Punch: Punch (78.1880)

100

HINTS FOR A NEW AND ORIGINAL
DRAMATIC COLLEGE.

Chapter IX.

Professor Hare's Lecture—His Subjects—Treatment—3fake-up—
Costume — Colours—Emotions—Simile—Love—Angei—Lllus-

trations— Entertainer Block— Poet — Pun — History— Old

School—Great Actors—Conclusion of Lecture—Prospective
Arrangements.

Professor Hare, late of the Court, now of St. James’s, maybe
expected to lecture on the following subjects :—1. The True Expres-
sion of the Emotions; 2. Rehearsals ; 3. Stage Decoration; 4. The
Auditorium, and before the Curtain generally:—

Gentlemen—(brusquely)—I ’ye come to give you a lecture on
certain matters connected with the Drama; and—er—I—(suddenly,

pleasantly, but very ra-
pidly) — hope we shall
get on well together.
{“Hear! hear!" from
the Students. The Lec-
turer looks about, beam-
ingly, then resumes.)
Thank you for your re-
ception. Which is gra-
tifying—very gratifying
—(emphatically and an-
grily)—most gratifying.
{Looks round defiantly,
as if expecting contra-
diction. “Hear! hear!"
from the Students. The
Lecturer smiles, looks
about him sharply from
left to right, with much
the same action as is ex-
hibited by a canary about
to chirrup, and then re-
sumes.) Gentlemen, there
is one thing that every
Actor will have to deal
with—{angrily and posi-
tively) — he can’t help
himself, confound it, he
must deal with it— {be-
coming more and more annoyed)—must deal with it, hang it!—{sud-
denly smiling very pleasantly)—whether he likes it or not, eh ? {As
if replying to his own question)—Yes, whether he likes it or not.
{Looks round inquiringly, to see if any one objects. “Hear! hear!"
from Students.)

Well, now, Gentlemen, in representing an emotional part, the first
thing for the Actor to do is to entirely obliterate his own indi-
viduality— {shaking his iridex finger at them warningly)—I do not
allude to “making-up ”—l don’t lay much stress on “making-up
in fact—{becoming thoroughly vexed, and rubbing his head with his
right hand in a highly irritable manner)—no one but a born idiot
would rely merely on “make-up ’’—anyfool can make up—{rapping
the table violently)—and the greatest Actors don’t make up at all— -
dash it, Sir, they didn’t even wear the costume of the period of the
play ! ! {Suddenly quite pleasant and beaming.) Ha ! ha ! That was
absurd, wasn’t it? {Laughing.) Fancy Macbeth in the Court suit
of George the Third’s time! {Laughter.) We should think it
odd now—but the greatest Actor did it—Garrick. I s’pose he was
as great as they say, eh ? {Smiling dubiously.) I s’pose so. He must
have been great—{angrily)— he must have been—hang it! {Expos-
tulating.) Sir Joshua Johnson, I mean Reynolds—{laughs)—ha!
ha! the idea of Sir Joshua Johnson—absurd, wasn’t it! ha! ha!
eh ?—well, those two and—and—everybody couldn’t have been mis-
taken—it’s impossible—{rubs his nose with his right hand, as if very
much worried by the idea)—it’s quite impossible. Don’t you think
so? They couldn’t all have been mistaken. (“ Hear ! hear !" from
Students. Lecturer appears a trifle more satisfied, but not tho-
roughly convinced, and consults his notes.)

Ah, yes—I was speaking about the Actor of an emotional part
obliterating his individuality in illustrating the emotions. How—
{frowning)—what do I mean by emotion ? {Looking very much
astonished, as if somebody else had asked a question, to which the
answer was self-evident.) What do I mean by emotion ? Why,
what are the emotions, but—{angrily)—laughter—{•■violently)—love
—{mcfre pleasantly)—tears, and—{smiling)—anger. {Applause.) I
don’t think there are any more—(emphatically)—I don’t see that
there can be any more. Of course there are combinations and gra-
dations as there are of the prismatic colours in the rainbow, eh ?
-~;{looks round doubtfully)—as the prismatic colours in the—{con-
sidering—then positively)—Yes—there are four prismatic colours—

[March 6, 1880.

{decidedly)—in the rainbow. {Pleasantly.) That’s rather a neat
simile. {Smiles. Then begins to check off the emotions and the
colours on his fingers.) There we are—first colour, blue: corre-
sponding emotion, laughter. {“Hear! hear!") Second colour,
red: corresponding emotion, tears. {“Hear! hear!" And the
Lecturer adds, smilingly, and much pleased with the progress)—I
don’t see why laughter should be blue, and tears red, except that—
{laughing shortly)—tears make the eyes red—ha ! ha !—and perhaps
laughter makes you blew your nose—{intensely gratified)—ha ! ha!
—blew—blue—ha ! ha ! eh ? Well—{suddenly, and seriously)—that’s
two—laughter and tears—blue and red. Then the fourth—no, third
colour, yellow—that’s anger. Yes—{looking disgusted)—yellow, a
regular bilious complexion—liver out of order. Yellow ’s the livery
of anger. {Surprised at the pun, and very much delighted.) Ha !
ha!—livery of anger—yellow. ’Gad, that’s good; ha! ha! {Applause
and laughter.) Yes; and the fourth prismatic colour—(frowns)—
let’s see—{puzzled)—were we at the fourth ? No. {Goes over them,
again.) Yes—I’ve done three—what’s the fourth prismatic colour ?
{Rubs his head irritably.) Dash it, there must be a fourth,—there
ought to be—blue, red, yellow—no, let’s see—surely— {tries to recall
to his mind's eye the last rainbow he has seen)—there—must-no—
{as if suddenly struck by the discovery)—1 ’m hanged if there is!
There’s no fourth prismatic colour. Gentlemen, it’s a great pity
for the sake of the simile, which would really have been con-
foundedly happy—{pleasantly)—as I hope we shall all be without
the fourth colour—ha ! ha !—eh ?— though—{still more graciously)—
we shan’t be without the equivalent emotion, love. Of course there
are all the gradations and combinations of the emotions — com-
passion, pity, revenge, remorse, fear—ah!—{suddenly)—! should
have mentioned “ fear ” before. That makes five—{emphatically)—
five prismatic emotions. {Jerks his right wristband down convul-
sively, and thrusts his left hand into the breast of his waistcoat.
Having thus pulled himself together, he resumes) —

Now, the Actor must avoid expressing them all in the same way.
{Angrily.) A man would be a fool—a blatant fool—who tried to do
so. Don’t tell me—{violently)—that one stupid stereotyped manner
will be sufficient to denote every variety of passion, every shade of
emotion ! No !—(raps the table)—never ! When the lover is sup-
posed to be grieved by his mistress’s conduct, he mustn’t glare at
her as though he were— {pleasantly)— going to eat her—{jocularly)—
ha! ha!—like the wolf with Red Riding Hood. When he would
mingle his tears with hers, and they embrace for the last time on
earth previous to his, or her, (or both), being led off to execution, the
Actor must let the audience see that he is weeping. {Emphatically.)
They must see the workings of his countenance—{still more emphati-
cally)—and he mustn’t shirk his artistic work by turning his
back on the audience, placing his arm round the lady’s waist, and
walking up the stage with her! {Comes down heavily wich his fist
on the table.) I say, no Actor must do that, and I ’ll add, and I
don’t care who hears me, and you may tell them I say so, whoever
they are—an Actor who daren’t show his face to the public in a
strongly emotional part, may call himself an Actor — {getting
warmer)—and he may be—{more excitedly)—a good self-disguiser—
{violently)—a first-rate maker-up—{with bitter sarcasm and concen-
trated fury)—an inimitable entertainer, or a small-character part
man with one eccentricity, but—{boiling over)—I’m—{checking him-
self)—I’m— {exploding)—hanged, if he’s a true dramatic Artist or a
great Actor,—and—{quite pleasantly, and looking round inquiringly)
—’pon my soul I hardly think we should call him an Artist at all,
eh ? {Smiles cheerfully. Great applause.) No ; we should con-
sider him in Mr. Woodin’s line, or Mr. Maccabe’s— {laughing)—
both—{with deep conviction, and defying contradiction)—uncom-
monly clever men in their way, and—(defiantly)—deservedly suc-
cessful—{shaking his forefinger at them)—deservedly successful,
mind you—I say I should consider such a man as an Entertainer,
with a stock-in-trade of trick-wigs, trick-dresses, and—{very plea-
santly)—a table behind which he disappears, to reappear as some-
body else, only rather more like himself than ever. {Applause.)
Eh?—{briskly and smilingly)— that’s about it, isn’t it? {“Hear!
hear!") Yes, I knew you’d see it in that light.. {Emphatically.)
In fact, it’s the only common sense view of acting, otherwise an
Actor’s only a dummy—{frowning)—a mere dummy—with some
mechanism inside, perhaps; but—(fiercely)—unless he can portray
all the emotions— {shaking his right forefinger in the air, threaten-
ingly, at the class, and speaking most severely)-—all the emotions,
mind you,—he is no more than a lay figure for dresses, and his
head—{with sudden cheerfulness and great appreciation of the simile)
—a mere wig-block— {looks round beamingly)—a mere wig-block,
eh ? {Laughs. Applause. The Lecturer jtrks himself together,
and resumes)—

So much for emotions, Gentlemen. Now for rehearsals. I don’t
know what you may have heard from my friends the learned Pro-
fessors Bancroft and Hollingshead, but I ’ll tell you my opinion.
{Furiously)—Hang rehearsals! What’s the use of wasting your
time at rehearsals ? What does What’s-his-name.—{rubs his head
irritably) you know—bless my soul!—the poet—in—(laughs)—not

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.