DOI issue:
September 6, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0102
94
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 6, 1862.
“ Well, if them two’d promise to come reglar hevery mornin’, 1 ’d take a hextrer arf hour in bed, while they swep'
my Crossin’.”
THE CONSTITUTION
IN HAN GEE.
It is well known to physi-
cians that the stoppage of
any habitual outgoing from
the human system, such as
that which is caused by
certain healing processes too
suddenly occurring, is apt
to occasion dangerous dis-
eases. Corresponding effects
in the body politic are to be
apprehended from analogous
causes. Accordingly, let the
Government attend to the
fact that ihe flow of emigra-
tion to ihe United States of
America has now ceased,
and many emigrants aie
actually coming back again.
The retention of all those
injurious agents that the
United .Kingdom used to
give off to the United States
is likely, if not remedied, to
be a source of serious dis-
order.
Historical Saying.—It
was Diogenes, who—re-
turning from his long-pro-
tracted journey in search of
an honest man—exclaimed
with a sigh, as he blew out
his lantern, “ Ma foi, le
jeu ne vaut pas la chan-
delle.” Thiers’ Petite Eis-
toire Pour les Petits Enfans.
A BLANK DAY WITH THE BLACK COCKS.
“ My dear Punch,
“ By the kindness of my friend Crackshot, who has Govern-
mental influence, I have enjoyed a day’s blackcock shooting down at
Coolmer Eorest, and for the benefit of Cockney sportsmen like myself,
I purpose now to give you some account of my enjoyment. Coolmer,
as of course you know, is near the old coach-road to Sberrysmouth ;
and, if any of the old coaches had been extant on that road, I think
they would have carried us pretty well as quickly, and certainly more
smoothly than the railway carriage did which we were forced to 1 ravel
by. Remembering the old saying about the early bird, and believing
that the Blackcock family were birds that got up early, and might then
best be met with, we passed the night at Nosehook, or a place of some
such name, and started for our shooting in the cool of the morning,
with the thermometer at scarcely more than ninety in the shade. Our
virtue in performing this feat of early rising proved to be its own
reward, for nothing else rewarded it. With the exception of a donkey,
which a short-sighted sportsman might have shot at as a deer, the only
game we found in the first hour and a half was a couple of wild ducks,
which we might certainly have bagged if they had but been tame ones.
But except Sir William Armstrong’s, I know of no breechloader
that will kill at half a mile, and this is usually the distance at which
wildfowl think it safe to rise and fly away from one.
“ I don’t know how M'Gregor left when he had his foot upon his
native heath; but I must say for myself that walking on a moor is not
by any means so easy as walking along Moorgate Street. Perhaps
wading is a fitter name to give to it than walking, for one is more than
halt submerged in a perfect sea of heather, and every here and there
one flounders into scarcely fathomable deeps, where a sportsman of
small stature, becomes totally immersed. Crackshot, who has legs of
about the length of lamp-posts, of course progressed more favourably
than I could hope to do, and I fear that there was more of sarcasm than
sympathy in his repeated queries as to how were my poor feet.
“ I have heard that on the Scottish moors the midges are a nuisance,
but 1 ’ll back the flies at Coolmer to be found by far a greater one.
My head was all day long enveloped in a cloud of them, and you can’t
think how I suffered from the buzzing biting big and little children of
Beelzebub. I wished that Nature had provided them with better occu-
pation than spending a whole morning in plaguing and tormenting us ;
but flies are not the only idle creatures in the world, that delight to
SDend their time in plaguing other people.
“ But, after all, the Blackcocks were themselves the greatest torment
to us. We were under strict injunctions not to shoot the hens, and
you may fancy what our feelings were at seeing five hens in five minutes
rising each to a Head point, and flying off unaimed at by our deadly
double-barrels. I hope that all who shoot at Coolmer are as virtuous as
we were, and with as noble resolution keep their hands from hen-
slaughter. The cocks too were as tantalising as we found the hens ;
for they kept on getting up just ten yards out of shot, and not even a
wire cartridge could ‘perwaii on them to stop’ with us. In a part of
the ground called Pigmoor (which owes its name to Roger Bacon
calling for ‘more pig’ when he was at a pic-nic there), I spied a fine old
cock upon the low bough of a fir-tree; and, like the admirer of the
hapless Lucy Neal, I thought if 1 were by his side how happy I should
feel. But when be saw me trying to stalk him, he waggled his old
head in the most provoking manner, as much as to say ‘ You are a young
man, but you don’t get over me.’ So after wading for eight hours in a
Turkish bath of heat, our day’s blackcock-shooting ended in our not
bagging one of them ; and when I tell you as a sportsman that besides
black game, we saw partridges and pheasants which we also might not
shoot, and plover, snipe, and wild duck which kept safely out of shot,
you may conceive that our position made us somewhat think of Tan-
talus, and fancy that his torments could have scarcely equalled ours.
“ There is nothing vastly fuuny in this narrative, it is true. But at
least it serves to show what Englishmen will cheerfully submit to in
their ardour for le sport: and a blank day’s blackcock-shooting is a far
more healthy pastime both for muscles and for mind than a morning-
spent with dominoes in the manner of our neighbours, or with the
scarcely more laborious exercise of billiards. With which beautiful
reflection,
“ I remain, my dear Punch, yours most, sincerely,
“ Ramrod.”
“ P.S. Grouse-shooting was clearly a classical amusement, for we
find it said of CiESAR that 1 ad Mauros projectus estf which evidently
means that he went sporting on the Moors.”
Muscular Christianity
Among the parties into which the Clergy are divided there is one
whose members are called “ Muscular Christians.” What is a Mus-
cular Christian ? The best answer we can give to this question is,
that a Muscular Christian is a Strong-minded Clergyman.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 6, 1862.
“ Well, if them two’d promise to come reglar hevery mornin’, 1 ’d take a hextrer arf hour in bed, while they swep'
my Crossin’.”
THE CONSTITUTION
IN HAN GEE.
It is well known to physi-
cians that the stoppage of
any habitual outgoing from
the human system, such as
that which is caused by
certain healing processes too
suddenly occurring, is apt
to occasion dangerous dis-
eases. Corresponding effects
in the body politic are to be
apprehended from analogous
causes. Accordingly, let the
Government attend to the
fact that ihe flow of emigra-
tion to ihe United States of
America has now ceased,
and many emigrants aie
actually coming back again.
The retention of all those
injurious agents that the
United .Kingdom used to
give off to the United States
is likely, if not remedied, to
be a source of serious dis-
order.
Historical Saying.—It
was Diogenes, who—re-
turning from his long-pro-
tracted journey in search of
an honest man—exclaimed
with a sigh, as he blew out
his lantern, “ Ma foi, le
jeu ne vaut pas la chan-
delle.” Thiers’ Petite Eis-
toire Pour les Petits Enfans.
A BLANK DAY WITH THE BLACK COCKS.
“ My dear Punch,
“ By the kindness of my friend Crackshot, who has Govern-
mental influence, I have enjoyed a day’s blackcock shooting down at
Coolmer Eorest, and for the benefit of Cockney sportsmen like myself,
I purpose now to give you some account of my enjoyment. Coolmer,
as of course you know, is near the old coach-road to Sberrysmouth ;
and, if any of the old coaches had been extant on that road, I think
they would have carried us pretty well as quickly, and certainly more
smoothly than the railway carriage did which we were forced to 1 ravel
by. Remembering the old saying about the early bird, and believing
that the Blackcock family were birds that got up early, and might then
best be met with, we passed the night at Nosehook, or a place of some
such name, and started for our shooting in the cool of the morning,
with the thermometer at scarcely more than ninety in the shade. Our
virtue in performing this feat of early rising proved to be its own
reward, for nothing else rewarded it. With the exception of a donkey,
which a short-sighted sportsman might have shot at as a deer, the only
game we found in the first hour and a half was a couple of wild ducks,
which we might certainly have bagged if they had but been tame ones.
But except Sir William Armstrong’s, I know of no breechloader
that will kill at half a mile, and this is usually the distance at which
wildfowl think it safe to rise and fly away from one.
“ I don’t know how M'Gregor left when he had his foot upon his
native heath; but I must say for myself that walking on a moor is not
by any means so easy as walking along Moorgate Street. Perhaps
wading is a fitter name to give to it than walking, for one is more than
halt submerged in a perfect sea of heather, and every here and there
one flounders into scarcely fathomable deeps, where a sportsman of
small stature, becomes totally immersed. Crackshot, who has legs of
about the length of lamp-posts, of course progressed more favourably
than I could hope to do, and I fear that there was more of sarcasm than
sympathy in his repeated queries as to how were my poor feet.
“ I have heard that on the Scottish moors the midges are a nuisance,
but 1 ’ll back the flies at Coolmer to be found by far a greater one.
My head was all day long enveloped in a cloud of them, and you can’t
think how I suffered from the buzzing biting big and little children of
Beelzebub. I wished that Nature had provided them with better occu-
pation than spending a whole morning in plaguing and tormenting us ;
but flies are not the only idle creatures in the world, that delight to
SDend their time in plaguing other people.
“ But, after all, the Blackcocks were themselves the greatest torment
to us. We were under strict injunctions not to shoot the hens, and
you may fancy what our feelings were at seeing five hens in five minutes
rising each to a Head point, and flying off unaimed at by our deadly
double-barrels. I hope that all who shoot at Coolmer are as virtuous as
we were, and with as noble resolution keep their hands from hen-
slaughter. The cocks too were as tantalising as we found the hens ;
for they kept on getting up just ten yards out of shot, and not even a
wire cartridge could ‘perwaii on them to stop’ with us. In a part of
the ground called Pigmoor (which owes its name to Roger Bacon
calling for ‘more pig’ when he was at a pic-nic there), I spied a fine old
cock upon the low bough of a fir-tree; and, like the admirer of the
hapless Lucy Neal, I thought if 1 were by his side how happy I should
feel. But when be saw me trying to stalk him, he waggled his old
head in the most provoking manner, as much as to say ‘ You are a young
man, but you don’t get over me.’ So after wading for eight hours in a
Turkish bath of heat, our day’s blackcock-shooting ended in our not
bagging one of them ; and when I tell you as a sportsman that besides
black game, we saw partridges and pheasants which we also might not
shoot, and plover, snipe, and wild duck which kept safely out of shot,
you may conceive that our position made us somewhat think of Tan-
talus, and fancy that his torments could have scarcely equalled ours.
“ There is nothing vastly fuuny in this narrative, it is true. But at
least it serves to show what Englishmen will cheerfully submit to in
their ardour for le sport: and a blank day’s blackcock-shooting is a far
more healthy pastime both for muscles and for mind than a morning-
spent with dominoes in the manner of our neighbours, or with the
scarcely more laborious exercise of billiards. With which beautiful
reflection,
“ I remain, my dear Punch, yours most, sincerely,
“ Ramrod.”
“ P.S. Grouse-shooting was clearly a classical amusement, for we
find it said of CiESAR that 1 ad Mauros projectus estf which evidently
means that he went sporting on the Moors.”
Muscular Christianity
Among the parties into which the Clergy are divided there is one
whose members are called “ Muscular Christians.” What is a Mus-
cular Christian ? The best answer we can give to this question is,
that a Muscular Christian is a Strong-minded Clergyman.