DOI Heft:
March 7, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0109
102
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 7, 1863.
SCOTCH STORES.
We beg to acknowledge the receipt, of the subjoined epistle, bearing
the partially obliterated postmark, “ Co-ney Ha-ch: ”—
“ To Mr. Punch, these presents greeting and meeting by moonlight
alone—but no matter—Sir, a Crilic, perhaps on the Hearth, says that the
author of a Scotch Piece; lately produced to a tremendous length, must
have been ‘pursuing his studies in English eomposi'ion at Colney
Hatch.’ True ; we met, ’twas in a crowd, but I saw him, the Manager,
stealing in through my window, and we wept together by the space of
one hour, with our heads up the chimney for fear of disturbing the
children. What was his return when he went away? Let, it not be
breathed. Not a word. Your finger in your eye,, thus. By my Hilts,
and Sally come up, an he took not my manuscript of an unwritten
r lay with him, I will crack thy knave’s costard ! The next night it was
brought out at the Bonnie Dundrury Lane Theatre, with new dresses
and appointments which I kept punctually. I was there, disguised as
a Private Box. Awa’ to the Hills! Ling the area-bell when the
curtain is to go up, and I’m yours madjestically,
“ Killy very Cranky.”
“ P.S. I re-open this to say that 1 have not yet sealed it up.”
“ P.S. I defy you to single combat anywhere you like, if a salubrious
spot is selected, with the omnibusses passing every minute.”
“P.S. The Resident Artist at this Academy executed some designs
1 for the Play. Ha! ha! 1 have executed him, and send you the
! pictures.”
Accompanying the above is the following Drama :—
AULD REEKIE;
(I don’t know what it means, and I don’t care,)
OR,
THE BONNIE B1TT0CK OF BALBKAITH!
TO BE PERFORMED FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE HIGHLAND FIGURES AT THE
DOORS OF THE LONDON TOBACCONISTS’ SHOPS, TO WHOM A LARGE CURRANT
BUN NOT TRANSFERABLE WILL BE PRESENTED AT THE ENTRANCE.
Rules of the Game.—Any player neglecting to speak the Scotch lan-
j guage, puts sixpence in the pool, and is out.
Characters in the Opening.—Two carpenters and a little boy, who are
looking t.hroush a hole in the curtain.
N.B. The Band of the Shoe-black Brigade must attend and never
! leave off playing.
FIRST ACT FOR THE PREVENT LON OF CRUELTY
TO ANIMALS.
The Scene is laid for Six. Time: Two m a har.
Success has been previously insured at Lloyd’s.
Scene 2.—A Sun ‘Set’ Scene. The Mountains of Scotch Sham-Rocks by
Moonlight and another artist. Exeunt omnes. To them enter a
Nonjuror and a Conjuror.
Conjuror {speaking through music and his nose). I maun gang. {Enter
a gang. Conjuror makes a mountain pass and scene changes to—
Scene I.— Before the Conquest. Steam discovered {I forget the date).
Highlanders smoking bagpipes. Visigoths perched in the trees.
Enter a Spy, with his hair curled.
Spy {looking about everywhere, as if for his boots—aside). I am
a Spy. [Waltzes.
Everyone {careering). Hout, tout, dinnaken.
[Dounie Wassals {under the bedclothes) Boo boo ! Boo hoo hoo!
Lochiel (standing on his head in a tub of cold water). Aweel.
llieland Lassie. I am a Chieftain’s daughter. [Sneers.
The Gathering of the Clans is inspected by several eminent med'cal
men, and carefully treated.
llieland Lassie {chuckling). I am a Chieftain’s daughter.
{Repeats it to herself several times as Scene closes.)
ACT LAST.—Scotland Yard.
Enter a Tenor and two Fivers dressed as Duns Scotus. The Clans gather
again.
M‘Canistcr {sings, accompanied by a gendarme on the fire shovel)—•
Fill up my horses and call me at ten,
Twidaledy anything ending in “ en,”
Kick the day boarder and let him gae free.
For we ’ll sup on the bonnets of diddle dum dee.
Chorus, {arriving by the Express) Scots wha hae, wha who, wha
wha, wha which, &c., ad lib.
[Thunder. Fireworks. The Leader of the Orchestra wipes out old
scores with the drummer. A Cockateekie and Two Porcupines cross
the mountains. Enter Macbeth, by mistake, and after reciting
four stanzas of “ Home, Sweet Home,” is led out by the Manager.
Guns, Bootjacks, Candles and respectable Solicitors are seen from
10 to 1 in the distance.
Hieland Lassie {on the trapeze). I am a Chieftain’s daughter.
[Black Mullins pursues her with a pickaxe.
All {indulging in reminiscences). Peep o’ Day ! Peep o’ Day !
[Insurgents carry the day and leave the night. Stage dark. General
engagement of all the Actors for another Season.
Tableau.
An interval of Two very Long Ears between the Acts.
LAST ACT.—Ascent of the Mists after the Sunrise; they catch. Ballet
by Claverhouse and Somerset House.
Enter a Daft Quean, a Dun-dee and a Debtor-dee.
Hieland Lassie. I am a Chieftain’s daughter {changes her dress five
times during the massacre. _ She comes down—to audience), and if our
Iriends in front are but satisfied, then I hope no one will forget Rob
Roy and—
The Bittock of Balbraith {suddenly appearing from the usual Shower-
bath where he she or it had been asleep during the performance. Bowing).
And the Bittock of Balbraith!
[Grand Finale.—The House is vaporised by Rimmel’s six per
Scents. The Perfumers are called before the curtain. Moral
spoken by an Archimandrite in top-boots,
“Bless the Duke of Argyll!”
During which Alarums, Fanfares, Fieldfares, Cheap fares and
Excursions and Concluding Tableau of Wild Horses mounted on
Salmon Trout. Present! Fire !
THE SONG OE HOHENZOLLERN.
Air—“ The Standard-Bearer.”
I am a King ; I reign by Right Divine,
As did my sires some hundred years before me ;
Howe’er their crown was got, I came to mine.
Obey me then, 0 people, and aaore me.
My seat I plant upon mine ancient Throne,
And order back the waves of Revolution.
My will the law, I sit supreme, alone.
My footstool is the Prussian Constitution.
Czar Alexander’s cause mine own I’ve made.
Regardless of the blame of any journal.
To crush the Poles I render him my aid ;
Help him enforce his discipline paternal.
I lend a hand to catch the runaway,
The fugitive hand over to the slaughter;
And, on my mind, whatever you may say
Makes no more mark than what blows leave in water.
I’m called the Hangman’s Cad, and I don’t care
For that dishonourable appellation.
I carry Poland’s garbage to the Bear,
Serene amid the loudest execration.
My mind is bent on arbitrary rule;
In policy 1 copy my late Brother.
If you presume to say he was a fool,
You ’ll very likely dare call me another.
I am a King, ay, every inch a King !
I ’ll govern free of Parliament or Charter.
Oh! do not tell me that was just the thing.
Some inches less that made King Charles the Martyr.
THE APPROACHING FESTIVITIES.
There are so many Seats being arranged in Pall Mall, that, on
Saturday next, this fashionable part of London will be considered a*
part of the Sitty.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 7, 1863.
SCOTCH STORES.
We beg to acknowledge the receipt, of the subjoined epistle, bearing
the partially obliterated postmark, “ Co-ney Ha-ch: ”—
“ To Mr. Punch, these presents greeting and meeting by moonlight
alone—but no matter—Sir, a Crilic, perhaps on the Hearth, says that the
author of a Scotch Piece; lately produced to a tremendous length, must
have been ‘pursuing his studies in English eomposi'ion at Colney
Hatch.’ True ; we met, ’twas in a crowd, but I saw him, the Manager,
stealing in through my window, and we wept together by the space of
one hour, with our heads up the chimney for fear of disturbing the
children. What was his return when he went away? Let, it not be
breathed. Not a word. Your finger in your eye,, thus. By my Hilts,
and Sally come up, an he took not my manuscript of an unwritten
r lay with him, I will crack thy knave’s costard ! The next night it was
brought out at the Bonnie Dundrury Lane Theatre, with new dresses
and appointments which I kept punctually. I was there, disguised as
a Private Box. Awa’ to the Hills! Ling the area-bell when the
curtain is to go up, and I’m yours madjestically,
“ Killy very Cranky.”
“ P.S. I re-open this to say that 1 have not yet sealed it up.”
“ P.S. I defy you to single combat anywhere you like, if a salubrious
spot is selected, with the omnibusses passing every minute.”
“P.S. The Resident Artist at this Academy executed some designs
1 for the Play. Ha! ha! 1 have executed him, and send you the
! pictures.”
Accompanying the above is the following Drama :—
AULD REEKIE;
(I don’t know what it means, and I don’t care,)
OR,
THE BONNIE B1TT0CK OF BALBKAITH!
TO BE PERFORMED FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE HIGHLAND FIGURES AT THE
DOORS OF THE LONDON TOBACCONISTS’ SHOPS, TO WHOM A LARGE CURRANT
BUN NOT TRANSFERABLE WILL BE PRESENTED AT THE ENTRANCE.
Rules of the Game.—Any player neglecting to speak the Scotch lan-
j guage, puts sixpence in the pool, and is out.
Characters in the Opening.—Two carpenters and a little boy, who are
looking t.hroush a hole in the curtain.
N.B. The Band of the Shoe-black Brigade must attend and never
! leave off playing.
FIRST ACT FOR THE PREVENT LON OF CRUELTY
TO ANIMALS.
The Scene is laid for Six. Time: Two m a har.
Success has been previously insured at Lloyd’s.
Scene 2.—A Sun ‘Set’ Scene. The Mountains of Scotch Sham-Rocks by
Moonlight and another artist. Exeunt omnes. To them enter a
Nonjuror and a Conjuror.
Conjuror {speaking through music and his nose). I maun gang. {Enter
a gang. Conjuror makes a mountain pass and scene changes to—
Scene I.— Before the Conquest. Steam discovered {I forget the date).
Highlanders smoking bagpipes. Visigoths perched in the trees.
Enter a Spy, with his hair curled.
Spy {looking about everywhere, as if for his boots—aside). I am
a Spy. [Waltzes.
Everyone {careering). Hout, tout, dinnaken.
[Dounie Wassals {under the bedclothes) Boo boo ! Boo hoo hoo!
Lochiel (standing on his head in a tub of cold water). Aweel.
llieland Lassie. I am a Chieftain’s daughter. [Sneers.
The Gathering of the Clans is inspected by several eminent med'cal
men, and carefully treated.
llieland Lassie {chuckling). I am a Chieftain’s daughter.
{Repeats it to herself several times as Scene closes.)
ACT LAST.—Scotland Yard.
Enter a Tenor and two Fivers dressed as Duns Scotus. The Clans gather
again.
M‘Canistcr {sings, accompanied by a gendarme on the fire shovel)—•
Fill up my horses and call me at ten,
Twidaledy anything ending in “ en,”
Kick the day boarder and let him gae free.
For we ’ll sup on the bonnets of diddle dum dee.
Chorus, {arriving by the Express) Scots wha hae, wha who, wha
wha, wha which, &c., ad lib.
[Thunder. Fireworks. The Leader of the Orchestra wipes out old
scores with the drummer. A Cockateekie and Two Porcupines cross
the mountains. Enter Macbeth, by mistake, and after reciting
four stanzas of “ Home, Sweet Home,” is led out by the Manager.
Guns, Bootjacks, Candles and respectable Solicitors are seen from
10 to 1 in the distance.
Hieland Lassie {on the trapeze). I am a Chieftain’s daughter.
[Black Mullins pursues her with a pickaxe.
All {indulging in reminiscences). Peep o’ Day ! Peep o’ Day !
[Insurgents carry the day and leave the night. Stage dark. General
engagement of all the Actors for another Season.
Tableau.
An interval of Two very Long Ears between the Acts.
LAST ACT.—Ascent of the Mists after the Sunrise; they catch. Ballet
by Claverhouse and Somerset House.
Enter a Daft Quean, a Dun-dee and a Debtor-dee.
Hieland Lassie. I am a Chieftain’s daughter {changes her dress five
times during the massacre. _ She comes down—to audience), and if our
Iriends in front are but satisfied, then I hope no one will forget Rob
Roy and—
The Bittock of Balbraith {suddenly appearing from the usual Shower-
bath where he she or it had been asleep during the performance. Bowing).
And the Bittock of Balbraith!
[Grand Finale.—The House is vaporised by Rimmel’s six per
Scents. The Perfumers are called before the curtain. Moral
spoken by an Archimandrite in top-boots,
“Bless the Duke of Argyll!”
During which Alarums, Fanfares, Fieldfares, Cheap fares and
Excursions and Concluding Tableau of Wild Horses mounted on
Salmon Trout. Present! Fire !
THE SONG OE HOHENZOLLERN.
Air—“ The Standard-Bearer.”
I am a King ; I reign by Right Divine,
As did my sires some hundred years before me ;
Howe’er their crown was got, I came to mine.
Obey me then, 0 people, and aaore me.
My seat I plant upon mine ancient Throne,
And order back the waves of Revolution.
My will the law, I sit supreme, alone.
My footstool is the Prussian Constitution.
Czar Alexander’s cause mine own I’ve made.
Regardless of the blame of any journal.
To crush the Poles I render him my aid ;
Help him enforce his discipline paternal.
I lend a hand to catch the runaway,
The fugitive hand over to the slaughter;
And, on my mind, whatever you may say
Makes no more mark than what blows leave in water.
I’m called the Hangman’s Cad, and I don’t care
For that dishonourable appellation.
I carry Poland’s garbage to the Bear,
Serene amid the loudest execration.
My mind is bent on arbitrary rule;
In policy 1 copy my late Brother.
If you presume to say he was a fool,
You ’ll very likely dare call me another.
I am a King, ay, every inch a King !
I ’ll govern free of Parliament or Charter.
Oh! do not tell me that was just the thing.
Some inches less that made King Charles the Martyr.
THE APPROACHING FESTIVITIES.
There are so many Seats being arranged in Pall Mall, that, on
Saturday next, this fashionable part of London will be considered a*
part of the Sitty.