Punch (90.1886)

2S8 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 12, 1886.

tenoes, broken in upon by deeply-roused Tin. Though unmoved by
opposition and interruption, Chamberlain spoke with more than

usual animation. Hotly repudiated
the charge of being animated by per-
sonal ambition.
Sexton followed, and Members,
recalling many wind-bag
performances,began to move
away. Those that stayed
had th e better of it. It was
aspeech of prodigious length
—over two hours—but full
of flashing points of alter-
nate humour and pathos.
If it had been half as long,
it would have been ten times
as effective. "A clever
fellow, Sexton," said Mac-
earlane, listening from his
seat below the Gangway.
" But he has one fatal fault
—he doesn't know when to
sit down."
Business done.—More Debate
, on Home-llule Bill.
,'tfj Wednesday.—A quiet after-
tsJef noon varied towards half-past
five by dramatic incident. Dis-
cussing for some hours Registration of
Voters (Ireland) Bill. Motion for ad-
journment made in crowded House.
D. II. M-cf-rl-ne. When tellers came back it was evident

somethingjhad happened. Saunderson, one of the tellers for the
"Noes" marched about in excited fashion. Whisper went round
that some one had been found in the "No" lobby. Particulars
presently added. Mysterious person was carrying a black bag. 1 Later
examination spoke of dynamite. Another attempt to blow up Houses
of Parliament. Members met and talked m excited groups. Result
of division announced and dead silence fell upon the House. All
eyes turned upon Saunderson who remained standing at attention,
on the floor of the House.

" Mr. Speaker, Sir," he said, intones that thrilled
through the agitated audience. "There was one
gentleman in the ' No' lobby, who did not vote."
That was a roundabout way to put it, but it served
to confirm the prevailing impression.

" The Hon. and gallant gentleman," said
the Speaker, in terrible tones, "will say
who it was.''
" Mr. McArthur," faltered the Major.
" Let him be brought in," said the
Speaker ; whereupon the Major, calling for
volunteers, went in search of the culprit.

They found him under the Gallery. He at
once surrendered and was brought up trem-
bling. Turned out, after all, it was not so bad
as had been feared. Hon. Member had, he
confessed, been in the lavatory when the
throng of Members trooped into the division
lobby. Lobby door locked, he couldn't get
out. Not having heard the question put,
he couldn't vote. So here he stood between
Arnold Morley and Major Saunderson,
with his hands behind his back conveying a
curious impression of his being handcuffed.
"I was in the lavatory," he blubbered in
explanation, and,[amid roars of laughter, the
Speaker let him off.
Business done.—None.

A JPArtli-r Thursday.—Debate on Home-Rule Bill

. o- "T ' , . resumed by T. P. O'Connor. Rumours

aSin » 0n ** about that T- P- is £oinS t0 split Tel1 aIi
about negotiations with Randolph and other

Conservative chiefs prior to last General Election, and afterwards.

House accordingly filled up. But presently went away disappointed.

T. P. it turns out, has a private code of honour, to which he made

frequent references. This enabled him to tell all about Colonel

Beidgeman, contesting Bolton, contributing eighteen hundred penny

postage-stamps to maintenance of Home Rule ; but when he came to

Randolph, " my code of honour" interposed, and he was mum. In

vain House begged him to continue.

" No, no," said T. P. "I will not be dragged into departing one
hair's breadth from the line of personal and political honour which
I have set down for myself."

House rudely laughed. But T. P. not to be moved, even though

Randolph sarcastically besought him to make clean breast of it.
At midnight John Morley brought the debate up from the low level
to which it had for the first time sunk.^ But House sick and tired of
the whole business, and yearns for division.
Business done.—More talk on Home Rule.

Friday.—In House of Lords,
Markiss once more "rises to ex-
plain." In other House, John
MoRLEThasbeenallud-
ing to his famous pan- ]■> ^'

acea for Ireland—the
emigration of a mil-
lion Irishmen, and
twenty years' coercion
for those left behind.
Markiss explains that
he didn't mean that.
Kimberley manages,
in course of a few sen-
tences, to intimate his
opinion that the Mar-
kiss is endeavouring to
wriggle out of an awk-
ward situation. Every
noble back on either
side is curved,
and every head
of hair bristles,
whilst Liberals
and Conserva-
tives regard each
other like two
rows of cats on
the war - path.
Whilst Kimber- A.'.Hl-ngw-rth.
ley was speaking, Ellenborough ventured upon an audible snigger.

" The noble Lord laughs," said Kimberley, fiercely.

" You're another," said Ellenborough (or, to quote the Parlia-
mentary form of this retort, Lord Ellenborotjgh said, "As the
noble Earl very frequently does "). " Order, order! " cried a mild
Peer on a back seat, meaning to reprove Ellenborotjgh^ "I am
perfectly in order," Kimberley said, turning upon him with savage
glare. And all this because the Markiss had risen to explain!

In Commons, Illingworth sat through questions, waiting for
opportunity to resume debate on Home-Rule Bill. Rose^ at
Five o'Clock, and thereafter, till nearly One o'clock in the morning,
the talk went forward; and this was the Business done.

SOMETHING LIKE A RECEPTION.

(A Dramatic Contrast in Two Parts.)

PART I.—"The Substance." A Supper-Boom. Miscellaneous
Guests discovered carousing. Stranger-Actor in foreground
receiving congratulations.

First M. Guest. Capital food! What a good fellow he is!

Second M. Guest. Excellent wine ! A delightful man ! Hush !
He (tchispers a name) is going to propose his health!

First M. Guest {awestricken). Is he? (Stranger-Actor s health
is drunk with the wildest enthusiasm. lie returns thanks amidst
thunders of applause.) Hurray! Bravo! One cheer more! Hurray!

Second M. Guest. Very gratifying, isn't it? Pass the chicken,
please.

First M. Guest. The most impressive sight I have ever seen in my
life! Thanks—yes, I will take some more champagne.

[Scene closes in upon a tableau of almost indescribable good-will.

PART II.—" The Shadow." A Theatre. Miscellaneous Audience
discovered enjoying themselves thoroughly. _ Stranger-Actor on
the stage receiving hostile expressions of opinion.

First M. Auditor. What bosh ! Never saw anything worse in my
life!

Second M. Auditor. Stuff and nonsense!_ A dreadful bore!
Hush! I think the Gallery are going to pelt him!

First 31. Auditor {amused). Are they?, (Stranger-Actors per-
formance is criticised icith the wildest excitement. He continues to
act amidst roars of derisive laughter.) Ho, ho! Ha, ha! Oh, it's
too good, too good !

Second M. Auditor. Very amusing, isn't it? By the way, I have
lost my order. Have we got our right seats ?

First M. Auditor. The most extraordinary sight I have ever seen
in my life ! Very sorry, but can't say, as my complimentary admis-
sion had no number.

[Scene closes in upon a tableau of almost indescribable ill-will.

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