DOI issue:
August 9, 1873
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0066
54 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 9, 1873.
WHAT LONDON CRUSHES ARE COMING TO.
“ By the bye, Lady Crowder, have you met the Partingtons lately ? ”
“ Not for an Age ! They were at my Ball last Night, but I didn’t See them. By the way, did you happen to be
there, Captain Smythe?” “0, yes! Enjoyed myself immensely!” “/So glad!”
USED-UP!
THE LAST SONG OF THE SESSION.
Air—“ Faint and Wearily.”
Dull and drearily the used-up Minister
Drags the chain so wearily, and lit to drop :
Bills, he’d fain be stopping, in Committee lopping,
Out of hitches hopping—scarce with strength to hop !
Yotes that once hadfired. him, and to light inspired him,
Till e’en foes admired him for his pride and pluck,
Mild and meekly taking, scarce a protest making,
Cuffed ears hardly shaking—down upon his luck !
0 how often must the used-up Minister
Curse the grave mistake he made when he to Office stuck !
Just as wearily, the Opposition Leader
Plies his task uncheerily, and ’gainst the grain.
What’s the use of speeches, that scarce find a reader,
What fun in hitting foes too limp to hit again ?
Where sleep the old thunders (languid London wonders)
While such crops of blunders crave their scathing fires ?
No, our Jove’s too lazy,—his holts are cold and crazy;
Party hues look hazy to our weary eyes:
Being beat, or beating—neither’s worth repeating ;
Only Lotos-eating is the lot to prize:
In or Out, man ’s blase, by his toils eerase.
And the Session passe down in dulness dies !
Up then, both of you, stir to life the sloth of you,
Blighting the growth of you, measures and men !
Go to the country, ask if it won’t try
Dizzy’s effrontery at a pinch again.
Tonics, though hitter, medicine most fit are
For Liberal twitter, in empty talk that ends:
Punch, wise physician, prescribes Opposition,
Back to condition to bring his weakly friends:
Dizzy in office soon will have to doff his
Mask of the scoffer, for deed instead of word:
Gladstone out again foes will put to rout again,
Soon knit stout again the weakened Liberal cord—
Hates disappointed, splits repaired, rejointed,
His spea-r new-pointed, ana a new edge on bis sword.
Plate and Portion.
Our economical Government is not so frugal but that it has asked
Parliament to vote £3000 “for presents of plate to the Geneva
Arbitrators.” To this request the House of Commons assents;
Lord Enfield having explained that “ the United States Govern-
ment had provided three pieces of plate for the Arbitrators, in lieu
of a money payment for their services, and it was now proposed to
do the same.” There is, however, a difference between the position
of the British Government and that of the American. No kind
friend can suggest to the Yankees that they should keep their plate
to eat their Humble Pie upon.
“ Land and Water.”
In the show of Carriages in the International Exhibition, there is
what is called a “ Medium Canoe Landau.” After much considera-
tion, the only conclusion we can arrive at is that this vehicle has
been designed with an eye to the future—for the accommodation
and transport of some amphibious race of beings, which the
researches of modern travellers and men of science may yet bring
to light. _
VERY LIGHT LITERATURE.
Of all publications on any subject Blue Books are the shallowest.
Why ? Because their readers have to wade through them, and yet
they are generally dry reading.
WHAT LONDON CRUSHES ARE COMING TO.
“ By the bye, Lady Crowder, have you met the Partingtons lately ? ”
“ Not for an Age ! They were at my Ball last Night, but I didn’t See them. By the way, did you happen to be
there, Captain Smythe?” “0, yes! Enjoyed myself immensely!” “/So glad!”
USED-UP!
THE LAST SONG OF THE SESSION.
Air—“ Faint and Wearily.”
Dull and drearily the used-up Minister
Drags the chain so wearily, and lit to drop :
Bills, he’d fain be stopping, in Committee lopping,
Out of hitches hopping—scarce with strength to hop !
Yotes that once hadfired. him, and to light inspired him,
Till e’en foes admired him for his pride and pluck,
Mild and meekly taking, scarce a protest making,
Cuffed ears hardly shaking—down upon his luck !
0 how often must the used-up Minister
Curse the grave mistake he made when he to Office stuck !
Just as wearily, the Opposition Leader
Plies his task uncheerily, and ’gainst the grain.
What’s the use of speeches, that scarce find a reader,
What fun in hitting foes too limp to hit again ?
Where sleep the old thunders (languid London wonders)
While such crops of blunders crave their scathing fires ?
No, our Jove’s too lazy,—his holts are cold and crazy;
Party hues look hazy to our weary eyes:
Being beat, or beating—neither’s worth repeating ;
Only Lotos-eating is the lot to prize:
In or Out, man ’s blase, by his toils eerase.
And the Session passe down in dulness dies !
Up then, both of you, stir to life the sloth of you,
Blighting the growth of you, measures and men !
Go to the country, ask if it won’t try
Dizzy’s effrontery at a pinch again.
Tonics, though hitter, medicine most fit are
For Liberal twitter, in empty talk that ends:
Punch, wise physician, prescribes Opposition,
Back to condition to bring his weakly friends:
Dizzy in office soon will have to doff his
Mask of the scoffer, for deed instead of word:
Gladstone out again foes will put to rout again,
Soon knit stout again the weakened Liberal cord—
Hates disappointed, splits repaired, rejointed,
His spea-r new-pointed, ana a new edge on bis sword.
Plate and Portion.
Our economical Government is not so frugal but that it has asked
Parliament to vote £3000 “for presents of plate to the Geneva
Arbitrators.” To this request the House of Commons assents;
Lord Enfield having explained that “ the United States Govern-
ment had provided three pieces of plate for the Arbitrators, in lieu
of a money payment for their services, and it was now proposed to
do the same.” There is, however, a difference between the position
of the British Government and that of the American. No kind
friend can suggest to the Yankees that they should keep their plate
to eat their Humble Pie upon.
“ Land and Water.”
In the show of Carriages in the International Exhibition, there is
what is called a “ Medium Canoe Landau.” After much considera-
tion, the only conclusion we can arrive at is that this vehicle has
been designed with an eye to the future—for the accommodation
and transport of some amphibious race of beings, which the
researches of modern travellers and men of science may yet bring
to light. _
VERY LIGHT LITERATURE.
Of all publications on any subject Blue Books are the shallowest.
Why ? Because their readers have to wade through them, and yet
they are generally dry reading.