DOI Heft:
April 13, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0152
April 13, 1867.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
145
TAKING A HINT.
A VISIT TO VENICE.
Have you been to Venice yet? No ? Then hi! here,
Hansom ! Drive to Venice, quick now, eight o’clock’s just
striking. Not know the way, you blockhead ? Why, I
fancied every cabman knew the Gallery of Illustration.
That’s where Venice is this season. Thanks to Messieurs
German Reed and Telbin, one can get there in a cab any
evening after dinner, and be cosily at home again in time
to smoke a couple of cigars ere it be midnight.
What a charming scene ! What capital costumes, too !
Were the Entertainment done on horseback, it could not
be better mounted. Dialogue dull, eh ? Well, I have
heard jokes more sparkling. Gems of wit in Venice ought
to be of the first water. Pruning-knife, my dear boy ?
Better take a hatchet, and lop off the introduction. Keep
Faigue, he’s rather funny. And don’t meddle with the
Hashesh mixture : music-hall and opera. I got eleven dis-
tinct laughs from it, and I rarely now get one even by
going to a theatre, except from The Liar. Mrs. Reed,
Ma’am, how do you do ? Glad to see you well again.
You come on in a gondola, why not sing us that old song,
“ Gondolier, row, row,” to remind us of the time when there
was something in burlesques, beside bare legs and nigger
break-downs. Good evening, Mrs. Roseleaf. What a lively
Wedding Breakfast! Where are there ten other finger-
tips in England, that can ring so good a peal of bells on
the piano ?
SETTING BONNETS AT BACHELORS.
Our elegant contemporary, Le Follet, enumerates,
amongst the trimmings for bonnets now in vogue,
“ bachelors’ buttons.” Are these ornaments to be con-
sidered emblems of conquest achieved, or symbols of
expected victory ? Bachelors’ buttons, decorating the
bonnets of spinsters, may be thought, perhaps, to express,
in the language of flowers, a desire to get married.
When the wearers of bachelors’ buttons in their bonnets
shall have obtained the bachelors for whom they advertise
by the exhibition of those tokens, may those whose buttons
will have ceased to be bachelors’ buttons ever find their
buttons all right!
Aunt Flora {concluding the story of the naughty little girl). “-and soaked
ALL HER NICE NEW SUNDAY CLOTHES FROM HEAD TO FOOT.” {Moral.) “ BUT
Sylvie’s a good little Girl—She never got into her Bath with all
her Sunday Clothes on.”
Sylvie {thoughtfully). “No—o, I never did-but I will now !”
Town and Country.
The Emperor having been obliged to drop Luxem-
burg, will have to content himself, as at present, with
“ Luxe-en-villef
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
In the opinion of Colchester, signified through Lord Hardwicke,
Monday, April 1, our soldiers ought to have some honest employment
found for them, to keep them out of mischief. The Commander-in-
Chiee talked of “insuperable” difficulties which our officers are
trying to conquer. We are aware that British officers are wonderful
feilows, but either they mean to work miracles, or the Duke does not
know grammar.
The Lawyers cannot agree as to the period of Divine service when
banns should be published. The Attorney-General has thoughts
of bringing in a Bill to settle it. As this is Lent, when it is not
considered the thing to marry, be born, or die, there is no hurry; or
if there is. Doctors’ Commons will serve couples with licences, on
reasonable terms.
Mr. Walpole made a most unsatisfactory defence of his conduct
in reference to the sentence on a person called Toomer, who is con-
demned to fifteen years’ penal servitude for an offence which nobody
believes that he (though a vicious man) committed. Our Home
Secretary is a very gentlemanly Home Secretary, but “talent is
| not his forte.”
Touching Reform, Mr. Disraeli, in reply to Mr. Gladstone,
stated that in Committee the Dual Vote should be struck out, but
he would say no more, except that in Committee, also, the House
would find the best solution of other controversies. Lord Cranborne,
with great good-nature, then demanded of his late colleague. Lord
Stanley, what were the Features by which Government intended
t.o stand or fall ? Lord Stanley quietly responded that the matter
was one for argument and discussion rather than for question. Which
may be called an answer, because you may call anything by any name
you please.
Luxemburg is a duchy, and it belongs to the King of Holland.
The Emperor of the French wanted to buy it. The King of
Holland wanted to sell it. The Luxemburghers did not want to be
sold. The Prussians did not wish German territory handed to France.
The Emperor has had to give up his Napoleonic Idea. Another of
Our Failures, eh ?
Mr. O’Beirne wished to know why the War Office Clerks cannot
have their salaries monthly instead of quarterly, as they wish. The
answer was of course a red tape one—if we do it for one office we must
do it for all offices. And why not ? Because that would increase the
duties at the Pay Office. Now is not this bosh enough to make men
turn radicals, and take down pikes, and skewer their betters generally ?
It is a most desirable thing to pay monthly, as the wife of every clerk
would tell the Government. How much difficulty would there be in
signing twelve cheques instead of four ? Officialism sometimes makes
reasonable men incline to kick somebody.
Uncle Sam is buying Russian America. That is, the Government
of the States has bought it, but the Legislature has to ratify the
treaty. Having looked at the map, to see where the country.is, we
have no hesitation in saying that Uncle is quite welcome to it, and
if he would export thither every Irish citizen of the States, he would
confer a service on mankind, indeed we believe that is the secret object
of the purchase, though Mr. Seward cannot well say so just yet, as
the Irishry are politically useful.
Mr. Disraeli said that the question whether the Easter holiday
would begin at the usual time, was a question “ in the hands of Fate.”
To which Mr. Punch adds,
“ Lanificas DuUi tres exorare puellas contigit,”
not, ot course, that it is necessary to say so, but the quotation shows
the gentleman, and one who has remembered his Martial, and this
brings us to another Martial subject, namely, Flogging in the Army.
There was a long and animated debate on Sir John Pakington’s
clause for continuing the practice, though the House had condemned
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
145
TAKING A HINT.
A VISIT TO VENICE.
Have you been to Venice yet? No ? Then hi! here,
Hansom ! Drive to Venice, quick now, eight o’clock’s just
striking. Not know the way, you blockhead ? Why, I
fancied every cabman knew the Gallery of Illustration.
That’s where Venice is this season. Thanks to Messieurs
German Reed and Telbin, one can get there in a cab any
evening after dinner, and be cosily at home again in time
to smoke a couple of cigars ere it be midnight.
What a charming scene ! What capital costumes, too !
Were the Entertainment done on horseback, it could not
be better mounted. Dialogue dull, eh ? Well, I have
heard jokes more sparkling. Gems of wit in Venice ought
to be of the first water. Pruning-knife, my dear boy ?
Better take a hatchet, and lop off the introduction. Keep
Faigue, he’s rather funny. And don’t meddle with the
Hashesh mixture : music-hall and opera. I got eleven dis-
tinct laughs from it, and I rarely now get one even by
going to a theatre, except from The Liar. Mrs. Reed,
Ma’am, how do you do ? Glad to see you well again.
You come on in a gondola, why not sing us that old song,
“ Gondolier, row, row,” to remind us of the time when there
was something in burlesques, beside bare legs and nigger
break-downs. Good evening, Mrs. Roseleaf. What a lively
Wedding Breakfast! Where are there ten other finger-
tips in England, that can ring so good a peal of bells on
the piano ?
SETTING BONNETS AT BACHELORS.
Our elegant contemporary, Le Follet, enumerates,
amongst the trimmings for bonnets now in vogue,
“ bachelors’ buttons.” Are these ornaments to be con-
sidered emblems of conquest achieved, or symbols of
expected victory ? Bachelors’ buttons, decorating the
bonnets of spinsters, may be thought, perhaps, to express,
in the language of flowers, a desire to get married.
When the wearers of bachelors’ buttons in their bonnets
shall have obtained the bachelors for whom they advertise
by the exhibition of those tokens, may those whose buttons
will have ceased to be bachelors’ buttons ever find their
buttons all right!
Aunt Flora {concluding the story of the naughty little girl). “-and soaked
ALL HER NICE NEW SUNDAY CLOTHES FROM HEAD TO FOOT.” {Moral.) “ BUT
Sylvie’s a good little Girl—She never got into her Bath with all
her Sunday Clothes on.”
Sylvie {thoughtfully). “No—o, I never did-but I will now !”
Town and Country.
The Emperor having been obliged to drop Luxem-
burg, will have to content himself, as at present, with
“ Luxe-en-villef
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
In the opinion of Colchester, signified through Lord Hardwicke,
Monday, April 1, our soldiers ought to have some honest employment
found for them, to keep them out of mischief. The Commander-in-
Chiee talked of “insuperable” difficulties which our officers are
trying to conquer. We are aware that British officers are wonderful
feilows, but either they mean to work miracles, or the Duke does not
know grammar.
The Lawyers cannot agree as to the period of Divine service when
banns should be published. The Attorney-General has thoughts
of bringing in a Bill to settle it. As this is Lent, when it is not
considered the thing to marry, be born, or die, there is no hurry; or
if there is. Doctors’ Commons will serve couples with licences, on
reasonable terms.
Mr. Walpole made a most unsatisfactory defence of his conduct
in reference to the sentence on a person called Toomer, who is con-
demned to fifteen years’ penal servitude for an offence which nobody
believes that he (though a vicious man) committed. Our Home
Secretary is a very gentlemanly Home Secretary, but “talent is
| not his forte.”
Touching Reform, Mr. Disraeli, in reply to Mr. Gladstone,
stated that in Committee the Dual Vote should be struck out, but
he would say no more, except that in Committee, also, the House
would find the best solution of other controversies. Lord Cranborne,
with great good-nature, then demanded of his late colleague. Lord
Stanley, what were the Features by which Government intended
t.o stand or fall ? Lord Stanley quietly responded that the matter
was one for argument and discussion rather than for question. Which
may be called an answer, because you may call anything by any name
you please.
Luxemburg is a duchy, and it belongs to the King of Holland.
The Emperor of the French wanted to buy it. The King of
Holland wanted to sell it. The Luxemburghers did not want to be
sold. The Prussians did not wish German territory handed to France.
The Emperor has had to give up his Napoleonic Idea. Another of
Our Failures, eh ?
Mr. O’Beirne wished to know why the War Office Clerks cannot
have their salaries monthly instead of quarterly, as they wish. The
answer was of course a red tape one—if we do it for one office we must
do it for all offices. And why not ? Because that would increase the
duties at the Pay Office. Now is not this bosh enough to make men
turn radicals, and take down pikes, and skewer their betters generally ?
It is a most desirable thing to pay monthly, as the wife of every clerk
would tell the Government. How much difficulty would there be in
signing twelve cheques instead of four ? Officialism sometimes makes
reasonable men incline to kick somebody.
Uncle Sam is buying Russian America. That is, the Government
of the States has bought it, but the Legislature has to ratify the
treaty. Having looked at the map, to see where the country.is, we
have no hesitation in saying that Uncle is quite welcome to it, and
if he would export thither every Irish citizen of the States, he would
confer a service on mankind, indeed we believe that is the secret object
of the purchase, though Mr. Seward cannot well say so just yet, as
the Irishry are politically useful.
Mr. Disraeli said that the question whether the Easter holiday
would begin at the usual time, was a question “ in the hands of Fate.”
To which Mr. Punch adds,
“ Lanificas DuUi tres exorare puellas contigit,”
not, ot course, that it is necessary to say so, but the quotation shows
the gentleman, and one who has remembered his Martial, and this
brings us to another Martial subject, namely, Flogging in the Army.
There was a long and animated debate on Sir John Pakington’s
clause for continuing the practice, though the House had condemned