Punch (47.1864)

68

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CPIARIVARI.


[August 13, 1864

BEES AND BEEHIVES.

Sib,—Here is a communication which I Ve
just received from the Master of the College at
St. Bees.

What the old Queen Bee said, in this last very
hot week, when she was going with her party out
of the Hive, “This is warm work.” To which a
Country drone replied, “ Yes it be’s.”

The letters in the Times on this subject are
highly instructing. But Bee Master has not
given us any information concerning the mauage-
! ment of a “ Bee in a Bonnet; ” nor does he once
j allude to those Scotch insects known as the
! Drones of a Bagpipe. Hoping to hear something
more in this matter.

I remain, Sir, Yours truly,

Honey Soit.

Progress of the Embankment.

We are happy to say that this important
metropolitan work is making great progress.
Thanks to the energy of the contractors, the
stream of traffic in Fleet Street and the Strand
is all but choked up, and will soon be completely
diverted from the main arteries of London. The
dams are very numerous and strong. Nothing
is now driven in the neighbourhood except the
carts and the piles.

PLEASURES OF A MILITARY RIDING-SCHOOL.-No. 2.

“Now then, Sir! Sit well Back, and let him Bump you, Sir."

New Publication.— Unpoetical “Lines on
a Lady’s face,”—Crows’-feet.

THE NAGGLETONS UPON ROME.

The happy couple an-e at Breakfast in their house in the fashionable locality
in which we had last the pleasure of meeting them. Mr. Naggleton
is, of course, reading his “Times.” Mrs. Naggleton has received
some letters by the morning post, and has been meditating on their
contents.

Mrs. Naggleton. Henry, this is the Eirst of August.

Mr. Naggleton (without looking up). Maria, your chronology is indis-
putable. Moreover, I wish you many happy returns of the day.

Mrs. N. Good feeling would dictate your avoiding a joke on that
subject, Henry.

Mr. N. [conscious). 0, isn’t it your birthday, my dear ? But that is
no reason why I should not wish you a happy return of the day, or of
any day

Airs. N. Happiness is a word for persons who are differently circum-
stanced from myself, Henry, but I am making no complaint. I merely
reminded you that this is the first of August.

Mr. N. (prepares to receive cavalry). 1 had already learned that fact
from the newspaper.

Airs. N. You may learn something else from it, I dare say, and be
told that everybody but ourselves is out of town.

Air. N. If there is such a personal statement, my dear, I shall come
to it presently, and I will then consider whether I ought to call the
editor to account.

Mrs. N. I think, Henry', that by this time you have known me quite
long enough-

Air. N. My dear, I am incapable of admitting anything so rude.

Mrs. N. (emphatically). Quite long enough to be aware that nonsense
may delay what I may wish to say, but cannot prevent it.

Mr. N. Have I ever refused my tribute to your pertinacity, my deal' |
Maria ? What do you wish to say now ?

Airs. N. What it woiild not have been necessary for me to say, if I;
had had a different husband.

Mr. N. Well, you have an indifferent one. Agreed. Go on.

Airs. N. Indifferent, indeed, Henry. Indifferent to the state of my
health, and that of his children.

Mr. N. Agreed, again. How hard he tried to get you from Mrs.
(Jwleybird’s party on Friday, when morning was dawning. And how
pleasantly he handed Dr. Peter Grievous a cheque for thirty-seven
pounds on Saturday for medical attendance. Your husband is all that
is objectionable, but make the best of him while he lasts.

Mrs. N. (mildly). It is, I am sure, as much for your own sake as
mine that I wish, it we are to visit the Continent, that we should not
delay until the season becomes unhealthy.

Mr. N. But suppose we are not to visit the Continent. Who’s the
Continent, that we owe him so much attention F

Mrs. N. 0, go to Southend, if you like, or stay at home, and shut
the front shutters. I don’t care.

Air. N. Very well, my dear. As that is the case, I will consider
those two excellent suggestions. At first blush I seem to prefer the
shutters.

Mrs. N. Is this the way in which we ought to converse, Henry ? I
am sure that I hear nothing like it between other couples. _ Mr.
Winkletop can be playful in answering his wife, but it is affectionate
fun.

Mr. N. Playful darlings !

Mrs. N. And though Mr. and Mrs. Gough-Hawe are always
laughing, they understand one another, and she has no wish ungratified.
But you are always in an attitude of fighting and resistance.

Mr. N. Ajax defying the lightning; eh ? Am I so ferocious ? Well,
look on me as another classical sculpture, the Dying Gladiator; and now,
what can I do for you before I die F

Mrs. N. Ah ! Those allusions remind me of what would indeed make
me happy. But it is of no use talking.

Mr. N. Never mind that. Talk. What is it? Do you want to go
to M. Brucciani’s new gallery, and see his casts ?

Airs. N. Shall I ever see Rome ? Here is a letter from Mrs. Bosser,
who is there, and who writes in perfect raptures of its treasures of art
and of antiquity.

Mr. N. Mrs. Bosser ? No, no, Maria. Come.

Mrs. N. There is her letter. (Throws it to him.)

Air. N. No, thank you. Lord Palmerston says he has had no
time for twenty years to read anything but manuscript. I prefer print,
not being eighty. But Mrs. Bosser. I think it was that eminent
lover of art whofold us Landseer’s dogs were clever, but not equal to
those of Animal Carracci, and I am sure it was that eminent anti-
quarian who told us that Hereford Cathedral was being restored in the
Renaissance style.

Mrs. N. Your spiteful memory supplies an argument against you.
We go abroad to learn.

Mr. N. Some of us, like yourself, my dear Maria, have nothing to
learn, except how to stay at home.

Mrs. N. I am too painfully conscious of my own deficiencies to
accept an insincere compliment dictated by a mean economy.

Air. N. [enraged). Then I would avoid exposing those deficiencies
to fellow-travellers, as you would do in a place like Rome.

Mrs. N. [gently). There was a time, Henry, when you pretended to
take pleasure in showing new objects to your wife, and making her
enjoy them by your clever explanations, and the information that you
have so curiously acquired.

Mr. N. [hit, but staggering up). There is nothing curious in it. I
have endeavoured to read books, and I have tried to remember what
was in them.

Mrs. N. Men’s minds are so much better trained than ours, and you
learn to apply your knowledge at a moment’s notice. I. know nothing