DOI issue:
August 30, 1873
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0102
90
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 30, 1873.
OUT O' SOLDIERS.
What with the great Difficulty of Recruiting, the greater Number of Desertions, Grievances, Men in Hospital,
on Detachment, Orderlies on Command, &c., &c., the State of Things above is not to be wondered at. 1. The Battalion.
2. The Barracks. 3. The Bugler. 4. The Adjutant {reports). “ All present, Sip” 5. The Commanding Officer. “D-!” {Restrains
his feelings, and rides home a sadder and a wiser man.)
SALT ON TWO TAILS.
BURGLARY AND CHEMISTRY.
There’s a way to catch birds that I’m told never fails,
If the catcher’s but sharp, and the birds but flat enough,—
And that is by putting of salt on their tails;
Of which two samples have lately come pat enough.
it Ivanturk, in South Ireland, ’twas bird-catcher Butt,
At Mold, in North Wales, it was bird-catcher Bill,
Who contrived on a brace of green goslings to shut
The hands which both tails had first salted with skill.
Twas Green-Gosling Arch—from his common astray—
Spread his innocent tail for Butt’s salt of Home Rule ;
And Green-Gosling Taffy, his tail gave a prey
To the salt of soft sawder, from Gladstone the cool.
Ah, if talk smooth and soft would but answer for more
Than putting the salt on the tail of the bird,
“ Home Rule ” might not end, like Repeal dreams of yore ;
And Welsh hards, harps, and triads again might he heard.
As it is, while the Saxon’s hard head sets its teeth
’Gainst the drowsier, dreamier mood of the Celt,
Harder still will be higher, while softer, beneath,
In vain attempts harder to master or melt.
Unreasonable Expectation.
It seems that the “ Commissioners of Northern Lights ” were not
represented on the day that the Prince of Wales opened the new
Breakwater and Harbour at Holyhead. No surprise need have been
felt at their absence. The Aurora Borealis is not usually seen in
the daytime, and this is not the season of the year for it to appear
at all.
We have heard of murder being regarded as one of the Fine Arts,
and we think that burglary may likewise be included, in the
catalogue : at least, if we may judge by the scientific way in which
the thing is now conducted. In the pockets of a lately captured
student of the art there were discovered, says the newspapers :—
“ Two bottles, one containing sulphur and the other chloroform, and a
glass tube containing quicksilver, so pointed that it cut glass easily.”
Here we clearly see a proof of the progressive spirit of the age.
Formerly a housebreaker went about his business with a pistol and
a crowbar, but chloroform and quicksilver are surely more refined,
and may be just as efficacious. For ourselves, if Mr. Bill Sikes
paid us a nocturnal visit, we should certainly prefer to have our
sense of feeling numbed rather than have our brains .blown out.
If they thus take to using chemicals, burglars may, in time, be
qualified to act as medical practitioners, at least, so far as may
regard the scientific method of applying anaesthetics.
Just the Difference.
Between the Sceur Marie, and cbm/, a-la-coque,
Excepting the name, there is nothing in common.
An ceuf-d-la-coque, were it addle, would shock :
But not so the head of the d-la-coque woman.
The more addle that is, the more pilgrims, I wis,
To Paray-le-Monial she ’s likely to summon !
NICE PRESENT.
Our housekeeper is certainly a most generous woman. She has
just volunteered to give an eye to a young domestic who has lately
joined the establishment.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 30, 1873.
OUT O' SOLDIERS.
What with the great Difficulty of Recruiting, the greater Number of Desertions, Grievances, Men in Hospital,
on Detachment, Orderlies on Command, &c., &c., the State of Things above is not to be wondered at. 1. The Battalion.
2. The Barracks. 3. The Bugler. 4. The Adjutant {reports). “ All present, Sip” 5. The Commanding Officer. “D-!” {Restrains
his feelings, and rides home a sadder and a wiser man.)
SALT ON TWO TAILS.
BURGLARY AND CHEMISTRY.
There’s a way to catch birds that I’m told never fails,
If the catcher’s but sharp, and the birds but flat enough,—
And that is by putting of salt on their tails;
Of which two samples have lately come pat enough.
it Ivanturk, in South Ireland, ’twas bird-catcher Butt,
At Mold, in North Wales, it was bird-catcher Bill,
Who contrived on a brace of green goslings to shut
The hands which both tails had first salted with skill.
Twas Green-Gosling Arch—from his common astray—
Spread his innocent tail for Butt’s salt of Home Rule ;
And Green-Gosling Taffy, his tail gave a prey
To the salt of soft sawder, from Gladstone the cool.
Ah, if talk smooth and soft would but answer for more
Than putting the salt on the tail of the bird,
“ Home Rule ” might not end, like Repeal dreams of yore ;
And Welsh hards, harps, and triads again might he heard.
As it is, while the Saxon’s hard head sets its teeth
’Gainst the drowsier, dreamier mood of the Celt,
Harder still will be higher, while softer, beneath,
In vain attempts harder to master or melt.
Unreasonable Expectation.
It seems that the “ Commissioners of Northern Lights ” were not
represented on the day that the Prince of Wales opened the new
Breakwater and Harbour at Holyhead. No surprise need have been
felt at their absence. The Aurora Borealis is not usually seen in
the daytime, and this is not the season of the year for it to appear
at all.
We have heard of murder being regarded as one of the Fine Arts,
and we think that burglary may likewise be included, in the
catalogue : at least, if we may judge by the scientific way in which
the thing is now conducted. In the pockets of a lately captured
student of the art there were discovered, says the newspapers :—
“ Two bottles, one containing sulphur and the other chloroform, and a
glass tube containing quicksilver, so pointed that it cut glass easily.”
Here we clearly see a proof of the progressive spirit of the age.
Formerly a housebreaker went about his business with a pistol and
a crowbar, but chloroform and quicksilver are surely more refined,
and may be just as efficacious. For ourselves, if Mr. Bill Sikes
paid us a nocturnal visit, we should certainly prefer to have our
sense of feeling numbed rather than have our brains .blown out.
If they thus take to using chemicals, burglars may, in time, be
qualified to act as medical practitioners, at least, so far as may
regard the scientific method of applying anaesthetics.
Just the Difference.
Between the Sceur Marie, and cbm/, a-la-coque,
Excepting the name, there is nothing in common.
An ceuf-d-la-coque, were it addle, would shock :
But not so the head of the d-la-coque woman.
The more addle that is, the more pilgrims, I wis,
To Paray-le-Monial she ’s likely to summon !
NICE PRESENT.
Our housekeeper is certainly a most generous woman. She has
just volunteered to give an eye to a young domestic who has lately
joined the establishment.