Punch (63.1872)

76

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 24, 1872.

MANLY WOMAN.

orthy and sapient Mr. punch,

_ You, who notice everything-, have doubtless
noticed how of late Lovely Woman has been
pleased to ape—but that sounds monkeyish, let
me rather say to imita/te the ugly dress of Man.
Coats, waistcoats, jackets, neckties, wristbands, shirt-collars, and
shirt-fronts, may all be now described as articles of feminine cos-
tume ; and such description might proceed even further in the matter,
and descend to certain garments, such as gaiters for example, which
hitherto have been designed for solely Man's own use. If one
glances at the latest fashions in the newspapers, one sees the fact
confirmed by such sentences as these :—

" Bonnets are now worn more like hats than ever, in fact it is very difficult
to tell them apart." . . . " These fashionahle jackets are generally trimmed
across the chest with brandebourgs and frog buttons." . . . " Very elegant
little vestes are worn over indoor toilettes." . . . "For visiting dress, a
mousquetaire jacket, open to the waist and trimmed to match, over a claret
satin waistcoat."

Fragments such as these will show how manly Lovely Woman is
becoming in her dress, and to a thinking mind the fact is not with-
out significance. We have heard much goose-gabble of late—or
swan-song shall I call it ?—respecting Woman's Rights, and I look
upon her growing: manliness of raiment as a step in the direction of
her standing in Man's shoes. By accustoming us generally to behold
her in our garments, she hopes to make us reconciled to see her in
our place. Who knows but next Session she may leave the Ladies'
Gallery, and creep into the House, and sit among our Senators, and
even walk into the lobby, undetected, and disguised in her mascu-
line attire ? Assuredly, now that the Ballot Bill is passed, a strict
watch should be kept at all the polling-places, to guard against im-
personation of male voters by their wives ; for ladies in the fashion
dress so vastly like their husbands, that it is perplexing to tell
quickly which is which.

Believe me, then, in some alarm, Cavendo Tutus.

AN ANTI-ANTI ASSOCIATION.

The British Association for the Advancement of Science is a
confederacy perfectly harmless. So likewise are the Archseological
Societies ; so are the sages and sagesses who constitute the Social
Science Congress: so are most of the various gatherings of pro-
fessors and philosophers and praters now taking place, as they are
wont to at this leisure time of the year, under the influence of the
propensity to speak and the love of lecturing and being lectured.

But, as Burke remarked, "When bad men combine, good men
should unite." The Vacation affords opportunity for meetings
which are other than harmless. Fanatics and fools can meet as
well as philosophers. Their congregations are offensive. Some of

them, especially odious, are essentially conspiracies against personal
freedom ; for instance, all assemblies of the United Kingdom Alli-
ance, and all other leagues for the legislative enforcement of total
abstinence ; the Anti-Tobacco Society, and all the rest of the com-
binations for tutoring grown persons like children and coercing
them like idiots. When prigs and pedants combine to enslave the
nation, all reasonable men should unite to put down the pedants
and prigs. If they do not unite, the fussy, importunate, agitating
meddlers will go on as they have begun encroaching on the liberties
of Britain faster than the sea encroaches on its cliffs. The Sea is
entreated to excuse a comparison which is most odious. Neptune
would repudiate with scorn the foes of Bacchus.

To the Societies, therefore, which, on the dispersion of the Legis-
lature are accustomed yearly to hold their self-convoked parlia-
ments, it is very desirable that there should be added an Anti-
Fanatic Society,with the special object of opposing, and counteracting,
and making of none effect and of" no avail, all the operations of
almost all the other Societies whose name is Anti, and, since they
infest us so atrociously, we may with propriety say, after the
Reporters, " whose name is Legion."

Only the Anti-Fanatic Society should do more, a great deal, tnan
talk. It should meet to work, and take counsel how to devise ways
and means to frustrate the machinations of the prigs and pedants,
and would-be regulators of other men's habits and appetites, to
pester the people into permitting their necks to be laden with the
yoke of paternal government. Amongst the measures desirable for
that purpose may be suggested the taking of order for the composi-
tion of songs and ballads to be sung about the streets for the purpose
of bringing fanatical bores into contempt and ridicule amongst the
common people, who will not attend to, because they cannot under-
stand, merely argumentative exposures of folly and injustice, but
whose votes determine elections. Illustrated lampoons, and squibs,
calculated to effect the same end, might also be provided for;
rewards, for instance, or prizes offered for the best: and above all
the proper steps should be taken to confute fanaticism and humbug,
and promote morality and enlightenment into the bargain, by the
widest possible distribution of Punch.

" CROWNER'S QUEST LAW."

An unfortunate gentleman at Ealing, under treatment for fits,
jumped out of his bed-room window the other day in a state of
delirium, fell through a conservatory and glass door into the area
of the next house, and sustained fatal injuries. Before he died,
however, he recovered consciousness enough to say that he thought,
when he jumped through the window, he was at Ramsgate in a
bathing-machine, and that he was jumping into the water. An
inquest after death having been held on the residue of this poor
fellow by Dr. Diplock, the coroner's jury—according to report—
returned a verdict—"That the deceased died from injuries caused
by a fall, which was accidental, whilst he was in an unsound state
of mind."

The Gentlemen of the Jury, if their verdict is to be understood
according to its grammar, may have meant to say that the deceased,
whilst he was in an unsound state of mind, died, in consequence of
injuries caused by a fall, which was accidental. Or they may have
meant to say that he died from injuries caused by a fall which hap-
pened to him accidentally whilst he was in an unsound state of
mind. Taken in the former meaning, the part of their verdict
relative to his state of mind is mere surplusage ; in the latter sense
it simply states what was not the case. Nobody meets with an
accidental fall in jumping out of window, whether purposely or
under a delusion. " It must be se offendendo ; it cannot be else,"
as the First Gravedigger in Hamlet argues. But perhaps the
Ealing Jury were induced to return a verdict at variance with fact
by building too much on the further proposition of the reasoner
above referred to, " If I drown myself wittingly it argues an act."
Conversely, if I drown myself unwittingly, it may argue an acci-
dent. But if you jump out of window whilst you dream you are
jumping into the water, although you do not wittingly jump out of
window, yet you wittingly jump. You must take your jump alto-
gether unwittingly for it to argue an accident. But such an acci-
dent is an accidental act, describable as a leap which was accidental,
not as a fall. A verdict stating that a person died in consequence
of a fall, which was accidental, conveys the idea that, no matter
whether he died sane or insane, his fall was a mere tumble; and
although a jump during an unsound state of mind and a tumble
amount to the same thing morally, yet the one act in its physical
nature is discriminated from the other by intelligence ; but coroners'
juries will be coroners' juries. They might be worse. The phrase-
ology of their verdicts might be as ambiguous and disputable, or
even as senseless, as that of many Acts of Parliament.

A Deadly Discharge.—A " Whalley " of Nonsense.