DOI Heft:
March 30, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0132
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
125
March 30, 1867.]
BAD EXCUSE BETTER THAN NONE.
Uncle. “ Have you Read that Article in the Lancet about Chignons,
Joe ? ”
Nephew (Invalid Captain from India). “ Haw ! Extwacts—Yes, Gwegowines !
— Fwightful Idea! (Happy Thought.) Why, it ain’t safe to go to Church
POSITIVELY WITH LADIES ! ”
MIDWINTER IN MARCH.
What bitter, wintry weather !
Confound it altogether !
The tiles are dight
With snow more white
Than any goose’s feather.
About the streets ’tis lying,
And round your ears are flying
Conglomerate cakes
Of kneaded flakes;
The boys are snowballs shying :
Protect your panes with shutters !
Youth slides along the gutters.
Cock-Robin comes
To seek for crumbs,
And on your threshold flutters.
The birds have all stopped singing.
The crops have left off springing,
There ne’er was seen
A March so keen—
So biting, piercing, stinging.
The primroses awaken
To perish, sun-forsaken;
The violets blue.
Though that’s their hue,
Por snow-drops may be taken.
Put on the kettle, Polly.
Away with melancholy !
We ’ll burn the log,
And brew the grog,
Determined to be jolly.
Claimants for a Fancy Franchise.
The Bakers, introduced by the author of Yeast, have-
been in a batch to the Chancellor of the Exchequer :
they contend that as making so much fancy bread, they
ought to be on the Electoral Roll. The Poets have urged
their claims in a memorial (in verse). The P. R. met and
framed a resolution, carried amidst rounds of applause,
which made the room ring again, requesting the great
Mill to be the Champion of “ The Fancy.” Several old
women, who have sovereigns in Savings’ Stockings, hope
Mr. Disraeli will not forget them.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
Great Cry in the Commons on the night of Monday, March 18, but
less Wool than could have been desired. Once more the House was
crammed, the Heir Apparent was present, and a concourse of Nobles
assembled to listen to the grand debate. But almost everything was
flat. The good old rule that you should never show an incomplete
piece of work to Women or to Fools might be extended, with advan-
tage. Never show it to anybody. Between announcements of
Recurrence to original policy, Sir John Pakington’s confidences at
Droitwich, and Lord Derby’s in St. James’s Square, the Opposition,
as Mr. Gladstone said, had learned so much about the Reform Bill
that they had nearly made up their minds upon it, and the various final
touches of the artistic Disraeli were either ineffective or unwelcome.
He had better have imitated the Yeiled Prophet, and let his Reform
Moon suddenly bounce up out of the well, symmetrical and brilliant.
But we got his moon in cantles, and the firework did not appal.
These were Mr. Disraeli’s points, and to save bother, we inter-
pose Mr. Gladstone’s retorts, or their import.
1. The Commons decided, last year, to make payment of Rates the
basis of the Borough Franchise.
[They did nothing of the sort. The division on Rating v. Rental,
which ejected the Government, was carried by those who
wanted to restrict the franchise.]
2. Any male occupant of a House in a borough, who personally
pays his Rates, shall vote.
LThe idea of Rate-paying being the basis of the British Constitu-
tion !]
i. We shall therefore enfranchise 237,000 persons.
(Not you. Nothing like it. Three-fourths of your men are men
in buckram.
4. We shall not give votes to Compound householders, nor to those
whose rates are paid for them.
[Then you ought. Why, don’t they Pay Rates through their
landlords ? Where’s your boasted Basis ?]
5. Two years’ residence necessary to obtain a vote.
[But where is the clause enfranchising Lodgers ? This you refuse,
and this we must and will have.]
6. Every facility to be given to Compound householders to enable
them to register.
[Very humane ! and as for the Small Tenement people, their votes
are to be in the gift of Bumbledom.
7. A vote to every person who pays £1 a-year assessed taxation.
Not in the way of Licence, so your Ratcatcher is nowhere, Mr.
Bright.
[Every man with a purse will make as many votes as he likes. A
little flair-powder, dabbed on anybody’s head, taxes him 23s.,
and a man with a three-legged jade of a horse, value £3, may
qualify three hundred ana sixty-five people by handing it
about.]
8. If a householder also, he shall have Two Votes.
[The Dual Vote! This is the Proclamation of a war between
classes. The author of this is the man who strikes at the
British Constitution. Our Constitution rests on our sense of
equality in the eye of the law. Place arms like these in the
hand of the Rich Man, to fortify his position against the Poor
Man, and that day you seal the doom of the Constitution.
You shall have my Implacable Hostility.]
9. A householder shall have a second vote who has £50 in the funds,
or the savings’ bank.
[This has grown up from £30 to £50 since we last heard of it.
But it is all stuff, very few artisans have either.]
125
March 30, 1867.]
BAD EXCUSE BETTER THAN NONE.
Uncle. “ Have you Read that Article in the Lancet about Chignons,
Joe ? ”
Nephew (Invalid Captain from India). “ Haw ! Extwacts—Yes, Gwegowines !
— Fwightful Idea! (Happy Thought.) Why, it ain’t safe to go to Church
POSITIVELY WITH LADIES ! ”
MIDWINTER IN MARCH.
What bitter, wintry weather !
Confound it altogether !
The tiles are dight
With snow more white
Than any goose’s feather.
About the streets ’tis lying,
And round your ears are flying
Conglomerate cakes
Of kneaded flakes;
The boys are snowballs shying :
Protect your panes with shutters !
Youth slides along the gutters.
Cock-Robin comes
To seek for crumbs,
And on your threshold flutters.
The birds have all stopped singing.
The crops have left off springing,
There ne’er was seen
A March so keen—
So biting, piercing, stinging.
The primroses awaken
To perish, sun-forsaken;
The violets blue.
Though that’s their hue,
Por snow-drops may be taken.
Put on the kettle, Polly.
Away with melancholy !
We ’ll burn the log,
And brew the grog,
Determined to be jolly.
Claimants for a Fancy Franchise.
The Bakers, introduced by the author of Yeast, have-
been in a batch to the Chancellor of the Exchequer :
they contend that as making so much fancy bread, they
ought to be on the Electoral Roll. The Poets have urged
their claims in a memorial (in verse). The P. R. met and
framed a resolution, carried amidst rounds of applause,
which made the room ring again, requesting the great
Mill to be the Champion of “ The Fancy.” Several old
women, who have sovereigns in Savings’ Stockings, hope
Mr. Disraeli will not forget them.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
Great Cry in the Commons on the night of Monday, March 18, but
less Wool than could have been desired. Once more the House was
crammed, the Heir Apparent was present, and a concourse of Nobles
assembled to listen to the grand debate. But almost everything was
flat. The good old rule that you should never show an incomplete
piece of work to Women or to Fools might be extended, with advan-
tage. Never show it to anybody. Between announcements of
Recurrence to original policy, Sir John Pakington’s confidences at
Droitwich, and Lord Derby’s in St. James’s Square, the Opposition,
as Mr. Gladstone said, had learned so much about the Reform Bill
that they had nearly made up their minds upon it, and the various final
touches of the artistic Disraeli were either ineffective or unwelcome.
He had better have imitated the Yeiled Prophet, and let his Reform
Moon suddenly bounce up out of the well, symmetrical and brilliant.
But we got his moon in cantles, and the firework did not appal.
These were Mr. Disraeli’s points, and to save bother, we inter-
pose Mr. Gladstone’s retorts, or their import.
1. The Commons decided, last year, to make payment of Rates the
basis of the Borough Franchise.
[They did nothing of the sort. The division on Rating v. Rental,
which ejected the Government, was carried by those who
wanted to restrict the franchise.]
2. Any male occupant of a House in a borough, who personally
pays his Rates, shall vote.
LThe idea of Rate-paying being the basis of the British Constitu-
tion !]
i. We shall therefore enfranchise 237,000 persons.
(Not you. Nothing like it. Three-fourths of your men are men
in buckram.
4. We shall not give votes to Compound householders, nor to those
whose rates are paid for them.
[Then you ought. Why, don’t they Pay Rates through their
landlords ? Where’s your boasted Basis ?]
5. Two years’ residence necessary to obtain a vote.
[But where is the clause enfranchising Lodgers ? This you refuse,
and this we must and will have.]
6. Every facility to be given to Compound householders to enable
them to register.
[Very humane ! and as for the Small Tenement people, their votes
are to be in the gift of Bumbledom.
7. A vote to every person who pays £1 a-year assessed taxation.
Not in the way of Licence, so your Ratcatcher is nowhere, Mr.
Bright.
[Every man with a purse will make as many votes as he likes. A
little flair-powder, dabbed on anybody’s head, taxes him 23s.,
and a man with a three-legged jade of a horse, value £3, may
qualify three hundred ana sixty-five people by handing it
about.]
8. If a householder also, he shall have Two Votes.
[The Dual Vote! This is the Proclamation of a war between
classes. The author of this is the man who strikes at the
British Constitution. Our Constitution rests on our sense of
equality in the eye of the law. Place arms like these in the
hand of the Rich Man, to fortify his position against the Poor
Man, and that day you seal the doom of the Constitution.
You shall have my Implacable Hostility.]
9. A householder shall have a second vote who has £50 in the funds,
or the savings’ bank.
[This has grown up from £30 to £50 since we last heard of it.
But it is all stuff, very few artisans have either.]