DOI issue:
October 30, 1886
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17656#0213
208
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 30, 1886.
ETON FOOTBALL.
Reported by Dumb Crambo Junior.
Playing Up. Failed to Lodge, although Kicked
behind several times.
"Walked with a Bully up and The Game resulted in a
down the "Wall. Draw.
HONEYED "WORDS.
Me. Vaughan has been, to say the least of it, putting
things rather mildly at Bow Street. A certain Mr.
Robert Howaud was the other day brought up, and, on
the unsupported testimony of a single Constable, looked
up, on remand, in Holloway Gaol from the Saturday till
the following Monday morning, when several witnesses
being forthcoming, all able to swear to the fact that the
Constable in question had been committing perjury, the
worthy Magistrate discharged the prisoner, whom he
admitted had been wrongfully detained in custody. He
at the same time took the opportunity of administering
? n°t very crushing rebuke to the Constable by inform-
ing him that " if he did not take care he would be getting
^lmse« into trouble." It is not easy to fathom the
depths of Mr. Yaughan's long-suffering, and to say pre-
cisely what constitutes " getting into trouble" from his
point ot view, but we should have thought, reading the
case oft-hand, that the Constable referred to had managed
something very like it. Taking him at his own standard,
we shall expect to find Mr. Vaughan dismissing the wife-
■ u™Per Fth,a gooi-humoured caution to the effect that
,ie _ really should be more careful, and take care where
he is treading." A little honey is well enough on the
Bench, but when every day discloses the gross abuse of
justice that arises m cases similar to the one in question,
it certainly_ would have seemed wiser to withhold its
administration in this particular instance.
Not " the Man foe Galway."—Lord Glaneicaede.
"' MULTON' IN PAEYO" IN WYCH STBEET.
My deae Me. Punch,
You may remember that when Mr. Nibbs, your esteemed Representative
at'the Theatres, was exhausted after a long series of opera louffe, you sent for
me and [ordered me to attend the Olympic to see The Governess, I raised some
objection. I explained to you that I had heard that it was an exceedingly
pathetic play, being, indeed, a translation from a French version of East Lynne,
and that as I was easily—very easily—moved to tears, I would willingly excuse
myself from the duty. You then, Sir, informed me that Mr. Nibbs was
unnerved in consequence of having received from "the sole lessee," Miss
Hawthoene, a scarlet letter of invitation, which had nearly frightened him into
fits. Upon this I tried to pass the matter off lightly as a joke, amusingly
observing that there was nothing strange in finding the name of Hawthoene to
a Scarlet Letter, when you observed that the same idea had occurred to you,
but that you had rejected it on the score that "it was too evident, and sure to
be thought of and used by somebody else." So I had to submit, and therefore
am in the position to tell you all about it.
I must admit that " the note in red (as no doubt Mr. Whistles would have
called the gore-coloured epistle) had its effect upon myself. I felt distinctly
"jumpy ; " and so, to brace my nerves and secure a hearty laugh, I looked in at
the Salon Parisien, where I heard Mr. Jan Van Beers was absolutely rollicking
in pictorial waggery. After glancing at two or three comic studies in green
flesh-colour and purple hair (possibly the product of the artist having used up all
the other pigments on his palette) I came to the now celebrated " sell." I was
duly warned by an illuminated notice (resembling "This way to the Boats"
you see at night at Southampton and Dover) that I had better not^ venture
unless my nerves were unusually strong, was passed on by a Commissionnaire,
who told me " to turn to the right, and walk close to the picture," and found
myself before " the skeleton." I fancy that it must have been altered since it was
first so graphically described in the pages of the press. There were no peep-
holes, but only a roughly-painted anatomical figure, strongly reminding me,
in its Christy Minstrel attitude, of " the original bones." I walked forward,
there was a tin-kettle crash like the sound of the gong of a French locomotive,
and I saw my laughing face, with its nineteenth-century high hat, reflected on
a looking-glass that the nigger-bones was carrying instead of a banjo. I never
remember witnessing anything more supremely ridiculous, and can only say that
should anyone be attracted to the Salon Parisien in the hope of seeing something
ghastly in the shape of " JEcce Homo" he will assuredly be disappointed. It is
what the French call " a 'ombogs " and " a nonsense."
Having thus got myself into a proper frame of mind for the English translation
of " Miss Mutton," I presented myself at the Olympic and was admitted. As
I entered, that fine old farce the Little Rebel was drawing to a close, but I had
an opportunity of seeing Mr. Hubeet Byeon, an actor whose name is unfamiliar
to me. This young gentleman, when he has had a little more experience, (I
judge from his reading of the part of Arthur Turniptop—I am not quite sure of
the surname, but I think it was Turniptop) should make a very excellent
" Second Murderer," in Macbeth.
After the lever de rideau, we had the piece de resistance in a prologue and
four Acts. Frankly, the play, which as I have already stated, is merely a version
of East Lynne, is too long. The prologue in which nothing happens, save the
giving of a Christmas party by the sister of a doctor, who has nothing whatever
to do with the plot, to the poor children of the neighbourhood, might come out
en bloc. The subtle suggestion that the sister is at heart a miserly "screw"
by making the Christmas-tree the feature of an otherwise rather dismal enter-
tainment, a three and sixpenny one, (toys extra, two shillings) is not worth
the expenditure of time the elucidation entails. The four Acts might be halved,
and the piece played in two Scenes, so far as the story is concerned. But other
alterations would be advisable. There are but three men in the cast, and
all of them are profoundly unsympathetic, and two of them absolutely unneces-
sary. The crazy Doctor, who appears in the prologue and last Act, might be
carted off with his sister, and a doddering old tutor, whose costumes puzzled
the audience by their eccentricity (in one Act he wore the attire of a Beau
Nash, and in the next the garb of a Methodist parson) might also disappear, as
all he has to say and do, might be said and done by a ladies'-maid.
Without these two superfluities, the male element of the play would be reduced
to one, the husband, and I am not at all sure, as the part is prof oundly unsympa-
thetic, it could not be omitted and the lines given to someone else. The male
characters having thus been all cut out,'I really think'a reduction might be made
in the females. The Doctor has a maid who of course would disappear with
his menage. The husband has a second wife, who in his absence would be de trop.
With the disappearance of this lady, naturally her maid would vanish. The cast
would be now reduced to Miss Mutton and her two children. Well, as
the last two are played, infants on the stage are invariably a nuisance,
and can always be eliminated with advantage. Her children gone, there is no
raison d'etre for the mother, and she might follow them. The title of the piece,
"The Governess" would now alone be left—it is not a good one, and its loss
would be a positive gain. These suggestions, if heartily carried out, no doubt
would alter the character of the piece at the Olympic very considerably. Still,
in the interests of all concerned, I cannot help heartily recommending their
adoption, the more especially as Miss Hawthoene is a graceful actress, and
worthy of better things. Chaeles—youe Fetend.
" The Guinness' Stamp."—In the City this week " Bulling " has not been " in
it" with Basing. Everyone was rushing with sovereigns to buy Guinness.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 30, 1886.
ETON FOOTBALL.
Reported by Dumb Crambo Junior.
Playing Up. Failed to Lodge, although Kicked
behind several times.
"Walked with a Bully up and The Game resulted in a
down the "Wall. Draw.
HONEYED "WORDS.
Me. Vaughan has been, to say the least of it, putting
things rather mildly at Bow Street. A certain Mr.
Robert Howaud was the other day brought up, and, on
the unsupported testimony of a single Constable, looked
up, on remand, in Holloway Gaol from the Saturday till
the following Monday morning, when several witnesses
being forthcoming, all able to swear to the fact that the
Constable in question had been committing perjury, the
worthy Magistrate discharged the prisoner, whom he
admitted had been wrongfully detained in custody. He
at the same time took the opportunity of administering
? n°t very crushing rebuke to the Constable by inform-
ing him that " if he did not take care he would be getting
^lmse« into trouble." It is not easy to fathom the
depths of Mr. Yaughan's long-suffering, and to say pre-
cisely what constitutes " getting into trouble" from his
point ot view, but we should have thought, reading the
case oft-hand, that the Constable referred to had managed
something very like it. Taking him at his own standard,
we shall expect to find Mr. Vaughan dismissing the wife-
■ u™Per Fth,a gooi-humoured caution to the effect that
,ie _ really should be more careful, and take care where
he is treading." A little honey is well enough on the
Bench, but when every day discloses the gross abuse of
justice that arises m cases similar to the one in question,
it certainly_ would have seemed wiser to withhold its
administration in this particular instance.
Not " the Man foe Galway."—Lord Glaneicaede.
"' MULTON' IN PAEYO" IN WYCH STBEET.
My deae Me. Punch,
You may remember that when Mr. Nibbs, your esteemed Representative
at'the Theatres, was exhausted after a long series of opera louffe, you sent for
me and [ordered me to attend the Olympic to see The Governess, I raised some
objection. I explained to you that I had heard that it was an exceedingly
pathetic play, being, indeed, a translation from a French version of East Lynne,
and that as I was easily—very easily—moved to tears, I would willingly excuse
myself from the duty. You then, Sir, informed me that Mr. Nibbs was
unnerved in consequence of having received from "the sole lessee," Miss
Hawthoene, a scarlet letter of invitation, which had nearly frightened him into
fits. Upon this I tried to pass the matter off lightly as a joke, amusingly
observing that there was nothing strange in finding the name of Hawthoene to
a Scarlet Letter, when you observed that the same idea had occurred to you,
but that you had rejected it on the score that "it was too evident, and sure to
be thought of and used by somebody else." So I had to submit, and therefore
am in the position to tell you all about it.
I must admit that " the note in red (as no doubt Mr. Whistles would have
called the gore-coloured epistle) had its effect upon myself. I felt distinctly
"jumpy ; " and so, to brace my nerves and secure a hearty laugh, I looked in at
the Salon Parisien, where I heard Mr. Jan Van Beers was absolutely rollicking
in pictorial waggery. After glancing at two or three comic studies in green
flesh-colour and purple hair (possibly the product of the artist having used up all
the other pigments on his palette) I came to the now celebrated " sell." I was
duly warned by an illuminated notice (resembling "This way to the Boats"
you see at night at Southampton and Dover) that I had better not^ venture
unless my nerves were unusually strong, was passed on by a Commissionnaire,
who told me " to turn to the right, and walk close to the picture," and found
myself before " the skeleton." I fancy that it must have been altered since it was
first so graphically described in the pages of the press. There were no peep-
holes, but only a roughly-painted anatomical figure, strongly reminding me,
in its Christy Minstrel attitude, of " the original bones." I walked forward,
there was a tin-kettle crash like the sound of the gong of a French locomotive,
and I saw my laughing face, with its nineteenth-century high hat, reflected on
a looking-glass that the nigger-bones was carrying instead of a banjo. I never
remember witnessing anything more supremely ridiculous, and can only say that
should anyone be attracted to the Salon Parisien in the hope of seeing something
ghastly in the shape of " JEcce Homo" he will assuredly be disappointed. It is
what the French call " a 'ombogs " and " a nonsense."
Having thus got myself into a proper frame of mind for the English translation
of " Miss Mutton," I presented myself at the Olympic and was admitted. As
I entered, that fine old farce the Little Rebel was drawing to a close, but I had
an opportunity of seeing Mr. Hubeet Byeon, an actor whose name is unfamiliar
to me. This young gentleman, when he has had a little more experience, (I
judge from his reading of the part of Arthur Turniptop—I am not quite sure of
the surname, but I think it was Turniptop) should make a very excellent
" Second Murderer," in Macbeth.
After the lever de rideau, we had the piece de resistance in a prologue and
four Acts. Frankly, the play, which as I have already stated, is merely a version
of East Lynne, is too long. The prologue in which nothing happens, save the
giving of a Christmas party by the sister of a doctor, who has nothing whatever
to do with the plot, to the poor children of the neighbourhood, might come out
en bloc. The subtle suggestion that the sister is at heart a miserly "screw"
by making the Christmas-tree the feature of an otherwise rather dismal enter-
tainment, a three and sixpenny one, (toys extra, two shillings) is not worth
the expenditure of time the elucidation entails. The four Acts might be halved,
and the piece played in two Scenes, so far as the story is concerned. But other
alterations would be advisable. There are but three men in the cast, and
all of them are profoundly unsympathetic, and two of them absolutely unneces-
sary. The crazy Doctor, who appears in the prologue and last Act, might be
carted off with his sister, and a doddering old tutor, whose costumes puzzled
the audience by their eccentricity (in one Act he wore the attire of a Beau
Nash, and in the next the garb of a Methodist parson) might also disappear, as
all he has to say and do, might be said and done by a ladies'-maid.
Without these two superfluities, the male element of the play would be reduced
to one, the husband, and I am not at all sure, as the part is prof oundly unsympa-
thetic, it could not be omitted and the lines given to someone else. The male
characters having thus been all cut out,'I really think'a reduction might be made
in the females. The Doctor has a maid who of course would disappear with
his menage. The husband has a second wife, who in his absence would be de trop.
With the disappearance of this lady, naturally her maid would vanish. The cast
would be now reduced to Miss Mutton and her two children. Well, as
the last two are played, infants on the stage are invariably a nuisance,
and can always be eliminated with advantage. Her children gone, there is no
raison d'etre for the mother, and she might follow them. The title of the piece,
"The Governess" would now alone be left—it is not a good one, and its loss
would be a positive gain. These suggestions, if heartily carried out, no doubt
would alter the character of the piece at the Olympic very considerably. Still,
in the interests of all concerned, I cannot help heartily recommending their
adoption, the more especially as Miss Hawthoene is a graceful actress, and
worthy of better things. Chaeles—youe Fetend.
" The Guinness' Stamp."—In the City this week " Bulling " has not been " in
it" with Basing. Everyone was rushing with sovereigns to buy Guinness.