Punch (63.1872)

August 31. 1872.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. H

COUNTY COURTSHIP FOR THE COMMONALTY.

E think recent
lawsuits resulting
in fortunes for fair
plaintiffs suggest
that a very neces-
sary step, as soon
as possible to be
taken in Legal Re-
form, is that of
empowering the
County Courts to
try actions for
breach of promise
of marriage. It is
ridiculous to say
that rich and poor
are alike equal be-
fore the law, when
the daughter of an
unskilled workman
or an agricultural
labourer has not
the same facilities

for obtaining a pecuniary indemnity for disappointed affections as those at the
command of middle-class young ladies, and of young ladies of the higher
classes, if they want to use them, which they seldom do. "Why should Cads and
Roughs be privileged to be faithless and inconstant, and trifle with the fond
feelings of a confiding girl ? It is possible that a defendant in the lower orders
would, in proportion to his circumstances, be sufficiently amerced, whilst the
woman whom he had deserted would obtain adequate compensation, by a verdict
of damages to the amount of five shillings ; for lacerated attachment is as
capable of being salved by a crown in a humble station of life as it is by a
thousand pounds in a higher, although in either case, perhaps, the damages
would be assessed by a jury of thinking and honest men at one farthing.
Still, the poor yonng woman, susceptible of pecuniary satisfaction for injured
love, ought to have the same chance, in proportion, as the rich, whilst there is
a chance for any woman of making money out of a man otherwise so worth-
less, or so wise, as to have broken his word with her. Let the scullion or cook
have her action against the faithless footman, and Susan the lady's-maid be
enabled to sue John Thomas.
It is true that the transference of breach of promise of marriage cases from

Nisi Prius to County Courts would diminish the profes-
sional earnings of Barristers by depriving them of many
golden opportunities of exerting their impassioned and
earnest eloquence. Every right-minded man would
lament to see Gentlemen of the Long Robe deprived of
a very great deal of lucrative and particularly credit-
able business; but the interests of .even-handed justice
must nevertheless be held paramount to those even of an
honourable profession. And there would still remain for
Counsel much business of a nature equally creditable.
0_uacks and Rogues, called what they are, would con-
tinue to bring their actions for libel. Impostors would
not cease to claim estates. There are plenty of others,
besides speculative and mercenary women, to employ
advocates.

Wanted a Father.

Christianity once conquered civilised heathenism.
The Archbishop op Canterbury, considering the
number of civilised heathens with whom we now
mingle, seems to fear that, if we do not take care what
we are about, civilised heathenism will have its revenge.
The letters in reply to the Primate's remarks, from
Ardesheer B. Capadia and Thakur, in the Times,
appear to show that, to confute such antagonists as
those Indian gentlemen, the Church needs an apologist
in logic and learning considerably superior to Ter-
tullian ; but can Convocation, or could the Crown, even
by the offer of an Archbishopric, produce an equal
to him ?

Initials in Vogue.

Lively Young Lady {to Paterfamilias). Note from
Gertrude Clack, Papa. "My dear Annie,—Will you
favour us with your company to-morrow afternoon at a
game of croquet, to come off on the lawn at four pre-
cisely. D.V."

Paterfamilias. D.V., my dear! Miss Gertrude Clack
is very profane.

Lively Young Lady. La, Papa ! D.V.—the dresses we
are all to wear, you know. Dolly Vardens.

"THE ILLITERATES."

a ballot drama.

Scene 1.— Office of the Agent of Lord Pepferem, the popular
Candidate. Present—Lord P.'s Committee and Mr. slyboots,
Confidential Manager.

Chairman. Well, Mr. Slyboots, what's the next move ? Time is
running short, and the poll will close in half-an-honr.

Mr. Slyboots. All right, Sir; there are only three polling places,
and I have an illiterate for each who will occupy a quarter of an
hour or twenty minutes at the close.

Chairman. Good ! who are they ?

Mr. Slyboots. Old Leathers, who was a postboy once, who will
do the stone-deaf business : he goes to Polling-booth A. Purl, who
keeps The Wired Hare beershop, an old Poacher with the gift of the
gab, will go to Polling-booth B: and Soapsuds, the stammering
Barber, is told off for Polling-booth C.

Scene 2.—Polling-booth A. Present—the Presiding Officer, Lord
Pepperem's Agent, Mr. Newbroom's Agent, and two Consta-
bles.

Enter Leathers, a wizened old man, ivho pulls his forelock.

Leathers. Good morning, Gentlemen. {Officer shows him into a
compartment and hands him Ballot-paper.) I don't rightly under-
stand this here. My regular money always have a been a guinea
for every one I brought to the poll, drunk or sober, pervided he
polled.

Presiding Officer {with some excitement). Put a mark, Sir, against
the Member's name for whom you wish to vote, and don't keep the
electors waiting.

Leathers. Beg your pardon, Sir, but I be main deaf to be sure;
and I come out without my speaking-trumpet this morning.

Constable {shouting in his ear), Pat your cross, Sir, against the
Member's name.

Leathers. I beant a going for a cross in this 'ere job.

Presiding Officer. Put your mark, Sir, or leave the booth.

[Leathers becomes intensely deaf for some minutes.

Mr. Newbroom's Agent. This is monstrous ! Eleven minutes out
of the last twenty are gone already owing to this blockhead's
stupidity.

Lord Pepperem's Agent. I insist that this poor man, who is
suffering under the terrible infirmity of deafness, shall not be
bullied.

Presiding Officer. Now, my good man, there are two names on
that paper—do you understand that ?

Leathers. Ees, Sir, if you say so, I believe you. But what be the
names ?

Presiding Officer {furious). Read them, Sir, for yourself.
Leathers {whose deafness is getting better). I beant no scholard.
Presiding Officer. Can you read, Sir P

Leathers. Well, Sir, not rightly well. I can read the letters
TAP over a tap-room, as, an old pal of mine, as was a brother
postboy, learnt me, but nothin' else.

Lord Pepperem's Agent. I claim to have this man's vote recorded
as that of an illiterate voter. The constables must leave the room.

[Presiding Officer produces declaration for Llliterate.

Leathers {who is getting very deaf indeed again). I beant a-going
to put my mark to nothing which 1 don't understand, Gents.

Town Clock loq. Ding dong—ding dong—ding dong—ding dong !
Bom I Bom ! Bom ! Bom l

Presiding Officer. Four o'clock. _ Poll closed! [Exit Leathers.

Mr. Newbroom's Agent. This is monstrous ! outrageous! I '11
write to the Ti-

Voice from the Crowd. Was Old Leathers deaf enough for'ee,
old cock ?

Scene 3.—Polling-Booth B.

{Present at this, and at Polling-Booth C, the same class of Officers
as at Polling-Booth A.)

Enter Me. Publ, Landlord of the Wired Hare, touching his forelock

like Mr. Leathers.

Time 3-45 p.m.

Purl. Good morning, Gentlemen, and my respects to you, Mr.
Smith {Presiding Officer). As you knows, Sir, I am not a scholard.

Mr. Smith. Quite right, Purl, and I will read you a declaration
which you will have to make. Retire, Constables ! [Reads.

Purl. Now, Mr. Smith, I ain't a going to sign any declaration
before I understands this, and I wants to ask you a few questions.

Mr. Newbroom''s Agent. This can't be done; we have only twelve
minutes to time.