Punch (52.1867)

210

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 25, 1867.

PLAYING AT POLICEMEN.

George and Fred were Sworn in as Specials the other day, and their beat was in Bolton Street, May Fair, where
their Aunt lived. Under these Circumstances, was there anything inconsistent in their taking Tea and Cold Meat
WITH HER TWO RATHER PRETTY SERVANTS IN THE KlTCHEN?—BUT THE OLD LADY, HEARING AN UNUSUAL “ RlOTING, ” AND COMING
DOWN AND CATCHING THEM OUT, IF THERE WASN’T A JOLLY ROW ABOUT IT—IT’S A PlTY.

MR. PUNCH AT THE EXHIBITION.

I went to see the pictures, but no pictures could I see,

For the casaques and the chignons, and the trains that swept so free:
And the wonderfullest works of art weren’t those upon the walls—
But those tiniest of bonnets, and those gorgeousest of shawls.

Miss Mutrie’s flowers seemed pale beside the milliner’s gay blooms.
That, a-top of golden tresses, to parterres turned all the rooms.

And what was Millais’s colouring or Leighton’s to the Art
That their hues to all those tresses had managed to impart ?

Where has the black hair vanished to, the chesnut, and the brown ?
Why has the blonde gone up so that nought else will go down ?

Blonde rousse, Blonde pale. Blond cendree—still Blonde of every tone !
From Jade tow to fierce carrots, ’twas blonde, and blonde alone!

And 1 wondered as I gazed on those blonde heads, young and old,
Where could be the bank of elegance that stood this run for gold !

And when the gold was found per head, whence was more gold
supplied

To furnish forth these chignons that wanton far and wide ?

What are artists upon canvas to the artists who had reared
The varieties of chignon that to those blonde heads adhered F—

The chignon a la quartern loaf, the chignon a, la Grecque,

The chignon a, la bushel, and the chignon a la peck;

The chignon a la Stilton cheese, the chignon a la screw ;—

Chignons that match, chignons that, bold, assert their native hue,

And ask “ What has the chignon with its wearer’s hair to do ? ”

Then, at tresses and at chignons when the wonderment was gone,

My gaze turned to the structures perched airily thereon :

Such dainty little roundels of tulle and flowers and lace,

So void of cover for the head or shadow for the face.

So gallantly and gaily with our climate waging war,

So saucily defiant of sore-throat and catarrh :

Perched like nests for little Cupidons upon those tresses fair,

With brides of tulle, like vaporous clouds round cheeks and crepe hair :

And crystal-beaded, pearl-bedropped lace gorgets cobweb-thin,
Sweeping from rosy ear to ear beneath the rounded chin ;

Benoiton chains, and flower agrafes, and beads and bugles bright.
Wherein till now the Caffre belles were wont to take delight!-"

Till what with hair and chignons, bonnets, brides, and beads and flowers,
My dazzled eye felt drunken, and my mind renounced its powers;

And I said, “ With all these pictures for my pleasure on the floor.

The pictures hung upon the walls are nothing but a bore ! ”

ARBITRATION PUDDING.

“ Come, I say, I think I ’ll try a little of that again.” Such is the
speech often heard to proceed from the mouth which has just given
entrance to a quantity of some good thing, particularly a novelty to
the palate —say a Nesselrode pudding. Now diplomacy has just
done something better than Nesselrode is known ever to have
accomplished; something of which the analogous pudding would sur-
pass even that which bears his name. Its work has cooled the rage of
rival nations and neighbours. The plenipotentiaries of the Great
Powers at the London Conference have happily settled the Luxemburg
Question and—under Heaven— averted a European war. Thus much,
then, of success, after all, through Arbitration; wherein, likewise, all
partakers may have said, with satisfaction, that they thought, on
occasion, they would try some of that same again.

Curious Fact in Ornithology.

An abnormal condition of the poultry in the neighbourhood of Epsom
has been observed during the last week. The very hens have been
laying—bets._

Epsom “ Salts.”—Sailors at the Derby.