Punch (62.1872)

140

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 6, 1872.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

meant to rise, and that you would have no Essence of
Senate P Did we not tell you not to faint at finding none ? If you
feel inclined to such weakness, hold a bottle of Ess. Bouquet to your
nose, and you will find that delicious perfume, which was chris-
tened after Mr. Punch?'s Essence, a pleasing substitute for it, once
in a way. And yet the Lords did meet for a few minutes, and
heard the Royal Assent given to some Bills, especially the Con-
solidated Fund Bill, regarding £5,411,099 3s. 3d. "The three-
penny-bit be demd," said Mb. Mantaltni.

Mr. Lowe said that the Wellington Monument in St. Paul's had
passed out of his hands. He believed that it would be completed
within the contracted time. It occurs to Mr. Punch that the time
has been anything but contracted. Of the Great Duke it was said,
in Sanskrit, on September 14, 1852, Paralokam gato, that is, abiit
ad plures. That is nearly twenty years ago, yet hitherto the
progress of his monument '' has been rather architectural than
sculptural." To be sure, no man's Fame can better afford to
wait beside her pedestal.

A very long question and a longer answer about a most trumpery
case of search for liquor in the house of one Goodebed, in the Hay-
market, on which case Me. A. A. Knox gave, as usual with him, a
rational decision, were allowed to delay the House. Me. Osbobne
hinted at the small character of the topic, and the Speaeeb "was
bound to say that the Home Office descended to very minute par-
ticulars."

In answer to a question about Life-Boats, the highly satisfactory
answer was given, that such things were not supplied to vessels
except on demand of the Captains. The Ariadne, a name now con-
nected with as sad a casualty as ever happened to a group of brave
young officers and men, had no Life-Boat, nor had she either of the
contrivances by which boats can be instantaneously and safely
lowered.

Me. Gladstone said that the Parks Bill should be pushed on, and
that he could recognise in the demonstrations against it no reason
for stopping it. Further, he refused to see a deputation of its ene-
mies. They are growing very savage, but truculency will probably
fly from truncheons, should the ultima ratio legum be needed.

Then did Robert Lowe, Esquire, Chancellor of Exchequer,
produce his

1. He had a Surplus of more than £3,500,000. How he obtained

it will be in the remembrance of Mr. and Mrs. J. Bull.

2. So he makes some sort of Restitution, being, like Cupid, " a

child of conscience," as well as of Bingham, Notts. He
takes off Two-Pence from the Income-tax. John Bull is
now John O'Groat.

3. Income-tax payers under £200 were exempted to the extent

of £60. This is extended to payers under £300, and the
exemption is £80.

4. Half the Coffee duty comes off.

5. Half the Chicory duty comes off. _ The Grocer's duty, not to

adulterate, is of course unrecognised.

6. House-tax to be modified, so as to relieve shops and offices.

Such is the Budget of 1872. "Not once or twice in our famed
island story " has Mr. Punch felt inclined, like Master Slender, to
say "Mum" to a Chancellor's "Budget;" and on the present
occasion it need only be said that our friend Mr. Jeremy Diddlowe
pays us back the two-pence he owed us, and we hope he does not
mean to borrow again in a hurry. We have no objections to make

to the rest of the Budget, and the House of Commons made none
worth noting.

Me. Lowe said that he was "really shocked by the letters he
received from persons in the position of gentlemen, begging time to
ay the tax-money on which they did not know how to lay their
ands." We dare say. He is not naturally unamiable. But does
he think that those letters represent one-hundredth part of the
misery caused by unfair taxation ?

" Had we a hundred mouths, a hundred tongues,
And throats of brass, inspired by iron lungs,
"We could not half its odious crimes repeat,
Nor half the punishments it ought to meet."

With which Virgilian—that is, Drydenian citation—we dismiss our
friend (not without some plaudit) to the contemplation of one of the
most remarkable Cartoons ever executed.

The Elections Bill went into Committee, and the clause which
knocks Public Nominations on the head (the words are singularly
happy, considering the proceedings at such nominations) was agreed
to, after some struggle for postponement.

We also considered Oysters and Mussels. The first are horribly
dear, and the second are, always were, and ever will be, horribly
nasty.

, Tuesday.—The Druid Caedwell said that he was deliberating
whether cavalry should be employed at the Brighton Review. The
Duke of Cambbldge calls this force the eyes and ears of a real
army, and it seems absurd that an imitation army should be blind
and deaf. By the way, it is in excellent keeping with Druidical
tradition for the Autumn Manoeuvres to take place on Salisbury
Plain. We presume that the principal encounter will be called the
Battle of Stonehenge.

Me. Macfie and friends in the North are desperately afraid lest a
hostile fleet should attack Leith and Edinburgh, and they have been
frightening themselves by reading about Paul Jones and what he
was going to do in 1779. We rather forget what this was, but have
a strong recollection of seeing in childhood (about the year just
mentioned) a flaming coloured picture in the shop windows. " Paul
Jones shooting the Lieutenant who dared to strike the bloody flag."
In fact, for many years we always ran home screaming when we
saw it, and we can sympathise with Me. Maceie. The Druid ably
answered that Paul Jones lived a long time ago. However, he said
that the defence of Edinburgh should not be forgotten.

Finally, Me. Fawcett gained a victory, and deserved it. For it
was thought that his Dublin University Tests Bill was shelved for
the Session. He cleverly manoeuvred it into a place again, and
carried the Second Reading by 94 to 21.

Finally, and lastly, as the old preachers used to say, we rose for
Easter, and hoped that the Sun would do the same thing (though
not likely) even if he did not dance, as Sib John Suckling reminds
us that Sol does on that anniversary—

" Her feet beneath her petticoat
Like little mice stole in and out,

As if they feared the light;
But O, she dances such a way,
No Sun upon an Easter-Day

Is half so fine a sight."

We should have been much obliged to hear if he had been able
to spare enough time from his other luminous engagements, to give
the poor holiday people a dance out of doors on Good Friday. It
was the hottest day of the year, vide thermometer register, and
rather more disagreeable than the Boat Race day. But we believe
that the fault is with the foolish persons (as silly as those who
fought for Old Style), who will not let Easter be fixed properly,
instead of tying it on to some moon or other.

Natural Hesitation.

{By An Ulster True Blue.)

Give Trinity College to Caedinal Cullen !
Dumbfoundered sits Whallet— and Newdegate sullen!
And as for the person whose measure would cause it,
No wonder, if speaking, " vox hcesibus Fausit."

Combining for an Advance.

Theee is a saying which, though of sacred origin, is of such trite
usage as to save any reference to it from profanity, viz., "The
labourer is worthy of his hire," which some people quote mistakenly
"The labourer is worthy of his wage," confounding it with the
popular saying "A fair day's wage for a fair day's work." Our
rural population seem inclined to blend both readings together, and
to set up as a principle, that the " labourer is worthy of his higher
wage."