Punch (68.1875)

April 10, 1875. J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

155

And if I ’ad for to accord
A noble friend a fit reward,

I’d give ’im that Moke, and say, “ My Lord,

If I h$.d a Donkex,” &c.

A good old say in ’s “ Live and Learn ; ”

And which yer will, if you reads your Sterne ;

You’ll be able to tell wot a Donkey means,

Head his thoughts while drawrin’ a load o’ greens,
Understand all he feels when he winks ’is heyes,

And see him so patient, and kind, and wise,

You’d say no man of sense would a Ass despise,

—And, praps, add the obserwation—

“ If I had a Donkey,” &c.

The point of my song I ’ll now explain.

We’da Donkey Show in Gulden Lane—

In the yard be’ind the Mission ’All;

A instructive scene to great and small.

Inside, Lord Shaftesbury in the Chair,

Presidin’ over our meetin’ there :

And we Costers resolved, for the good he done,

To give ’im the winner—the Ass A One,

—A singin’—

“ If I had a Donkey,” &c.

So full comparisoned in we led

The Donkey, a pattin’ of his nose and ’ed.

The noble Earl on the platform there,

And the Lady Ashleys ’longside ’is chair :

And Cowper-Temple, and several more
Benevolent swells wot befriends the poor.

A ’propriate speech our Foreman spoke,

Requestin’ the Peer to accept the Moke.

Then into wociferous cheers we broke,

And—chorus !—

“ If I had a Donkey,” &c.

His Lordship was pleased to receive the gift;

But the Testimonial he bade us lift,

Which we did, to the platform, with pains and care,

For to make ’im the presentation there.

The noble Lord his arms he wound
The gentle hanimal’s neck around,

Like a study he stood for a hartist’s skill,

As I fancies I now be’olds ’im still;

Whilst rounds of applause the hair did fill—

—Mingled with wot the Moosoos calls the ref rang—

“ If I had a Donkey,” &c.

“ Thank you,” he said, “ each Christian friend,

Your docile present I shall send
To a ’appy ’ome in the country hair,

To be rode by kids wot ’is strength will bear—

My children’s children—’cos why, my own
Is too ’eavy weights now, being all full-grown.

I ain’t a got not much more to say,

But if words your kindness could repay,

I’d rise my woice in a popular lay—

—With a burden no doubt familiar to most of you—

‘ If I had a Donkey,’ &e.

“ And I ’ll state my endeavour have always been,

In this here sublunairy scene,

With patience unswervin’ for to go through
Whatever’s been jmt upon me to do,

And my life in resignation pass
Unmurmurin’ like this ’ere pattern Ass.

This Moke, which in fond embrace I fold,

And a fig for the scoffers whose ’arts is cold—

—And hincapable of enterin’ into the feelin’s of a cove wot, over-
come with emotion, busts into melody, as I now beg to conclude
with—

Now I’ve got a Donkey wot will go,

I never won’t part with ’im, 0 no, no!

My pride of the Costers’ Donkey-Show ;

My bang-up Neddy ! ”

NURSERY RHYMES NEW SET FOR THE TIMES.

A Negative Philosophy.

From the Pope s continual reiteration of Mon possumus His
Holiness would seem to be an adherent of the philosophy of Can’t.

here was an owl
liv’d in an
oak,

The more he
heard, the less
he spoke,

Thelesshe spoke,
the more he
heard—

0, if men were
all like that
wise bird!

Ding-dong-bell!
High-Church
hankerers tell,
If they want to
see a Show,
They to Church
of Rome must
go-
lf to Rome
they ’d round
about,

From their old
Church best
turn out.

in.

There was an Old Woman
(My story is true)

With all of her children
She knew what to do ;

Of her girls she made Parsons,
And Doctors, and Lawyers,
Her boys she made Shoeblacks,
Clerks, Porters, and Sawyers.

Game for the Neighbourhood of the proposed Hampstead
Hospital.—“ Catch who Catch Can.”

THE “HOLY ROSE OF HONDURAS.”

A witness, before the Parliamentary Committee on Foreign Loans,
stated, a few days ago, that “ he had been invested by the ‘Minister
for Honduras ’ with the Cross of the Order of the Santa Rosa of
Honduras, but thaf he did not know for what.”

Mr. Punch congratulates the creditors of that interesting State
upon this gratifying intelligence. It is refreshing to know that—

“ There’s a bower of roses hard by the Gulf-stream,”

though the nightingale who sings in it is not the Bulbul, but the
John Bull. His song has not been very inspiriting of late, but
this is not to be wondered at, for, as nightingales do not sing well
in captivity, we must not expect much mirthful melody from those
who cannot get rid of their Bonds. But the Bondholders’ prospects
are brightening. Hitherto the Blessed Rose of Honduras has been
known to them only by its thorns ; but they may now hope to have
its bloom and its fragrance preserved for them in a decoration.

“ Thus Memory draws from delight, ere it dies,

An essence that breathes of it many a year.”

And thus “the Cross of the Santa Rosa of Honduras,” if they can
obtain it, may be as precious to them as the real Attar Gul. Indeed.
Mr. Punch is informed that the authorities in Honduras intend
shortly to change the name of that state to Gulistan.

No one can doubt that the British Bondholder will regard thin
novel and poetical decoration as a compensation in full for all hi-
losses. It is recorded of a great English speculator, who died some-
years ago, that he was so charmed with the riband of the Legion of
Honour, which had been conferred ou him, that he wore it even on
his robe de nuit. In like manner, the Honduras Bondholder may
attach the Rose of Honduras to the bonnet d'ane, or fool’s cap, in
which he lies down to rest. Mr. Punch is informed that the mott<>
of the Order is taken from Ovid’s Jlemedium Amoris, and is
“ JJrticce proximo sespe rosa est”—“the rose often grows next to
the nettle ; ” but as the Bondholders have already grasped their
nettles, he recommends them now to go in for the roses; and, on
their behalf, he says, with Horace, to the Minister for Honduras—

“ Parceutes ego dexteras
Odi. Sparge Rosas.”

Mr. Thoms’s Favourite Tune.—“The Old Hundredth.”