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Punch — 47.1864

DOI Heft:
August 13, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0077
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August 13, 1864.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

69

' more delightful to a wife than to be able to turn to her husband for
anything she wants to know, and I am sure that if you and I could see
Rome together, it would be something to remember all our lives.

Mr N. {moved). My dear, I am a humble but faithful adherent to
the Church of England as by Law Established. What could I say to
1 myself, if your Protestant principles should be sapped by the Scarlet
Lady, and you should seek refuge in a convent P

Mrs. N {playfully). 1 took the veil once, my love, and my courage
has not been so very well rewarded that I am inclined to try again; so
do not be afraid, or perhaps I should say, have no hopes.

Mr. N. Well, but look here now. Another year I would not object.
But we are too late for Rome this year.

Mrs. N. We can never be too late for the Eternal City. Mrs.
Bosses, is enchanted with it.

Mr. N. The Eternal City and Widow Bosses. “ Powers eternal,
such names mingled.” Really, Maria, the idea of a woman of your
intellectual power being led by that idiot, at whom you used to be always
laughing.

Mrs. N. I am not led by her, Henry.

Mr. N. {artfully). Yes, you are; and I cannot understand the ascen-
dency she has acquired over you. Even Snotchley, the milk-and-
honey boy, has remarked that you dress at her, repeat her toolish sayings,
and surrender your own judgment to hers.

Mrs. N. If you permit another person to make disparaging remarks
to you about your own wife, I say no more.

Mr. N. But I did not permit it. The words were hardly out of his
mouth when I gave him my mind on his impertinence, and he will not
repeat it; but, to do him justice, he apologised by urging that he only
noticed what everybody else said, wondering at your humility.

Mrs. N. That settles the question.

Mr. N. And you will not give further cause for such tattle by
following Mss. Bosses to Rome at her bidding.

Mrs. N. I will go to Rome to show how utterly I despise tattlers
and backbiters.

Mr. N. {hoist with his own petard). I do not quite see it in that light.

Mrs. N. If you have the spirit of a man, you will. And I will write
to Ms. Snotchley this very morning, and tell him among other things,
that while Mss. Snotchley owes me for the very shawl in which she
came to my party

Mr. N. {mildly, seeing a door of deliverance). What shawl, my dear ?

Mrs. N. {indignantly). What shawl? Have men no eyes? Did you
not put it on her great shoulders yourself, and quote something
ridiculous about not displaying her beauties to the moon.

Mr. N. {quietly). I understood you to say it was your shawl, my
dear. The one I gave you on your—birthday ? {With meaning.)

Mrs. N. {too angry to be discreet). I never liked it, as you know.

Mr. N. You told me it was sweet.

Mrs. N. I didn’t—or I hadn’t tried it on—or one changes one’s mind.
At least she said she liked it, and I let her have it at the price you said
it cost, and she owes me the money.

Mr. N. {to himself). Not a bad ’bargain for us, if she pays that, and
takes a year’s credit. Masia, I don’t like this.

Mrs. N. Don’t like what ?

Mr. N. I say nothing about ladies selling things—I suppose you have
your own code of high manners. But I made you a present on your
birthday, and you pretend to be delighted with it, and then you sell it.
I shall remember that.

Mrs. N. No doubt you will. It will be an admirable excuse for
stinginess for the rest of your life.

Mr. N. I have never been stingy, and you have no right to say so.

Mrs. N. I shall say what 1 like.

Mr. N. Still, at your time of life, you should set your children an
example of speaking the truth.

Mrs. N. So I do.

Mr. N. I deny it. And I repeat that you did not do a wife-like act
! in parting with a present of mine.

Mrs. N. A wonderful present, certainly, to make a fuss about. And
! I am not a child, or a slave, to have a thing given me on condition I
! always watch over it, and never lose it.

Mr. N. If your temper had been given you on those conditions, my
dear, I fear you would be without one. I am glad to find that you
\ are not.

Mrs. N. {suddenly changing from volcano to iceberg). Will you buy a
j Continental Bradshaw to-day, and ascertain about the route to Italy f

Mr. N. {solemnly). I will not. No, Masia. Every walk we might
: take in Rome would remind me of this painful disclosure. As you have
said, the Eternal City would be an eternal memory. The Tarpeian
I Rock would recal domestic treachery. The Yia Sacra would show me
Mss. Snotchley going to church in my shawl. Bitter thoughts would
have a long Triumph in the Forum; and the inevitable ball at the
banker’s would make me think of the cheque Snotchley owes. South-
end, or the Shutters, or even Paris; but no Rome.

[Exit under cover of his own fire ; and then, outside, and with a dis-
reputable grin,

But to quote a Roman poet, Sic me servavit Apollo.

Mrs. N. {within). I did not think I should get him even to Paris ; but
there’s nothing like asking for more than you want. That is safe, and
I love Paris. I wonder whether Ms. Snotchley did say a word of all
that. I will call and lunch there, and perhaps she will pay me. Lucky
I did not tell him that I had sold t he shawl to her at half-price.

FRANCE.

{From Somebody Else’s Correspondent.)

HE EmPEEOS OE
the French is at
Yichy, and daily
takes a Bath. The
King oe the Bel-
gians is reported
to have called this
“ a very Yichy-
vashy sort of pro-
ceeding.”
Everything is
peaceful in Ka-
bylia, in conse-
quence of the
tribes having ex-
terminated one
another. The
French have there-
fore very little
trouble with the
natives now.

The other day
the Empeeoe,
dressed as Blon-
din, took a walk
on a rope stretched
aloft more than a
hundred feet above
ground. Anything
to heighten his po-
pularity ; though
his Imperial Ma-
jesty, in a letter to
a Private in the
Foot Chasseurs,
whom he has
kindly been in-
structing in drill
exercises, merely
alludes to the
performance as a method for elevating the people’s taste.

The most curious point in the Napoleon Correspondence is, considering
the distance of time between the two, the marked correspondence
between Napoleon the FTsst and Napoleon the Third.

The French troops are leaving Mexico; but as they have not dis-
charged the bill for their lodgings, and have left several small accounts

still unsettled, it is expected that they intend to pay-another visit.

The Three per Cents, closed at 60f. 30c., and a New Line of Railway
opened at 6'30 p.m. on the same day.

The Right Men in the Right Places.

Ms. Roebuck’s airing-ground.—Wormwood Scrubs.

Ms. Hoesman’s Parliamentary property.-—Noman’s land.

Ms. Beenal Osbokne’s College.—Brasenose.

Ms. Whalley’s Fishery-preserve.—The Great Orange River.
Disraeli’s Country Retreat.—Cold Harbour.

Ms. Ferrand’s Town Residence.—Strutt-on’s Ground.

The Favourite Walk of the Dignified Clergy.—Bishop’s-gate.

“ Gridirons is Looking up.”

“ The Prince of Wales has made the forma application which is preliminary to
any person becoming a member of the Masonic body.”—Court Journal.

This may be true, in spite of its appearing in the Court Journal.
But if so, the Prince has shown that he is qualified to be trusted with
the Secret, for he has not mentioned his intentions to Brother Punch.
We shall be present at his “ making,” and have no doubt that he will
display the proverbial courage of his family. So mote it be.

Musical.—Living for some time upon a “ fiver ” may be the defini-
tion of “ Dwelling on a note ”
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