Punch: Punch (78.1880)

LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 27, 1880.

THE ELECTION BREW.

“ Double, double, toil and trouble,
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.”
Macbeth.

From floods of speech and smother
Of broad-cast posting-bills,
Where each side proves the other
Author of all our ills ;

From clash of cross-addresses
And clang of clamouring tongues,
From mud of party-presses
And strength of party-lungs ;

From candidates and agents,

From canvassers and touts,

From reverend and lay gents,

All hot for Ins or Outs ;

From public-house Committees,

And public platforms’ bray,
Through counties, towns, and cities
Resounding night and day;

From talking of Elections,

And reading of the same,—
Dissolving views, in sections,

Of Party;s little game ;

Oh “ roaring month ” deliver us,
’Till, after All-Fools’ Day,

Time’s scavenge-van, omnivorous,
Shall cart the mess away.

And in the teeth of his doom.

From the black cauldron’s haze
Rise a Collective Wisdom
Distilled in wondrous ways !

RECIPROCITY.

The Dean. “Mr.

USED TO MAKE FOR
Clerical Tailor. ‘
is in Holy Orders
The Dean. “No.
Clerical Tailor. ‘
The Dean. “No,
Clerical Tailor. ‘

A CONSCIENTIOUS ARTIST.

YOU TO MAKE MY SON A HUNTING SUIT ; JUST WHAT YOU

Mr. Dean. May I inquire if the young Gentleman

Snippe, I WANT
Me, you know.”

‘ I BEG YOUR PARDON.
2 ”

‘ Ah ! to be Ordained shortly, I suppose ? ”

NO ; HE’s NOT THINKING OF ANYTHING OF THE KIND.”

‘ Then I’m sorry to say I must decline the ordei., Mr. Dean ! ”

In 1874 the country came to Lord
Beaconsfield for rest. And now
Lord B. returns the compliment by
going to the country, as his friends
say for the rest of his lease of power,
or as the Opposition hope, for the rest
of his natural life.

Probable Consequence op Hart-
mann’s Arrival in London. —
Extra-edition, if not Extradition.

throwing up your arms, shrugging your shoulders, elevating your
eyebrows, rolling your eyes, and exclaiming “ Ah ! ” Such actions
might suit one particular character, but not all the parts you have
to play. {Applause.)

Now, much of the business of the stage depends on properties.
Perhaps you are not aware that all banquets on the stage consists of
property eatables and property drinkables ? (Smiles, and nods

slowly f This is as it should be. The stage is the place for the
exhibition of works of theatrical Art, and not a museum for the
collection of Realities. {Cheers.) Who wants to see an Actor
eating a real chicken, carving a real ham, or munching a genuine
pie from Fortnum and_ Mason’s ? {Stretching out both hands
appealingly, bending his knees, and throwing his head back.
Applause. Continues in this attitude.) Is there any Art in such
an exhibition? No. {Cheers.) Is there a chance for the Actor
showing how admirably he can simulate eating a chicken, how per-
fectly true to Nature in his imitation of devouring a pie, or of
drinking out of a flagon if the real articles are actually placed
before him? No! {Cheers. The Lecturer sways himself into his
former confidential attitude, with his hands behind him, ana
resumes.)

Gentlemen,—um—{considers)—yes—of course—there is no Art in
smacking your lips after drinking a good glass of wine. But there
is considerable Art in smacking your lips and looking pleased and
satisfied after emptying a glassful of some nauseous stuff—{makes
a genuine expression of the most intense disgust)—made of heaven
and the property-man only know what, and which, for aught the
Actor can tell, may be highly injurious in its effects. Ugh! {Shud-
(lers.)' Gentlemen. to. smile after such a draught, and to say
heartily, “ Master Boniface, thou hast some good stuff in thy cellar!
Another bumper, Sirrah! Here’s to thee and thy pretty daughter! ”

and then, to be compelled by the business of the scene, to empty
another transparent glass of the abominable mixture—the mixture
as before—ugh \—{makes another face)—ugh! and yet to smile and
smack your lips, and swear heartily that it is “nectar for the gods! ”
—this, Gentlemen, is true Art, highly meritorious in the individual,
and for which display there would be no opportunity were the
wine real good sherry, or port, or champagne. {Applause.) Um
—yes—{meditates)—and these remarks apply also to eatables.
The Actor is never called upon for a more difficult, a more trying,
or perhaps a more telling exhibition of his Art—than—when—■
{meditates sideways, eyes his audience askance, and, stooping slightly,
bends forward as if looking for some one to come suddenly from
somewhere round the corner)—yes—than when—let me see—um—
{slowly)—than when he has to make a hearty meal off a canvass-
backed—{smiling slily)-—off a canvass-backed duck, with pieces of
bread let into the back for him to make-believe with, as the
Marchioness did with the orange-peel in the Old Curiosity Shop.
{Still with the same smile, and the same attitude.) There’s a taste
of the glue about it {reflects), or the paint-pot-—{makes a grimace)
—or something nasty—and the nastier it is, the greater the Actor’s
chance for showing his mastery over his Art.. {Applause.)

I will now proceed to give you a few practical illustrations. {Eyes
the properties, Immense and prolonged applause.) These properties
—are all—um {touches them)—excellent—as properties. The paint,
or gum, or glue, or whatever it is on them, is not yet dry. As
Hamlet says, “And smells so! Pah!” {Applause.) . . . So
{meditates)—so—I think—with your kind permission- I ’ll yes—
{touches a few more, and makes a grimace)—I ’ll defer this part of
my lecture till another day,—and then—{seeing the disappointment
of his class)-—I ’ll go through them all. (Cheers. He smiles affably,
hums, and then suddenly looks at his watch.) Dear me, I didn’t