DOI issue:
March 12, 1887
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17657#0134
124 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI. [Maeoh 12, 1887.
STUDIES FROM MR. PUNCH'S STUDIO.
No. XX. " Our Seceetaby."
"Without the exercise of the useful but ocoult art known, or
rather perhaps vaguely indicated, hy the term " Wire-pulling," it
is commonly understood
that Political Organisa-
tion would he im-
possible. And without
Political Organisation,
where should we all be
Ask the Member of All
Work, whose mission in
life it is to preach it
from a hundred plat-
forms and promote it
in ten thousand un-
marked ways.
And yet, strange to
say, there is scarcely
one man in a million
who will own that he is
a Wire-puller.
" Our _ Secretary,"—
as all his political as-
sociates delight to call
him —is however not
altogether as other men
are. He admits frankly,
to those with whom he
considers it safe to be
frank—that he is "a
ProfessionalPolitician."
There is no sham-dig-
nity, no Ajax-like assumption of the heroic~about " Our Secretary."
It is pleasant to hear him in one of his candid moods, when un-
bosoming himself to some ardent and honest, but not entirely
verdant local politician. His manner is so modest, his _ tolerance
so extreme, he admits so much, he pretends to so little, his candour
is so insidious, his appreciation is so soothing.
" Our Secretary," is a strict party-man, without being in the least
a zealot. What his own fundamental convictions really are, if he
has anything so uncompromising as a fundamental conviction, it
would perhaps be difficult for anyone, himself included, to say. But
he is always ready to utter his party's shibboleths when they are once
fairly recognised as such. He has no idea of taking up "cries"
before the main bulk of the political pack have given tongue. That
is where young party-hounds are such a nuisance, and " Our Secre-
tary " is by no means a young party-hound. He is on the contrary
a_ very wary "old dog" indeed, and is often told off to soothe and
silence impetuous political puppies. He knows so well how to deal
with them. Long practice has made him an expert in the art of
political muzzling in its many branches. What droll 'stories he
could tell of the various canine types:—■
" Both mongrel, puppy, whelp and hound,
And curs of low degree,"
upon whose indiscreet or hungry jaws he has had to experiment.
No one knows better than Our Secretary" that the game called
Politics is not generally played with all the cards on the table. As
" Truthful James," he could, if he would, expose the hand of many
a Parliamentary " Heathen Chinee." But he i9 discretion incarnate.
It is instructive to watch the play of his bland, but at times ex-
pressive countenance, when he is confidentially chatting over a good
dinner with his particular friend the Secretary of the C. C. C.—or
Central Conglomerate Caucus. It would probably be even more
instructive to overhear the mutual confidences which give rise to so
many nods and becks and wreathed smiles. But that is an instruc-
tion vouchsafed only to a very select few, and those themselves
members of the noble army of Wire-pullers. It would not do for the
Wire-pullers to tell evert/thing to the puppets. The puppets might
perchance rebel, and determine henceforth to dance only at their own
good pleasure and to their own favourite tunes. Which would
never do.
There are few things in " practical politics " of which "Our Secre-
tary " is not a master. He knows how to deal with political Big-
wigs and to bring the influence of the great Panjandrums of Parlia-
ment to bear locally at need. He can give political platform rovers
the straight tip as to the most judicious manner of manipulating
meetings, and dealing with individuals, when they come to orate, to
dine, or socially disport themselves in our midst. Without his
guidance a Great Panjandrum in Little Pedlington would often feel
like a fish out of water, or at least like a whale in a tank. Yet there
are few more simply charming spectacles than a Panjandrum dealing
out personal compliments or political spoon-meat to the Pedling-
tonians under the sagacious direction of " Our Secretary."
He is also great on Committees. A Committee is very commonly an
assemblage of manageable ciphers whose main function it is to give
an appearance of what is humorously called "truly representative
character," to the foregone conclusions of a few leading spirits.
"Our Secretary "is sufficiently astute and apparently self-effacing
to be a real power upon a Committee, Sub-Committee, or Council.
The orators spout, the criticasters carp, the grumblers snarl, and the
muddle-heads vaguely meander. " Our Secretary " listens patiently,
sympathises warmly, deprecates humbly, understands completely,
and then—brings the business before the meeting to its real bearings
and pre-arranged conclusion. Ah! where would England's local
liberties be without " influential representative Committees ? " Ask
" Our Secretary."
But where "Our Secretary "jchiefly shines is in adroitly dealing with
local recalcitrants. These are of many sorts. It is impossible even
for an affable and open-handed Member of Parliament like Mr.
Trtjmpington Snipe, backed by a genial and judicious agent like
"Our Secretary," to please everybody. But if there is anything
which " Our Secretary " does—quietly and discreetly—pride himself
upon, it is his ability to gauge every opponent's character and
ascertain every grumbler's price. "Price" is not altogether a
pleasant word, perhaps, to the ears of patriots and men of principle,
and therefore "Our Secretary" never makes use of it—to men of
principle or patriots. Why should he when people so readily under-
stand its less startling and unsavoury synonyms ? But "price " does
not always signify hard cash. It may also mean political promotion,
social patronage, personal flattery, almost anything, from a situation
of profit to a dinner at Mr. Tbttmpington Snipe's Club or Town
Mansion. Where "Our Secretary" is so useful is in discovering
exactly what it does mean in any given case. Who so quickly as he
can measure the money value of an incorruptible Scotch antagonist's
silence, or take the length of an infuriated Irish obstructionist's foot P
Who can deal so deftly as he with the enthusiasts who have to be
soothed into acquiescence, the crotcheteers who have to be conciliated
into conformity, the burly Brutuses who have to be bought over ?
It is possible that " Our Secretary's " long and varied experience
of such delicate little diplomacies may; in some measure have affected
his estimate of patriots and men of principle, for he has been charged
by many with being a cold-blooded Gallio, and by some with being,
in confidential moments, a cynical political Pilate. But it must be
owned that when he does come across a local politician who is both
sensible and incorruptible, "Our Secretary" is disposed to meet
him in a very fair_ and friendly spirit. He would probably admit,
however, that this is a difficulty which he has seldom to deal with.
On the whole, "Our Secretary "is rather a favourable specimen
of the sort of men who, in these highly " organised" days, are con-
stantly and quietly engaged in the art and mystery of political wire-
pulling. He often has to do suit and service to men who are more
self-seeking than himself, whilst less ingenuous and above-board.
This does not seem greatly to disturb him; he smiles, and manages
while he smiles ; he dines with much enjoyment, and does not let
even the maxim in vino Veritas lead him beyond the delicate line
which divides post-prandial frankness from political indiscretion.
He never thrusts himself forward to speak, being always_ ready
to give place to the many whom he knows to be afflicted with the
cacoethes loquendi, but when " on his legs " he is fluent, judicious,
conciliatory, occasionally even mildly facetious, but seldom aiming at
smartness. He knows that a clever stroke of satire may wound
friends as well as enemies, and that an epigram or a repartee some-
times excites as much envy as admiration. In short, if judicious
self-effacement be as virtuous as heroic self-denial, " Our Secretary "
is among the most virtuous of mankind.
Those who object to Wire-pullers, and all their works, will perhaps
find little to admire in " Our Secretary." And, indeed, the division
of political mankind into puppets and those who pull them, can only
be looked upon with modified satisfaction as being, like Party
Government itself, a very provisional form of political machinery.
It may be feared, however, that, for some time yet to come, " the
Machine " will run, the wires will work ; and among Wire-pullers
and Machine-men there are indeed many worse fellows than that
astute but faithful, if salaried, party Abdiel whom we call " Our
Secretary."___
A New Nuisance.
All our Newspaper wranglers are now quoting Btjbe:e,'
The parrot-like pests! One's unable to shirk them.
Like footpads in everyone's pathway they lurk,
Till one feels like a Thug, and could burke them.
Lavinia Was reading the Times Parliamentary Report to her
Aunt, and read out:—" ' In the division on Mr. Paenell's first
amendment, Mr. John Robebts voted by mistake with the Noes,
instead of the Ayes.' " " How very absurd!" exclaimed Mrs. Ram.
" But I thought voting was always done with the hands."
STUDIES FROM MR. PUNCH'S STUDIO.
No. XX. " Our Seceetaby."
"Without the exercise of the useful but ocoult art known, or
rather perhaps vaguely indicated, hy the term " Wire-pulling," it
is commonly understood
that Political Organisa-
tion would he im-
possible. And without
Political Organisation,
where should we all be
Ask the Member of All
Work, whose mission in
life it is to preach it
from a hundred plat-
forms and promote it
in ten thousand un-
marked ways.
And yet, strange to
say, there is scarcely
one man in a million
who will own that he is
a Wire-puller.
" Our _ Secretary,"—
as all his political as-
sociates delight to call
him —is however not
altogether as other men
are. He admits frankly,
to those with whom he
considers it safe to be
frank—that he is "a
ProfessionalPolitician."
There is no sham-dig-
nity, no Ajax-like assumption of the heroic~about " Our Secretary."
It is pleasant to hear him in one of his candid moods, when un-
bosoming himself to some ardent and honest, but not entirely
verdant local politician. His manner is so modest, his _ tolerance
so extreme, he admits so much, he pretends to so little, his candour
is so insidious, his appreciation is so soothing.
" Our Secretary," is a strict party-man, without being in the least
a zealot. What his own fundamental convictions really are, if he
has anything so uncompromising as a fundamental conviction, it
would perhaps be difficult for anyone, himself included, to say. But
he is always ready to utter his party's shibboleths when they are once
fairly recognised as such. He has no idea of taking up "cries"
before the main bulk of the political pack have given tongue. That
is where young party-hounds are such a nuisance, and " Our Secre-
tary " is by no means a young party-hound. He is on the contrary
a_ very wary "old dog" indeed, and is often told off to soothe and
silence impetuous political puppies. He knows so well how to deal
with them. Long practice has made him an expert in the art of
political muzzling in its many branches. What droll 'stories he
could tell of the various canine types:—■
" Both mongrel, puppy, whelp and hound,
And curs of low degree,"
upon whose indiscreet or hungry jaws he has had to experiment.
No one knows better than Our Secretary" that the game called
Politics is not generally played with all the cards on the table. As
" Truthful James," he could, if he would, expose the hand of many
a Parliamentary " Heathen Chinee." But he i9 discretion incarnate.
It is instructive to watch the play of his bland, but at times ex-
pressive countenance, when he is confidentially chatting over a good
dinner with his particular friend the Secretary of the C. C. C.—or
Central Conglomerate Caucus. It would probably be even more
instructive to overhear the mutual confidences which give rise to so
many nods and becks and wreathed smiles. But that is an instruc-
tion vouchsafed only to a very select few, and those themselves
members of the noble army of Wire-pullers. It would not do for the
Wire-pullers to tell evert/thing to the puppets. The puppets might
perchance rebel, and determine henceforth to dance only at their own
good pleasure and to their own favourite tunes. Which would
never do.
There are few things in " practical politics " of which "Our Secre-
tary " is not a master. He knows how to deal with political Big-
wigs and to bring the influence of the great Panjandrums of Parlia-
ment to bear locally at need. He can give political platform rovers
the straight tip as to the most judicious manner of manipulating
meetings, and dealing with individuals, when they come to orate, to
dine, or socially disport themselves in our midst. Without his
guidance a Great Panjandrum in Little Pedlington would often feel
like a fish out of water, or at least like a whale in a tank. Yet there
are few more simply charming spectacles than a Panjandrum dealing
out personal compliments or political spoon-meat to the Pedling-
tonians under the sagacious direction of " Our Secretary."
He is also great on Committees. A Committee is very commonly an
assemblage of manageable ciphers whose main function it is to give
an appearance of what is humorously called "truly representative
character," to the foregone conclusions of a few leading spirits.
"Our Secretary "is sufficiently astute and apparently self-effacing
to be a real power upon a Committee, Sub-Committee, or Council.
The orators spout, the criticasters carp, the grumblers snarl, and the
muddle-heads vaguely meander. " Our Secretary " listens patiently,
sympathises warmly, deprecates humbly, understands completely,
and then—brings the business before the meeting to its real bearings
and pre-arranged conclusion. Ah! where would England's local
liberties be without " influential representative Committees ? " Ask
" Our Secretary."
But where "Our Secretary "jchiefly shines is in adroitly dealing with
local recalcitrants. These are of many sorts. It is impossible even
for an affable and open-handed Member of Parliament like Mr.
Trtjmpington Snipe, backed by a genial and judicious agent like
"Our Secretary," to please everybody. But if there is anything
which " Our Secretary " does—quietly and discreetly—pride himself
upon, it is his ability to gauge every opponent's character and
ascertain every grumbler's price. "Price" is not altogether a
pleasant word, perhaps, to the ears of patriots and men of principle,
and therefore "Our Secretary" never makes use of it—to men of
principle or patriots. Why should he when people so readily under-
stand its less startling and unsavoury synonyms ? But "price " does
not always signify hard cash. It may also mean political promotion,
social patronage, personal flattery, almost anything, from a situation
of profit to a dinner at Mr. Tbttmpington Snipe's Club or Town
Mansion. Where "Our Secretary" is so useful is in discovering
exactly what it does mean in any given case. Who so quickly as he
can measure the money value of an incorruptible Scotch antagonist's
silence, or take the length of an infuriated Irish obstructionist's foot P
Who can deal so deftly as he with the enthusiasts who have to be
soothed into acquiescence, the crotcheteers who have to be conciliated
into conformity, the burly Brutuses who have to be bought over ?
It is possible that " Our Secretary's " long and varied experience
of such delicate little diplomacies may; in some measure have affected
his estimate of patriots and men of principle, for he has been charged
by many with being a cold-blooded Gallio, and by some with being,
in confidential moments, a cynical political Pilate. But it must be
owned that when he does come across a local politician who is both
sensible and incorruptible, "Our Secretary" is disposed to meet
him in a very fair_ and friendly spirit. He would probably admit,
however, that this is a difficulty which he has seldom to deal with.
On the whole, "Our Secretary "is rather a favourable specimen
of the sort of men who, in these highly " organised" days, are con-
stantly and quietly engaged in the art and mystery of political wire-
pulling. He often has to do suit and service to men who are more
self-seeking than himself, whilst less ingenuous and above-board.
This does not seem greatly to disturb him; he smiles, and manages
while he smiles ; he dines with much enjoyment, and does not let
even the maxim in vino Veritas lead him beyond the delicate line
which divides post-prandial frankness from political indiscretion.
He never thrusts himself forward to speak, being always_ ready
to give place to the many whom he knows to be afflicted with the
cacoethes loquendi, but when " on his legs " he is fluent, judicious,
conciliatory, occasionally even mildly facetious, but seldom aiming at
smartness. He knows that a clever stroke of satire may wound
friends as well as enemies, and that an epigram or a repartee some-
times excites as much envy as admiration. In short, if judicious
self-effacement be as virtuous as heroic self-denial, " Our Secretary "
is among the most virtuous of mankind.
Those who object to Wire-pullers, and all their works, will perhaps
find little to admire in " Our Secretary." And, indeed, the division
of political mankind into puppets and those who pull them, can only
be looked upon with modified satisfaction as being, like Party
Government itself, a very provisional form of political machinery.
It may be feared, however, that, for some time yet to come, " the
Machine " will run, the wires will work ; and among Wire-pullers
and Machine-men there are indeed many worse fellows than that
astute but faithful, if salaried, party Abdiel whom we call " Our
Secretary."___
A New Nuisance.
All our Newspaper wranglers are now quoting Btjbe:e,'
The parrot-like pests! One's unable to shirk them.
Like footpads in everyone's pathway they lurk,
Till one feels like a Thug, and could burke them.
Lavinia Was reading the Times Parliamentary Report to her
Aunt, and read out:—" ' In the division on Mr. Paenell's first
amendment, Mr. John Robebts voted by mistake with the Noes,
instead of the Ayes.' " " How very absurd!" exclaimed Mrs. Ram.
" But I thought voting was always done with the hands."