DOI issue:
May 8, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0214
May 8, 1880.]
PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHAKIVARI.
209
GUIDE TO THE ACADEMY.
[By “ Private View,” of the B.A. Volunteer Corps.)
AV3AT emptor! — Look
out, Picture - buyers !
The Academy is open.
The verdicts have been
pronounced. Many 'who
have acquitted them-
selves to their own satis-
faction, have been hung;
and the Unhung are no
longer in a state of sus-
pense.
Allow me to take you
through the halls of
dazzling light, and point
out the objects of special
interest. Where the
Artist has made a mis-
take in his title, I have
appropriately rechris-
tened it; and. where the
description isinaccurate,
or misleading, I have
just thrown in a few
touches to complete the
pictures. Walk up!
Walk up! Leave your
sticks and umbrellas in
the hall, purchase a
catalogue, refer to the
Guide from week to week
for aid and assistance,
pay your shilling, and
be happy ! Ladies and
Gentlemen, Suivez mot!
And my friends reply,
“ Lead on ; we fol-
low!” Eyes right and
left! And so Private
View, in his full regimentals, precedes General Public. Montez ! _ Montez_!
At first starting I do not begin at the beginning, but direct public attention to the following
numbers, by way of a preliminary canter.
No. 204. “ A Bite ! ” Sir F. Leighton, P.R. A. Sir Frederick should have chosen the
Shakspearian line,—
“Flea! Flea’ence! Flea!”
Macbeth, Act iii., Sc. 3.
No. 217. An Infant Phenomenon in the Lady Macbeth Sleepwalking Scene. H. T.
Wells, R.A. It is called “Victoria Regina,” and may be intended for “The Victoria.”
It may be a Victoria, but it’s not a AAay-d’oeuvre. No matter;—“All ’swells that ends wells,”
as Crutch and Toothpick chaunt on All Swells day. Let’s leave Wells alone and pass on.
No. 239. Out of Order ; or, Mechanical Doll with the Spring Broken. J. E. Millais,
R.A. Never mind, there’s plenty more from the toy-shop where she came from, and it’s
never too late to mend.
No. 250. Judge us by what we are, not what we wear. E. J. Poynter, R.A. The
subject is Venus showing a clean pair of heels to iEsculapius, who, with the skill of a doctor
and the eye of a poet, is scanning her feet.
No. 262. On Board II.M.S. BeUerophon, July 23, 1815. W. Q. Orchardson, R.A.
Bonaparte a prisoner on board the Billy Rough 'un, looking towards the coast of France.
The Artist should have called this clever picture, “ Going Nap.”
No. 282. “ Take a card—I won't look—you'll know it again,” &c. Marcus Stone, A.
For this there should be a “ Hail Stone ! ” chorus. A Precious Stone. A Gem.
No. 298. On the Prowl; or, Lionising an Artist. Briton Riviere, A. A most striking
picture. But where was the Artist when he took the portraits of these terrific brutes ?
Behind a pillar ? He calls it “ A Night Watch.” What a night watch he must have had
of it! He must be a very bold Briton.
No. 322. The Right Honourable John Bright, M.P. J. E. Millais, Pl.A. Eminent
political person on a successful canvass. Admirable portrait. But it’s not John Bright
at his Brightest. He should have been taken “ Orating,” and every expression caught. Yet,
for all that, ’tis a speaking likeness.
No. 328. Good View from a Private Box. L. Alma Tadema, R.A.
No. 416. Henry Irving as Hamlet ; or, Knee Plus Ultra. E. Long, A. A three-
quarter length, and quite long enough. The Artist felt the subject would scarcely bear
E-long-a-tion, and perhaps he’ll give us the remainder next year. “ To be continued in
our next.” As Hamlet himself observes, “Very like, very like. Stay’d it Long?” &c.
(Act I., s. 2). Of course the answer would be—Just sufficient time to have his portrait taken.
No. 571. The Incomplete Letter-Writer. Geo. Reid. Portrait of a Gentleman trying
to think “What on earth he shall say” in his letter. The title is the “ Provost of Peter-
head,” but the bothered and perplexed expression suggests the “Provost of Stupidhead.”
The Artist is doubtless correct: Ride and Right.
No. 606. Bessie, daughter of C. Andrew, Esq. G. D. Leslie, R.A. Pretty Lawn-
Tennisonian Picture. Pity she should be represented as a rackety sort of girl. What’s the
state of the game ? “Fifteen—Love.”
No. 612. A Hot Day at Cookham. Otto
Weber. It ought to be hot if you go to
cook ’em. And there are such a lot of
cattle to cook ! More like Cowes. But why
not call it an “ Otto ” day ? Let us hope it
is not by any means “ Weber’s Last.”
No. 613. The Ebb Tide on the Bar.
Walter J. Shaw. One of the best pic-
tures in this year’s Academy. The Artist
henceforth to be distinguished as “ Sea-
Shaw.” Visitors are particularly re-
quested to see Shaw, when they will all
agree with me, and no waverers among
them. On dit, that this has been pur-
chased by an eminent R.A. He was sit-
ting before it; and, carried away by the
sea-sentiment inspired by Shaw, began to
hum to himself, or to humself,—“ Buy the
Sad Sea Wave;” and he bought it. This
story may be told to the Marines. The
title of the picture is a little puzzling to
inlanders, who ask “ where the ebb is tied
on the bar ?” and “how is the ebb tied on
the bar?” and so on. But no matter—’tis
a delightful picture, and “ Ebber of thee
I’m fondly dreaming,” Mr. Sea-SHAW.
No. 614. “ No Bathing-Machine !—(but
where are the Police?)” Sir F. Leighton,
P.R.A. Sir Frederick calls it 1‘ Psamathe.”
Very likely it is, but more suggestive of
Jane Shore. What a subject it would have
been for Mr. Sandys ! Every one must feel
considerable delicacy in talking of this
Lady, as no charitable person would like to
speak of her behind her back ; and yet they
can’t help it, if they are to speak of her
at all.
No. 654. Gushers at Home. Frank
Dicey. Two young Ladies kissing on the
stairs. Quite a pair-o'-Dicey notion of
fashionable “ Angels’ visits.”
No. 655. Crenaia. Sir F. Leighton,
P.R.A. It should be called “ Demi-Twi-
light,” and the motto be Dryden’s line,—
“ For little souls on little shifts rely.”
A BALLAD OF THE BALLOT-BOX.
I’m as clear as a babe new-born
Of corruption, and of bribery,
As at Highgate I ’ll dare be sworn,
Or take my ’davy at Highbury.
If you likes you may stand, me a pot,
’Cause that’s nothink beyond congenial,
But to bribe me best offer not; _
No, I’d not be so beastly venial.
Our Member, he says to me,
As he migfit have said to any man,
“Bill Smithers,” he says, says he,
“A fi-pun note to a penny, man,
I ’ll lay you I don’t come in.
Are yer game to take a shy at me ? ”
He spoke them words with a grin,
And playful he wunk his eye at me.
I says “Done; my chance is fair,
A good offer I never refuses.”
Says he, “Now to win you declare,
And I means to pay if I loses.”
So I did wot I possible could
In my own self- defence and purtection,
Which the party I backed, when he stood,
Lost his wager and gained his election!
Wen he know’d his seat was sure,
He paid me the bet as I won of him,
Which my ’ands bein’ perfeckly pure,
The same was ’ansome done of him.
Now ’ere is the fi-pun note,
As I pockets without hillegality.
So don’t you say I sold my vote,
Wich i ’olds clean agin moriality.
The Last Crime of the Late Govern-
ment.—(Let us hope so.)—“ Ribbonism.”
PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHAKIVARI.
209
GUIDE TO THE ACADEMY.
[By “ Private View,” of the B.A. Volunteer Corps.)
AV3AT emptor! — Look
out, Picture - buyers !
The Academy is open.
The verdicts have been
pronounced. Many 'who
have acquitted them-
selves to their own satis-
faction, have been hung;
and the Unhung are no
longer in a state of sus-
pense.
Allow me to take you
through the halls of
dazzling light, and point
out the objects of special
interest. Where the
Artist has made a mis-
take in his title, I have
appropriately rechris-
tened it; and. where the
description isinaccurate,
or misleading, I have
just thrown in a few
touches to complete the
pictures. Walk up!
Walk up! Leave your
sticks and umbrellas in
the hall, purchase a
catalogue, refer to the
Guide from week to week
for aid and assistance,
pay your shilling, and
be happy ! Ladies and
Gentlemen, Suivez mot!
And my friends reply,
“ Lead on ; we fol-
low!” Eyes right and
left! And so Private
View, in his full regimentals, precedes General Public. Montez ! _ Montez_!
At first starting I do not begin at the beginning, but direct public attention to the following
numbers, by way of a preliminary canter.
No. 204. “ A Bite ! ” Sir F. Leighton, P.R. A. Sir Frederick should have chosen the
Shakspearian line,—
“Flea! Flea’ence! Flea!”
Macbeth, Act iii., Sc. 3.
No. 217. An Infant Phenomenon in the Lady Macbeth Sleepwalking Scene. H. T.
Wells, R.A. It is called “Victoria Regina,” and may be intended for “The Victoria.”
It may be a Victoria, but it’s not a AAay-d’oeuvre. No matter;—“All ’swells that ends wells,”
as Crutch and Toothpick chaunt on All Swells day. Let’s leave Wells alone and pass on.
No. 239. Out of Order ; or, Mechanical Doll with the Spring Broken. J. E. Millais,
R.A. Never mind, there’s plenty more from the toy-shop where she came from, and it’s
never too late to mend.
No. 250. Judge us by what we are, not what we wear. E. J. Poynter, R.A. The
subject is Venus showing a clean pair of heels to iEsculapius, who, with the skill of a doctor
and the eye of a poet, is scanning her feet.
No. 262. On Board II.M.S. BeUerophon, July 23, 1815. W. Q. Orchardson, R.A.
Bonaparte a prisoner on board the Billy Rough 'un, looking towards the coast of France.
The Artist should have called this clever picture, “ Going Nap.”
No. 282. “ Take a card—I won't look—you'll know it again,” &c. Marcus Stone, A.
For this there should be a “ Hail Stone ! ” chorus. A Precious Stone. A Gem.
No. 298. On the Prowl; or, Lionising an Artist. Briton Riviere, A. A most striking
picture. But where was the Artist when he took the portraits of these terrific brutes ?
Behind a pillar ? He calls it “ A Night Watch.” What a night watch he must have had
of it! He must be a very bold Briton.
No. 322. The Right Honourable John Bright, M.P. J. E. Millais, Pl.A. Eminent
political person on a successful canvass. Admirable portrait. But it’s not John Bright
at his Brightest. He should have been taken “ Orating,” and every expression caught. Yet,
for all that, ’tis a speaking likeness.
No. 328. Good View from a Private Box. L. Alma Tadema, R.A.
No. 416. Henry Irving as Hamlet ; or, Knee Plus Ultra. E. Long, A. A three-
quarter length, and quite long enough. The Artist felt the subject would scarcely bear
E-long-a-tion, and perhaps he’ll give us the remainder next year. “ To be continued in
our next.” As Hamlet himself observes, “Very like, very like. Stay’d it Long?” &c.
(Act I., s. 2). Of course the answer would be—Just sufficient time to have his portrait taken.
No. 571. The Incomplete Letter-Writer. Geo. Reid. Portrait of a Gentleman trying
to think “What on earth he shall say” in his letter. The title is the “ Provost of Peter-
head,” but the bothered and perplexed expression suggests the “Provost of Stupidhead.”
The Artist is doubtless correct: Ride and Right.
No. 606. Bessie, daughter of C. Andrew, Esq. G. D. Leslie, R.A. Pretty Lawn-
Tennisonian Picture. Pity she should be represented as a rackety sort of girl. What’s the
state of the game ? “Fifteen—Love.”
No. 612. A Hot Day at Cookham. Otto
Weber. It ought to be hot if you go to
cook ’em. And there are such a lot of
cattle to cook ! More like Cowes. But why
not call it an “ Otto ” day ? Let us hope it
is not by any means “ Weber’s Last.”
No. 613. The Ebb Tide on the Bar.
Walter J. Shaw. One of the best pic-
tures in this year’s Academy. The Artist
henceforth to be distinguished as “ Sea-
Shaw.” Visitors are particularly re-
quested to see Shaw, when they will all
agree with me, and no waverers among
them. On dit, that this has been pur-
chased by an eminent R.A. He was sit-
ting before it; and, carried away by the
sea-sentiment inspired by Shaw, began to
hum to himself, or to humself,—“ Buy the
Sad Sea Wave;” and he bought it. This
story may be told to the Marines. The
title of the picture is a little puzzling to
inlanders, who ask “ where the ebb is tied
on the bar ?” and “how is the ebb tied on
the bar?” and so on. But no matter—’tis
a delightful picture, and “ Ebber of thee
I’m fondly dreaming,” Mr. Sea-SHAW.
No. 614. “ No Bathing-Machine !—(but
where are the Police?)” Sir F. Leighton,
P.R.A. Sir Frederick calls it 1‘ Psamathe.”
Very likely it is, but more suggestive of
Jane Shore. What a subject it would have
been for Mr. Sandys ! Every one must feel
considerable delicacy in talking of this
Lady, as no charitable person would like to
speak of her behind her back ; and yet they
can’t help it, if they are to speak of her
at all.
No. 654. Gushers at Home. Frank
Dicey. Two young Ladies kissing on the
stairs. Quite a pair-o'-Dicey notion of
fashionable “ Angels’ visits.”
No. 655. Crenaia. Sir F. Leighton,
P.R.A. It should be called “ Demi-Twi-
light,” and the motto be Dryden’s line,—
“ For little souls on little shifts rely.”
A BALLAD OF THE BALLOT-BOX.
I’m as clear as a babe new-born
Of corruption, and of bribery,
As at Highgate I ’ll dare be sworn,
Or take my ’davy at Highbury.
If you likes you may stand, me a pot,
’Cause that’s nothink beyond congenial,
But to bribe me best offer not; _
No, I’d not be so beastly venial.
Our Member, he says to me,
As he migfit have said to any man,
“Bill Smithers,” he says, says he,
“A fi-pun note to a penny, man,
I ’ll lay you I don’t come in.
Are yer game to take a shy at me ? ”
He spoke them words with a grin,
And playful he wunk his eye at me.
I says “Done; my chance is fair,
A good offer I never refuses.”
Says he, “Now to win you declare,
And I means to pay if I loses.”
So I did wot I possible could
In my own self- defence and purtection,
Which the party I backed, when he stood,
Lost his wager and gained his election!
Wen he know’d his seat was sure,
He paid me the bet as I won of him,
Which my ’ands bein’ perfeckly pure,
The same was ’ansome done of him.
Now ’ere is the fi-pun note,
As I pockets without hillegality.
So don’t you say I sold my vote,
Wich i ’olds clean agin moriality.
The Last Crime of the Late Govern-
ment.—(Let us hope so.)—“ Ribbonism.”