DOI issue:
May 28, 1887
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17657#0272
May 28, 1887.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
263
GROSVENOR GEMS.
No. 49.
Necks of Mutton produced by the new Sheep Stretching process.
No. 39.
An Early Caller. " Sweet.
! Sweep!"
It was easier last week to pur-
chase French Regalia in Paris than
it was to buy a real HaYannah
Regalia there.
Rules foe "Westminster Abbey.
June 21. — Orders not admitted
after 2'30. No Bonnets allowed in
the Stalls.
No. 31. His Hobby.
No. 151. Kew Locomotive Machine for going straight across country
as the crow flies.
a geneeot/s exchange.
A genial host wrote to a
friend, "You give me a date,
and I '11 give you a dinner."
THE TWO GREAT RACES.
(From Our Ovm Special Tout.)
I have just lef t~my old friends Tattenham Cobneb and Ancastee
Mile, and they both agree with me in saying that this year's Derby
and Oaks will be two events not likely to be forgotten for many a
day by the majority 'of sporting men and of amateurs also. It
would be unfair to non-subscribers were I to name in plain bold
language the winners, and so I write only for the initiated who will
appreciate every word, at its real value. To them then I put the
question, Who forgets the old proverb that a Baird in the hand is
worth two to one in the bush f A Taylor may make a scarlet Whistle
Jacket fit. The telegram last week about the scratching of Whistle
Jacket was a hoax for the Derby, as our old sporting friend Joe
Miller says. "What Sporting Novelist wrote Bound to Win? There's
something Hawley-tfmarffejdsh about one of the horses, isn't there f
Think it over: I am writing with a dash of the "Attic " qualification,
as the Mayor of Garrett would have observed, and my information
must be taken cum grano, that is with a pinch of Epsom salts.
Timothy to the Rescue, was a piece by H. J. Bybon. Did it have
a long run ? 0 Timpora! 0 more ease I If Timothy were ob-
streperous, wouldn't Buffalo Bill exclaim, "What! Tim-buck-
too.! !" Which jeu de mots I present tolir. D. Cbambo. Does anyone
want a piece of intelligence ? Well, for a piece would you go to
Waugh ? Perhaps so, I say nothing.
The Derby Day of 1887 will not be barren of results, for, mind you.
he Wood if he could. I know a gentleman who has taken a small
house near Epsom, and is singing daily " in my cottage near C.
Wood,"—and he whistles the rest, not being acquainted with the
correct words. Porcelain is very valuable just now, and the rage
for crockery is not on the decline. Brown Pottery was not much run
after at the Haymarket it is true ; but this is not for the Haymarket
stakes, nor for Newmarket, but for the Oaks. Porcelain .' and not a
crack!
Merry Hampton is a better name than 'Appy Ampton. But a
word in your ear, is Merry Hampton caught ? Aha! Think this
out, and, if you don't love gold too much, you're pretty sure to
make your money, and perhaps you'll have a reve d'or for the Oaks,
though it will be well to bear in mind that " dreams go by con-
traries," which you'll remember too late if you've raved o'er any
horse that doesn't win, or get placed.
Place aux Barnes means that, on Derby Day, strong language is
for once allowable if you've been heavily let in when you thought
you were on a good thing. Anson is as Anson does, at least so says
Lady Muncaster; and, before parting—I trust none of us will have
to part—I quaff a pint of Porter to Freedom. Vive la Liberte !
Last Look Round. Tuesday.
I have looked as round as possible, and see every reason for altering
which it will be clearly gathered by the cognoscenti that I have no
doubt as to the winners of the Derby and the Oaks in my own mind;
and I only trust that those who don't run, but do read, may avail
themselves of the tips which I have bestowed with no lavish hand,
and,1.when the sovs. come in their thousands and tens of thousands
into the pockets of my readers, they will send a handsome per-centage,
—French pennies not taken, but double florins at six to the pound
negociable,—to their honest tipster, "The Tout" d tous, Largesse
A Balfour Ballad.
Aik—" The Young May Moon."
Most Irish questions are about
A Peeler, a Pauper, or Carman, 0 !
They 're quite beneath me,
As Chief Se-ore-ta-ree—
I hand 'em all o'er to King-Barman, 0 I
CRUMMIES AGAIN!
The Daily News of Friday last gave an account of the reception
of Mr. Wilson Barrett by a "large crowd of professional friends
and admirers." By the way, what a pleasant and lucrative calling
must be that of a "professional admirer." And for our part we
should prefer a real friend, to a "professional friend." However,
this is a matter of taste. Mr. Barrett was " escorted to the Midland
Hotel," and here Mrs. Beenaed Beeee greeted him gracefully, and
handed to him " a beautiful wreath." _
Then Mr. Baeeett replied, that all this came upon him " almost
as a surprise." Note the " almost." The professional admirers lost
an opportunity here of striking up, " O what a surprise!" but per-
haps they did not like to interrupt Mr. Barrett, who went on to
tell them how "that morning, for the first time for many months, he
caught sight of the green fields of Old England,"—well, of course,
not much to be seen of them in America—" and it seemed to him that
these words were about as welcome to him as were (sic) a draught of
water to the traveller "—the commercial traveller ?—" in the
desert." " Draught of water " indeed! had he not been so taken by
surprise, he would have said, "draught of Beeee." Then he repeated
that he "had been so taken by surprise, and did not yet exactly
know how it had all come about." Did he mean, " What they had
all come about" ? However, it is too much to inquire the meaning
of words uttered by a Barrett d surprise. Yet his naivete is
charming. Mr. Crummies wondered '' how these things get into the
papers," but that eminent provincial Manager, if now alive, wouldn't
be " in it," with our astonished Barrett. The deponent doesn't say
what Mr. Barrett did with the wreath. Did he put it round his
hat, or into it, and so quietly home Y Perhaps there are some more
manyof the" remarks maTeyaDoYe7hut"haYerl't time to*do*it; from I little surprises in store for the ingenuous youth.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
263
GROSVENOR GEMS.
No. 49.
Necks of Mutton produced by the new Sheep Stretching process.
No. 39.
An Early Caller. " Sweet.
! Sweep!"
It was easier last week to pur-
chase French Regalia in Paris than
it was to buy a real HaYannah
Regalia there.
Rules foe "Westminster Abbey.
June 21. — Orders not admitted
after 2'30. No Bonnets allowed in
the Stalls.
No. 31. His Hobby.
No. 151. Kew Locomotive Machine for going straight across country
as the crow flies.
a geneeot/s exchange.
A genial host wrote to a
friend, "You give me a date,
and I '11 give you a dinner."
THE TWO GREAT RACES.
(From Our Ovm Special Tout.)
I have just lef t~my old friends Tattenham Cobneb and Ancastee
Mile, and they both agree with me in saying that this year's Derby
and Oaks will be two events not likely to be forgotten for many a
day by the majority 'of sporting men and of amateurs also. It
would be unfair to non-subscribers were I to name in plain bold
language the winners, and so I write only for the initiated who will
appreciate every word, at its real value. To them then I put the
question, Who forgets the old proverb that a Baird in the hand is
worth two to one in the bush f A Taylor may make a scarlet Whistle
Jacket fit. The telegram last week about the scratching of Whistle
Jacket was a hoax for the Derby, as our old sporting friend Joe
Miller says. "What Sporting Novelist wrote Bound to Win? There's
something Hawley-tfmarffejdsh about one of the horses, isn't there f
Think it over: I am writing with a dash of the "Attic " qualification,
as the Mayor of Garrett would have observed, and my information
must be taken cum grano, that is with a pinch of Epsom salts.
Timothy to the Rescue, was a piece by H. J. Bybon. Did it have
a long run ? 0 Timpora! 0 more ease I If Timothy were ob-
streperous, wouldn't Buffalo Bill exclaim, "What! Tim-buck-
too.! !" Which jeu de mots I present tolir. D. Cbambo. Does anyone
want a piece of intelligence ? Well, for a piece would you go to
Waugh ? Perhaps so, I say nothing.
The Derby Day of 1887 will not be barren of results, for, mind you.
he Wood if he could. I know a gentleman who has taken a small
house near Epsom, and is singing daily " in my cottage near C.
Wood,"—and he whistles the rest, not being acquainted with the
correct words. Porcelain is very valuable just now, and the rage
for crockery is not on the decline. Brown Pottery was not much run
after at the Haymarket it is true ; but this is not for the Haymarket
stakes, nor for Newmarket, but for the Oaks. Porcelain .' and not a
crack!
Merry Hampton is a better name than 'Appy Ampton. But a
word in your ear, is Merry Hampton caught ? Aha! Think this
out, and, if you don't love gold too much, you're pretty sure to
make your money, and perhaps you'll have a reve d'or for the Oaks,
though it will be well to bear in mind that " dreams go by con-
traries," which you'll remember too late if you've raved o'er any
horse that doesn't win, or get placed.
Place aux Barnes means that, on Derby Day, strong language is
for once allowable if you've been heavily let in when you thought
you were on a good thing. Anson is as Anson does, at least so says
Lady Muncaster; and, before parting—I trust none of us will have
to part—I quaff a pint of Porter to Freedom. Vive la Liberte !
Last Look Round. Tuesday.
I have looked as round as possible, and see every reason for altering
which it will be clearly gathered by the cognoscenti that I have no
doubt as to the winners of the Derby and the Oaks in my own mind;
and I only trust that those who don't run, but do read, may avail
themselves of the tips which I have bestowed with no lavish hand,
and,1.when the sovs. come in their thousands and tens of thousands
into the pockets of my readers, they will send a handsome per-centage,
—French pennies not taken, but double florins at six to the pound
negociable,—to their honest tipster, "The Tout" d tous, Largesse
A Balfour Ballad.
Aik—" The Young May Moon."
Most Irish questions are about
A Peeler, a Pauper, or Carman, 0 !
They 're quite beneath me,
As Chief Se-ore-ta-ree—
I hand 'em all o'er to King-Barman, 0 I
CRUMMIES AGAIN!
The Daily News of Friday last gave an account of the reception
of Mr. Wilson Barrett by a "large crowd of professional friends
and admirers." By the way, what a pleasant and lucrative calling
must be that of a "professional admirer." And for our part we
should prefer a real friend, to a "professional friend." However,
this is a matter of taste. Mr. Barrett was " escorted to the Midland
Hotel," and here Mrs. Beenaed Beeee greeted him gracefully, and
handed to him " a beautiful wreath." _
Then Mr. Baeeett replied, that all this came upon him " almost
as a surprise." Note the " almost." The professional admirers lost
an opportunity here of striking up, " O what a surprise!" but per-
haps they did not like to interrupt Mr. Barrett, who went on to
tell them how "that morning, for the first time for many months, he
caught sight of the green fields of Old England,"—well, of course,
not much to be seen of them in America—" and it seemed to him that
these words were about as welcome to him as were (sic) a draught of
water to the traveller "—the commercial traveller ?—" in the
desert." " Draught of water " indeed! had he not been so taken by
surprise, he would have said, "draught of Beeee." Then he repeated
that he "had been so taken by surprise, and did not yet exactly
know how it had all come about." Did he mean, " What they had
all come about" ? However, it is too much to inquire the meaning
of words uttered by a Barrett d surprise. Yet his naivete is
charming. Mr. Crummies wondered '' how these things get into the
papers," but that eminent provincial Manager, if now alive, wouldn't
be " in it," with our astonished Barrett. The deponent doesn't say
what Mr. Barrett did with the wreath. Did he put it round his
hat, or into it, and so quietly home Y Perhaps there are some more
manyof the" remarks maTeyaDoYe7hut"haYerl't time to*do*it; from I little surprises in store for the ingenuous youth.