DOI issue:
October 12, 1878
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17733#0163
October 12, 1878.]
PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
159
THE RISE AND FALL OF THE JACK SPRATTS.
A Tale of Modem Art and Fashion.
Mi
Part VI.
Mrs. Spratt's bed was not all roses neither. Smart people have
at times a very provoking- way with them. One day they are quite
playful and familiar. The next, when we would be playful and
familiar in our turn, with all the world looking- on, they will pub-
licly ignore us through a double eyeglass, to our great discomfiture,
as we would naturally like to pass before the world for being their
bosom friends.
That is, if we are Spratts.
And then they keep us in such tortures of suspense ! either forget-
ting to bid us to the feast our Spratty souls are hungering for, or
else inviting us, as by an afterthought, at the eleventh hour, when
we feel puzzled as to whether we had better be Sprattishly dignified,
and decline with thanks, or put our prides in our pockets and go;
and if we go, it is ten to one they will look as if they wondered what
the deuce we are doing there ; and if we don't, they never perceive
our absence, and we are none the better in their eyes for the self-
respect that has cost us so much self-denial. 0 we Spratts !
Also, it must be owned that Mrs. Spratt's beauty, and the very
ample justice that was done to it both by herself and by the gorgeous
Swells, did not greatly recommend that lady to the glittering
Swellesses ; so that she often met with cruel snubs and haunting
slights from Ladies less beautiful, but of infinitely greater social
importance than herself.
And she had not yet learnt how to dissemble when thus aggrieved,
and swallow it all, and pretend she had not perceived it; nor could
sher_yet toady the great of her own sex, and kiss the cruel hands that
scratched her, and disarm such social tyranny by penitent, humble
ways, without which arts no too pretty woman of her degree can
appear to hold her own in the hollow world of fashion; nor had she,
on the other hand, that mixture of thick-skinned impudence with
ready mother-wit, which sometimes makes the merest parvenue a
match for all the dowagers in England, and a thorn in their noble
sides for ever; so_ that they give her a wide berth, and revenge
themselves by telling each other that she is not a lady, and asking
each other what they can expect.
Poor Mrs. Spratt ! She couldn't very well put out her tongue,
and say "Yah!"
In after-moments of heartburning that came of such treatment,
Mrs. Spratt would fold her children to her wounded bosom, and rail
at the hollow world, and rave of love and peace and the homely do-
mestic hearth, and the good old days of " Catscradle " and " Puss in
the Corner," and the long-lost trusty friends, and the good old great-
grandpapa ; and, wildly calling for socks, she would darn them with
any worsted that came to hand, the salt tears in her lovely eyes, a
twin on each knee, and her clever Jack's protecting arm around her •
and suddenly the postman would knock, and the Duchess's belated
post-card arrive, just in time; and then, with jumps of joy, and
trills of triumph, and a general scattering of socks, twins, worsted,
and everything else to the four winds, up-stairs to dress, and
away, away to the hollow world again !
And there, such snubs as she met with, she would try to pass on
to others; for even in the most exclusive saloons she would occa-
sionally have to encounter people whose presence there was an
offence to her. For instance, wives and daughters of Science, Litera-
ture, and Art; actresses of high repute; eminent female phvsicians ;
great female philanthropists; poetesses, paintresses, authoresses,
sculptoresses, and what not: worse than all, ladies whose only
claim to distinction lay in their good looks and pretty manners.
Against all such upstart intruders of her own sex she would level
her double eyeglass with happily copied impertinence. For just as
those who rise from the ranks learn how to command by having first
learnt how to obey, Mrs. Spratt had learnt how to snub by having
been well and frequently snubbed herself. Fortunately for her
victims, and unfortunately for her, she did not bear the Queen's
commission, so to speak, and had no rank as yet beyond that which
is conferred by the possession of a pretty face ; so that her snubbings
were of no account, and, consequently, recoiled on herself; for a
premeditated snub which nobody feels, is almost as bad for its per-
petrator as a premeditated joke that nobody laughs at.
Indeed, these harmless little airs and graces of Mrs. Spratt's were
all set down to the fact that her late papa had been in the oil and
Italian trade; which was very uncharitable and unjust, for they were
only imitations of such airs and graces as she had seen many a real
fine lady give herself any day; and very good imitations,_ too.
But one person may steal a horse, as we all know, while another
must not even look at the stable-door.
And thus, snubbing and being snubbed, dressing and dancing and
feasting and flirting, did she soar higher and higher in her butterfly
PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
159
THE RISE AND FALL OF THE JACK SPRATTS.
A Tale of Modem Art and Fashion.
Mi
Part VI.
Mrs. Spratt's bed was not all roses neither. Smart people have
at times a very provoking- way with them. One day they are quite
playful and familiar. The next, when we would be playful and
familiar in our turn, with all the world looking- on, they will pub-
licly ignore us through a double eyeglass, to our great discomfiture,
as we would naturally like to pass before the world for being their
bosom friends.
That is, if we are Spratts.
And then they keep us in such tortures of suspense ! either forget-
ting to bid us to the feast our Spratty souls are hungering for, or
else inviting us, as by an afterthought, at the eleventh hour, when
we feel puzzled as to whether we had better be Sprattishly dignified,
and decline with thanks, or put our prides in our pockets and go;
and if we go, it is ten to one they will look as if they wondered what
the deuce we are doing there ; and if we don't, they never perceive
our absence, and we are none the better in their eyes for the self-
respect that has cost us so much self-denial. 0 we Spratts !
Also, it must be owned that Mrs. Spratt's beauty, and the very
ample justice that was done to it both by herself and by the gorgeous
Swells, did not greatly recommend that lady to the glittering
Swellesses ; so that she often met with cruel snubs and haunting
slights from Ladies less beautiful, but of infinitely greater social
importance than herself.
And she had not yet learnt how to dissemble when thus aggrieved,
and swallow it all, and pretend she had not perceived it; nor could
sher_yet toady the great of her own sex, and kiss the cruel hands that
scratched her, and disarm such social tyranny by penitent, humble
ways, without which arts no too pretty woman of her degree can
appear to hold her own in the hollow world of fashion; nor had she,
on the other hand, that mixture of thick-skinned impudence with
ready mother-wit, which sometimes makes the merest parvenue a
match for all the dowagers in England, and a thorn in their noble
sides for ever; so_ that they give her a wide berth, and revenge
themselves by telling each other that she is not a lady, and asking
each other what they can expect.
Poor Mrs. Spratt ! She couldn't very well put out her tongue,
and say "Yah!"
In after-moments of heartburning that came of such treatment,
Mrs. Spratt would fold her children to her wounded bosom, and rail
at the hollow world, and rave of love and peace and the homely do-
mestic hearth, and the good old days of " Catscradle " and " Puss in
the Corner," and the long-lost trusty friends, and the good old great-
grandpapa ; and, wildly calling for socks, she would darn them with
any worsted that came to hand, the salt tears in her lovely eyes, a
twin on each knee, and her clever Jack's protecting arm around her •
and suddenly the postman would knock, and the Duchess's belated
post-card arrive, just in time; and then, with jumps of joy, and
trills of triumph, and a general scattering of socks, twins, worsted,
and everything else to the four winds, up-stairs to dress, and
away, away to the hollow world again !
And there, such snubs as she met with, she would try to pass on
to others; for even in the most exclusive saloons she would occa-
sionally have to encounter people whose presence there was an
offence to her. For instance, wives and daughters of Science, Litera-
ture, and Art; actresses of high repute; eminent female phvsicians ;
great female philanthropists; poetesses, paintresses, authoresses,
sculptoresses, and what not: worse than all, ladies whose only
claim to distinction lay in their good looks and pretty manners.
Against all such upstart intruders of her own sex she would level
her double eyeglass with happily copied impertinence. For just as
those who rise from the ranks learn how to command by having first
learnt how to obey, Mrs. Spratt had learnt how to snub by having
been well and frequently snubbed herself. Fortunately for her
victims, and unfortunately for her, she did not bear the Queen's
commission, so to speak, and had no rank as yet beyond that which
is conferred by the possession of a pretty face ; so that her snubbings
were of no account, and, consequently, recoiled on herself; for a
premeditated snub which nobody feels, is almost as bad for its per-
petrator as a premeditated joke that nobody laughs at.
Indeed, these harmless little airs and graces of Mrs. Spratt's were
all set down to the fact that her late papa had been in the oil and
Italian trade; which was very uncharitable and unjust, for they were
only imitations of such airs and graces as she had seen many a real
fine lady give herself any day; and very good imitations,_ too.
But one person may steal a horse, as we all know, while another
must not even look at the stable-door.
And thus, snubbing and being snubbed, dressing and dancing and
feasting and flirting, did she soar higher and higher in her butterfly