s
minds, an imputation that there are other occasions when compliment
is undeserved.

Friday. Queen I ictorla having ascended the throne on the 20th
June, 1837, it was obvious that the Lords could not properly attend to
business on the 20th June, 1862.

The Commons did not see the validity of this excuse for a holiday,
and sat, off and on, from twelve at noon till one in the morning.
Whether it was this long spell of work, or the detestable weather of the
month facetiously called j une, that made them fractious, Mr. Punch
knows not, but there were two downright rows, such as in the old days
would have led the parties to Wormwood Scrubs a few hours later.
There is a Greek newspaper published in London, and called the British
Star, and this belongs to an enthusiastic Mr. Xenos. It has merits,
but the Turkish authorities do not exactly appreciate its chief merit,
which, at least in the eyes of Russians and the Manchester School, is
its incessantly suggesting to the Christian subjects of the Porte that
the government of the latter is excessively bad, and a nuisance to be
abated. So the Sultan’s Ministers beg that England will not circulate
the paper in Turkey by means of our Post-Office in Constantinople.
This is a request we cannot refuse, and so the journal is refused transit
in our bags. The Russo-Manchester folks of course make this a
grievance, and_ Mr. Maguire and Mr. Bright acted to-night as
mouth-pieces of the Greeks. Mr. Layard made a defence which, if it
had a fault, was too complete, and indeed went into counter-attack, for
Mr. Maguire having abused the Turkish Government, Mr. Layard
suggested that the Government of Rome was just as bad. Mr.
Bright complained that the Ministers were too fond of assailing
the Papists. In the course of Mr. Layard’s speech, he called Mr.
Maguire “a man,” and though he changed this highly offensive
epithet, and said that Mr. Maguire was only “ a quarter,” there was
quite an uproar, and Dr. Birch had to whip both the boys. Then, in
some Lish squabble or other, Mr. M'Mahon abused the Orangemen of
the north as “rowdies,” and. Captain Arqhdale gave him the lie, in
the most distinct way, about four times, finally offering the same present
in parliamentary language. Mr. Roebuck very properly wished that
Ministers would take a leaf out of his book and try to be conciliatory
and courteous. On the whole, therefore, it might have been as well
had the Commons imitated the Lords, and had an Accession holiday,
instead of an accession of bile.

The Pope’s Appeal—Am I infallible? Or any other man?