DOI Heft:
May 25, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0215
May 25. 1867.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PUNCH’S DERBY PROPHECY.
Being the Nine Hundred and Seventh Chapter of the Koran.
(Favoured by Mohammed the Prophet.)
ENTITLED AL DUFFER. REVEALED IN FLEET STREET.
very one among ye, O Faithful,
who would win gold and silver
by those who come ridiDg swiftly
upon the glittering horses, and
using the most objectionable lan-
guage at the Corner, ye will do
well to abandon such hopes, and to
say unto yourselves, Lo, we have
indifferently honest callings, and
let us make gold and silver
thereby, whereof we shall not be
ashamed when we come to in-
scribe the harvest of the year in
the scrolls of Benjamin, the son
of Israeli, yea the scrolls of in-
come. For the gain that is gained
over the vertebral of the evil one
is dissipated beneath his abdo-
men. Howbeit if it must be so,
and the Prophet must as hereto-
fore be invoked, listen, and the
darker the words of wisdom the
brighter the light which is con-
cealed within them, as in a lan-
tern. Place not your flag upon any
Mountain, nor in any Dale, for
such regions are not propitious
unto horsemanship, nor shall the
Mohican chieftain be your leader,
nor the squalid dweller in the
cell, nor the pilgrim with the
scallop shell, for they shall all
deceive you in the day when the
heart shall beat fast and the cry
shall be loud. Neither shall ye
put youi faith in princes, be they of the race of the vagabond, or of the imperial
purple of the seven hills, howbeit that same purple is a colour that will run.
Beware, O ye Faithful, of the voice of popular applause, yet scorn it not, for the many
are not always wrong. Shall Mohammed the Prophet speak well of the ensign that
came against him in the day of the Melee Ric, or of the fabled monster whose death
made the lying legend of the English saint and Cappadocian baker ? I trow not, yet
say not in the trial hour that they are nought, for the victories whereof they are
types went against the Crescent, and fortune hath a smile for the evil. Nevertheless
he who tameth the lion need not fear the face of man, and strength and speed may
come to the rescue. Strong may be the rock, yet build not thereon, bright may be
the bird, yet sail not upon his wings, gay may be the moth, yet the candle may be
lighted for the singeing. There is a wine that maketh glad, and there is a wine
that maketh sorry, and beware of what ye swallow, yet the Martin flieth fast.
Who regardeth John of Russia, much less his unlawful child, who regardeth
the black and gold that cometh with a carol, though this is not the season for
the same? O Faithful, there was in the world a little corporal from the land
of the Frank, and he professed the faith of Mohammed that he might cozen the
dwellers in the East, but he was reckoned up and came to grief, and so shall
those who roly on his name. Vain, brethren, is earthly learning, and it were well
that few held the pen which many hold to the confusion of their fellows, and in the
day when all men scrawl their folly be reverence to him who knoweth not how to
write, and affixeth a sign which may be the sign of victory. But if ye will be told,
and if ye will be wise, put your trust in him who destroyed that he might defend,
for he shall defend you against the destroyer, and destroy the defences of your
adversaries. And for a further grace unto you, I, Mohammed, do for that day only,
and by the particular desire of several persons of distinction, abrogate all rule of the
ruddy meat and of the laughing wine, and ye shall eat the flesh of the pig. and
drink the sparkling cup, and the smoke of the brown weed of the West and of the
spotty cabbage of the East shall ascend into the firmament, and no worse thing
shall come unto you than cometh unto the fool, yea, the idiot, who eateth and
drinketh more than is good for him. This I have given.
MOHAMMED.
(Countersigned)
(With reservations.)
INTERESTING TO THE FACULTIES.
{From our Own Colwell-Hatchney Correspondent.)
You haven’t heard from me for a long time; the reason of my
silence will be obvious to all who are blessed with affluence and.
Chocolat Menier, in packets, price sixpence, not to mention Horniman’s
pure tea, who went up in a balloon the other day in company with
an agreeable policeman’s rattle of my acquaintance when the stormy
winds did blow. But as these matters will form a case for the Law
209
Courts, I will not give my opinion on them now; suffice it to say
that there is no substitute for breakfast except marmalade, and
Mahomet is his prophet. From which information you will see at
once that we are going to have an annual Theatrical, which will take
place every month. In order to tell when the months come round
and the moon changes, I have invented a beautiful little machine,
formed out of aerated bread and paper knives ; this marvellous instru-
ment which is cleaned every morning by an intelligent and. gentle
butler (a distant relative of the Siamese Twins, whose acquaintance
he cut many years ago)—I must just re-read this to see where I was —
.... All, yes . . Well, the instrument is fitted up with lunar
caustic and essence of mangoes for exportation to the colonies, as dry
goods, and will keep in any climate ; all you’ve got to do is to tap it
in the morning, and go up-stairs to see what sort of weather it is. . It
obtained the first prize in the Colwell-Hatchney Exhibition. In fact
it was the only thing exhibited.
We are building a theatre : it is to be on a grand scale, say one by
six; and at least 3000 feet above the level of the upper C in alt for
operatic purposes, including the elevation of the Drama.
We are only to have Amateur Performances, and none but Pro -
fessionals will be allowed to take part in them.
Stars, such as Jupiter, Saturn, and the Tycoon will come on sharing
terms. Share after eighteen thunderstorms, and a little one in for
luck. The front row of the stalls will be devoted exclusively to
children under one year of age. Babies interfering in any way with
the performance will be immediately put into the ophecleide by the
glass-blower in attendance. The orchestra will be under the super-
intendence of a Committee of noblemen and gentry, who will conduct
the sonatas in their own persons.
A supper of grilled trombones will be given afterwards to the
students of Colwell-Hatchney, when we shall be waited upon by iron-
clads only, who will bring their own armour-plates. The College of
Surgeons will be under the table ready for an emergency.
The first piece is Shakespeare. The chief performers will be the
Tower Hamlets. After which Judas Macbeth, a farce-oratorio in
three-quarters of an act and half a tableau. The winner of next
year’s Derby will then be shown, and the usual collection made in aid
of the Diocesan Home-fed Retributive Society’s Funds.
The next toast will be buttered and handed round on a toasting-
fork. The glee-singers will then fight each other with sticks, rakes,
and garden-engines. The winner will be bought for 150 guineas.
We want a heavy man. The heaviest we’ve got is eighteen stun.
Also a Light Comedian to attend to the gas.
I will write to you again as soon as we have finished. Our stage
is to be filled with traps. I am to cut them. Isn’t that fun ? In
every trap I shall have four horses. Adew!
Your Own Adolfuss.
THE RIFLEMEN’S RETURN.
The Belgians are coming,
Oh, dear ! oh, dear !
The Belgians are coming,
Oh, dear ! oh, dear !
Says Colonel Lloyd Lindsay, M.P., M.P.
We’ll take ’em our Sydenham Palace to see,
To Richmond and Windsor, and give ’em some tea,
In return for their great hospitalise.
So let ’em be coming, oh, dear, &c.
{Mr. Punch’s Verses.)
The Belgians are coming,
My dears, my dears !
They ’re coming, receive ’em—
With cheers, with cheers !
’Tis very odd, as it seems to me,
That after such great hospitalise,
And after inviting the kind foreigner,
You should be so astonished when they appear.
The Belgians are coming, my dears, my dears {bis)
They’re coming, receive ’em with cheers, with cheers.
The Belgians are coming,
My dears, my dears !
They ’re coming, receive ’em—
With cheers, with cheers
But Colonel Lloyd Lindsay, I’m sure will be,
Delighted his Belgian friends to see.
And treat them at all events more handsome/^,
Than our Royalty treats foreign Royaltee.
The Belgians are coming, &c.
{Tempo di Marcia. Commander-in-Chiee Punch reviews a file of
His Own Periodical, and expresses himself much pleased. Salv
of cannons. Vivat Regina !
Vol. 52.
7—2
PUNCH’S DERBY PROPHECY.
Being the Nine Hundred and Seventh Chapter of the Koran.
(Favoured by Mohammed the Prophet.)
ENTITLED AL DUFFER. REVEALED IN FLEET STREET.
very one among ye, O Faithful,
who would win gold and silver
by those who come ridiDg swiftly
upon the glittering horses, and
using the most objectionable lan-
guage at the Corner, ye will do
well to abandon such hopes, and to
say unto yourselves, Lo, we have
indifferently honest callings, and
let us make gold and silver
thereby, whereof we shall not be
ashamed when we come to in-
scribe the harvest of the year in
the scrolls of Benjamin, the son
of Israeli, yea the scrolls of in-
come. For the gain that is gained
over the vertebral of the evil one
is dissipated beneath his abdo-
men. Howbeit if it must be so,
and the Prophet must as hereto-
fore be invoked, listen, and the
darker the words of wisdom the
brighter the light which is con-
cealed within them, as in a lan-
tern. Place not your flag upon any
Mountain, nor in any Dale, for
such regions are not propitious
unto horsemanship, nor shall the
Mohican chieftain be your leader,
nor the squalid dweller in the
cell, nor the pilgrim with the
scallop shell, for they shall all
deceive you in the day when the
heart shall beat fast and the cry
shall be loud. Neither shall ye
put youi faith in princes, be they of the race of the vagabond, or of the imperial
purple of the seven hills, howbeit that same purple is a colour that will run.
Beware, O ye Faithful, of the voice of popular applause, yet scorn it not, for the many
are not always wrong. Shall Mohammed the Prophet speak well of the ensign that
came against him in the day of the Melee Ric, or of the fabled monster whose death
made the lying legend of the English saint and Cappadocian baker ? I trow not, yet
say not in the trial hour that they are nought, for the victories whereof they are
types went against the Crescent, and fortune hath a smile for the evil. Nevertheless
he who tameth the lion need not fear the face of man, and strength and speed may
come to the rescue. Strong may be the rock, yet build not thereon, bright may be
the bird, yet sail not upon his wings, gay may be the moth, yet the candle may be
lighted for the singeing. There is a wine that maketh glad, and there is a wine
that maketh sorry, and beware of what ye swallow, yet the Martin flieth fast.
Who regardeth John of Russia, much less his unlawful child, who regardeth
the black and gold that cometh with a carol, though this is not the season for
the same? O Faithful, there was in the world a little corporal from the land
of the Frank, and he professed the faith of Mohammed that he might cozen the
dwellers in the East, but he was reckoned up and came to grief, and so shall
those who roly on his name. Vain, brethren, is earthly learning, and it were well
that few held the pen which many hold to the confusion of their fellows, and in the
day when all men scrawl their folly be reverence to him who knoweth not how to
write, and affixeth a sign which may be the sign of victory. But if ye will be told,
and if ye will be wise, put your trust in him who destroyed that he might defend,
for he shall defend you against the destroyer, and destroy the defences of your
adversaries. And for a further grace unto you, I, Mohammed, do for that day only,
and by the particular desire of several persons of distinction, abrogate all rule of the
ruddy meat and of the laughing wine, and ye shall eat the flesh of the pig. and
drink the sparkling cup, and the smoke of the brown weed of the West and of the
spotty cabbage of the East shall ascend into the firmament, and no worse thing
shall come unto you than cometh unto the fool, yea, the idiot, who eateth and
drinketh more than is good for him. This I have given.
MOHAMMED.
(Countersigned)
(With reservations.)
INTERESTING TO THE FACULTIES.
{From our Own Colwell-Hatchney Correspondent.)
You haven’t heard from me for a long time; the reason of my
silence will be obvious to all who are blessed with affluence and.
Chocolat Menier, in packets, price sixpence, not to mention Horniman’s
pure tea, who went up in a balloon the other day in company with
an agreeable policeman’s rattle of my acquaintance when the stormy
winds did blow. But as these matters will form a case for the Law
209
Courts, I will not give my opinion on them now; suffice it to say
that there is no substitute for breakfast except marmalade, and
Mahomet is his prophet. From which information you will see at
once that we are going to have an annual Theatrical, which will take
place every month. In order to tell when the months come round
and the moon changes, I have invented a beautiful little machine,
formed out of aerated bread and paper knives ; this marvellous instru-
ment which is cleaned every morning by an intelligent and. gentle
butler (a distant relative of the Siamese Twins, whose acquaintance
he cut many years ago)—I must just re-read this to see where I was —
.... All, yes . . Well, the instrument is fitted up with lunar
caustic and essence of mangoes for exportation to the colonies, as dry
goods, and will keep in any climate ; all you’ve got to do is to tap it
in the morning, and go up-stairs to see what sort of weather it is. . It
obtained the first prize in the Colwell-Hatchney Exhibition. In fact
it was the only thing exhibited.
We are building a theatre : it is to be on a grand scale, say one by
six; and at least 3000 feet above the level of the upper C in alt for
operatic purposes, including the elevation of the Drama.
We are only to have Amateur Performances, and none but Pro -
fessionals will be allowed to take part in them.
Stars, such as Jupiter, Saturn, and the Tycoon will come on sharing
terms. Share after eighteen thunderstorms, and a little one in for
luck. The front row of the stalls will be devoted exclusively to
children under one year of age. Babies interfering in any way with
the performance will be immediately put into the ophecleide by the
glass-blower in attendance. The orchestra will be under the super-
intendence of a Committee of noblemen and gentry, who will conduct
the sonatas in their own persons.
A supper of grilled trombones will be given afterwards to the
students of Colwell-Hatchney, when we shall be waited upon by iron-
clads only, who will bring their own armour-plates. The College of
Surgeons will be under the table ready for an emergency.
The first piece is Shakespeare. The chief performers will be the
Tower Hamlets. After which Judas Macbeth, a farce-oratorio in
three-quarters of an act and half a tableau. The winner of next
year’s Derby will then be shown, and the usual collection made in aid
of the Diocesan Home-fed Retributive Society’s Funds.
The next toast will be buttered and handed round on a toasting-
fork. The glee-singers will then fight each other with sticks, rakes,
and garden-engines. The winner will be bought for 150 guineas.
We want a heavy man. The heaviest we’ve got is eighteen stun.
Also a Light Comedian to attend to the gas.
I will write to you again as soon as we have finished. Our stage
is to be filled with traps. I am to cut them. Isn’t that fun ? In
every trap I shall have four horses. Adew!
Your Own Adolfuss.
THE RIFLEMEN’S RETURN.
The Belgians are coming,
Oh, dear ! oh, dear !
The Belgians are coming,
Oh, dear ! oh, dear !
Says Colonel Lloyd Lindsay, M.P., M.P.
We’ll take ’em our Sydenham Palace to see,
To Richmond and Windsor, and give ’em some tea,
In return for their great hospitalise.
So let ’em be coming, oh, dear, &c.
{Mr. Punch’s Verses.)
The Belgians are coming,
My dears, my dears !
They ’re coming, receive ’em—
With cheers, with cheers !
’Tis very odd, as it seems to me,
That after such great hospitalise,
And after inviting the kind foreigner,
You should be so astonished when they appear.
The Belgians are coming, my dears, my dears {bis)
They’re coming, receive ’em with cheers, with cheers.
The Belgians are coming,
My dears, my dears !
They ’re coming, receive ’em—
With cheers, with cheers
But Colonel Lloyd Lindsay, I’m sure will be,
Delighted his Belgian friends to see.
And treat them at all events more handsome/^,
Than our Royalty treats foreign Royaltee.
The Belgians are coming, &c.
{Tempo di Marcia. Commander-in-Chiee Punch reviews a file of
His Own Periodical, and expresses himself much pleased. Salv
of cannons. Vivat Regina !
Vol. 52.
7—2