DOI issue:
July 14, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0028
PUNCH OR THU LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 14, 1866.
A NEW DISH.
Sympathising Swell (waiting for some chicken). “You’ve got no Sinecure
there, Thomas ! ”
Perspiring Footman. “ Very Sorry, Sir—just ’elped the last of it away,
Sir ! ”
EVENINGS EROM HOME.
Considering all the world as a stage, an idea which, it is said,
originally occurred to William Shakspeare, we will, as usual,
ursue our own peculiar plan of noticing Before and Behind the Scenes
ramatically, upon the occasion of our assisting at the representation of
THE HUGUENOT CAPTAIN.
The Scene represents the Princess’s Theatre during the performance of
this new Drama.
our dramatis persons.
An Amateur in Water Colours (who has come to see “ Sits of Old Paris.’’)
Charles (his friend, known as an “ immensely funny fellow.’’)
Professional Tragedian (with a great Reputation in the Provinces. Disengaged.)
Young Government Clerk (an Amateur Actor, with the reputation of “knowing
Buckstone very welt”)
Clever Head of a Family, (with the reputation of having written for Frazer, and
other Magazines, and therefore supposed to possess unbounded knowledge.)
His Admiring Niece, and an Admiring Cambridge Man (his party).
Time : Five minutes to Eight. Almost everybody seated. Overture.
Government Amateur (recognising Professional Tragedian, whom he
has once met, once spoken to, and never forgotten). Ah ! how d’ye do,
Mr. Roller.
Professional Tragedian (not recognising Government Clerk, hut con-
descendingly and solemnly). How do you do? (Opening Ids eyes, a)id
then shutting them, while gently inclining his head towards the stage, as if
he was patiently submitting to the cruel sentence of some imaginary
tyrant.)
Government Amateur (cheerily). It’s some time since we met. (Wipes
his opera-glasses.)
PICKING UP THE PIECES.
Une Idee NapoUonienne.
We’ve had the crash, we’ve seen the smash,
Smoke clears away, and camion ceases ;
Our fighting friends have been so rash—
They ’ll want me to pick up the pieces !
How very thankful they should be,
There’s one whom hate of war releases
From Europe’s jars, and leaves him free,
When they ’re smashed, to pick up the pieces.
“ Blessed the peace-makers ”—no doubt!
War’s wrinkled front is full of creases :
I ’ll use one hand to smooth ’em out,
The other, “to pick up the pieces.”
France folds her hands, by war’s red cloud
Unshadowed, yet her realm increases :
It is because I’m not too proud.
In smashes, “ to pick up the pieces.”
Yes, “ If Empire e’est lapaix ! ” Just look
How battle bleeds, and fighting fleeces.
What war e’er brought so much to book,
As peace, if one “ picks up the pieces ? ”
Things will go smash, fools will make strife.
They get the shells, when the suit ceases :
The oyster is his lot in life,
Who stands by “to pick up the pieces.”
Give me but kings enough, a, bourse
Whose hausse et baisse my high police is :
And Europe’s free, de I’aigle a fours.
To fight, while I “ pick up the pieces ! ”
Non-intervention is the game—
Save with your Mexicos and Greeces —
Don’t intervene to avert the flame :
Intervene to “pick up the pieces.”
The contracts of fifteen are out:
Sixty-six will grant longer leases :
The deeds I’ll draw, my will is l^w:
So now for “ picking up the pieces.”
Professional Tragedian (with a sad smile). It is. (Wonders where
the deuce he’s ever seen him before. Thinks he ’ll ask him who he is.
Thinks he worCt. Thinks that when he takes a benefit, one of these days,
everybody’s of use. Determines to unbend; which he does by turning his
head round towards his acquaintance, elevating his eyebrows, and saying.)
Do you know anything of this piece ? (He says this as if he was per-
fectly indifferent to the ansveer, as, indeed, he is.)
Government Amateur (earnestly looking through his glasses while
speaking carelessly). No! I don’t know much about it. (He doesn’t
know anything, of course. Recognises some one in a private box. Smiles
and nods.)
Overture ends. Curtain rises.
Everybody. What an excellent scene! [N.B. All the scenery is really
admirable, and, from our own stall, we congratulate Mr. Lloyds the
artist.]
Water Colour Amateur (bound to find some fault, in order to sustain
his reputation.) Yes. (Leisurely applauds Mr. Lloyds\ , who appears in
answer to a unanimous call, and retires.) Yes. (As if he could have
inade a few improvements) There’s a little too much—urn—(puls his
head on one side) and, perhaps, if that was a trifle more—um—(puts his
head on the other side). Yes—(with toleration) yes, it’s very good.
Annibal Locust (on the Stage, Mr. Geo. Honey). Sing! of course
I will, bully boys. In praise of wine. (Sings about “throttle ” and
“ bottle!’) , .
Admiring Niece (to Clever Head of Family). What reign s this m,
uncle?
Clever Head of Family. Eh ? my dear—hush—(stops her, as if to listen
to Rent’s speech about Gajbuielle. Then says)—You recollect when the
Massacre of St. Bartholomew was ? ,
Admiring Niece, cheerfully. Oh, yes! (Turns to her admiring young
Cambridge Man, sotto voce). When was St. Bartholomew martyred? _
Cambridge Man (who feels it won’t do to lower himself before the object
of his admiration). Why, he was one of the early Christians. St. Poly-
[July 14, 1866.
A NEW DISH.
Sympathising Swell (waiting for some chicken). “You’ve got no Sinecure
there, Thomas ! ”
Perspiring Footman. “ Very Sorry, Sir—just ’elped the last of it away,
Sir ! ”
EVENINGS EROM HOME.
Considering all the world as a stage, an idea which, it is said,
originally occurred to William Shakspeare, we will, as usual,
ursue our own peculiar plan of noticing Before and Behind the Scenes
ramatically, upon the occasion of our assisting at the representation of
THE HUGUENOT CAPTAIN.
The Scene represents the Princess’s Theatre during the performance of
this new Drama.
our dramatis persons.
An Amateur in Water Colours (who has come to see “ Sits of Old Paris.’’)
Charles (his friend, known as an “ immensely funny fellow.’’)
Professional Tragedian (with a great Reputation in the Provinces. Disengaged.)
Young Government Clerk (an Amateur Actor, with the reputation of “knowing
Buckstone very welt”)
Clever Head of a Family, (with the reputation of having written for Frazer, and
other Magazines, and therefore supposed to possess unbounded knowledge.)
His Admiring Niece, and an Admiring Cambridge Man (his party).
Time : Five minutes to Eight. Almost everybody seated. Overture.
Government Amateur (recognising Professional Tragedian, whom he
has once met, once spoken to, and never forgotten). Ah ! how d’ye do,
Mr. Roller.
Professional Tragedian (not recognising Government Clerk, hut con-
descendingly and solemnly). How do you do? (Opening Ids eyes, a)id
then shutting them, while gently inclining his head towards the stage, as if
he was patiently submitting to the cruel sentence of some imaginary
tyrant.)
Government Amateur (cheerily). It’s some time since we met. (Wipes
his opera-glasses.)
PICKING UP THE PIECES.
Une Idee NapoUonienne.
We’ve had the crash, we’ve seen the smash,
Smoke clears away, and camion ceases ;
Our fighting friends have been so rash—
They ’ll want me to pick up the pieces !
How very thankful they should be,
There’s one whom hate of war releases
From Europe’s jars, and leaves him free,
When they ’re smashed, to pick up the pieces.
“ Blessed the peace-makers ”—no doubt!
War’s wrinkled front is full of creases :
I ’ll use one hand to smooth ’em out,
The other, “to pick up the pieces.”
France folds her hands, by war’s red cloud
Unshadowed, yet her realm increases :
It is because I’m not too proud.
In smashes, “ to pick up the pieces.”
Yes, “ If Empire e’est lapaix ! ” Just look
How battle bleeds, and fighting fleeces.
What war e’er brought so much to book,
As peace, if one “ picks up the pieces ? ”
Things will go smash, fools will make strife.
They get the shells, when the suit ceases :
The oyster is his lot in life,
Who stands by “to pick up the pieces.”
Give me but kings enough, a, bourse
Whose hausse et baisse my high police is :
And Europe’s free, de I’aigle a fours.
To fight, while I “ pick up the pieces ! ”
Non-intervention is the game—
Save with your Mexicos and Greeces —
Don’t intervene to avert the flame :
Intervene to “pick up the pieces.”
The contracts of fifteen are out:
Sixty-six will grant longer leases :
The deeds I’ll draw, my will is l^w:
So now for “ picking up the pieces.”
Professional Tragedian (with a sad smile). It is. (Wonders where
the deuce he’s ever seen him before. Thinks he ’ll ask him who he is.
Thinks he worCt. Thinks that when he takes a benefit, one of these days,
everybody’s of use. Determines to unbend; which he does by turning his
head round towards his acquaintance, elevating his eyebrows, and saying.)
Do you know anything of this piece ? (He says this as if he was per-
fectly indifferent to the ansveer, as, indeed, he is.)
Government Amateur (earnestly looking through his glasses while
speaking carelessly). No! I don’t know much about it. (He doesn’t
know anything, of course. Recognises some one in a private box. Smiles
and nods.)
Overture ends. Curtain rises.
Everybody. What an excellent scene! [N.B. All the scenery is really
admirable, and, from our own stall, we congratulate Mr. Lloyds the
artist.]
Water Colour Amateur (bound to find some fault, in order to sustain
his reputation.) Yes. (Leisurely applauds Mr. Lloyds\ , who appears in
answer to a unanimous call, and retires.) Yes. (As if he could have
inade a few improvements) There’s a little too much—urn—(puls his
head on one side) and, perhaps, if that was a trifle more—um—(puts his
head on the other side). Yes—(with toleration) yes, it’s very good.
Annibal Locust (on the Stage, Mr. Geo. Honey). Sing! of course
I will, bully boys. In praise of wine. (Sings about “throttle ” and
“ bottle!’) , .
Admiring Niece (to Clever Head of Family). What reign s this m,
uncle?
Clever Head of Family. Eh ? my dear—hush—(stops her, as if to listen
to Rent’s speech about Gajbuielle. Then says)—You recollect when the
Massacre of St. Bartholomew was ? ,
Admiring Niece, cheerfully. Oh, yes! (Turns to her admiring young
Cambridge Man, sotto voce). When was St. Bartholomew martyred? _
Cambridge Man (who feels it won’t do to lower himself before the object
of his admiration). Why, he was one of the early Christians. St. Poly-