Punch (61.1871)

54 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 5, 1871.

PUBLIC SCHOOL WORK AND PLAY.

N the highly interesting1
and important subject (to
read about) of cricket,
'' An Elizabethan " writ-
ing to the Times, urges
that '' Winchester should
play Eton next year at
Lord's," for the following
reason :—

" It seems to me that they
have a right to claim this
honour, having, under the
more liberal system latterly
pursued in their grand old
school, achieved high public
school distinction, and beaten
Eton in succession in the last
two years, while Eton in those
same years has beaten Harrow
at Lord's."

In what field does " An
Elizabethan " mean to
say that Winchester has
" achieved high public
school distinction?" As neither scholarships at New College,
Oxford, nor any other prizes of mental exertion, are to be won with
bats and balls, and not only attest no proficiency in cricket, but do
not so much as imply any the slightest degree of skill in, or even
concern about, that game, the field in which high public school
distinction has been achieved by Winchester can, in the foregoing
connection, only mean the Cricket Field, whereon Winchester has
gone in to win with other schools, and has won; having, in parti-
cular, beaten Eton. This is very creditable to Winchester. Cricket
is a manly English game ; but, considering how large a part it,
and other athletic pastimes, have come of late years to take among
academic pursuits, don't you think the time has arrived when it is
not unnecessary to point out that " high public school distinction"
may mean high distinction in another field than that of learning ?

A CURE FOR CHEATS.

What shall he have who cheats the poor? This is certainly
becoming a question of the day, and one which we should like to
hear debated before Parliament. The punishment in vogue now is
completely insufficient. It is obviously useless to impose a paltry
fine, which is paid by a day's profit gained by fraudulent short
measures. A notice like the following might certainly be stereo-
typed, so frequently we find such announcements in the news-
papers :—■

" Forty-two tradesmen in the Southern districts of London were punished
last week for having fraudulent weights and measures. The total amount of
fines levied was £55 17*. Qd."

How absurdly ineffectual are such punishments as these is proved
by the frequent repetition of the offences. Clearly something more
severe than a twenty shilling fine is needed to deter people from
swindling their poor neighbours. A little gentle exercise taken on
the treadmill might possibly be useful for correction of such cul-
prits ; or might it not be wise to revive for their behoof a still more
ancient institution; such, for instance, as the one which here we
find referred to ?—

" The Magistrates of Sunderland have resolved to revive the old institution
of the Stocks as a punishment for drunkenness."

Scamps who cheat the poor are even worse than drunkards, and
deserve to be exposed as publicly as possible. Exposure in the stocks
might fairly be prescribed for them, and a supply of rotten eggs
might be furnished from their stores, and used for giving them in
public a regular ovation.

Sauce for Goose—Holloa!

" The engineers on strike in Newcastle have informed the masters that
they cannot agree to their proposal to offer a compromise, if the votes of the
men upon it are to be taken by ballot."

What:—not take the physic Me. Foester prescribes for the
British eleetor all over the United Kingdom ? Is this because the
Tyne engineers value the influence of opinion, or because they know
the power of intimidation, and mean to use it ? If the first, it speaks

A GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT.

Me. Punch,

I have, before now, come to you in those geographical
difficulties which beset every Englishman who has been prepared
for the great public school of life by an expensive ami meagre educa-
tion ; and I wish to-day to relate what has proved a heavy dis-
couragement to one who is no longer young, and has but little spare
time for self-improvement.

The other evening, while brooding in solitude over my ignorance
of the configuration of this globe which we inhabit, my eye fell on
an advertisement of the Journal of the Hoyal Geographical Society.
Instantly the thought flashed across my brain—this is the publica-
tion to remedy the defects of my early and costly training. I eagerly
perused the list of contents. My eagerness was only equalled by my
disappointment. The periodical was clearly not designed to meet
the wants of one in my destitute condition.

To begin with, it invited me to take a '' Journey to the New
Course of the Yellow Paver of China." I felt that it would be pre-
sumptuous in me to do this, until I was familiar with the Old
Course. A " Journey from Leh to Yarkand and Kashgar, and
Exploration of the Sources of the Yarkand River," was the next
little undertaking proposed. How could I think of an expedition to
what I was sure must be very distant regions, when I was not too
well acquainted with the names and number of the counties in Scot-
land, and the course of the Medway in my own dear country ? A
"Visit to Easter Island" would have tempted many men: I had
misgivings whether I could delineate a map of the Isle of Thanet.
" Notes on the Runn of Cutch " set me wondering who Cutch was,
and where he had accomplished his pedestrian feat, and for what
reason the Fellows of the Geographical Society took an interest in
his performance, and how the betting stood, and why such a com-
mon word as "run" had not been properly spelt. The pleasures
of a "Journey through Sbantung " I felt I must postpone until
I had improved my acquaintance, say with Holland or Belgium.
An "Expedition to the Trans-Naryn Country" I declined for
a similar reason; and a "Mission up the Yang-tse-Kiang" (the
advertisement did not even state whether it was a mountain or
a river !), not being a clergyman, I was compelled to leave to the
Missionaries. I considered it would be time to explore " The
Irawady and its Sources" when I had the Thames and its
tributaries at my finger-ends. As to a " Journey to the Western
Portion of the Celestial Range (Thian Shan)." I determined to
know something more of the line of the Cotswolds before I ventured
on such a very distant excursion; and to a man who had not yet
been on the Shannon, the Danube, or the Moselle, a voyage " on
the Rivers Maueassu, Abacaxis, and Canuma," seemed a wanton
extravagance (just as any trouble bestowed " on the Southern Alps,
New Zealand," appeared to be labour thrown away to one who
had never set foot on Alpine ranges much nearer home and Folke-
stone.) The " Topography of the Zarafshan Valley " I could not
rouse myself to care about, and after all the disappointments I had
gone through, I had no heart to grapple with the Identification of
Mount Theches of Xenophon."

Somewhat exhausted, I lay back in my chair in an attitude of
thought, and wondered whether mine was a case of virulent igno-
rance, or whether it could be matched at the Club, or at the table of
the equally expensively and inadequately educated friend with
whom I was to dine next day, or amongst the Heads of Houses at
the two Universities, or in a first-class carriage full of Eton boys
going home from school, or at the Mess of a Regiment ordered on
foreign service—until I fell asleep, and dreamt I had given Cutch ten
yards start and beaten him, and was going up the Yang-tse-Kiang
in a yellow post-chaise with my bosom friend Irawady.

Ignoramus.

Extreme Politeness.

You have your pocket picked. Your purse is taken. It contains
gold, silver, stamps, cards with your name and address, and memo-
randa useless, but to yourself. The memoranda are returned to you
in an envelope—" With Mr. W. Sikes Fagin's compliments."

Smoke and Sentiment.

I never smoked a cherished Pipe,

Which pleased me with its choice, quaint make,
But when it had grown nearly ripe

In colouring, it was sure to break.

loves of the

Poets are very fond of expatiating on the above elevated theme,
. but we can only say, as regards the only Stars we are personally
badly for the Ballot; if the second, it speaks badly for them. Who acquainted with—theatrical Stars—that far from their cherishing

will help Punch out of the dilemma ?

any immortal loves, they mortally hate each other.