DOI Heft:
October 29, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0183
October 29, 1864. |
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
177
CONSERVATIVE MAGAZINES.
orsooth we have re-
ceived a long dreary
letter from a corre-
spondent who, with
some sense of his own
obsoleteness, signs
himself Dodo ; an
old gentleman appa-
rently, who “babbles
o’ green fields ; ”
complains that they
are in the course of
being rapidly built
over; is vexed to see
bright cheerful stuc-
coed villas replacing
melancholy butter-
cups daisies and dan-
delions, and useful
factory chimneys
towering to the sky
instead of poplars
and other trees,
mostly good for no-
thing. A taste of
this old fogy’s com-
munication, though
it is not at all “ the
cheese,” will suffice
to show what an unsocial, ungenial, ridiculous old curmudgeon he is.
After a prolix enumeration of the commons lately enclosed which are
now covered with human dwellings instead of being overrun by geese,
and after an equally lengthy statement of the vacuities which he calls
prospects, that have been shut out, as he complains, by bricks and
mortar in the shape of manufacturing works and new hotels, this old
Dodo makes the following brutal suggestion:—“ To the end of preserving^
somewhat, on account of the lovers of Nature, and for the sustenance of
the poetic faculty and the spiritual mind amongst us, I propose that a
compromise should be struck with the utilitarian proclivity of the age,
by transferring, to the most beautiful portions of British scenery still
remaining, the various powder-mills and magazines. They could be so
planted as not to obstruct the eye of the beholder ; and after recent
experience it may be hoped that they would create a solitude all around
them of a radius sufficiently long to cover and protect a considerable
extent of beautiful country. The objection that this arrangement would
tend to discourage gipsying parties and pic-nics would not perhaps be
entitled to much weight, even if it could be sustained, which it cannot,
since people who have the courage to travel by excursion-trains would
never be deterred from going where they might eat, and drink, and
dance, by the remote chance of an explosion.”
Our Dodo is one of those slow old coaches who can’t keep pace with
these railroad times. He refuses to go with the stream, complaining,
by the way, that the rivers are discoloured and the fish destroyed by
the sewage of towns and the refuse of the chemical works which con-
tribute so largely to our luxury. He won’t accept the situation which
the inexorable logic of material utilitarianism imposes on him, and he
refuses to acknowledge that the old English fancies about the “ merry
greenwood ” and that sort of thing are all bosh.
THE EUTURE OE THE UNITED STATES.
{From, Our Own Correspondent.)
Like the bald eagle soaring in majesty above the clouds, when
our free and enlightened Republic, once more united, has riz into
a gigantic Empire, don’t you suppose we ’re a-goin to take up with the
cast-off liveries of Europe. No; we mean to have a flunkeydom of our
own; we do. We will have our cocked hats worn fore and hind, and
our shoulder-knots between the shoulders. Our plush shall be all
striped and spangled with stars. Our coats shall be braided with
platinum and aluminium lace, our hair-powder shall be made of maize ;
and our footmen’s calves shall be as big again as any of yourn.
Our Emperor shall have a Lord High Valet instead of Chamberlain.
He shall also have a Lord High Boots. In place of a Mistress of the
Robes we will give our Empress a Mistress of the Crinoline. The
Court of Washington shall be attended with Ostlers in Waiting, not
Grooms. Eor your Master of the Horse we will have a Manager of
the Circus, Gals of Glory for Maids of Honour, and Hossbreakers for
Equerries. And if we don’t altogether eclipse, extinguish, and utterly
| stump out your old outworn effete Royalty with our go-ahead rampant,
i roaring, Imperial splendor, it’s a pity.
DEMONS OE THE EUTURE.
We have extracted the following advertisements from the London
daily papers of ten years hence •.—
I OST, on Wednesday evening, somewhere between the St. James’s
L^ Hall and Hanover Square Rooms, by a lady, a little little airy Spirit. Answers,
by a pinch, to the name of “ Foggy Cloud.” Address, “ Wait for Me,” Poste
Restante, Oxford Street, W.
\T OTICE.—If the Gentleman who was seen to entice away a small
’ Familiar, by offering it a piece of sulphur, in Hyde Park, on Sunday, does not
at once restore it to its disconsolate Mistress, she will put the matter into the hands
of the Electrobiologieal Police.
rrHE SPECTRAL-HANDS CLUB will meet again for the Season at
L Me. H. Walker's Rooms, Piccadilly, at midnight on Thursday next.
A POLOGY.—The Spirit who inadvertently knocked out a gentleman’s
-CL eye by shying a speaking trumpet at him at the stance in Pall Mall, last week,
begs to offer its best apologies. Its only excuse is, that somebody trod upon its tail,
which it has now had cut off, so that a similar accident cannot occur again.
WE WANT BUT YOU !—The Walworth Witches want an elderly
' ' Lady, of not particularly good character, and fond of cats, to complete a party.
Address, Broomstick, opposite Mr. Spurgeon’s Tabernacle.
SPIRITUAL APPARATUS.—The best wires, stuffed hands, flying
LI Jew’s-harps, automaton guitars, ceiling music-tops, ghost-crackers, enchanted
snakes, transparent paper, phosphorus pencils, and other requisites are to be had
cheapest and best at Doo’s Ghastly Repository, and Mart of Magic, Barbican.—
N.B. A female Medium instructs ladies.
T ORD TOMNODDY begs to intimate to his aristocratic friends that
-Li there will be no more manifestations in Grosvenor Square until the return of
Lady Tomnoddy from the lunatic asylum to which it has been necessary to remove
her Ladyship.
HENRY ! Why would you not appear at the Medium’s affectionate
call, on Monday night? It was very unkind. I want to ask you such a number
of questions, and particularly what you did with the seventy pounds mentioned in
your will, but which we cannot find anywhere. We discovered the pink notes.
Oh, you bad ghost! But all shall be forgiven if you will appear and say where the
money is. Your inconsolable widow, Lotty. Remember, nine raps, and “ Sweet
Spirit, hear my Prayer ” on the accordion.
I^HE MAGIC GIBUS, without which no gentleman can now appear in
a drawing-room, can be had only at Beaver Dam’s establishment, Regent
street. It flies across the room, squeaking, and returns to its owner. ,A11 the other
hatters are mad about it, illustrating the saying, “ mad as a hatter.”
WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE, of Stratford-upon-Avon, Dramatist, has
promised to appear in the spirit, at Mrs. Grubby’s Stance on Saturday, and
will dictate a new scene for his tragedy of Hamlet. Gin and other refreshments in
the back parlour. Wipe your shoes
A CARD —Jim Mawley, who will be faced by the Nobby Bellowser,
reminds his friends of the harmonic meeting on Sunday evening next, at the
Cock Phantom tavern. Some spirits of departed “Pugs,” including Mendoza and
Chicken, are expected to attend and pitch into the meeting. Pipes, baccy, and
“ Spirits of another sort,” Shakspeare - hem !
TJICKPOCKETS. — Numerous robberies constantly taking place at
L Spirit Stances, when the lights are extinguished, the police advise persons
attending such performances to pick their own pockets in their dressing-rooms
before going. Scotland Yard.
AA7ARNING —The lady who seized and detained the Hand which was
V V placing a wreath on her head at Herr Von Cagliostro’s, on Wednesday night,
is known, and if she does not restore it, without saying anything to anybody, and
with the machinery uninjured, revelations which the Spirits have made about her
early life will be conveyed to those who are interested in knowing something about
her. Tremble and obey!
THE GHOST OF MOZART will be called up at the Musical Phantom
Association Meeting, on the 1st instant, and will play some variations on the
supernatural music in Hon Giovanni.
TT IS REQUESTED that the two gentlemen who conveyed a lady in
J- strong hysterics from the Apparition Hall, last Saturday, will say nothing of
what she stated during her excitement. There was some mistake—her brother was
not drowned, as alleged by the Spirits, but has returned with a wife and many
nuggets. Clara. __
DISSOLUTION OF PARTNERSHIP.—The partnership heretofore
existing between Endor Trick and Grimm Diddler, Spiritualists, has been
dissolved by consent of Mr. Justice Sterne, who has sentenced the former to seven
years and a flogging, and the latter to the Siberian Penal Settlement for life.
Central Criminal Court, October, 1874.
Two Corrections.
Mr. Punch proposes to kill two birds with one stone. A paragraph
of dramatic criticism which he cited, with plaudit, last week, originally
appeared in one of the able theatrical articles in the London Review, and
were that excellent journal as fortunate in its selection of miscellaneous
information as it is in its dramatic critic, it would not have given cur-
rency to a ridiculous story of offence alleged to have been taken by Us
at a diverting statement by our admired friend, Richard Burton, to
whom we now drink in a nip of his namesake, in testimony that we were
heartily amused with ours.
You. 47.
6—2
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
177
CONSERVATIVE MAGAZINES.
orsooth we have re-
ceived a long dreary
letter from a corre-
spondent who, with
some sense of his own
obsoleteness, signs
himself Dodo ; an
old gentleman appa-
rently, who “babbles
o’ green fields ; ”
complains that they
are in the course of
being rapidly built
over; is vexed to see
bright cheerful stuc-
coed villas replacing
melancholy butter-
cups daisies and dan-
delions, and useful
factory chimneys
towering to the sky
instead of poplars
and other trees,
mostly good for no-
thing. A taste of
this old fogy’s com-
munication, though
it is not at all “ the
cheese,” will suffice
to show what an unsocial, ungenial, ridiculous old curmudgeon he is.
After a prolix enumeration of the commons lately enclosed which are
now covered with human dwellings instead of being overrun by geese,
and after an equally lengthy statement of the vacuities which he calls
prospects, that have been shut out, as he complains, by bricks and
mortar in the shape of manufacturing works and new hotels, this old
Dodo makes the following brutal suggestion:—“ To the end of preserving^
somewhat, on account of the lovers of Nature, and for the sustenance of
the poetic faculty and the spiritual mind amongst us, I propose that a
compromise should be struck with the utilitarian proclivity of the age,
by transferring, to the most beautiful portions of British scenery still
remaining, the various powder-mills and magazines. They could be so
planted as not to obstruct the eye of the beholder ; and after recent
experience it may be hoped that they would create a solitude all around
them of a radius sufficiently long to cover and protect a considerable
extent of beautiful country. The objection that this arrangement would
tend to discourage gipsying parties and pic-nics would not perhaps be
entitled to much weight, even if it could be sustained, which it cannot,
since people who have the courage to travel by excursion-trains would
never be deterred from going where they might eat, and drink, and
dance, by the remote chance of an explosion.”
Our Dodo is one of those slow old coaches who can’t keep pace with
these railroad times. He refuses to go with the stream, complaining,
by the way, that the rivers are discoloured and the fish destroyed by
the sewage of towns and the refuse of the chemical works which con-
tribute so largely to our luxury. He won’t accept the situation which
the inexorable logic of material utilitarianism imposes on him, and he
refuses to acknowledge that the old English fancies about the “ merry
greenwood ” and that sort of thing are all bosh.
THE EUTURE OE THE UNITED STATES.
{From, Our Own Correspondent.)
Like the bald eagle soaring in majesty above the clouds, when
our free and enlightened Republic, once more united, has riz into
a gigantic Empire, don’t you suppose we ’re a-goin to take up with the
cast-off liveries of Europe. No; we mean to have a flunkeydom of our
own; we do. We will have our cocked hats worn fore and hind, and
our shoulder-knots between the shoulders. Our plush shall be all
striped and spangled with stars. Our coats shall be braided with
platinum and aluminium lace, our hair-powder shall be made of maize ;
and our footmen’s calves shall be as big again as any of yourn.
Our Emperor shall have a Lord High Valet instead of Chamberlain.
He shall also have a Lord High Boots. In place of a Mistress of the
Robes we will give our Empress a Mistress of the Crinoline. The
Court of Washington shall be attended with Ostlers in Waiting, not
Grooms. Eor your Master of the Horse we will have a Manager of
the Circus, Gals of Glory for Maids of Honour, and Hossbreakers for
Equerries. And if we don’t altogether eclipse, extinguish, and utterly
| stump out your old outworn effete Royalty with our go-ahead rampant,
i roaring, Imperial splendor, it’s a pity.
DEMONS OE THE EUTURE.
We have extracted the following advertisements from the London
daily papers of ten years hence •.—
I OST, on Wednesday evening, somewhere between the St. James’s
L^ Hall and Hanover Square Rooms, by a lady, a little little airy Spirit. Answers,
by a pinch, to the name of “ Foggy Cloud.” Address, “ Wait for Me,” Poste
Restante, Oxford Street, W.
\T OTICE.—If the Gentleman who was seen to entice away a small
’ Familiar, by offering it a piece of sulphur, in Hyde Park, on Sunday, does not
at once restore it to its disconsolate Mistress, she will put the matter into the hands
of the Electrobiologieal Police.
rrHE SPECTRAL-HANDS CLUB will meet again for the Season at
L Me. H. Walker's Rooms, Piccadilly, at midnight on Thursday next.
A POLOGY.—The Spirit who inadvertently knocked out a gentleman’s
-CL eye by shying a speaking trumpet at him at the stance in Pall Mall, last week,
begs to offer its best apologies. Its only excuse is, that somebody trod upon its tail,
which it has now had cut off, so that a similar accident cannot occur again.
WE WANT BUT YOU !—The Walworth Witches want an elderly
' ' Lady, of not particularly good character, and fond of cats, to complete a party.
Address, Broomstick, opposite Mr. Spurgeon’s Tabernacle.
SPIRITUAL APPARATUS.—The best wires, stuffed hands, flying
LI Jew’s-harps, automaton guitars, ceiling music-tops, ghost-crackers, enchanted
snakes, transparent paper, phosphorus pencils, and other requisites are to be had
cheapest and best at Doo’s Ghastly Repository, and Mart of Magic, Barbican.—
N.B. A female Medium instructs ladies.
T ORD TOMNODDY begs to intimate to his aristocratic friends that
-Li there will be no more manifestations in Grosvenor Square until the return of
Lady Tomnoddy from the lunatic asylum to which it has been necessary to remove
her Ladyship.
HENRY ! Why would you not appear at the Medium’s affectionate
call, on Monday night? It was very unkind. I want to ask you such a number
of questions, and particularly what you did with the seventy pounds mentioned in
your will, but which we cannot find anywhere. We discovered the pink notes.
Oh, you bad ghost! But all shall be forgiven if you will appear and say where the
money is. Your inconsolable widow, Lotty. Remember, nine raps, and “ Sweet
Spirit, hear my Prayer ” on the accordion.
I^HE MAGIC GIBUS, without which no gentleman can now appear in
a drawing-room, can be had only at Beaver Dam’s establishment, Regent
street. It flies across the room, squeaking, and returns to its owner. ,A11 the other
hatters are mad about it, illustrating the saying, “ mad as a hatter.”
WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE, of Stratford-upon-Avon, Dramatist, has
promised to appear in the spirit, at Mrs. Grubby’s Stance on Saturday, and
will dictate a new scene for his tragedy of Hamlet. Gin and other refreshments in
the back parlour. Wipe your shoes
A CARD —Jim Mawley, who will be faced by the Nobby Bellowser,
reminds his friends of the harmonic meeting on Sunday evening next, at the
Cock Phantom tavern. Some spirits of departed “Pugs,” including Mendoza and
Chicken, are expected to attend and pitch into the meeting. Pipes, baccy, and
“ Spirits of another sort,” Shakspeare - hem !
TJICKPOCKETS. — Numerous robberies constantly taking place at
L Spirit Stances, when the lights are extinguished, the police advise persons
attending such performances to pick their own pockets in their dressing-rooms
before going. Scotland Yard.
AA7ARNING —The lady who seized and detained the Hand which was
V V placing a wreath on her head at Herr Von Cagliostro’s, on Wednesday night,
is known, and if she does not restore it, without saying anything to anybody, and
with the machinery uninjured, revelations which the Spirits have made about her
early life will be conveyed to those who are interested in knowing something about
her. Tremble and obey!
THE GHOST OF MOZART will be called up at the Musical Phantom
Association Meeting, on the 1st instant, and will play some variations on the
supernatural music in Hon Giovanni.
TT IS REQUESTED that the two gentlemen who conveyed a lady in
J- strong hysterics from the Apparition Hall, last Saturday, will say nothing of
what she stated during her excitement. There was some mistake—her brother was
not drowned, as alleged by the Spirits, but has returned with a wife and many
nuggets. Clara. __
DISSOLUTION OF PARTNERSHIP.—The partnership heretofore
existing between Endor Trick and Grimm Diddler, Spiritualists, has been
dissolved by consent of Mr. Justice Sterne, who has sentenced the former to seven
years and a flogging, and the latter to the Siberian Penal Settlement for life.
Central Criminal Court, October, 1874.
Two Corrections.
Mr. Punch proposes to kill two birds with one stone. A paragraph
of dramatic criticism which he cited, with plaudit, last week, originally
appeared in one of the able theatrical articles in the London Review, and
were that excellent journal as fortunate in its selection of miscellaneous
information as it is in its dramatic critic, it would not have given cur-
rency to a ridiculous story of offence alleged to have been taken by Us
at a diverting statement by our admired friend, Richard Burton, to
whom we now drink in a nip of his namesake, in testimony that we were
heartily amused with ours.
You. 47.
6—2