Punch (52.1867)

KING PUNCH’S NEW

TN accordance with his usual gracious custom, His Majesty Punch
held his deception on New Year’s Day. The salon was filled
with his royal sisters and brothers, and His Majesty walked about
with the utmost affability, saying a few kindly words to each guest.

His Majesty then ascended the steps of the throne, and spoke as
follows :—

“ Here we all are again, and how do you do to-morrow ? What a
smell of anointing-oil!

“ Louis Napoleon, my friend, I am pleased with you. Your word,
given to the Italians, has been honourably kept, and there are no
Trench soldiers in Rome. So you do not let my beautiful friend on
your arm go to see the Pope, as the old gentleman may possibly show
her a certain, coldness, which it befits not the Wife of Prance to endure.
You are perfectly right. I presume that you are much occupied with
the Grand Exhibition. It will not be a success unless you and I
abolish the detestable Search of Personal Baggage. I hear that
M. Pould and Me. Disraeli are anxious to do so, if possible, and
that it is only the Custom House fellows that are in the way. Kick
yours, and I charge myself with the duty of kicking mine. Madame,
you look lovelier every day, but if you would join my Judy in her
crusade against extravagance in dress, you would be lovelier still, in
my eyes. I hope your delightful boy is well. He bas an English
governess. That is good, but I advise you to send him to Cambridge
as soon as he is old enough. My love to him, and this box of etrennes,
among which he will find neither sword nor bayonet.

“ Alexander, I am very glad to see you. I wish you joy of the
marriage of your son. He has made the very best choice that was
open to him. Remember me to him, and to his charming Dagmar,
whose name I wish had been conserved. Yery much obliged by your
splendid kindness to Albert-Edward, though I fear the frozen pro-
visions did him no particular good. 1 don’t forget what you have
done for the serfs, or any of your other good deeds. But I say, Alec,
no meddling in Turkish affairs, my brave.

“ Pean cis-Joseph, accept my condolence, but what could you expect,
my dear fellow F A bundle of provinces is not an empire, and bump-
tiousness is not strong government. You are out in the cold. But
you must pluck up heart. Don’t think of fighting, but administer and
improve the noble dominions left to you. Yenice was never yours by
rignt—think no more about it. Piner fellows than Austrians I never
knew ; and, if you mind what you are about, there are good times in

YEAR’S RECEPTION.

store for you. Those shoe-buckles, which are de rigueur in Yienna, are
very handsome and becoming. Send me a few pairs, for in this respect
I will gladly tread in your shoes.

“ Isabella, I am glad that you have the grace to be here. I am,
however, exceedingly displeased with you. Priestly tyranny, is the
worst form of all, and the worst form of priestly tyranny reigns in
Spain. Crozier and bayonet against pen will come to grief, and so
will you, unless you repent. I will not detain you.

“William, you are a Conqueror, and may think that the name of
William the 'Conqueror commands my respect. Not in the least.
I favour no cause but a just one. It may be that what Bismarck has
done will be good for Europe and liberty in the end, but we shall owe
small thanks to him or you. Still, I cannot be altogether displeased
that a strong Protestant power should arise in the centre of Europe,
nor can I be otherwise than interested in a crown that will devolve on
the husband of one of the sweetest of English girls. Examine your
conscience, mon vieux, and be kind to those whom you have injured.
You may stay to lunch.

“ William of Holland, I never hear anything but good of you,
and I wish you many happy returns of the day.

“ Abdul Aziz, salaam aldikum ! I don’t wish to be unpleasant, but
I fear that the clouds are gathering over the Bosphorus. I will talk
with you in private. Refreshments await you in my library; and my
servants have neither ears, eyes, nor tongue, except at my orders, so
take what you like, orthodox or heterodox. I can recommend the
truffles in wine.

“Yictor-Emmanuel, my jolly, how goes it? Congratulations on
Yenice, and sorry you seemed bored with the demonstrations. Remem-
ber, you are paid to be a Ceremony, and. you should behave as such.
I dare say you see a great deal of spooniness in some of your subjects,
but remember, they have not had the hardy, healthy Piedmontese edu-
cation. And, I say, I don’t preach, but some things are not in good
taste. We are neither of us boys, old man, eh? Stop, of course, and
we ’ll have a smoke.

“ Leopold, most welcome, for your father’s sake and for your own.
I thank you for your regal kindness to my Household Guard. We ’ll
try to repay it at Wimbledon, and elsewhere. My humblest homage
to your admirable Queen. May Belgium always prosper !

“ Christian, whatever may happen to territories, no good father
can be unhappy whose dearest child has married as your Alexandra
has done. In fact, she is my child. With that fact before us, I cannot

Vol. 52.

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