DOI Heft:
February 5, 1887
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17657#0079
Februabt 5, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 69
ONLY A ROOSE.
Thbee's a nice cheerful paper bylDr. Robson Roose in the Fort
nightly for February, all about
Infection and Disinfection, and
•what Mrs. Rah would call'' eon-
tiguous diseases." He says that |t»i
the word Disinfection was not *~
known in literature till the end
of the last century. If they
hadn't the word, they had the
thing. "All the infections,"
are what Caliban wants to pour
out on Prosperous devoted head.
And hadn't Prospero disinfect-
ants ? Of course, or where was
the use of his art, or of Shaks-
peabe's invention ?
But the Doctor has got a
" bacterium " in pickle for the
healthiest of us. To think that
we have minute organisms— _
which means germs and nasty little
creatures, telescopic-rod-shaped, in
our mouths— alive all alive!—but—
ugh—it won't bear thinking of. To
whatever nationality we may belong,
the doctrine d la lioose describes us
as simply Germ'uns. Please, Doctor,
as you've given us physic in this
number, give us the sugar-plum to
take after it as soon as possible. professor Hump-backterium.
And don't go on being a nasty Germ,
but return to your old practical form about the Wear and Tear.
That's the style preferred by Mr. Punch and everybody else. Try
back-terium.
INTERVIEWING A LA. MODE.
A Chat with the Prime Minister.
Feeling that at the opening of the Session, some direct hints from
the Marquis of Salisbury would be appreciated by our readers, we
sent the other day one of our Representatives to Downing Street, and
have much pleasure in publishing his report:—■
On reaching the official residence of the Premier and Secretary of
State for Foreign Affairs, I was immediately admitted and ushered
into the working-room of the noble Lord. In the centre of the
apartment was a pile of papers five feet high, from which the
Marquis laughingly emerged.
" You are busy ? " I queried, noticing that Lord Salisbury had a
pen stuck behind each of his ears, and carried one in his mouth and
another in his hand.
"Not at all,"_he replied shaking me heartily by the hand and
moving a luxurious arm-chair towards me. '' I was only knocking
off a little thing in Egypt, settling some bother about the Afghan
frontier, and reading a despatch that had been just received from
Bismaece."
" I am afraid I disturbed you ? "
" Oh, no. I am heartily pleased to see you—all the matters I have
mentioned can wait—it is not often that one has a visit from you."
" I propose to make my visits more numerous."
"I hope you will," cried the Marquis, with the utmost cordiality,
and he again shook hands with me. "But, pardon me one moment,
—what is it, Manners ? "
"The Ambassadors of France, Russia, Italy, Germany, Austria,
Hungary, and Turkey, are below, awaiting interviews, my Lord."
" Oh, I can't be bothered with them," exclaimed Lord Salisbury,
smiling. " Tell them I am busy. Ask them to call another day."
The Private Secretary bowed, and left the room.
" And now, my dear fellow, what can I do for you ? But first let
me give you a really good glass of port and a cigar. Although I
say it who ought not, you don't get wine like this every day. It was
given to me by poor old Musurus Pasha, who, although he repre-
sented the Porte in this country, was not a port-drinker."
And the Marquis filled two glasses from a black bottle covered
with cobwebs. We touched goblets, nodded, and drank.
. I hope you have brought a large note-book, as I am anxious to
glvie Jou tlle iullest particulars. You see I assume that you have
called upon me for information. Well, what do you want to
know?"
"Well, can you tell me, Marquis, the true story of the negotia-
tions which culminated in the loss of poor Lord Iddesleigh ? "
Oh, certainly. Well, it came about like this. I will dictate to
you—stop me if I speak too rapidly for you to follow me." And then
the Premier told the whole story without reservation.
When he had finished, luncheon was served, and we spent the next
quarter-of-an-hour in discussing a most recherche meal. When the
tray had been removed, the noble Lord rang the hell for a messenger.
" Call in a couple of porters, and take those papers, with my com-
pliments, to the Under-Secretary, and ask him to settle them for me.
I leave them entirely to his discretion. Tell him I would see to
them myself, only I am very busy to-day."
" Oh, no! " I politely interposed.
" He will do them just as well as I would," said the noble Lord, as
the messenger and porters disappeared with the heap of papers.
"As Mr. Eccles used to say in Robertson's Caste, 'I like to
see the young 'uns work—it does them good, and does me good.'
And now have another cigar while you drink your coffee. Which
do you take as a chasse, Cognac or Kummel ? "
"Can you tell me anything about our position with the Foreign
Powers ? "
"Why, certainly! Here, take this note-book—yours, I see, is
full—and I will tell you all about it."
Again my noble friend unbosomed himself, laughing heartily
when I occasionally uttered an exclamation of surprise on discover-
ing a State secret. We were still busy, when rive-o'clock tea was
brought in.
" 1 really must go," I said at last, " as I have another appoint-
ment. I have to attend on the first night of a new piece at the
Elephant and Castle Theatre."
"Let me tell you one more story about Bismaece—he was so
awfully clever in that colonial matter, which you will remember,
caused some excitement a little while ago ? "
" Certainly—but this really must be the last."
" Well, you must know-" and the Marquis told me one of the
most interesting histories I have ever heard.
On taking my leave I thanked my host for his great kindness.
"Not at all," he replied, " I am always delighted to see you, and
hope you will look in upon me often."
I said I would, and moved towards the door.
'"Oh, by the way," the Marquis added, as an after-thought.
" Perhaps it would be as well not to put into type what I have told
you until I have spoken to my colleagues—not that they will mind.
It is only the etiquette of the thing, don't you see." _
"Oh, certainly—the publication of the information is not of the
slightest consequence. Oar readers don't care a pin for that sort of
thing, but they would like to know that you wear a seal-skin waist-
coat. May I mention it ? "
"Certainly—and you shall have permission to do what you like
with what I've told you. I '11 mention the matter at the next
Cabinet. Only wait." * * * * I am waiting.
EE-ASSURING; OR, QUITE PACIFIC.
St. Petersburg. — Though it is now admitted here, in official
circles, that within the last few days 70,000 men have actually been
massed on the Polish frontiers, it is explained that the incident has
occurred entirely owing to the misunderstanding of an order issued
by the War Department. As, however, it is assumed that no possible
importance can, under the circumstances, be attached by the European
Cabinets to the presence of the force in the locality indicated, it is
not proposed to withdraw it at present.
Vienna.—The rumour that all the wool in the market had been
bought up by the Government for the manufacture of uniforms, and
that an order had been given for the immediate purchase of one
million pairs of military boots, is now denied. _ It is said to have had
its origin in the fact that a well-known Viennese firm has been
securing large quantities of the commodity with a view to the pro-
duction of red flannel petticoats, that are said to be likely to be much
the fashion during the course of the ensuing season. The canard as
to the military boots is referable to the receipt of an unusually heavy
order for dancing-pumps from a shoemaking firm at Buda-Pesth.
Berlin.—The purchase, by the military authorities, of all the
available tinned meats in the country is, says the National Zeitung,
easily accounted for._ The relish expressed by the aged Emperoe for
this dainty delicacy is well known, and it has been to ensure a supply
of it for the Imperial table during the coming summer months, that
the authorities have taken the precaution in question. The order
relative to the export of horses, is now said to have been limited to
that of circus horses" only, and may, therefore, be regarded as
void of all significance.
Paris.—The rumour that 72,000 shells have already been filled
with General Boulanger's new explosive compound is not denied,
but it is pointed out that they are prepared solely with a view to the
firing of a. feu dejoie on the occasion of the forthcoming Republican
fete to be held m July next. The story of the planks required for the
huts on the Eastern frontier, is also explained. It appears that, on
the contrary, they are to be employed in the construction of bathing-
machines on the Western Coasts, and that several dozens of them
have already been shipped to Dieppe.
ONLY A ROOSE.
Thbee's a nice cheerful paper bylDr. Robson Roose in the Fort
nightly for February, all about
Infection and Disinfection, and
•what Mrs. Rah would call'' eon-
tiguous diseases." He says that |t»i
the word Disinfection was not *~
known in literature till the end
of the last century. If they
hadn't the word, they had the
thing. "All the infections,"
are what Caliban wants to pour
out on Prosperous devoted head.
And hadn't Prospero disinfect-
ants ? Of course, or where was
the use of his art, or of Shaks-
peabe's invention ?
But the Doctor has got a
" bacterium " in pickle for the
healthiest of us. To think that
we have minute organisms— _
which means germs and nasty little
creatures, telescopic-rod-shaped, in
our mouths— alive all alive!—but—
ugh—it won't bear thinking of. To
whatever nationality we may belong,
the doctrine d la lioose describes us
as simply Germ'uns. Please, Doctor,
as you've given us physic in this
number, give us the sugar-plum to
take after it as soon as possible. professor Hump-backterium.
And don't go on being a nasty Germ,
but return to your old practical form about the Wear and Tear.
That's the style preferred by Mr. Punch and everybody else. Try
back-terium.
INTERVIEWING A LA. MODE.
A Chat with the Prime Minister.
Feeling that at the opening of the Session, some direct hints from
the Marquis of Salisbury would be appreciated by our readers, we
sent the other day one of our Representatives to Downing Street, and
have much pleasure in publishing his report:—■
On reaching the official residence of the Premier and Secretary of
State for Foreign Affairs, I was immediately admitted and ushered
into the working-room of the noble Lord. In the centre of the
apartment was a pile of papers five feet high, from which the
Marquis laughingly emerged.
" You are busy ? " I queried, noticing that Lord Salisbury had a
pen stuck behind each of his ears, and carried one in his mouth and
another in his hand.
"Not at all,"_he replied shaking me heartily by the hand and
moving a luxurious arm-chair towards me. '' I was only knocking
off a little thing in Egypt, settling some bother about the Afghan
frontier, and reading a despatch that had been just received from
Bismaece."
" I am afraid I disturbed you ? "
" Oh, no. I am heartily pleased to see you—all the matters I have
mentioned can wait—it is not often that one has a visit from you."
" I propose to make my visits more numerous."
"I hope you will," cried the Marquis, with the utmost cordiality,
and he again shook hands with me. "But, pardon me one moment,
—what is it, Manners ? "
"The Ambassadors of France, Russia, Italy, Germany, Austria,
Hungary, and Turkey, are below, awaiting interviews, my Lord."
" Oh, I can't be bothered with them," exclaimed Lord Salisbury,
smiling. " Tell them I am busy. Ask them to call another day."
The Private Secretary bowed, and left the room.
" And now, my dear fellow, what can I do for you ? But first let
me give you a really good glass of port and a cigar. Although I
say it who ought not, you don't get wine like this every day. It was
given to me by poor old Musurus Pasha, who, although he repre-
sented the Porte in this country, was not a port-drinker."
And the Marquis filled two glasses from a black bottle covered
with cobwebs. We touched goblets, nodded, and drank.
. I hope you have brought a large note-book, as I am anxious to
glvie Jou tlle iullest particulars. You see I assume that you have
called upon me for information. Well, what do you want to
know?"
"Well, can you tell me, Marquis, the true story of the negotia-
tions which culminated in the loss of poor Lord Iddesleigh ? "
Oh, certainly. Well, it came about like this. I will dictate to
you—stop me if I speak too rapidly for you to follow me." And then
the Premier told the whole story without reservation.
When he had finished, luncheon was served, and we spent the next
quarter-of-an-hour in discussing a most recherche meal. When the
tray had been removed, the noble Lord rang the hell for a messenger.
" Call in a couple of porters, and take those papers, with my com-
pliments, to the Under-Secretary, and ask him to settle them for me.
I leave them entirely to his discretion. Tell him I would see to
them myself, only I am very busy to-day."
" Oh, no! " I politely interposed.
" He will do them just as well as I would," said the noble Lord, as
the messenger and porters disappeared with the heap of papers.
"As Mr. Eccles used to say in Robertson's Caste, 'I like to
see the young 'uns work—it does them good, and does me good.'
And now have another cigar while you drink your coffee. Which
do you take as a chasse, Cognac or Kummel ? "
"Can you tell me anything about our position with the Foreign
Powers ? "
"Why, certainly! Here, take this note-book—yours, I see, is
full—and I will tell you all about it."
Again my noble friend unbosomed himself, laughing heartily
when I occasionally uttered an exclamation of surprise on discover-
ing a State secret. We were still busy, when rive-o'clock tea was
brought in.
" 1 really must go," I said at last, " as I have another appoint-
ment. I have to attend on the first night of a new piece at the
Elephant and Castle Theatre."
"Let me tell you one more story about Bismaece—he was so
awfully clever in that colonial matter, which you will remember,
caused some excitement a little while ago ? "
" Certainly—but this really must be the last."
" Well, you must know-" and the Marquis told me one of the
most interesting histories I have ever heard.
On taking my leave I thanked my host for his great kindness.
"Not at all," he replied, " I am always delighted to see you, and
hope you will look in upon me often."
I said I would, and moved towards the door.
'"Oh, by the way," the Marquis added, as an after-thought.
" Perhaps it would be as well not to put into type what I have told
you until I have spoken to my colleagues—not that they will mind.
It is only the etiquette of the thing, don't you see." _
"Oh, certainly—the publication of the information is not of the
slightest consequence. Oar readers don't care a pin for that sort of
thing, but they would like to know that you wear a seal-skin waist-
coat. May I mention it ? "
"Certainly—and you shall have permission to do what you like
with what I've told you. I '11 mention the matter at the next
Cabinet. Only wait." * * * * I am waiting.
EE-ASSURING; OR, QUITE PACIFIC.
St. Petersburg. — Though it is now admitted here, in official
circles, that within the last few days 70,000 men have actually been
massed on the Polish frontiers, it is explained that the incident has
occurred entirely owing to the misunderstanding of an order issued
by the War Department. As, however, it is assumed that no possible
importance can, under the circumstances, be attached by the European
Cabinets to the presence of the force in the locality indicated, it is
not proposed to withdraw it at present.
Vienna.—The rumour that all the wool in the market had been
bought up by the Government for the manufacture of uniforms, and
that an order had been given for the immediate purchase of one
million pairs of military boots, is now denied. _ It is said to have had
its origin in the fact that a well-known Viennese firm has been
securing large quantities of the commodity with a view to the pro-
duction of red flannel petticoats, that are said to be likely to be much
the fashion during the course of the ensuing season. The canard as
to the military boots is referable to the receipt of an unusually heavy
order for dancing-pumps from a shoemaking firm at Buda-Pesth.
Berlin.—The purchase, by the military authorities, of all the
available tinned meats in the country is, says the National Zeitung,
easily accounted for._ The relish expressed by the aged Emperoe for
this dainty delicacy is well known, and it has been to ensure a supply
of it for the Imperial table during the coming summer months, that
the authorities have taken the precaution in question. The order
relative to the export of horses, is now said to have been limited to
that of circus horses" only, and may, therefore, be regarded as
void of all significance.
Paris.—The rumour that 72,000 shells have already been filled
with General Boulanger's new explosive compound is not denied,
but it is pointed out that they are prepared solely with a view to the
firing of a. feu dejoie on the occasion of the forthcoming Republican
fete to be held m July next. The story of the planks required for the
huts on the Eastern frontier, is also explained. It appears that, on
the contrary, they are to be employed in the construction of bathing-
machines on the Western Coasts, and that several dozens of them
have already been shipped to Dieppe.